Random Thoughts

Friends with ’Expiry dates’?

2011-08-30T03:53:00.000-07:00

Do friends come with expiry dates? That’s one question that came to my mind this morning as I got dressed for work. I have been experiencing pain this last weekend over a soured friendship which did not just snap but has been going ‘bad’ for a while. Which made me think...do friendships come to expiration just like any other product we purchase in the market? Some part of me completely agreed with the concept. Yes, they do!
Think about it! We choose our friends just as much as we choose the products in the store. Like a new product we anticipate that the new friend will make you better...add value to what you already have - who you are (like lotions and creams enhancing our natural beauty), contribute to your happiness (like coffee that just perks me up), or just plain ol’makes you feel better like nothing else does (like ice-cream!!). Having friends around or just a call away makes one feel secure about relationships. That happiness permeates into different other aspects – career, relationships with family and with our own spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. Friends make us plain happy after meeting or talking to them!
We choose these products depending on our mood when purchasing them. Sometimes we ‘experiment’ with these products because we believe they will make things better – our health, our beauty, our overall personality...Similarly with new people depending on our mood we decide to let that person get close to us, enough to become friends who momentarily convince us that they are worth being acquainted with. We experiment with them. It’s the mood that does play a role. That’s why we let some really nice people to pass us by and sometimes let losers get close to us because we were in ‘the mood’!!
And just like products come with expiry dates; friendships near to an end as well because they turn bad and ‘toxic’ at times. Some friends need to be let gone else they continue to suck you out of the energy they once upon a time contributed to. The one thing that you give to any product and to a friend is the chance to make you feel better. If you are a friend to them, you would do the same. But once the product starts to make you react in a way adverse to what was expected, you tend to discontinue using the commodity at once or at least gradually start reducing the usage of the product to see if it the main reason for undesirable results. Is that not a good strategy while dealing with ‘friends’? Why let some friends who have become sour make you feel bad?
Subconsciously, friends contribute to your self esteem and spending time with certain people defines your attitude to a particular extent. When you spend it with certain ‘toxic’ friends, they turn to harm us more than just superficially, which products gone bad do. They harm us internally and they bring pain. Letting them out of your life is not as easy as throwing a product away but easing them out of your life is like doing yourself a huge favour. You deserve and are worth a healthy relationship and friendships are part of those healthy associations you want t keep to contribute to a healthy, happy living!
Since I realised what had happened to a fantastic friendship I had with my best friend, I have started revaluating friendships that I still have. I do love myself and could use healthy relationships that nurture my personality and make me happy like an apple nurtures my health.
Slowly letting go of the people that show telling signs of embittering your life can be tough but oh-so-necessary for yourself. Think about it, why would you keep a product that does more harm than good? Similarly, why would you allow a ‘friend’ to eat into your time and energy when there are enough parasites out there anyways (go by the name – horrible bosses, foes, naggers etc)? Think about it, re-evaluate your relationships and see if they have reached their expiry dates!

Types of people you see inside elevators

2011-07-04T09:46:00.000-07:00

We all spend at least five minutes everyday traveling the lifts. If you are a lift operator you probably spend more than eight hours inside the lifts….but since we didn’t expect you to understand English and be reading blogs on the internet, this blog post doesn’t cater to your interest. Folks working on 30 plus floors, and those with extremely slow elevators needn’t despair…you might be spending more than five minutes inside lifts but we forgive you and still cater to your interests. Read on.
Here are the different types of people you will find inside lifts:

The Operator
This is generally a man, and the moment he steps inside the lift he has only one question for everybody inside the lift: “Which floor?” He is the type that gets upset if you have already pressed the button. Throughout the journey, he will stand next to the buttons. If you give him a chair to sit inside the lift he wouldn’t really mind. He is also the guy who presses the >< and <> buttons to close or open the lift whenever necessary, and gets super offended if you so much so even extend your hand to do that.

The Evaluator
Both a man or a woman can be an evaluator. This person runs an eye over everybody in the lift. Once the first glance is cast, he or she then starts focusing on individuals and starts marking them eye to toe. There are various parameters on which such people evaluate you – which company you could be working in, single or married, how much you could earning, how much does that shiny shoe cost etc. He/she usually stands right at the back in one of the corners.

The Starer
This is mostly a man. His job is to stare at anybody who enters the lift. A stare back doesn’t discourage this guy. The fact that the stare is going to last only 30+ seconds helps. Mind you, he doesn’t just stare at women….men also end up being his target.

The Perfume Woman
In most office lifts this character is a rarity. How often do you share a lift with a girl, who is washed head-to-toe in perfume? This person is usually wearing heels, dark, tight trousers with light colored shirt, has a scarf around her neck and is holding a file or a diary against her bosom (not to mention the branded, big handbag or laptop hanging from her shoulder). She steps into the lift with a few clicks of her heels, and sets the adrenalin rush amongst the men inside. If you see a man missing the second floor in spite of pressing the second floor button of the lift…there are very high chances that there is a perfume woman inside the lift.

The back-to-the-door person
This can either be a man or a woman and is most likely to be 40+ in age. For some odd reason, they stand with their back to the door till they reach their destination floor – opening or closing of the lift doesn’t help in changing their orientation. This man is the Evaluator’s worst enemy.

The Evader
This is an interesting character that becomes a part of our lift life very often. They avoid all eye contact when inside the lift. If you notice, they will take out their handkerchief and play with it, then stare at the fan or AC vent on top, then look at the buttons, stare at the floor indicator at the top of the lift etc. They will do anything to avoid eye contact with you – even looking at their own shoes.

The Mobile Manager
This can both be a man or a woman. For some odd reason, they always get emails when they are in the lift. And when they don’t have emails to read, they would snap out the mobiles from their pockets and send out a few SMSes. I wouldn’t be surprised if they are just some sms forwards. Most often, the mobile that’s involved here is a smartphone – a Blackberry, an iPhone, an HTC or a high end Nokia device.

The Handler
This is almost always a man. He takes it upon himself to trigger the lift door’s sensitivity by placing his hand next to the door till everybody isn’t inside completely or hasn’t gone out completely. He is the fatherly figure to every lift traveler. There is no specific age group for this character – they range from 16 year old boys to 50 year old men.

Any other characters you can think of?

the call...

2011-06-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

If the phone in her pocket buzzed one more time, she would seriously consider disowning this piece which the population claimed to be one of the best inventions of technology. She had absolutely no idea who would be trying to call her in the midst of a harrowing Monday afternoon.

She crossed one jean-clad leg over another and leaned back in her chair, pretending to listen to her boss rave and rant about her invisible short-comings. It was another mystery in her clueless Monday.

She had woken up feeling distinctly positive about the morning and thus very hopeful of the week which would follow. But out of the bed, is as far as the positive feeling followed her. She had opened her wardrobe to discover that all her ‘work trousers’ had seemingly taken an affinity to the laundry basket. The laundry basket had however stubbornly refused to make it to the washing machine over the weekend! Someone ought to have written a book on laundry psychology! Which left her with but one choice – don on jeans on the one day when your boss would be sure to notice that you were not a mere wall décor!

She had teamed her jeans with a very official looking white shirt and even gone to the extent of ‘corporating’ her look with a black silk scarf. You think that would have helped?

The first thing she walked into her office, she was summoned in by her boss. He had peered at her and said,

“no doubt this is your definition of office wear….”

And the meeting had begun. She was flawed. At least that is what she thought her boss was trying to tell her through his numerous incitations. It was not that she really had made all those many mistakes; it was just that he was having his round of the male equivalent of PMS. He did get these mood swings once every month. Quite regularly.

But today it seemed to stretch on way beyond the normal. She was closeted with him, in this confine of glass for well over two hours, listening and re-listening that, what she had already heard minutes before. What had definitely worsened matters was the peal of her cell-phone.

It began quite innocently five minutes into the meeting. Her boss was in the midst of proving a point when her phone had begun to sing “umbrella- ella …” It did seem rather funny, but she had turned an embarrassing pink. She’d cut the call and smiled apologetically at her boss.

Every five minutes after that the phone needed to be choked into silence as her persistent caller refused to give up. Annoyed she had switched her phone to the silent mode and pushed it into her pocket, where it had buzzed its presence with a dramatic whir.

Her mind was busy wondering who needed to get in touch with her that desperately. At one point her thoughts had led her into an almost panic – nobody was in an accident, right? Quite unconsciously she started twitching her foot, much to the distraction of her boss, who sighed quite melodramatically and said,

“I suppose we should convene the meeting after you have taken that call?”

As if on cue her phone whirred again. She hastily excused herself and not quite out of the room barked an annoyed “yes?” into the phone.

“Hey!” came the hearty reply.

“You would be?” she asked not wanting to be nice to this particular, as yet unidentified, oppressive entity.

“waiting for the past two and a half hours for you to answer your phone, so that I could quite innovatively ask you out for lunch. But innovation is wasted on you, isn’t it?” came the curt reply.

She stared aghast at her phone. Double-checked to see if her eyes and ears were deceiving her, then looked back through the glass panes into the room she had just walked out of. Sure enough her boss was grinning from ear to ear, shaking his cell phone in front of her face.

Silent Endings...

2011-05-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

He watched the city pass him in a hazy blur, as he drove along the main street. He had no clue where he was headed, nor did he want to know. He just wanted to drive because driving kept him sane.

He tried to focus on anything but her, but all he could see in his mind’s eye was her tear streaked face. He almost reached out to wipe the streaks of her reddened cheeks. But realized he was just caressing thin air. He slammed his hand down on the steering wheel. How had he botched it up so bad?

He remembered her voice textured with velvety concern, soothing his tired senses as he crashed home after a day’s work. He loved watching her as she bustled from room to room chatting about nothing, yet making the house come alive. Once when they’d disagreed over something, which was actually his fault, she had gone out and purchased orange PJs on his credit card, knowing that he particularly disliked orange.

‘It’s because I know you will never say sorry. So here’s your punishment!” she had flung at his questioning glance. She had paraded the entire weekend in those PJs and he had made up his mind on that precise Saturday that orange was actually very cute. The make-up session then had taken them to the bedroom and ended up with breakfast in bed.

And then there was Radha. She was nothing like his wife. She boasted sculpted features and a translucent skin. Her almond eyes were fringed with thick dark lashes and her lips made the perfect pink bow. She was beautiful. And she was interested in him.

It was flattering. Here was woman the world would be willing to covet, seeking surrender in his arms. It was tempting desire itself. He had given in.

For a long time now, he had been thinking about breaking away from Radha. He did not love her, he not even lusted after her, it was just some twisted form of male ego that kept him going. Her tears could melt him, but they didn’t lash out like whips on his tender heart.

Like his wife’s. When she had found out, she had said not one word. But from the depth of the black of her eyes, rolled the torrents of betrayal, which her heart had found difficult to contain.

The blaring horn made him look around. He was parked, as usual, under the balcony of his home. Only it was no longer a home, because the homemaker had fled.

Tell Me...

2011-02-13T10:19:00.000-08:00

I don’t want you to hear me out
when I’m sad and upset
But tell me if you can just listen
to what’s not being said.

I don’t want to know about the great things
that you have overcome
But tell me about the little things
that have made you what you’ve become.

I don’t want to know that thunders of applause
for you feels breathtaking
But tell me about how it feels
when you hear the sound of your dreams breaking.

I don’t want to know about the brilliance
of the sun at the peak of noon
But tell me about the darkest night
in the absence of the moon.

I don’t want to know about your many friends
and what they say and do
But tell me about that one friend
who lets you just be you.

I don’t want to know about all the questions
that you have found answers for
But tell me about that one question’s answer
of which you are still unsure.

I don’t want to know about the things
that you see in broad daylight
But tell me about what you see
after you close your eyes at night.

I don’t want to know about your wounds
that hurt and burn sometimes
But tell me about the ones
that have gone numb with time.

I don’t want to know about the things that you’ve written
in lonesome times on a lonely night
But tell me about the blank pages that are filled
with words you were too reluctant to write.

I don’t want to know about the things
that you would tell the world anyway
But tell me about all the things
that you will never say.

------------x---------------x-------------------x------------------x---------------x-

Happy Valentine's Day to All....

She....

2011-01-25T13:25:00.000-08:00

She walked in, hair swaying in the wind, eyes glancing across the half crowded coffee shop, with a bunch of red roses gripped tightly in her hands. A cat whistle shrilled from across the table where she rested her grip on the flowers. A couple of gawky teenagers couldn’t hide their excitement and let their jaw drop (along with the glass of cold coffee) at the sight of the flower girl. She looked up, sharp eyes, lined with kajal, the type that makes the eyes look even more expressive than how it is on a lazy Sunday morning.

The flowers found a place on the table and one got to see her fingers, beautifully manicured, the ones that would have experienced the choicest of creams, lotions and moisturizers, the ones that always smelt fresh and felt divine. The ones that were always not too far from sanitizers. The ones that had mehendi on them?

Ah! She is married. About to be married? Or her friend just got married. Yes. That should be the case. Phew! That’s a relief.

She sat down at a table that could accommodate only two people. She is expecting company. The electricity just went off, thanks to the heavy rain. A few drops of rain cascaded down her forehead and fell on the table. She carefully took a tissue from her bag (didn’t even bother looking at the pile of tissues folded and placed on the table in a triangular shape by the waiters) and wiped her face, gently, not ruining the kajal. The heart skips another beat. She folds the tissue and places them next to the flowers.

“I’m there”, she said on the phone, that seemed to have magically sprung out of her bag and planted itself to her ears, when the mind was too busy deciding on her relationship status.

“Oh! Another half hour? Shit”, she cursed. The lips seemed so pure, so bright and so sensuous, that one could never expect words other than love, peace, hope, and bliss, let alone profanity. Those lips were meant for kissing. It looked like a painting, perfect, symmetric, orgasmic with the blood red of her lipstick, like the painter's final signature.

The waiter walks up to her table and places a candle and she smiles at him. It’s his lucky day ! He walks away and she lights the candle with her lighter. The candle light falls on her face and the heart skips another beat. Her eyes shine. The light keeps shifting, thanks to the wind; it plays a pattern on her face. Her nose ring twinkles. The light is blinding, making me turn my gaze away from her for just a moment.

She is trying to catch the attention of the waiter. Unaware that she has everybody’s attention. She does realize it. She signals him to get her a hot cappuccino.

The coffee arrives in what felt like milliseconds. She looked awkward trying to open the sachet of sugar to add to her coffee. She spills some on the table-the coffee and the sugar. She looked up to see if someone saw her clumsiness.

Her eyes met mine. I smiled. She was still for a moment before a gentle smile escaped her lips. The candle light was playing tricks. The light and shadow was just too much to handle. I gently nodded my head to greet her. She hesitantly waved back.

I went back to scribble on the tissue paper, the one I had in front of me from the moment I came into the coffee shop. I wanted to write something. In fact I wanted to just keep writing. I had something to write about.

The coffee shop began filling up. The rain was getting heavier and water was dripping from the roof above. People were trying to squeeze into any available space. Tables looked crowded. Privacy could be forgotten. At least till the rain stopped. The air smelt wet. The voices became loud and conversations from every table could be heard clearly. No one went near her table. She still stood out. Alone, beautiful and mesmerizing.

Ever so often, I looked up to see her. I just couldn’t stop. I would then smile to myself and then get back to writing. My coffee was getting cold, partly due to the weather and mostly because I never bothered to drink it.

“What? You’re stuck? It’s pouring here and what do you want me to do?” she spoke on the phone once again. Frustration was written all over her forehead. I could see the lines forming on her clear face. She shook her head and disconnected the call. And I’m certain I heard her swear one last time before hanging up the call.

She glanced towards the flowers that were on the table. She picked up a tissue and began scribbling something. A note I thought. She tucked the note to the flowers and called the waiter. She handed him the flowers and said something, the waiter nodded. He went back to the cash counter, carefully holding the flowers. She took a final sip of her coffee and got up, hand held over her head to protect her from the rain and strode out as briskly as she had come in just a while ago.

The heart skipped another beat.

Do I go behind her? Maybe just talk to her? Would I be seeing her again? Questions flooded my brain. I was snapped out of my trance by the waiter.

“Sir, that madam asked me to give these to you”, he said handing me the flowers.

“Would love to read what you have written about me. Coffee tomorrow at 4?” it read with a smiley at the end.

Crossroads...

2010-08-11T07:33:00.001-07:00

Hey Guys, it has been long since i ve blogged. Well, my blog was getting (in)famous for all the wrong reasons, so decided to take a break. Now, im back - but with no more of the old stuff !!

Anyways, below is some stuff i had written earlier, but not posted .. and some that i wrote just now... enjoy
-----------------------xx--------------------xx-------------------xx-----------------

I am at the crossroads again. When I look to my left, I see a dull road fading away into a misty dusk. When I look to the right, I see a road with cracks so vast and deep, I’m afraid I might fall into one of them. When I look behind me, I see so much hurt and regret that I don’t want to go back. When I try to see ahead, I am unable to figure out what awaits me. I can see the presence of a light, but my heart believes it’s just an illusion, a fatal trap to capture me. And so I just stand there wondering which road to take.

Random thoughts keep springing up in my mind, thoughts that I can’t comprehend. My mind is in chaos and prevents me from thinking straight. Suddenly the world is upside down and everything seems to go wrong. Everything seems so different, unpredictable. Sometimes I wonder if I should even care anymore. I feel I am so complicated at times that even I fail to understand myself. And then I wonder how, when and why I changed so much. I wonder what or who was responsible for this thick wall of indifference that I have built all around me. Sometimes I want to run away, take some other road that I can twist and turn according to my purpose. Sometimes I feel like hurting myself, wondering how it would feel. From where I stand, I see myself as a broken person who is too confused, too weak to decide which road to take.

Emotions are strange, love is stranger. I’ve had enough of both.
Complications never cease and simplicity is so vague. I want neither.
I am at the crossroads again and I don’t know where to go.

------------xx--------------xx-------------------xx-----------------xx-------------

Talking about Crossroads.. we are all now in the 4th month of our MBA . Some came here knowing what they wanted from the 1 year, many came here wanting to “realize” their calling, some came here unplanned. All thought, well, yeah this is it. I ve made it this far. I ll be now take care of.

But ISB is a mess like no other. It is not the result of the efforts, the end of a race, it’s the start of a whole new one. There are quite a few who have figured out what exactly they want out of this one year, what electives they will select, what subject they will major in, what jobs they want. But those are a minority. For each such person, there are many who are confused… OVERWHELMED actually. They just manage to take 1 day at a time & believe me, ISB throws a lot at you in any given “1 day”. For those people, ISB now is like the Crossroads, not knowing which way to turn.

Is it grades that matter, is it competitions, is it ELPs, PaEVs.. and with 570 people vying for everything, some are bound to be left behind. Some are bound to not get a satisfactory answer to their solution. Yeah, everyone will say “ISB is what you make of it”, but well, WHAT should I make of it. There are so many opinions floating around. Who do I listen to, my opinion is already muted in all the barrage of other “knowledgeable” opinions. There are many who feel this, they are lost, confused in this “Truman Show”-esque world !

Have you seen Tom Hanks’ Castaway ? Remember the last scene ? I think that describes this feeling. Perfectly !

---------------------xx-----------------------xx---------------------xx--------------

Raat ke andhere se haar kar chala tha main
socha tha raahon mein roshni to hogi
dhundla sa kahi savera to milega
Koi kiran badalon se nikli to hogi.

Sab raahon ka ant ho gaya
ab tak gum wo savera hai
socha tha raahon me roshni to hogi
aur yahaan manzil par bhi andhera hai.

ISB 4: Exams & Elections

2010-05-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

Here I am !

So, whats been happening…

All roads lead to Rome, its said .. last week – all activities led to Election Campaigning !

We had our mid terms, but more on that later !
1 concerned presidential hopeful mailed everyone saying, “call me if stressed”.

Well, I did not get it. If im really stressed, I would call someone who I a close to so that I can offload n feel better. Someone on twitter commented that it seems like a phone sex helpline ! That’s a bit harsh tho ! but yes, exams also thus became a poll issue

Highlights of the election campaign (Disclaimer: whatever said here is in good humour and ot meant to offend anyone. I respect the intentions of all those who have stood for elections. So, have a good laugh and don’t take offence)

1. Exams becoming a poll issue with 1 candidate mailing students to “call him if stressed” ! Some wisecrack on twitter harshly commented that it sounded like a phone sex helpline ! I think that was quite harsh ! But I feel the mail was pointless – if im stressed, I would rather call someone who im close to and offload my stress.

2. All positive steps suggested by students becoming a poll issue with all candidates jumping on the bandwagon. I ll take example of Sai’s mail regarding professor classes. The GSB presidents replied

a. I agree with Sai. We should… (here he repeats full text of Sai’s mail changing 2 words in the middle)

b. “this is an extreme noble intention & I shall support it” (this is also followed by how he intends to follow it – more or less repeating what Sai said)

c. Some disagreed with another 3 page long mails

d. Interestingly all mails started with either

i. “I don’t intend to spam, but…” – dudeif u dint intend to spam – just mail Sai ! I did that !

ii. “My 2 words on the issue….” – followed by a mail longer than my blogposts ! And people tell me that my posts are too long !

e. One guy “sat with relevant people” (stressed it atleast twice) to improve food quality. He insisted that all thanks should go to another guy who had also accompanied him & all faults should be attributed to him ! Very magnanimous, though I don’t know why he would say it. BUT – to his credit – the food quality has markedly improved & im liking the food since the last 2 days – Kudos – my vote might go to him, considering how important food is in my scheme of things !

f. One tagline said, “whatever I touch, rises” Well, think about its multiple interpretations. I rest my case.

g. For a couple of candidates, the manifestos were more about them than their vision.

Anyways, Soapboxes are done, and I spoke a lot many people and everyone said that no ONE person stood out. That just means that this election might be a close one ending up in a 3 way fight with no one getting absolute majority. Should be interesting.

But, a couple of things worry me

1. A third of the people dint attend the Soap Box

2. MANY who attended thought no candidate stood out
Will this lead to a low voter turnout. The election will be won mainly through lobbying & not through popular vote, I feel. Lets See. Hope the guy vote for wins !

Meanwhile, the ironing guy (lets call him IRONMAN) had misplaced my clothes & inspite of repeated follow ups with him, the maids and security in my SV for over 3 days – I did not get my clothes. I mailed operations and thought if nothing still happens, I ll do the only thing that’ll get my clothes back – inform the Presidential hopefuls ! This would ve been another poll issue, with everyone trying to get my clothes back. Fortunately, Ops guys managed to resolve the issue. But this issue would ve got me a clear inner of my vote ! 

Now, MID TERMS – will finish in a few words, actually one abbreviation – WTF !!!

Gossip Corner:

Ah, the only thing that makes people read my blog ! some people even told me that I should cut out the “useless” stuff & jus report the gossip. That was heartbreak !
Well, I have no gossip unless you consider the following of any interest

1. Another couple making out in one of the SV lawns. Ah, the thrill of PDA in the open outdoors !

2. A couple making out on the school terrace ! That’s something new ! im expecting a lot more visitors to the terrace now, especially when it gets dark

Yup, that’s it .. lots of stuff happening on campus, but a lot of it in the above categories, so its Gossip no more..

Well, there are an exciting 10 days ahead of us, with our GSB prez going to be elected, mid term results being declared & a thousand projects assignments & submissions. . . .all culminating in the END TERM EXAMS.

GOD HELP US !

P.S.
First round election results are out.

And so is the news that LRC will be open till 2 a.m. from next week onwards till exams end. This was mainly due to efforts of a couple of people - Sai, Krishna etc. And this time - NO MAILS to Sai congratulating him !

Is there a link ? Go Figure

The Calm, The Storm & well, The Gossip !

2010-05-08T14:03:00.000-07:00

The Calm
O week was soon over. Talen Nite done, Sports Final done, all other activities done. And our Section – B, was by FAR the one with the lowest aggregate score. Ah well, we said, “ There’s more to life !”

Anyways, now was a week of peace, relaxation & no pre-planned activities. It was time for Pre-Term courses.

There are 3 pre term courses – Accounts, Stats & Quant – all designed to
1. Get ppl up to speed on these topics if they ve forgotten any concepts
2. Teach ppl basic concepts in case they ve not encountered these subjects before
3. Get ppl into Study mode

These course were optional & I had opted to NOT take any of them (something that many ppl congratulated me for & were actually happy for me !)
So, this week, I SLEPT – almost 8-9 hours daily.. sometimes even 10 hours. Considering that there is a Tshirt sold here with the following tagline on it – “ I went to ISB and all I got was 4 hours of sleep”, this was substantial amount of sleep that I was getting.

More seriously, this was the week that I got to know many people. Till now most interaction was limited to a few sentences, exchanging & forgetting names, maybe recollecting faces. I had met ppl during meals, parties, fun activities and never got beyond a few sentences

1. What’s your name
2. Hmm, full name ?
3. Oh yeah – I ve seen you on google groups…
4. So, what SV ?
5. Oh cool, section ?
6. Anyways, catch you… u coming for the party tonight ??

Meanwhile, I would be giving out similar info at the same time. Lets say this was Mr. A. By the time I talk to Mr. E, I just remember the face of Mr A & maybe say hi to him at the party & pretend that I know his name ! im sure he would do the same.
I had just interacted a bit more with my section guys due to Talent Nite, so I knew their names properly! But this week – I got to know the people behind the names. And, that, I think is the most important takeaway that all of us will be getting this year. The people we meet & befriend, the relationships/bonds we form.

I also spent some time (finally) with my study group – went out for a fun dinner with them. These guys are going to be the ones I interact with the most over the next 6 months and I really wanted to get to know them, n get along with them.

Another set of people I went out with were my quad-mates – we went to a tiny little punjabi dhaba that served awesome food & then went for a movie. I guess that’s the max time I ve spent with them considering now we have different schedules n I don’t see more than 1 of them at a time & don’t go beyond saying, “hi, how was your day” ! But they are really cool people !

I went out into the city too a couple of times. The most fun was when 5 of us went out, had awesome Chaats at Ohris that reminded me of Mumbai ! and then, I looked around for Aam-ras at over 6 food outlets, but with no success. I mean – summer without aam-ras is just pointless ! but, rest assured, the search shall go on ! whenever I have the time.

Well, the week reached the weekend – and we had leadership development sessions from 9-7 on both days + readings to be done for the terms, so the weekend jus went by, though there was a party & a karaoke night + screenings of the IPL semi finals & Finals that we managed to squeeze in somewhere. I ve realized that I tend to do a lot more with my time here. I ve been playing & losing squash & badminton on a regular basis, but I feel im getting better. Its fun.

People around – faculty, alums etc keep scaring us about Term beginning saying that we wont know what hit us once term begins, that it ll be a flurry of continuous activity & you wont ve time for anything, that anything that you do over classes, projects & meals will eat into ur sleep time. Well, I say, we’ll cross the bridge when we some to it. 3000 people ve done it, and 580 shall do it this year. And I will be one of them. Amen !

----------------------xx-----------------------------xx------------------------------

The Storm

Yesterday, the famed ISB infrastructure leaked water from all cracks & crevices.. There was a mini storm with heavy rains & very high speed winds that blew the furniture in the atrium all over the place & I know atleast 2 girla who while crossing the atrium were pushed sideways by the wind, even tho one of them was holding on to me ! All in all – it was awesome weather. I, for one, love the rains & felt like getting drenched. My laptop on my back stopped me.

This was a storm of nature, very different from the storm brewing on campus !
Term 1 had started. Lectures from 8 15 in the morning, tons of pre read (which yes, as the alums predicted – I ve been avoiding ), assignments, quizzes, tests and of course parties, club presentations, outings, etc.. etc & some sleep amidst it all.

Life is absolutely crazy here.

Studies – well, the quantum is not very much, its quite manageable – but im having trouble with eco & stats, but yeah – trying very hard to get comfy with them.
Parties – I dunno how to say this, but im tired of the number of parties. Last weekend, there were 3, this weekend, there were 2. I just go for a couple of hours and leave. I really see no point in spending more time. But maybe, its just me !

But, our section had an awesome party at Hard Rock and I ve had lots of wonderful dinners at places around – Haveli, Ohris, Little Italy, Wonton etc etc.

Assignments – I shall only talk about marketing here. Over 70% of my time apart from sleep was spent on marketing last week. It just doesn’t give you time for anything else. There was a case study that kept half the college awake at any point of time over 2 days. And at the end of it, I still find myself asking WHY ? The subject marketing is teaching me more about group & people management than about marketing. One ends up spending so much time with the study group, you get to know their peculiarities, working styles, likes, dislikes, irritants, quirks… I ve quite a good study group – I don’t agree with them on all things, but we manage to get by pretty well !

Also, I finally spent over half an hour – at a stretch – with my quad-mates. FINALLY ! we watched “Love, cash .. something” on Channel V. hahahah ! Quality Time, eh ? Chick, aren’t we ?

Talking about chicks, well – they r all married.

Here’s an actual conversation – I was party to it. Girl – A, Guy B & Me

Guy: dude, there are no single chicks on campus
Me: Yeah – they are all married
Guy: no one is cute
Me: Yeah, they are all married
Guy to girl: Can you do a survey of all available single chicks for me .. plz..
Me: No use dude.. the single ones – they too are married !

Another. Guy A & Guy B. (maybe one of them is me )

A: dude, the girl you were eyeing yesterday – she is married
B: (trying not to show any emotion): who ?
A: (says the name)
B: oh, is she. Hmm, doesn’t look like it
A: I know !! when I got to know, I was shocked too
B: but she doesn’t even wear her ring !
A: yeah, I checked out her FB profile, nothing mentioned there too
B: this is just unfair – its ok if u r married – atleast be open about it. you should let people know !
A: I know ! ! ! forget it.. the sad part is, all the others have boyfriends.

So, yes – there are tons of things here, but time is made for everything. Sleep is the only ting compromised upon, and for that – we have Thursdays !

Mid Terms ! Exams ! What, already ??

When the alums said, that the year would be a fast paced conveyor belt, we didn’t realize it’ll be this fast. Exams are on our head already. Suddenly I see so many people, including me, spending so much time in the LRC or in the confines of their quads / studios. Not that we are all very studious, but the fact is that, no one has studied anything till now & when people get back to studies after 3, 4, 5 years of last seeing a book over 100 pages, it takes time for the gyaan to sink in. The struggle will continue till Saturday next week & then after a day of partying, Term 1 part B will start wit exams in, wait for it, another 2 weeks !

Gossip Monger Corner (if this doesn’t make my blog famous, nothing will)

Ok, its been 2 weeks on campus. Before coming, all friends had told me abt how there’ll be many hok ups on campus n stuff. And, I was waiting for news to percolate – well – I have some now. I cannot reveal names & details n I really don’t know that much, but well – gotta create interest in the blog na !!
So, here goes – again, this is only what I ve heard – some might not be true, but im pretty sure its all true.. hehehe.. I ll substitute names with letters of alphabets & not disclose who is the guy & who is the girl.

1. X & Y were making of at one of the parties. X & Y have been seen together by all & sundry. Their stuff / belongings – books etc is mostly lying at each others places. They come to class together and leave together. Both are late together.

2. A & B have been seen together since almost beginning of term & apparently A had eyes on B from before ISB via FB. Well, it seems to ve worked out well for A, coz B sure seems smitten. But, wait – there’s a third spoke in the wheel – C ! C has eyes on B too & well, lets see where tht story goes. I ve heard B is playing for time n not making a decision. A sure has a huge lead.

3. P & Q were allegedly seen making out at one of the SVs. Now, I don’t understand why one would make out in public if everyone has rooms here, but you never know . I don’t know the status on P & Q, but the street says that Q is not the kinds that would take any such things seriously. But you never know. Well, here there is R too, who, allegedly again, has the hots for Q, but has been looking quite “lost” these days. Last seen – Q & R at an SV were P resides. P not seen there.

Well, that’s all… maybe I get more gossip & further updates, maybe I don’t. Next post will most definitely be after Mid Terms. So, ALL THE BEST GUYS !!!

P.S. - in the last 3 days, atleast 5 people doubted my being a CA, saying stuff that ranged from

" you can't be a CA"
" you dont look like a CA, chashme nahi hai"
" scope hi nahi hai .. you dont look like or seem like a CA"
" a person who is so verbose, cant be a CA"
" hahahahahahahaha"
" if you are a CA, howcome you just got 18 on the accounts quiz"

Well to all of you - i really dont care !!! :-)

ISB 2: "O" Week

2010-04-26T05:51:00.000-07:00

“O” Week stands for Orientation Week. Since ISB’s is a 1 year course, we do not get time with alumni to get general gyaan, guidance n to know them. So, the alums stay back the first 10 days of our time here to spend time with us n arrange lots of activities n parties n gyaan sessions for us.

Basically our O week comprised
THEME PARTIES
Team Building Activities
Sports
Talent nite
Club Presentations

I will not describe each n everythng that happened, but will give you the highlights.

It began with the Dean’s address.. apart from stressing the need to enjoy n not get lost on the rat race and the whole melee of activities, he said – “we are your family here and wont let you feel away from home… if there is a specific way your parents scold us, let us know – we will scold you the same way !”
Such things stay with you. They show that we, as students, as people, matter to the institution. It makes you feel welcome, and for people like me – away from home for the first time – it makes you feel home..

Now, on to the other stuff !

We, the students are divided into 8 sections of abt 70 each – A-H. I will have my classes for the first 4 terms with my section. There will be very little chance of me interacting with the other 500 ppl. So, this orientation week, we were all jumbled up for each activity, so we get to know diff people in an informal environment. It was extremely tiring all week, with me getting just a few hours of sleep daily-4 hrs on an average.

We had a painting competition where each team of abt 30 was allocated an alumnus of a particular yr who would describe his experiences of that yr and then the team had to paint those experiences on a 10 feet long chart paper – painting to be done using only hands & feet n nothing else !

Then there were those usual office off site outdoor games that people play – those were organised for us for 2 days from 9 a.m. – 7 p.m…

There was a treasure hunt that helped us get to know our campus better. We had to interprest 8 clues n go to those places in that order. At each place, we had to take signoff on a sheet of paper from an alum, but they gave us a certain task to do before the sign off. People were made to sing, dance, put up a show – guys had to take off their shirts.. guys had to kiss other guys .. girls had to propose an alum n convince him to take her home..in 1 case, 1 team member had to finish a huge bottle of beer – almost 750 ml & whenever he/she stops in the middle, the remaining team members were to be sprayed with water from a hose pipe !!!
In 1 instance, the alums told us that we have to do anything that shocked them ! after failing to cinvince 2 girls to make out, I came up with another plan. We were 10, so 8 of them did a mini dance in from of the alums, when me n another guy came up from behind n poured a bottle of water on the alum’s head !! needless to say, they were “shocked” ! FUN !!!

Through all these activities, now I realise, I met so many ppl tht I ll probably not even meet for the next 6 months coz our class timings might be different n stuff. It was really cool.

Then there wer the sports – cricket n football competition.. I participated in the football. Was slated to go for cricket too, but I was enjoying playing badminton that time, so backed out !

Also, there was a section gyaan session with my section (B). In that, we had to get up, say our names n say 1 exciting/whacky thing about ourselves –n ppl have done seom crazy things.. the most exciting – unheard of things I ll tell u
1. One guy had a pet snake – a boa constrictor !
2. One guy said, “My name is Al Ameen, and I am not a terrorist !!”
3. We have an army colonel ! He said, “My name is Rajeev Sekhar and I have killed 2 pakis !!!” The whole class was stunned into silence !
4. One guy can play the mouth organ like a dream !!
5. One guy said, “im a metrosexual.. I use all those face creams..” hahahaha .. I ve already named him METRO & the name has caught on !!!

The parties !!! We ve had 4 .. one was a welcome party for us – these was BACK TO SCHOOL – we had to dress up in shorts, shirt & tie.. it was fun.. everyone had dressed up. The parties go on from 9 30 to abt 5 in the morning. Bad part for drinkers is that booze is not free, it doesn’t matter to me. There was a BOLLYWOOD theme party and another party that we had thrown for the ALUMS – booze was free for them. I went for the 1st party at 9 30 sharp n was exhausted dancing by 12 30, went home n slept. Next day I learnt tht party picks up abt abt 1..so, I went for Bollywood Party at 12 30 n was there till 3 30… The Alums party was a boring affair coz I think ppl were exhausted of this lifestyle n many chose to sit it out. I too went at 2 & left at 3.

The Talent night was awesome – I did the salsa ! It was “ok” coz we were 2 couples n synchronisation was a problem coz of lack of practice. Also the other guy was a 5 yr salsa veteran, so it was tough for me to learn all the steps.

BEE - Our Mascot !!

That apart, I must say the talent in this batch is AWESOME. There is a girl drummer, who is, there are awesome singers & composers. There was a jugglery act that mind blowing. There are awesome guitar players who sing and play at the same time n to hear them is pure bliss. There are jive, salsa & hip hop dancers as good as my salsa instructors in Mumbai. I must also comment here on the diversity of people – there are doctors, lawyers, A Tamil Actress, a boxer, a district level badminton player, a UP Superintendent of Police, an ex-army colonel who has served 22 years in the army, a Japanese Monk, a few Spanish guys, one of who speaks impeccable hindi and can even sing hindi songs. He is now learning Tamil. We have professional photographers. There is an ex rock band member with tattoos all over his arms. It is overwhelming, awe inspiring & makes you feel small !

Talent night was yesterday followed by individual parties by some sections. So, I got home at 4 in the morning & finally got a 6 hr sleep from 5-11. I was sceptical of having to sleep for 4 hrs all yr, now I think I can manage a few days of 4-5 hrs at a stretch if I get a 6-7 hr once in a week ! This is what O week has done. Taken me out of my comfort zone & made me OK with a 4 hr sleep at night - somethng i was dreading and thought would never be able to manage with.

Also – I ve been playing a lot of badminton, including sometimes at 2 in the night – it is FUN. There is a music room too with people jamming there all night. There are lawns in each SV where people sit & jam n talk all night – its just a wonderful environment .. but yes, studies havent started yet. Things can undergo a drastic change.

That’s all the updates I have from you. The next mail could be a very boring one coz im free all week n planning to rest a lot.

ISB 1: The Journey Begins

2010-04-22T22:59:00.000-07:00

11th April, 2010. Sunday

Hey guys, I got my laptop today ! I ve been here for just 4 days, but it seems like a long time back that I actually left Mumbai. Leaving home – it was not easy. When the train left Mumbai station, it felt as if the train was moving, but I was still there. Still home. Just still.

But soon, I reached the city I will be staying in for the next year – Hyderabad.

The City – is divided into Old Hyderabad & New Hyderabad. Old Hyderabad has tourist attarctions like Husainsagar Lake, Charminar & Golconda Fort. Its heavily populated with Muslims and in general has lost its charm. New Hyderabad is basically areas like Jubilee Hills, Banjara Hills etc. – this is the usual metro city set up with malls, and more malls – NO FUN ! The food everywhere is Biryani, other kinds of rices, lots of non-veg & lots of veg south indian. There is a huge restaurant chain called Chutneys here. It has some awesome but quite expensive south indian food with an awesome collection of chutneys that we’ ve never tasted before. Anyways, enough about the city.

Now on to the campus. If I had one word to describe it, it would be breathtaking. If I had more words, I would use beautiful, clean, beautiful again, awesome, beautiful once more !!! It’s a campus sprawling over 260 acres, lush with greenery all over. I ll try explaining the structure now and I ll also introduce a few new terminologies and acronyms that I ll be using over the next year in my mails ! Also, there are come peacocks on the campus grounds too 

The Academic Block (the building where our classes take place)is a square structure with outlets on all 4 sides. It has a circular structure within it (remember my Yes Bank Worli office – similar but half its height & much more in diameter). This circular structure is a 5 storey LIBRARY ! It houses thousands of books, a radio club / radio station, a hude DVD collection, magazines & research reports & the IT dept of the campus. Its is jus beautiful with its spiral staircase and nice, filled bookstands. There are reading rooms on each level & also a computer lab. The square structure surrounding it has our classrooms and a bhaidas like auditorium. The classrooms are beautiful and sitting in it, I realised they r quite conducive to studying, I don’t know why though – but you actually feel like studying inside them !!! Classrooms are curved with the seating in a semi circle kinda thing (remember Munnabhai 1 ka class – same shape, but smaller – can seat 70). The classrooms are called AC 1/2/3/…8 LT/MLT. AC stands for Academic Centre , there are 8 of those – 4 at the corners of the square structure & 4 in the mid point of each side .. hehe.. LT – Lecture Theatre, MLT – Mini Lecture Theatre.

There are even a couple of LTs with 2 ceiling to floor LCD screens in it for conducting lectures via video conferencing. That’ll be really cool, I think !!
There are 4 hostels – called Student Villages, and they actually are villages. Each house about 200 people – considering there are families with kida also on campus. There are 2 kinds of rooms – a Studio & a Quad. A studio is for families – it’s a proper HUGE 1 room kitchen – bigger than a 1 BHK of Mumbai. A Quad is shared accomodation – 4 people share it. It opens into a huge rectangular hall with 4 bedrooms at the 4 corners & 2 bathrooms. So, I have my personal bedroom – its quite comfortable – abt 140 sqft & has a single bed, study table, ceiling to floor windows that open into flower beds (its on the ground floor) and a cupboard, side table & study book cabinet.

Other wise the facilities in the studios & quads are – 1 refrigerator, 2 clothes drying racks, 1 television, and since our SV – SV4 is the latest to have been constructed – it has nice marbonite flooring and a 32 inch LG LCD television !!! Awesome – tho I ve not yet watched TV after coming here !!
Apart from all this, there are many facilities on campus – there is a Departmental Store – MORE, a 4 bed clinic with a resident doc n nurse, a medicine shop, a counselling centre for ppl with depression issues, issues of fitting in, marital discords sue to stress of the academic yr etc etc…. then there is a amphitheatre, a open air bar & lounge wher we’ve been having parties every alternate day from 9:30 p.m. to 5 a.m., a recreation club with snooker, carrom, badminton, squash courts, a huge gymnasium & na huge swimming pool. There are 2 tennis courts & a football ground…. There is bloody so much, it feels bad that one has to actually study. The spouses & little kids have a fun time all year. The kids have a small nursery & a playing garden for themselves.

Anyways, that’s all from my side till now – have lots of other stuff to tell you’ll that I ll post about in a few days...

Click on link below for snaps:

http://picasaweb.google.com/mihirskamdar/ISBApril2010_1?authkey=Gv1sRgCKa_0c3pzO6F1wE&feat=directlink

Rajasthan Trip: III

2010-01-18T23:09:00.000-08:00

Day 3 - The Long Drive

The Long Road Ahead

My birthday today !! And my friends gifted me a day long drive on absolutely awesome roads. We had to cover approximate 700 kms and we did it in 10 hours !!! The roads were beautiful & smooth, with our average speed over the last 3 hours coming to 110 kmph, this without unnecessary speeding. We passed through a lot of dry land, with salt pan on both sides of the road. This is where we got a glimpse of the “cracked ground” like that of drought areas.

Salt Pans

Windmills

We reached Mt. Abu when it was dark & booked into a nice hotel that gave us a huge room – very cosy & comfortable. Varun went to get us some hard drinks on a bike of the hotel manager & came back frozen !!! The bike was speeding in the cold & windy roads of abu & poor Varun was its victim. He had held the vodka bottle in his frozen hands, and we pretty much didn’t need ice in our pegs after that !!

Kaushik & Varun had got a cake for me & we celebrated the cake cutting with no one singing happy birthday, me wishing myself as i cut the cake & Varun dancing his crazy dance !

All in all it was an awesome night & the Rajasthan leg of the trip began on that note !

Day 4 - The Great Hotel Hunt

We woke up late and checked out of our hotel only by 10. We thought we were late, only to find out that Dilwara temple opens only at 12 !!

We visited Nakki lake first. Nakki Lake derives its name from the famous mythological story that lies behind the creation of this lake. It is said that Devtas ( Gods ) had dug this lake in the centre of Mount Abu using their nails or nakh. This lake is the only artificial lake in India.

Nakki Lake

Ducks at the lake

Here Varun got his snap clicked in royal Rajasthan clothing – a tradition for him – he does that in almost all places he goes to. After a heavy breakfast, we visited the dilwara temple.

The Dilwara Jain Temple is one of the most famous and beautiful Jain temple in the world. The architecture and stone carvings are something note worthy. The interior decoration of the temple showcases the architectural brilliance and the grandeur of human craftsmanship. These temples were built in the period between 11th to 13th centuries A.D. The ornamental details carved out of marble on the ceilings and on the pillars are extremely beautiful.

The drive to Jodhpur was absolutely rocking. Rajasthan roads are as good, if not better than Gujarat Roads. We reached jodhpur in the evening and then began the great hotel hunt.

Once you enter the city, you realise that it is full of 2 wheelers and rickshaws crawling all over it. Roads are confusing and hotels are mostly scattered. Most budget hotels are found on “nai sadak”, but many are dingy. We finally managed to get into a semi dingy hotel, for lack of choice and also because we were super tired and irritated.

And then my major shopping. I bought kilos and kilos of sweets – gajak, revdi and tal papad. This was all done in some random wholesaler shop in random “jodhpur ki galli”.

One of the Jodhpur ki Gallis

BUT, this offered kaushik some awesome opportunities to click some postcard snaps and also practice night photography. These snaps are almost magazine worthy.

Electricity in India

Bust-ed

Local Cricket Team

The rickshaws of Rajasthan are huge – with atleast 2 times the leg space of mumbai rickshaws, and they are colourful and decorated. Varun wanted to sit in one and we decided to make a visit to the umed bhavan palace travelling by rick. Now, visitors post 5 p.m. are not allowed through the gates.

Umed Bhavan Palace by night

But we told the watchmen there that we would be having dinner at the palace, so they let us in ! Hehehe. We went in, clicked snaps till the guards shouted at us not to. Happy, we left and went back to the hotel. The blue city was waiting for us tomorrow !!

And another day ends, another sun sets

Trip to Rajasthan - II: A Royal Visit

2010-01-15T03:21:00.000-08:00

That's me looking forward to the day !!

Day 2 began on a lazy note with us leaving Diu at 10. We were expecting the drive to be long with bad roads, but luckily the roads were very nice only with some bad patches. We just took about 3 hours and we were at Gir. Varun ensured that this time the hotel search did not take much time & we had a nice big room for 500. But the best part was the sitting area outside our room. It was covered with trees, protected from the sun & offered the perfect ambience for some drinks & hukka. (neither happened though !!!)

After a quick but tasty lunch, we hurried to the lion safari spot where the rides were to begin by 3.

Now there are 2 types of safaris

a. Where you take a private jeep into the jungle for 3 hours. This charges you Rs.900, but the catch is that this goes into the open jungle of area of 1400 sq km and covers only a set path of 20 km or so. So, NO GUARANTEE of seeing the lion
b. Where you go into the jungle in a 25 seater bus. BUT, this bus roams around in an ENCLOSED area of 4 sq. Km. which reportedly has 16 lions in it !! Thus, a
sighting is all but guaranteed.

You don’t require brains to choose between the options !!!

Seated in the bus, with 2 cameras and 2 window seats (Kaushik, legally & Mihir, illegally !!) with Varun ready to jump on any side depending where the lion was sighted, we left.

After random deer & sambars, we made a sighting . . . and what a sighting it was !

We saw a dark maned lion, 2 lionesses & 2 cubs (quite large, though). The lion lived upto its reputation of being a lazy animal (it was sleeping throughout the 10-15 minutes our bus was there. It slept through all whistles, noises we made, roar of the lioness, noise of the bus and yes, an attempted stone throw on it by Varun !!!

Mujhko neend aa rahi hai, sone do !!!

We were super excited and went on a photo shooting spree. Everyone in the bus was falling over each other in order to get a better view.

A prince was lying just in front of my window, say 20 feet away. It looked at us, it sneezed, it yawned.

After the sneeze

Yawnnn !!!

The other prince was walked towards it and played with it for some time. These were unbelievable scenes for all of us !

The playing cubs

Can you see the similarity with dogs here ???

Then the Queen walked towards the kids. And this was a scene straight out of Kaal, just replace the tiger with the lioness. She played around with the kids & sat a few feet away. At this time, Varun bribed the bus driver to go a bit closer to them. Rs. 20 did the trick that a lot of convincing could not do !! And, we were closer. More photos followed. Videos of “the walk” were taken too.

About to get up !!

The WALK

As a gift to us, the lioness roared for us too, showing her jaws in full glory. And what a scene that was !!

The ROAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR !!!!!!!!!

This was turning out to be a once in a lifetime experience for us. Unfortunately, we could capture the King Lion only in his sleeping posture.

On our way back, we were just looking at the photographs, least interested in the remaining part of the safari. It ended soon & we were having the feeling of a “vasool” trip.

Varun actually named the trip the “chill” trip. With no drinks, chilling took a different meaning though. Dinner was sumptuous in pure gujju style – we had bhakri, ghee, jaggery & khichdi among other things. The Menu was the most funny and so it deserved the snap attached here !

Check out the spellings - of everything !!!

Next day did not sound as interesting with a 750 km drive to Abu ahead of us. Let’s see what’s in store ! Keep checking this blog for more !!!

Trip to Rajasthan - I

2010-01-13T01:02:00.000-08:00

Day – 1 – Life’s a Beach

The trip was to Rajasthan with Diu & Gir added in for good measure. 9 days, 4000 km,3 roadsters – sounds like fun ! So, here goes..

Start Point: Borivali, 12 a.m., 12th Dec, 2009
End Point: Diu, 14:30 p.m., 12th December, 2009
Distance covered: 825 km

We had decided to leave from mumbai at 8 p.m., but extra office workload delayed Mihir & we ended up laving from Borivali only at 12:00 p.m. With Varun having taken leave for 2 days prior to the trip, he was the one at the wheel. Kaushik & Mihir were keeping him company intermittently.

With nice roads & soothing music, our trip began. Mostly uneventful, it was a smooth ride. But, yes, we satisfied our hunger pangs !! We had already had had dinner, but managed to consume 4 aloo parathas, 4 sandwiches, 4 kokis (a type of sindhi paratha, the most heavy snack of all), 30 theplas and a packet of potato chips by afternoon.

A Mountain of SALT

2 things hampered our smooth ride;

a. A major traffic jam comprising hundreds of trucks at Bharuch. Luckily we found some place to off road on the left, and that helped us overtake the trucks quickly. It took us about half an hour to get through the jam, but we easily saved atleast an hour more !

b. Bad Bad roads towards the end of our drive. The last 50 kms (from Mahuva to Diu) were absolutely bad roads – uneven with the top washed off. These 50 kms spoilt our speed because it took us an agonising 2+ hours to cover.

This is where the Fevicol ad originated

And then we reached Diu.

Diu is a small place – you can drive from one end to the other in half an hour tops. Roads are nice and it’s all beach side. The beaches were cleaner than expected and if you discount the crowd there, quite beautiful too !

Places to visit in Diu – Nagoa Beach, Diu Fort and a sea shells museum. The beach is clean, but crowded with rowdy types people mostly ! You may venture on it during late evenings. The fort is nothing too exciting, but yes the seashells museum is worth checking out, it’s quite interesting.

Some views of the Beach

After a long long search (as per Varun, our longest search till now in all the road trips put together), we found a decent, reasonable hotel. Immediately after booking the hotel, we went for lunch (yes, we were still hungry) and at this beach side restaurant called Dub Chick (nope, no chicks there), we ate – ate from 4 p.m. to 8 30 p.m. continuously. Obviously, accompanied by drinks. Post this combined Lunch & dinner, we were too exhausted, drunk and full to do anything else. We just crashed on our beds as soon as we reached out rooms.

Start of the food binge at 4 p.m. - thats me

And yes, we are stil here at 8:30

Yes, how can one forget to mention the newest gadgets we carried – a canon eos 500 D (15 MP camera with a 100 different modes !) and an Acer netbook (a 10” screen, 125 GB hard disk laptop). It’s the age of live updates, isn’t it. And if my blackberry was compatible with the laptop, you would ve read this daily account as and when it happened. Maybe next time !

All in all, it was a lazy day once we reached diu. Just eating & sleeping. Best summed up in this conversation that happened when Mihir woke up in the morning

Mihir: (still half asleep): Kaushik its sunday today na ?

Kaushik: (almost fully asleep): yes, why not(as if it matters)??

Tomorrow was the day when we had an appointment with The King of the Jungle. Watch this space for more !

Some other photographs

Mai nikla gaddi leke

No Smoking !! - My friends-Kaushik & Varun

Phool Aur Kaante

The Beach at night

CROSSWORD

2009-12-22T03:48:00.000-08:00

He stretched his legs and rested them on the wall of the balcony. Winter dust filtered through the dense foliage of the old tree and formed an elegant pattern on his black track pants. He squinted at the pattern. His eyes focused on the tiny specks of illuminated dust while his mind sought to sort out the various thoughts raging inside his mind.

It did not feel like a Sunday.

He felt as tired as on any regular day. Last night had barely brought him any sleep. His mind felt battered and worn out. He seemed unable to shake off the cruel shackles of work. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He did not want to think about work.

He missed her.

He missed her nonsensical chatter. He missed the way her lips would curl in a mischievous smile. He missed the way she would rest her elbows on the pillow and narrate yet another wonderful brainstorm, passion lighting her eyes with an excited glow. He missed the way she would feel in his arms; seeking comfort in his protective embrace and parting a calm of her own. It was so very easy to forget all about stress and strain and drown himself in her magical world. He wanted her to return from her mother’s soon, very soon.

He shook his head in attempt to shake off the despair which hung heavy about him. His ears picked up the muffled footsteps of his household help as he ushered in tray loaded with warm tea and breakfast onto the balcony. He watched in amazement as the boy lifted a steaming mug of coffee and placed it beside his chai.

"Coffee?" he asked frowning.
"Madam arrived last night," the boy informed him. "She did not want to disturb you so she slept in the guest room."

She was here?!

As if on cue she appeared in the doorway. He smiled at her. He loved the way she looked in the mornings. Her tossled curls framed her face in an adroable disarray. She wriggled her toes and lifted one elegant hand to rub the sleep off her eyes. She leafed through the scattered newspapers and picked up the page she was looking for.
She sat on his lap and snuggled into his chest. All despairing thoughts scattered into the faint cold breeze and floated away to some far away place. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on her forehead. She spread the paper before her and picked up a pen from the table.
He sat there, content to be staring at her while she frowned at the paper and chewed on the back of her pen. She looked up confusion clouding her intoxicating eyes.

"A three letter word for perfect?"
"YOU"

Back with a Bang

2009-11-09T01:14:00.000-08:00

So , the last time I wrote something here , was a time when Kapil Dev was in polka dotted diapers and dinosaurs used to prance around the earth with gay abandon . Ok , that’s a slight exaggeration about the extent of my absence , but you get the drift.

Absenteeism reasons , though I assume you care more about the dirt stuck under the nail on your left little finger than my absenteeism reasons , range from being out of the city on a 15 day road trip to Ladakh, to , settling in a job where the best part of my day remains hitting the shut down button on my 256 MB RAM laptop, to, discovering that I don’t have enough money to buy the new cell phone I so covet, to, recovering from body (including buttocks) pains ever Monday from rigorous dance practice on weekends for an upcoming friend’s wedding. (she better be thankful for all that we are doing, and more so, she better be thankful for all that we are NOT doing !)

But, tonight I think, I will talk about something – which is totally unaligned with the kind of person I am . I mean , considering the kind of person I am , the deepest conversation I should be having should be about some elephant with a real bad desire for a female…elephant ! , but I say with the unflinching honesty of a Vinod Kambli on Sach ka Saamna , I am not trying to seem like the next Aristotle here . All I am trying to do is talk rather pointlessly about something which has been hovering in the back alleys of my mind since quite some time with the feeble yet significant buzz of a mosquito trapped in your ear canal – Death . . & birth.

Death , you know . That part of life which ends it. Considering that I have not yet not died though many sensible people have tried to eradicate me, I don’t know how it must be after death , but I do imagine it to be very quiet , relaxed , solitary and chill after death . I am not sure if there is a heaven for the good guys and a hell for the bad guys, and as a result , I am not very concerned about the old woman I pushed off the stairs last week . I mean, you understand how annoying it is to be not be able to rush down the stairs because a 67 year old ahead of you moves slower than a sofa , don’t you ? But the fact remains that I am going to die someday, whether it happens when I am digging into a cheese grilled sandwich ( I hope I have finished the most of it by that time , mommy says food should not be wasted ) or it happens when I am wedged between the a BEST bus & L&T tractor (Yes, that’s actually possible if you walk in Andheri east) , whether I am going to be regaled by Arabian dancers in some heaven , or be served as supper to hungry devils in a green tubelight-ed hell .

And you know, what I am thinking about is that moment , that moment which is sitting delicately at the end of the road called life as it ends , yet opens up into the unknown chasm called death . That moment, when I will be on the verge of being lifted by death , and I will know in my heart “Shit yaar , yeh end hai , ab picchar baaki nahi hai mere dost” . Now no “Dawa ya Dua” can save me ! No people , no movies , no cars , no job , no relationships , no money , no smiles , no Himesh Reshammiya , no fights , no competitions , no career , no TV , nothing , after the event called Death.

That moment , when I will know in my heart , that irrespective of my willingness to go or not , I would be gone next moment . In that moment , I imagine myself to feel guilty about the heart I broke , happy about the smile I brought on a face , sad about the moment I should have told my mother I loved her but did not , proud of the moment I believed in someone and stood by her , happy about the times I spent laughing with my friends , grateful for the moments somebody knew me as I am and accepted me , heartbroken about being a son lesser than a son I should have been . And just experiencing a little of that moment by writing about it , I am shocked by how easily do I forget what really matters . I mean , how easily do I forget that I am going to die and a lot of stuff doesn’t really matter . How easily do I forget that however blind I may try to be to my reality , that moment will thrust the sum of deeds in my face without leaving me with an escape route . How easily do I allow myself to lose perspective and be drowned in the useless ego fights , pointlessly hurting the very people I love , choosing not to say sorry just because I am too proud to do so, being afraid of taking that stupid seeming but heartfelt leap because I never have . How easily I forget the impending arrival of that last moment , and as a result , how easily I forget what really matters during the moments I have between now and that moment . How easily I shut up my heart and listen to all the voices around me , when in the end , the only voice I will have to hear is the voice of my heart .

How easily I forget death , and thus , how easily I forget how to live .

I mean , sometimes I really need this perspective check and get out of the holed up thinking and view life in a more cool manner . Saala khul ke jeena bhool jaata hoon yaar . I mean , I act like I have a lot to lose and get all scared and calculated , when hai kya mere paas khone ke liye ?

I know you are either confused , or bored , or both and would label the drivel above as some cheap regurgitation of some pocket book sized Geeta I recently read . But you know , I am just talking to myself.

So chill , don’t walk out of this blog feeling all suicidal and kill yourself by smelling your own feet . Aise hee baat kar raha tha dudes .

Now, let’s talk about birth, though im tempted to talk about what causes it ! Lets leave that for another blog.

Birth – having a kid, being a father. It’s an alien comcept to me. One of my closest college friends is about to become a father in a few months. We were in college together, very close friends until some misunderstandings drove us apart. (DCH was based on us actually !!! yes, there was a 3rd friend too – again, lets leave that for another blog !) But, solely due to his large heartedness, and willingness to let bygones be bygones, we are friends again, not as good, but im hoping we shall be with time.

So, coming back, we were in college together and well, were, so to say, in the same place as far as life was concerned. Don’t know how else to explain this. Anyways, he got married early, which at that time was a pleasant surprise for me. I was happy for him. Now, he is on the anvil of fatherhood and this put me into deep thought.

I am the same age, yet so far from feeling like I can actually get married and have a kid. Getting married, yes, I can still think about. But fathering a kid – I stil think I am a kid ! So, I was just thinking about how our thoughts have changed over the years. He is ready (he better be) to bring another living being into this world, to provide for it, to nurture it. I, on the other hand, do not trust myself enough to be able to do that satisfactorily. I love kids, as long as they are someone else’s. It’s one thing to hold them, to play with them, be silly and make them smile. But it’s quite another thing to actually raise a child. My friend and I, we were at the same place mentally once, 5 years back. We are poles apart now.
Will I ever be there, where he is ? I hope so.

Anyways, moving on, I ve been watching a lot of movies recently – the ones I liked recently are – Inglorious Basterds (Tarantino Zindabad !), UP, All the Best & Jail. Did not like Ajab Prem. Wake up Sid falls somewhere in the middle. Neil Nitin Mukesh’s nickname is “frozen face” from now on & Ranbir absolutely ROCKS !

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my return to the blogging world. Too bad if you didn’t, coz baby, I’M BACK !!!!!!!!!

It's tough to say Goodbye

2009-09-24T23:27:00.000-07:00

The Gang

Time: 11:30 p.m.
Place: Outside Yoko’s – our FIRST hangout place !

“Where is he ?”, I asked Kauhik (Koseek) & Varun (Va) as soon as I reached.
“He’ll directly meet us at Gokul”. We left immediately for Gokul.

Time: 11:40
Place: Gokul

Rahul (Ra) usually takes our order n gets us all our ice creams. Today was going to be no different ! As usual, we order 5 ice creams among the 4 of us (1 for each & 1 special flavor common for all !). And the conversation started . . .

Me: “my ice cream is ridiculous”.
I had a habit of tasting new flavours every time & “coffee-walnut: certainly didn’t meet my approval.

Va: “I told you. Why do you mix random things like coffee n walnut”.
I had seen him shake his head in disbelief when he first heard me mulling over coffee walnut !!

Suddenly, I dropped a piece of my ice cream while eating & scooped it up and put it on a tissue paper.
Koseek:“What are you doing dude ?”

Me: “Arre, it had fallen down – im just putting it away”

Koseek: “Oh, I thought you were saving some for the crows, like so many people do. Hahah !”

Me: “Hey, is this a belief in Sindhis predominantly ? I had a sindhi female in my previous office who also daily kept aside some of her lunch, went to the terrace n offered it to the crows !”

Koseek: “Not specifically sindhis. When someone in the family dies, it is believed that he/she turns into a crow and that is how it starts. Someone must’ve dies in her family.”

Me: “Yeah, dying waala funda I know. My mom also believes that. I don’t”

Va: “Arre, I also believe that yaar. My dada had expired. Since then we started offering bread butter to a particular SAME crow that visited our window every morning. And im very sure it was the same crow And he NEVER accepted bread without butter ! He used to thow it back in from the window ! My dad also ALWAYS wanted ghee or butter on his bread. And the clincher, once I was alone at home n smoking at the window – we were in school – and the cow was perched on a branch opposite my window & ANGRILY drilling his beak into the tree as if he is upset & angered. I completely believe that that crow was dadaji !”

Ra: But these crows r solid haraami yaar. How much noise they make & if one of them dies . . oh god. Ten thousand crows come together n jeena haraam kar dete hai kau kau kar ke. Koi kuch nahi kar sakta !!

Everyone was in splits in the way rahul expressed himself with gestures and tone of voice. He was known for cracking funny comments in an extremely exaggerated way. Ten thousand crows !!

Me: Yeah, I go to the terrace everyday after my dada’s death n feed gaathiya to the crows. And if by chance, one day im sleeping late, one of the crows comes to my window n wakes me up by crowinf incessantly ! I was surprised in the beginning. I tried sending my mom up to the terrace for a week & once when she was late, the crows sat outside her window n woke her up ! Thy had figured out that it is a different person and also that she sleeps in a different room ! They are super intelligent, boss.

And, by then, the ice creams were over.

Can you believe that this was the last proper conversation we would be having while sitting together & hanging out. We were just the same as always - no emotions, no relevant talks. Completely irrelevant, random topics to talk about - even if it was the last time we were probably talking face to face !

“Ek photo banta hai yaar”, someone said. We placed the camera on the opposite table and were trying to find a good angle for a automatic shot, when some one came in and offered to click our snap. Our last snap together for a long long time.

The last ice cream ! (We shoud've gone for supper..hahaha)

Yes, Rahul was going away the next morning to London for his Masters. He would return after a year for a while & then go back there for work. He said he’ll return soon and wants to settle here, but who know what happens 2 years down the line. As of now, he was going.

Yuvaraj had left 3 years back & come back yearly only for a few days after that. Now it was Rahul. And we had grown so close in the last 3 years. Spent so much time together.

Weekly movies at gaiety-galaxy (until they decided to increase the ticket costs !), Saturday night meetings at Carter road, many a times with nothing to discuss, Goa trip – Palolem, 9 bar – all that Rahul had told us !!!. Then, the MP trip, where we spotted a tiger n I ll never forget Rahul’s comment in the jungles there – “Sambar is a waste of a species !” I sill laugh when I think of that !!

Rahul’s jokes, his unnecessary comments, his way of exaggerating everything, his behavoiur once he’s 2 bottles of beer down, his mischievous smile – white teeth showing prominently in his dark face – and you know he’s upto something when he smiles - we’ll miss that all. Always.

We dropped him home, bid him a goodbye and he said, “see you guys at the airport tomorrow”. We said that we had decided not to come, that it ll be time for him to be with family. But he insisted, got a bit emotional & we could not refuse. In our hearts, we knew that we had to be there at the airport the next day.

We did go the next day, again wished him luck & saw him enter the airport and then we turned our backs and left. Goodbyes at the airport are always difficult for me. I ve cried everytime I ve gone there to drop a friend off. I had cried when Rajat had gone, I had cried when shweta had gone. I had cried when yuvaraj had gone. And I dint even have the guts to go for my 2 most difficult goodbyes (I wont name them here). I did those a few days earlier than the flight.

This time too, I fought back tears n crumpled my nose when varun looked at me.
“Airport goodbyes are tough dude”, I said.

Yes, in today's day & age - the world has "flattened", as Mr. Friedman puts it. The channels of communication have improved and increased - phone costs are cheaper, free chat through google, yahoo, skype, use of webcam etc etc. Yes, but it definitely doesnt make up for physical absence. and we'll realise that shortly - in our saturday night meetings !

Yuvaraj was gone. Rahul was now gone. And then, there were 3.

Moments

2009-08-10T05:52:00.000-07:00

Silence greeted us with a warm embrace as we made our way to the park. The sun wasn't out yet and the world seemed abandoned.

A carefree breeze wafted around us, enthused to have found some life. The trees rustled in glee as they played along with the breeze. A few birds chirped here and there, breaking the silence with a surprising loudness.

She walked beside me; casually chatting about nothing. The wind played about her hair causing it to fall across her face. She flicked back the offending strands in her own inimitable fashion.

She caught me looking at her. I looked away, a little shamefaced.

"What," she said with her voice full of mischief.

"Nothing," I mumbled. I wasn't sure if she heard me but she didn't press on the issue.

Maybe now is not the time, I told myself. But then again, I may never know when the right time is.

We walked for a bit, hand in hand, with silence for company. The sky metamorphosed to a bright orange as the sun woke up from its slumber. The air stilled, as if comforted by the warm rays, and then the sky broke down above us.

She ran for cover while I stood still, mesmerized by the rain. My body felt surprisingly warm under the torrent of rain.

A big smile broke out on my face as I whirled about the summer shower.

"Come over here," she chided me while thoroughly getting wet under the tree.

I jogged towards her and held out my hand. She looked at me, curiously, and then reached out for my hand. I looked into her eyes for a moment and then pulled her towards me.

"You will get the both of us sick," she said in mock protest.

I pointed out towards the sky where a rainbow had burst into the sky. She looked at the sky, her hair all over her face and a faint smile dancing on her lips, enraptured.

I looked at her; enraptured.

Now, I told myself.

I leant even closer and whispered into her ears, "Will you marry me?"

She looked at me, her face impishly cute, and said, "Damn! You stole my lines."

I grabbed her then, under the summer storm as the rain danced around us, and kissed her until the world stopped . . . and she sneezed !!

"You were right about getting sick," I said.

Anticlimaxes & Balls

2009-06-18T05:43:00.000-07:00

Bad Manners

The strange green light bathed the small boat in its luminescence. The boy and the girl in the boat oblivious to its presence were locked in a liplock was not meant to be opened by any key made by hands of men. Their hands roamed over each other and their bodies hot and feverish rocked the boat to and fro in the calm water of the river. All calm, except the green light that was now increasing in its intensity. It enveloped the boat like a light fog and slowly started pouring itself into the boat.

A tentacled figure rose out of the fog, and hovered silently over the boat. It observed the entangled couple with the interest a child shows in a new game.
The girl opened her eyes mid-kiss, noticed the floating tentacles and leapt off the boy with a startled yelp. The boy looked around confused at the green mist that was now covering half their boat and tried to calm the girl, but his own rising panic was enough to send the girl into a crying fit of hysteria.

"YOU!" thundered the green tentacled figure and pointed at the girl. The girl stopped crying at once, her tears choked back by the fear of the unknown.

"It's bad manners," the floating form said, "to open your eyes when kissing."

------

Really Bad Manners

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The Urge

There were times in his life when he could not control it. The urge bubbled inside him like something alive and potent, kicking and screaming to be let out. He stared at the girl sitting across the table. His first date in many years and he was feeling that old old desire again.

What will she think of me if I do it?

Will she leave, or will she strike me in disgust?

Words rumbled and jumbled in his head, he had to find a way soon or there was going to be trouble. He looked behind him at saw a waiter in the pathway, if only he could reach his leg to the side and trip him and spill those drinks…he found out in a second that he could.

The waiter missed seeing the leg and was soon making acquaintance with the cold floor in a puddle of the drinks he was carrying. Some of it, as intended spilled on the skirt and top of the girl.

"Excuse me dear, I have to use the rest room." she said and left.

He smiled contentedly, gave in to his urge and started to suck his thumb.

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BALLS

"Balls! Balls! Balls!" the Ballseller hollered at the top of his voice. "Battered in love and fucked up in life? Need some guts, to talk to the wife? Come one, come all, come and get some balls."

The market was held every full moon under the big bridge. This was one night when the few shopped for things weird and amazing, for things unseen and unheard of. The price was paid in Stories. Stories were a funny currency, for every shopkeeper in the market wanted a story from anyone who wanted to buy something.

A boy walked up to the Ballseller. "I'd like to buy a pair . . I want the biggest balls you have" he said.

His feverish and tiny body made it look like he needed a warm meal more than a pair of balls. "Ha, ok" said the shopkeeper and rummaged into his pack for the biggest pair of balls he could find. The boy stepped into the shop and took the balls in both hands. The shopkeeper looked at him expectantly, waiting for his Story.

"Once," the boy began, "a boy with the biggest pair of balls won the hand of a Ballseller's daughter, only because he had the biggest pair of balls."

The Ballseller guffawed like a horse and said, "You got some balls, kid."

---

Balls, we all need a pair.

I AM . . . . .

2009-06-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

I have observed it so closely, but happening only on the opposite side of the net. I have been so close to victory, yet I have ended in defeat.

I have seen this moment touch me momentarily and then go far, far away into oblivion.

I have heard my fans chant my name vigorously, yet I have seen myself getting smashed to smithereens.

I have known the expectations, the tension, the trepidation and then the hollowness, the point of no-return — the loss.

Yet I have survived—I have seen death from close vicinity for three times but I had the courage to live on.

The zeal kept me going, the belief kept my heart throbbing, the optimism kept my blood rushing through my veins.

Yes, at this very familiar place, I have seen myself picking up my tattered soul after a bloodless battle and live on for that one last opportunity, that one last chance to turn an emaciated soul into an enlivened one.

The faith, the trust, and the everlasting desire pushed me through.

And here I am standing on the brink of history on Championship Point waiting for my opponent to commit that one last error.

And yes—he does it!

I fall down on my knees. I bury my face into my hands, my eyes welled up with tears.

I don’t want this special moment to end: let me savour it—let the time freeze forever. It’s all so surreal; I can live a thousand lives and die a thousand deaths at this very moment.

Yes, this is the moment I have waited for so patiently for such a long time, the moment that I had so desperately wanted to witness to emulate the career Slam feat of my idol Rod Laver.

Today I am there.

Yes, I rise like a Champion, as The One destined.

Finally, Roland Garros has been conquered like i earlier conquered Wimbledon, Australia and the Flushing Meadows

The Paris clay doesn't seem so merciless any more and the world has never seemed a nicer place where self-belief is still rewarded.

My hands are risen skywards to pay my gratitude to the Almighty who had helped me to comprehend the profound importance of the words "belief" and "hope" — the two very words that had been my very lifeline for the last three years.

And I hear the applause that is finally embracing The Deserving Victor with open arms — the very applause that had eluded me for so long.

Yes, I have finally realised my dream.

Yes, I am the winner of the French Open 2009, the co-holder of the record-equalling feat of 14 Grand Slams and only the 6th person ever to win all the 4 Grand Slams.

Yes, I am Roger Federer.

101 - Unfinished Beginnings & A Fresh Start

2009-05-28T04:19:00.000-07:00

This is my 101st post !!! yay …. Congratulations to me !!

I was wondering for the longest time what exactly to write in this post – should it be specifically dedicated to completing 100 posts or should it be a regular post of mine, with no mention of the completion of 100 posts. And, if it has to be a regular post – what exactly do I write. Considering that I ve been very frequently blogging the last few months, I was going through a mini blogger’s block !

And then I decided upon what to write.

Unfinished Beginnings

Many a time, I begin writing something, but it loses steam midway. If I still think its worth keeping, I don’t delete it. Sometimes I manage to make a full post out of them, sometimes they just stay in my pc unfinished. Here, I ll post all those unfinished beginnings…….

1.Sometime in 2007
The internet is a major obstacle to what I need in order to come up with a post, namely a couple of hours of peace and quiet. And this just cannot happen if GTalk is buzzing with pings and someone constantly writes on your wall, or someone compared you to their friends and decided you have less mother potential. This is why Shakespeare was so successful. Seriously, if you think about it, all the great writers were around only when there was no Internet. Then the 90s arrived, the World Wide Web was invented, and BAM! We’re left with Chetan Bhagat.

Nevertheless, every now and then, there’s something I see or hear that I just HAVE TO blog about, and so I shut out all connectivity with the rest of the world and sit down to type. Like, for example, the end of 2007. I felt I just had to write a year summary and so, I started typing, “By most accounts, 2007 was a fascinating year. These accounts are, to use the correct technical term, wrong. Schoolboys of the future, when they read about 2007 in their history books, will regard it with a great deal of affection, because it will be the shortest chapter. And also because it will feature pictures of Britney Spears without her underwear.”

2.A Few Questions

What the hell am I doing here!???
Where am I going with my life!?!
Am I the only one without a life?
Am I the only one who is not getting married?
Can I be in love with two people at once?
Am I the only one who does not know what the f*** they talk about at work??
When is Friday coming along?
Do I really HAVE to work out?
Has my life come to such a point that THIS is what I'm thinking of?
Does there have to be a Monday after a Sunday?
Who says Harry Potter is for kids??
When is the next free breakfast/lunch/anything...?
Will I get up in time for work?
When do I get to have sex??
Am I losing a day of my life each day that I work?
Have the rules of courtship changed?
Have I aged instantaneously??
If I walk in a Hawaii shirt will people stare?
How much time before I understand something?
How much time to go for 6:30 ?
How much time before I hit the ill fated 30's?
What's the time!???
How many weeks before I have some real plans for the weekend?
Has life in the 20's lost its glamour?
Is this who I really am?

3.Random Stuff
Since the beginning of time, Mankind has always had a tremendous fascination for balls. They just can’t seem to leave them alone, or let them be, so to speak. They feel the need to constantly play with them, scratch at them, rub them or just plain hold them. Womankind also is known to perform all of these activities, but less frequently and only during particularly intimate moments. Mankind, on the other hand, shamelessly does it whenever the opportunity presents itself. At work, at play, at weddings, at funerals, you name the place and Mankind will be there, scratching.

4.An Unfinished Poem

I know you do not drink you morning tea with me anymore,
Why then do I still search for the tea stains of your mug on my floor ?

I know you do not talk with me anymore,
When then do I still wait for your replies to my questions galore ?

I know you do not ring my doorbell anymore,
Why then, everytime it rings, do I feel its you and always you at the door ?

We have not walked together in a long time,
Why then, at each step I take, do I feel your fingers entwined in mine ?

A Fresh Start

Ok – so that’s done. That’s all I had .

There’s a new blog – Straight From the Heart that a friend of mine n I have started. It will feature stories, snippets, poetries, shayries and other things of that sort.

Please read it regularly & comment on it more often than you do here !

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Celeb Sightings - Dedicated, as always, to Chili

Anu Malik (or Aannu Mallik, however it is spelt): He was at Mangi Ferra, Juhu for a "Entertainment ke liye kuch bhi Karega" First show party
There were many other TV actors who i did not recognise.

Ayaan Ali Bangash: Again at Mangi Ferra for dinner

Rajeev Masand: My fave movie critic - saw him outside Famous Studios, where my office is.

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Quotable Quotes

You talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.

There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.

The greatest conflicts are not between 2 people, but between one person and himself.

The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are either being constantly proven right or being pleasantly surprised.

For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these – “it might have been”

Conversations - 2

2009-05-18T05:55:00.000-07:00

Tired and sweaty after a long session, the two of us lay on the terrace in a post-coital embrace. It was a clear night and we soon lied next to each other, looking up, both of us with a joint lit in our hand and staring at the sky. She suddenly broke the silence.

“People become stars when they die…”

I looked at her as her face reflected the orange glow of the lit joint. ‘Where did that come from?’ I thought. I figured being high on weed makes you philosophical so I put in my own two cents.

“They go to Heaven. The bad ones go to Hell.”

A trail of smoke emerged from my lips as I spoke and danced in the air, reaching for the stars.

“Who’s a good person and who’s a bad person?” she asked, her voice husky due to the weed, never taking her eyes off the stars.

I looked at her again. ‘Nope. She isn't kidding around.’ I thought. She was expecting an answer.

“Good people are good people and bad people are bad people…” That was all I could think of saying. “…you know what I mean?”

“I don’t.” she replied and took a deep breath. She really was high.

“Umm…good people are the ones who have done good deeds and bad people are the ones who have done bad deeds.” I explained and took a last long drag hoping the explanation was good enough.

“What is a good deed and what is a bad deed?”

“Can you stop the crap now? You are ruining the trip.” I said wiping off the sweat on my forehead and started rolling another joint.

She completely ignored my request. “Is smoking weed or having sex or fighting a sin?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”

“So we are going to Hell?”

I kept quiet. She looked at me. I looked back. Then she went back to staring at the stars. My silence must have told her I didn’t have an answer. She was quiet for a while. Just when I thought the conversation was finally over, she spoke again.

“If I kill a man and I know I’m not wrong, then I’m right. I haven’t done a bad deed.” She paused to look if I was listening, then to her finished joint which she replaced with a new one and took a deep drag.

“…and if I haven’t done a bad deed then it has to be a good deed. I think smoking weed isn’t a bad deed either…”

She paused for a few seconds and looked at me smoking. It seemed as if she wanted me to somehow acknowledge what she said. I was thinking about it anyway.

She continued. “…so that means there is no such thing as a bad deed. Then there is no one who goes to Hell. If everything is a good deed then everyone goes to Heaven. That means we are living in Hell.”

The fact struck me hard as if someone had punched me in the stomach. It was the deepest thing I had ever heard. ‘Fuck, I am in Hell smoking weed and going to Heaven for that.’ I thought.

“Okay. So you kill a man and you think it is right. So it is a good deed and you go to Heaven. This place is Hell, and everyone goes to Heaven. Agreed? But what happens if you feel guilty?”

The question made sense, I could make out by her expression. She twitched her eyes a little, then frowned. The question bothered her but only for a few seconds and then she looked up at the sky again, smiling.

“I think feeling guilty is a good deed.”

Animal Kingdom

2009-05-12T02:20:00.000-07:00

Recently I was wondering about the troubles of this world – aboutArun Lal, Prakash Karat, Uday Chopra, the Indian Idol contestants & Channel V VJs who commentate at IPL etc. when I realized that I knew so very little about the fascinating animal kingdom. So, in an effort to correct this, I decided to quickly brush up on my wildlife fundamentals.

And that’s when I realized that learning about animals is very difficult. Everybody who knows anything about the subject, like Maneka Gandhi, is an insufferable bore. This means that we are forced to turn to the National Geographic magazine, which, in order to increase circulation among perverted science geeks, now only publishes articles involving primitive tribes in South America who don’t wear any clothes. Seriously, they even have a ‘National Geographic TribesBabe of the Month’ feature (“In this month's issue: A stunner from the Kojoca tribe of Colombia goes fruit plucking in the forest while the Kojoca men pound their roots - page 43.”) and are currently discussing plans to come out with a desktop calendar.

Anyway, getting back to the point, I bet not too many of you know that it was a guy named Carolus Linnaeus who first classified animals into categories? Yes, it’s true. In Linnaeus' original scheme, the animals were divided into three kingdoms – Maurya, Chola and Rashtrakuta, and a number of classes – ‘cuddly’, ‘gross’, ‘dangerous’ and ‘edible’ which was further divided into the sub-classes ‘undercooked’, ‘rare’, ‘overdone’ and ‘burnt’. Because of the laziness of the scientists who followed Linnaeus, the number of classes have remained the same, except for one incident in 1953, when it was realised that microsopic intestinal blood-sucking parasites could not be classified under any of these heads. So they were separated and classified under a newly created class – ‘Indian Parliament’.

Among human beings, children are the ones who’re most interested in the animal kingdom. As any parent would be able to tell you, children are fascinated by any kind of animal. This is only because without animals, they wouldn’t have any funny cartoons to watch. When I was a kid, we once visited the zoo as a class excursion and I remember how we learnt so many interesting facts about animals that day, such as the fact that you have to take a deep breath and hold it in whenever you approach one of the cages because otherwise, you run the risk of suffering a coronary disorder as a result of the incredible stink emanating from it. The kids of today, on the other hand, don’t have that kind of learning opportunity because they go to amusement parks where, for a nominal entry fee of just Rs.5346, you get to experience amusing rides like the ‘Thunder’, which offers you the unparalleled thrill of throwing up violently on the person sitting a few rows ahead of you.

Anyway, considering this critical lack of wildlife information in the world today, I’ve decided to write a book (after my blockbuster 1st book – read previous blog) about the wonders of the animal kingdom, which, I hope, will help you make an informed decision during the general elections. And I’ve decided to offer all of you a sneak preview of this surefire bestseller. So, without further ado, let’s start off with...

The Aardvark (Firstus animalus) - a large mammal native to Africa, its only claim to fame is that it’s the first animal in the standard English Dictionary. Initially, this animal was called an Armadillo but later changed its name according to numerology, following which it has landed a role in Ekta Kapoor’s latest show. The Aardvark is the only surviving member of the family Orycteropodidae and of the order Tubulidentata. As a result of this, Aardvarks frequently suffer fatal brain haemorrhages while filling in their ration card application forms.

The Blue Whale (Marlon brandus) - Any numbskull who insists that swimming is a good form of exercise should take a good look at the Blue Whale, which is generally grey in colour. A marine mammal, it is most famous for being the correct answer to the quiz question “Which is the largest mammal in the world?” However, that is an urban legend and quite far from the truth. The largest mammal in the world is Bappi Lahri, who claimed the title after the untimely demise of actor Marlon Brando & the dramatic weight loss of Adnan Sami. Another notable characteristic of the whale is that it has an aperture called the ‘blowhole’ for breathing, and we’re sure, for other purposes when they’re feeling particularly kinky at night. The males of the species are known to spend to spend their time drinking beer and polishing their blowholes while the females spend most of their time in slimming health clinics.

The Giraffe (Longus neckus) is an exotic multi-talented creature that is famous for having an incredibly long neck. After spending many illustrious years in circuses and town fairs, the giraffe family‘s good name was tarnished when a young female giraffe’s honeymoon video got leaked on the internet and was even aired on the Discovery Channel. However, Hollywood movie makers were impressed and offered the young giraffe its first major movie breakthrough in the highly acclaimed 1974 classic ‘Deep Throat II: Whoooooosh… gulpp’, a film that is considered by critics to be the greatest achievement in bestiality since ‘Brokeback Mountain Goat’ and ‘Forest Hump’.

The Cow (Gau Maataus) – These creatures were originally classified by Carolus Linnaeus under ‘edible’, shortly before he was lynched to death by Hindu fundamentalist fanatics. Though revered and respected by a majority of the Indian population, the cow and its close relative Ox, are quite unpopular among second standard school students because of their irregular plural forms (though the plural of co is not “kine” anymore, it is “cows”). All members of the cow family are generally quiet, peaceful and underachieving except for the Bull, a famous basketball player from Chicago whose career came to an unfortunate end when the team changed to red uniforms and he fouled out after goring his own team mates. This was also the first known case of mad cow disease. Cows are also famous for their highly efficient stomach, which has four compartments (‘S1’, ‘S2’, ‘A1’ and ‘Tatkal’) which use the assembly line method to produce milk packets. These packets can be obtained for human consumption using the singing technique pioneered by Himesh in a number of films.

The Anaconda (Snakus constipatus) – These creatures, quite strangely, don’t have butts and this is the reason they look so constipated all the time. No one notices this, however, because anacondas don’t have faces either. Neither do they have arms, legs or any kind of reproductive organs. As a result, they’re sexually frustrated all the time and tend to hug anyone who dares to come near them. This has lead to a bad public image which wasn’t helped by the two supremely crappy movies were made using its name. Furthermore, due to the lack of butt, anacondas become larger as they age due to the interior accumulation of faeces. By the time they’re old, they’re so full of shit that young anacondas send them away to live in old age homes.

So, people, I have no doubt that you have now realized how diverse and interesting the animal world can be and I’m sure all of you are dying to find out more. Don’t fret, for my book will hit the stands soon. Till then, however, you can buy the latest issue of National Geographic Magazine, and turn to page 43.

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Some Laws that i read on the web

Conway's Law:
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Kin Hubbard’s law:
A good listener is usually thinking about something else

One of the mistakes of my Life ??

2009-04-29T19:20:00.000-07:00

Whenever I tell people I’m in the internal audit department in a bank, they always react the same way: “Oh boy! That sounds tremendously boring!” And I tell them they’re right. It is all of that, except I prefer to describe it the way I do on my resume – challenging. On a typical office day, I’m sitting at my desk, in my cubicle, staring intently at my monitor and trying to solve important problems, such as: “Is that really the correct signature of the customer ? Has the branch done the signature verification? #$%@!” and “How the hell can I Australia in this PC cricket game?”

This is immensely challenging work, and I feel I’m grossly underpaid for doing it. Plus, with the Indian stock market behaving the way it has been this year, I really could use a little extra money. So I’ve decided to write a best-selling novel.

I’ve wanted to write a book ever since I was eleven, when I read Enid Blyton’s fantasy-stirring ‘The Far Faraway Tree’. However, I haven’t seriously considered it until now, mainly because, deep down, I’ve always known that I’d never be as good a writer as any of those women. But recently, after reading about how Chetan Bhagat’s books sell 10 gazillion copies every minute, I’ve realized that a chronic inability to write well, make sense and positively impact the emotions of your readers is no longer a road block to becoming a successful novelist.

My book will be targeted at the youth of India, because the old can’t read any more and the little ones prefer Nickelodeon. It’s titled ‘One Night @ The Staff Quarters, Who Not To Do at IIM’, and it’s guaranteed to sell at least 44 billion copies, because I’m hoping all the IIM alumni, current students and aspirants buy it. I never went to an IIM myself (although I tried thrice), but I don’t see how that makes a difference to anything. Tolkien never battled any Orcs.

I also realize that the key to the success of my novel is word-of-mouth publicity. I don’t know what that word is yet, but I’m desperately hoping to figure it out by the time I’m done. Here’s what I have so far:

Chapter One
Hi, my name is Roshan Mehra . I’m an average guy. Not mean, but average. I have no outstanding qualities whatsoever. I’m neither a complete loser like my best friend Jimmy Cliff nor an uber-cool stud with an attitude problem like my other best friend Jalaluddin Akbar. In short, like I said, I am average. The three of us are the best of friends and, by some weird coincidence, named after the lead male characters in the recent three Bollywood movies our author saw. All three of us are students at the greatest b-school in the world.

Now, the three of us will have some typical Indian Youth-y conversation.

Chapter Two

“Hi! Are you students here?” said the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was extremely pretty, and all three of us could immediately sense that she would be the lead female character in this novel.
“My name is Sophia,” she said.
I was in love. It felt like destiny that we should meet. I know I don’t know her all that well yet, but time is of the essence. There are only so many pages that can be printed for Rs. 95.
“Get inside the class! I’m your Management Accounting teacher,” she said, “and you have a surprise test right now.”
“Holy Cow!!” Akbar exclaimed, looking at me. “This is going to be a very big problem when you two have sex in Chapter 15!”

Chapter Seven

“This is incredible!!” exclaimed Jimmy. “I just cannot believe it! Just cannot!” he added, because most of India’s youth don’t know the meaning of ‘incredible’.
“What’s incredible?” asked Sophia. “The fact that in spite of being your teacher and possessing ravishing beauty, I still choose to always hang out with you idiots?”
“That’s a good point, but not what Jimmy was referring to,” said Akbar, because being best friends, the three of us always knew exactly what each other meant to say. It’s like an unspoken bond that goes unsaid.
“What is it, then?” asked Sophia, her beautiful face contorted with excitement and curiosity, which made her cuter in my hopelessly lovelorn eyes.
“The fact that after six inane chapters, people are still reading this piece of shit,” I completed.

Chapter Fifteen

“IT’S FINALLY HERE!!!” I yelled, “The part we’ve all been waiting for!! WOO HOO!!”
“You mean the part YOU have been waiting for?” said Jimmy, frowning at me with hatred, “We’re going to be stuck in our rooms, mugging for tomorrow’s mid-term.”
“Yeah, what do we have to gain from this chapter??” added Akbar, “we hardly even figure in it. It’s always only about you, Roshan, isn’t it?”
“Guys,” I paused for dramatic effect. “Is this the part in the story where tension drives us apart for a while?”
“My God, this book is lame…” said Jimmy.
Just then, the earthquake struck.

Chapter Sixteen

“That was too close for comfort!” remarked Sophia. “Fortunately, the quake didn’t prevent us from having sex.’”
“Yeah, and the Academic Block got destroyed too. So I won’t have my mid-terms tomorrow! This quake was a God send!!”
To my surprise, Sophia looked surprised, “Yeah, but what about Akbar? He was injured in the quake, wasn’t he? Aren’t you worried about him?”
“Not until the next chapter,” I replied.

Chapter Eighteen

Now that the sex was over, I missed my two best friends. And when I found out, from other people, that Akbar still hadn’t been discharged from the hospital, I started getting worried.
That’s all I have so far. I’m itching to finish it, but with no publishing advance in sight yet, I can only work part-time for the time being. And there is plenty of challenging work to be done in the office. The market may be up today, but Australia is not going to beat itself, you know.

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Quotable Quotes

A civilisation is defined by what we forbid, more than what we permit – From the book Shantaram

No one & nothing could really hurt me. No one & nothing could make me happy. I was tough – which is probably the saddest thing you can say about a man - From the book Shantaram

Kumble to Sachin: “You had the challenge to prove everyone right & I had the challege to prove everyone wrong”

Success means having the courage, the determination and the will to become the person you were meant to be.

Harry Potter: What if.....

2009-04-21T07:35:00.001-07:00

Welcome to this, the exclusive Special Features section for readers of the famous Harry Potter series of books. This section is composed of two parts - Deleted Scenes and Alternate Endings, and can be accessed by moving your eyes slowly across and down this page. I will not waste anymore of your time. Read on…
Deleted Scenes

Scene 1 (deleted by Censor Board)

Out in the dark corridor, Harry examined the Marauder’s Map to check if the coast was still clear. Yes, the dots belonging to Filch and Mrs Norris were safely in their office… nothing else seemed to be moving apart from Peeves, who was bouncing around the trophy room on the floor above… Harry had taken his first step back towards Gryffindor Tower, when something else caught his eye… something distinctly odd.
Peeves was not the only thing that was moving. A single dot was moving up and down in a room on the bottom right-hand corner – McGonagall’s Office. But the dot wasn’t labeled ‘Minerva McGonagall’… it was Albus Dumbledore.
Harry stared at the dot. What was Dumbledore doing in McGonagall’s office at one o’clock in the morning? Harry watched closely as the dot moved up and down, first slowly and then rapidly gaining speed. And then it stopped. It slowly moved to one side and then suddenly there were two dots in the room. The other one had been directly below the first one, hidden from view. The bile rising to his throat, Harry read the label beneath the new dot…. ‘Minerva McGonagall’, it said.
“Ewwwwww….” said Harry, and puked all over his invisibility cloak.

Scene 2 (deleted because of copyright violation)

Only one pair was still battling it, apparently unaware of the new arrival. Harry saw Sirius duck Bellatrix’s jet of red light: he was laughing at her.
“Come on, you can do better than that!” he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room.
The second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest.
The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock.
Harry saw the look of mingled fear and surprise on his godfather’s once-handsome face as he fell and rushed towards him. Cradling him in his arms, Harry yelled, “SIRIUS! SIRIUS! COME BACK, SIRIUS! SIRIUS…”
Sirius had a wry smile on his face. With the last ounce of life he had remaining in him, he opened his mouth to speak... “Kuch Kuch Hota hai, Tum nahi samjhoge”, he whispered, into Harry’s ear. And then, he died.

Scene 3 (deleted by Censor Board)

Seamus and Dean, who were working nearby, sniggered loudly, though not loudly enough to mask the excited squeals from Lavender Brown – “Oh, Professor, look! I think I’ve got an unaspected planet! Oooh, which one’s that, Professor?”
“It is Uranus, my dear,’ said professor Trelawney, peering down at the chart.
“Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?” said Ron.
Lavender smiled shyly, and nodded. “Later...” she whispered.

Scene 4 (deleted because of copyright violation)

Harry stared into the face that had haunted his dreams for three years. Whiter than a skull, with wide, livid scarlet eyes, and a nose that was as flat as a snake’s, with slits for nostrils… Lord Voldemort looked back at him, a cruel smile twisting his face.
“You stand, Harry Potter, upon the remains of my late father,” he hissed softly. “A muggle and a fool… very much like your dear mother. But they both had their uses, did they not?”
Harry was enraged, “What the hell do you mean? How was my mother useful to you?”
“Aaaah Lily…,” Lord Voldemort sighed, “there’s a lot you don’t know, Harry.”
Harry was puzzled now. Was he trying to confuse him and weaken his defenses?
Voldemort went on, “Haven’t you ever wondered, Harry, how you could speak parseltongue when both your parents couldn’t?
“Yeah,” Harry replied, “Dumbledore told me. It was because you transferred some of your powers to me when you tried to kill me as a child.”
“And you actually bought that crock of shit?” asked Voldemort, with a smirk on his face, “I’m disappointed with you, Harry. Dumbledore was just trying to foolishly shield you with a lie. That is not the truth.”
Harry hesitated, thinking… and then finally spoke, “Then what is?” he asked, with a slight tremor in his voice.
“Harry,” said Lord Voldemort, “I am your father.”

Scene 5 (deleted by author)

Harry stared into the face that had haunted his dreams for three years. Whiter than a skull, with wide, livid scarlet eyes, and a nose that was as flat as a snake’s, with slits for nostrils…
“CHO…” he cried, “What happened to you?”

Alternate Endings

Alternate Ending 1

Harry lay flat on his back, breathing steadily as Dr. Jones removed the last layer of bandage from his head and looked at the results carefully. With a satisfied expression on his face, he said, “There you go, Mr. Potter, the plastic surgery has been successful. You can leave the hospital anytime you want now.”
Harry ran his right hand over where his scar had once been, and with his left, reached for his glasses. He turned on the lamp beside him and peered into the mirror by his dressing table. An African American boy looked back at him, his bright green eyes puzzled under his short curly hair. And most importantly, his forehead was completely smooth. No lightning-bolt scar. He was a whole new man now.

Alternate Ending 2

Harry ran into Dr. Smith’s office, clutching his forehead just as another patient was leaving. “Where’s my wand?” he screamed, “Where the hell is my wand?”
Dr. Smith looked at Harry, a heartbroken expression on his face. “It kills me to have to tell you this again Harry, but it’s my duty to do it.”
“Save it for later, doc. Right now, just get me my wand. Ron and Hermione are in deep trouble. They’ve been captured by Lord Voldemort. I HAVE TO RESCUE THEM! WHERE IS MY WAND??!
“There is no wand, Harry.” said Dr. Smith slowly, “There never was. It's just a part of this fantasy world your mind created to cope with your parents’ death in that road accident...”
Harry looked stunned. His mind refused to believe it. “No… he finally said, “You’re just messing with me… aren’t you?”
Dr. Smith shook his head. “Think about it, Harry,” he implored, “You've invented a world that doesn't exist. Magic, Wizards, Muggles, Hogwarts, Quidditch… Don’t you see how stupid all this sounds? They’re all just figments of your imagination… You’re a patient here at a mental institution and the Dursleys have been paying for your treatment all these years…”
Harry’s world was spinning all around him. It couldn’t be…

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Quotable Quotes

The important thing is – How much you do with what you know

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in adapting the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

If I could give you one thing, I would give you the ability to see yourself as others see you – then you would realize what a truly special person you are.

I do not know with what weapons WW III will be fought, but WW IV will be fought with sticks & stones.

A kiss is something you cannot give without taking & cannot take without giving.

Involvement with people is always a very delicate thing. It requires real maturity to become involved and not get all messed up.

Conversations - 1

2009-04-16T05:35:00.000-07:00

This is something new that im trying. Try not to hate it
---------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, 3 p.m.
Him: hey
Her: (upset) hmm
Him: im sorry I could not come by your office for lunch. Urgent meeting got scheduled las minute
Her: yeah, I guess I was wrong to assume that now we could spend more time together since our offices were near one another
Him: yeah me too.. I hope I can make it up to you
Her: hmm.. ok
Him: I know u r upset. Hey – have you had lunch yet ?
Her: naah, don’t feel hungry
Him: but im famished. Lets have lunch together.
Her: but, now I cant move out of office for long
Him: You don’t have to. Open your dabba on your desk.i ll do the same
Her: (smiles). Ok.
Him: so, wat ve u got ?
Her: yest night’s pav bhaji.. yumm
Him: I got boiled potatoes & lettuce salad.. my mom makes the best diet food.. the best food.
Her: (sarcastic) yeah yeah.. im sure
Him: (chuckling) arre, wats bothering you in it ?
Her: (little angry) nothing. Let it be.
Him: So, hows Akshay doing ?
Her: why ?
Him: Arre, I obviously will ask you about the guy who completely dotes on you and unabashedly flirts with you in office
Her: (smiling coyly) You know that’s not true…
Him: Oh, c’mon. But, I would not blame him – you are quite sexy, u know. I am completely fida over you..
Her: Yeah yeah… pull my leg more…
Him: How do I convince you that im serious..
Her: (laughing) I ll never believe you.
Him: My bad luck, I guess.. anyways, how’s your work day looking like ?
Her: its hectic yaar. Have a presentation to submit at 6 – im sure it ll take til 8 to get finalised
Him: bad. Im planning to leave by 7.
Her: good for you. Im almost done with lunch
Him: u eat quite fast. Wait na thoda.
Her: yeah, sure… but I don’t have much time, ok
Him: don’t be rude. I said im sorry for ditching you
Her: so, u wanna make up for it
Him: definitely. Anything to get you to smile
Her: well then – u cook for me tonight
Him: Nooooo. Anything but that. Im tired yaar
Her: no way. U said u ll do anything !
Him: and tonight’s my night to stay up and change Gautam’s diapers too
Her: too bad mister.
Him: you drive a hard bargain Mrs.Kumar
Her: I sure do. That’s what you get for standing me up after promising lunch, Mr.Kumar
Him: Ah well, I ll make you your fave dish – pasta with mushrooms. See you at home sweetheart
Her: Thanks Honey. Looking fwd to it !

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How to tie a TIE: A simple 7 step process.

Step 1: Put the tie around your neck with the narrow end on the right and the broad end on the left.

Step 2: Take the broad end and turn it to the right and then take it behind and then bring it back to the front from behind the narrow end.

Step 3: Now take the broad end again, this time from the left to the right and then, after faking a left, take it behind and bring it forward so that it is facing the north. Now reverse it, bring it down.

Step 4: For the third time, catch hold of the broad end and take it behind. Now the enemy is expecting a forward motion like the first two times but this time, you’re going to fool it by taking the broad end behind and then bring it down from behind, using a clever, highly skilled maneuver, to the front through the hole which has suddenly appeared magically as if out of nowhere.

Step 5: Something resembling a knot has appeared under your collar. You gently tug at the narrow end of the tie, which is now behind the broad end hiding from the bullies, until the knot feels nice and tight.

Step 6: The knot keeps on tightening. Realising that you’re suffocating, you pull at the knot, trying to undo it but some extra-terrestrial force of attraction has made the knot freakishly strong. You watch in the mirror as your face turns a deep blue. In your panic, you try harder to undo the knot, but all your efforts are in vain.

Step 7: Die

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Quotable Quotes

Life is short – break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably. And never regret something that made you smile once

If it’s a good idea, go ahead & do it. It is much easier to apologize than to take/get permission.

Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.

A sailor without destination cannot hope for a favourable wind.

CAT got my tongue !

2009-04-11T00:13:00.000-07:00

I have decided not to take the CAT exam ever again. I had given away most of my study material some time back. I just had a couple of important books and some notes left, which I finally decided to give away to other hopefuls. I could not help but glance through the book once

A few minutes into the Arithmetic and Algebra module, I realised that the most CAT questions had formulae you could apply in order to get the correct answer. There was no creative thinking involved whatsoever. So, for anybody who cares, here's what I think CAT questions should really be like...

(Please note that these are all actual questions taken from my book and twisted around conveniently in order to make my point.)

If 15 men working for 15 hours a day can do a piece of work in 24 days and 17 women working for 12 hours a day can do the same piece of work in 29 days, then how many days will it take 16 eunuchs working at 13 hours a day to complete the work?

In the Annual General Body meeting of the Rotary Club, a chairman is to be selected for which A and B are the only candidates. They each introduced themselves and a round of election was held. After this, each of them gave another speech on their policy and workplan for the coming year after which another round of election was held. The number of votes not cast for A increased by 25% in the second round over those not cast for him in the first and because of this negative swing, A lost the second round to B by twice as many votes as that by which he had won in the first round. Calculate, upto two decimal places, just how jobless the Rotary Club is.

The population of rats in a locality X increases by 20% in one year. Observing this, the pest control committee decided to use a special kind of pesticide 'ABC'* which effectively kills 160 rats in 3 months. If the intitial population of rats was 4800, why didn't the committee just call the Pied Piper?

I have a certain number of marbles to divide equally among 18 boys. If I divide them in such a way that each boy gets a number of marbles that is equal to his father's age after the mother's age has been deducted from it, then how certain is it that I have lost my marbles?

A man is 6 times as old as his son. 2 years hence, he will be 5 times as old as his son. In inches, exactly how wide is the generation gap between them?

A man buys two horses for Rs.86. By selling one for three-quarters of its cost price, and the other for four-thirds of its cost price, he makes a profit of Rs.3 on the whole transaction. Just how lame are these horses?

On an average, my income for 15 days was Rs.7, the avarage for the first 5 days was Rs.6 and the average for the last 9 days was Rs.8. Do you think I would do better if I quit and went to work as a knife-thrower's assistant?

69 dogs escaped from the pound. Out of these, 27 were Alsatians, 17 Daschunds and 25 Dobermans. A daschund can crawl 5 metres in 1 minute while an Alsatian can run 10 metres in the same time. However, the Doberman is the fastest as it can travel 20 metres in the same 1 minute. If all 69 dogs escaped from the front gate, then who let the dogs out?

Hari has a piece of cake 60 cm long. He first gives Raja half of it. He then gives Gopal 1/4th of what is left. After giving a piece to Sahil, he is left with 1/10th of the original. How high are Hari's chances of getting into Mensa?

A truck was being driven in a fog at a speed of 100 km/hr. A man was walking at 3km/hr in the opposite direction. After 4 minutes, the truck hit the man and killed him instaneously. After the incident, the truck was driven through the fog at a speed of 120 km/hr. Did anybody get the number of that truck?

Akash has with him a total of 29 rupees in 5 rupee and 2-rupee denominations. The number of 5-rupee notes is one half of one less than the number of 2-rupee notes. exactly how low are Akash's chances of landing a really hot girlfriend?

Three people A, B and C weigh themselves in a particular order. First A, B, C weigh themselves individually and then AB, BC, CA and ABC together respectively. The recorded weight for the last measure is 180 kgs. Are A, B and C members of the Rotary Club?

Hope you did well on that test! Leave your answers in the comments section. I will evaluate them and put up your All-India ranking right here as soon as I can. Cheers till then!

*Name changed to protect the identity of The Coca-Cola Company.

Celeb Sightings
At a local multiplex - Manoj Bajpai & Neha. i think the movie was gulaal. Also saw Gaurav Chopra (TV Actor, Narayani Shastri's ex) with 3 hot chicks, 2 in micro mini skirts. This was during a late night show of Revolutionary Road

Aroona Irani at Lokhandwala Yokos

As you can see - the quality in this section is going downhill !

Quotable Quotes

A word of praise during failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success

A person is limited only by the thought he/she chooses to think.

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship & it is by far the best ending for one.

Somebody has to do something, and it’s just incredibly pathetic that it has to be me.

Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind. The race is long and, in the end, with yourself.

Citizen Pain !!

2009-04-01T06:42:00.000-07:00

I'm really notorious for my PJs and random funny comments. Most of my jokes don't make sense, they have utterly no significance and naturally, hardly anybody laughs for them. Anyway, another related thing I'm known for is being a pest. I can really irritate the hell out of anybody if I feel like and I thought that it was finally time that I shared my expertise with all the wannabe pests reading this blog. So here's a list of stuff that you could do in order to make a person want to slap the life out of you.

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE or only type in lower case dont use any punctuation either

Tell them the endings to suspense movies & novels. Yup, Brad Pitt is just an illusion in Fight Club.

Finish their unsolved crossword puzzles by writing A in all the empty squares.

Borrow pens and then chew on them!

Step on the back of the shoe of the person walking in front of you.

Say, "Do you know what?" and then "Never mind, forget it!" (Actually, many girls I know do this regularly)

Ask people what gender they are.

Holler random numbers while someone's counting.

Call someone and go, "Oh...Er... you?, sorry, I meant to call someone else!". Then, call them again. And twice more.

Send them a link to this page.

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Everyone has read tons of "lightbulb" jokes over the years - here are some of my favourites

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, thats a hardware problem!

How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because 'Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.

How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
Three,
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

And, to end it - one of my own

How many of the cast of any Ekta Kapoor TV show does it take to change a light bulb?

The kid in the show will be afraid to enter a bathroom because it is dark. He will tell his aunt about the problem and she, in turn, will tell her brother-in-law to check it out. The brother-in-law, after looking, will deduce that the light bulb has, in fact, burnt out and will send the servant-man out to buy a new one.

(commercial break)

The servant will return to the house with the new bulb and be met at the doorway by the mother-in-law, who wil create a ruckus about how ten rupees were spent without her permission. The entire family joins in and a huge quarrel ensues. At the end of it all, most of the womenfolk are in tears.

(commercial break)

The mood is one of reconciliation. The mother-in-law apologises to her daughter-in-law for being so rude and just generally, everyone hugs one another. Then suddenly, all of them wrinkle up their faces and sniff wih disgust. The poor kid had peed in his pants. Remembering the original problem, the kid's father goes into the dark bathroom to change the bulb. Unable to see, he slips and falls....

(to be continued)

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A few Quatable Quotes from my collection:

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Make your own recovery the first priority of your life.

It’s not that I’m so smart. It’s just that I stay with the problems longer – Albert Einstein

Revenge is the most sincere form of forgiveness

Absence is to love what wind is to fire – it extinguishes the small – it enkindles the great

Nice Guys Finish Last

2009-03-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

i had a promised a certain friend (she now denies it vehemently) of mine that i ll write a blog on how "nice guys always finish last". She claims that most of my recent blogs are inspired from her (something i vehemently deny). Well, this idea came to me from a conversation with her. so, well, this she can claim to be the inspiration for.

Anyways, i was just reading up online regarding this topic & came across an article published in the Wharton Undergraduate Journal. It perfectly expressed what i wanted to write - so i ll do the intelligne thing and reproduce it here.

An ode to nice guys

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

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Last year, i had this habit of writing a few quotes daily in my office diary. i ve decided to mention a few at the end of each blog now.

Never regret something that once made you smile

Happiness is not in our circumstances – It is in us. It is not something we see, or feel – Happiness is something we are.

You’re never too old to become younger

Should you keep them ?

2009-03-23T05:56:00.000-07:00

Trivial relationships..Ones that were meaningful at some point but with time- lose their essence, people grow apart, and even a small conversation becomes laborious. You want to talk, its not like you dont want to. But you want to talk because.. You think you should...it used to be easy..you want to for the sake of old times..you may want to re invent old times..heck, you may just want to know more about the person and the goin ons in their lives...whatever the reason i guess we all do that..hold on to things and people...i ve always felt the pinch of it.. And its not because of what i do but in terms of why i do it...
why is it annoying for me when i chose to hang on to trivial relationships and then feel the sheer futility of it. And I end up hurting myself. Isn’t it better to just acknowledge that and move on and just change the definitions to acquaintances or casual friendships. I think it is....

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Just a thought
Are my thoughts getting fewer and fewer or is my brain getting smaller an smaller ??

ps: rhetorical question, do not attempt to answer !

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Random Thought

Speaking about boys and girls, there's one thing I don't understand about bicycles. Exacty why is it boys' bikes have a bar between the seat and the handlebar, and girls' bikes don't? Shouldn't it be the other way around? I mean, if one were to go over a bump on the road and slip off the seat, ..... I think you get the point. So, on that rather painful thought, I'm going to bid adieu for the day. So, bye and take care.

Also, since you can now rate the blog - it doesn't mean that you do not have to comment. i wont hang you if you do both !

300, The Movie : A Parody

2009-03-19T07:02:00.000-07:00

Over the last 6 months or so, millions of people all over the world, including me, have been witness to the unbelievable feats of a unique set of people. We have watched in awe and applauded these brash, macho, courageous, gallant, superhuman and above all, blueish creatures who seem to stop at nothing to defend the glory of their proud nation and to mercilessly massacre their enemies. I am talking here, of course, about the Indian Cricket Team.

Ha Ha Ha Ha, just kidding!! I was actually referring to the Spartan army in the Hollywood blockbuster movie ‘300’, which gets its name from the total number of visible muscles on the upper torso of a Spartan soldier. The movie had a powerful effect on me, as I’m sure this blog post is now having on you. Raise your hands, all of you, who are now picturing the Indian Cricket Team taking the field wearing only copper helmets, red capes and black abdomen guards. Thank you.I recently saw this movie again, courtesy my almost fully filled 500 GB HDD (courtesy again, chil !!!). And, by writing about this, im restricting the understandability (or, is comprehendability the right word - u get the point) of my post to people who have seen the movie AND have a sense of humour !

If you didn’t know it already, the movie is based on the legendary Battle of Thermopylae, in which 300 gallant Spartan soldiers fought bravely against one million lily-livered faggots of the invading Persian army, and kept them at bay for three whole days, while the rest of Greece was busy with the Olympics. The Spartans were lead by their fearless King Leonidas, played in the film by Gerard Butler, whose only previous claim to fame came when he was the only British actor NOT considered for the role of James Bond. The Persian Empire was ruled by the 8-foot-tall, dark and handsome Xerxes, also known as the ‘Bling-King’. Reputed historians from all over the world agree that, if not for his unquenchable thirst for power, Xerxes could’ve had a major impact in the NBA.

Now the Spartans were a tribe of real men, so manly that if Hulk Hogan had lived in Sparta, he would’ve been a nurse or a fashion designer. In Spartan schools, young boys were trained in the art of war. They were taught never to retreat, never to surrender and to torture prisoners of war by locking them up in a room alone with Navjot Sidhu. They were also trained in the art of manliness, by being forced to fight against wolves, down multiple barrels of beer, watch football and fart loudly in public places. Not much is known about the Spartan women, but paintings from the period reveal that they had abundant bosoms. The Persians, on the other hand, were open-minded, extremely horny and willing to experiment with their sexuality. So, when they heard the Spartans crying, “Only the hard and strong may call himself Spartan. Only the hard (obviuosly, i intended the pun here, u dimwits),” they just had to visit Sparta to check if it was true. So, they decide to invade Greece.

King Leonidas, after hearing about the upcoming invasion on CNN, gets all excited about getting to kick some Persian butt. So, following the official protocol, he asks the Oracle, played by a sexy, writhing young woman covered with only a piece of thin white cloth (something Yash Chopra / Yahji can learn), whether it would be a good idea. Using her prophetic powers, she tells him no, it would be a very bad idea and that everyone would die a bloody death on the battlefield but adds that many centuries later, the movie adaptation of their story would make loads of money. So, Leonidas signs a lucrative deal with Warner Bros., gathers 300 of his best soldiers and goes to war against the invading Persian army.

They march north towards Thermopylae (Greek for ‘pile of thermos flasks’) to stop the Persians from entering Greece. The Persians, whose Air Deccan flight had been delayed due to operational reasons, arrive looking visibly tired and angry. They ask the Spartans to drop their weapons and save the movie producers the money to be spent on special effects for the computer generated battle scenes. Leonidas responds to this suggestion by first smirking, and then screaming, “Persians!! Come and get them!!” probably referring to their luggage that was still on the conveyor belt. The Persians rush forward to collect them but the Spartans break the locks and open them up to reveal lacy women’s lingerie and inflatable dolls. The embarrassed and enraged Persians immediately sound the battle cry. And so the war begins.

The Spartan soldiers use the phalanx formation, also known as the attacking 4-4-2, and some really astounding special effects to fight off wave after wave of Persian attackers, including silver-masked magicians, an angry rhinocerous, some agitated battle elephants and a couple of hideously deformed circus freaks, all of whom have the fighting skills of a washing machine. For the next few minutes, the screen is a mix of red and brown and body parts go flying around and blood splatters everywhere. Xerxes, impressed by the Spartan fighting spirit, personally approaches Leonidas, gives him a shoulder massage, and promises him a full-body if only he would kneel down in front of him and do you-know-what. The Spartan king politely declines, saying instead that he would make the bling-king bleed. At this point, the film’s dialogue writers were fired for going overboard with the sexual innuendo.

Xerxes gives Leonidas a shoulder massage while the latter considers his proposal

Finally, the Persians, after displaying the intellectual capabilities of cabbage for nearly three-quarters of the movie, suddenly turn into cunning military strategists and surround the Spartan army on all sides. Xerxes demands their surrender, asking Leonidas to service him once before he died. To this indecent proposal, Leonidas replies with the immortal line: “This will not be quick, you will not enjoy this, and I am not your Queen!”, later realising that he was looking at the wrong page of dialogue. Before he can find the right lines, the bling-king orders his archers to fire and all the brave Spartans are killed in a violent downpour of arrows.

The movie ends with shots of the Persians celebrating their hard-fought victory. Of course their celebrations will stop soon enough, when they march on from Thermopylae and come face to face with opponents who are deadlier, more efficient and far more terrifying: The Indian Cricket Team.

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There, im back with a "movie" post. Certain people havent been liking what i ve been posting recently - my stories. And, i could only tell them that they are in minority n they would not believe me. So, now - for everyone - i have a rating bar below each post, where EVERY reader MUST rate the blog (on a scale of 5) & it will be recorded and a average rating will be shown.

So, request all of you to please rate ALL my posts from now on. That will serve a a guide to me as o what you like and what you dont.

As a start, i ll rate this post as a 5/5. (Modest, aren't i ?)

Sunday Musings

2009-03-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

The following are products of a long, boring sunday

Daniel (name borrowed from the current James Bond) fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women, he couldn’t believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man.

Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more and more eagerly.

One afternoon he was sitting on the beach and wishing for some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves. Daniel swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little jig of happiness.

“You can’t believe how happy I am to see you,” he cried.
The new fellow eyed him up and down and cooed, “You’re a sight for sore eyes too, you gorgeous thing!”
“Crap,” sighed Daniel, “there go my Sundays.”

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For a moment
A whore
Feels romance

For a moment
The music
Is silent

For a moment
The night
Creates shadows

For a moment
It all
Makes sense

Then
That moment
Is over

It's only words - 4 : The Unspoken

2009-02-26T21:24:00.000-08:00

He was of a retiring nature, not prone to public displays of affection. His words were measured and he thought a great deal before making an advance in any field. Which worked both to his advantage and disadvantage, while his choices were good she did not have the patience to wait for them.

Being somewhat of a retiring nature herself, she would shy away from confrontation and would make no demands, yet his inability to give some shape to the relationship they shared frustrated her and after two years of waiting for something more than faint commitment and several stolen kisses, she decided to move on.

He being the gentleman that he was, never questioned her departure and made no attempt to stop her. She being the lady that she was, never demanded a firm commitment from him and left the town pretending that nothing had transpired between them.

And in truth nothing had, save for the unspoken feelings that both were keenly aware of and yet had never acted on.

She met him a few years later, an accident of chance had placed them in the same coffee shop, they talked and laughed and exchanged reminiscences of old times. He hadn't changed, it was as if time stood still and the world had passed by. She on the other hand had changed, and her direct approach reflected it.

She told him she was getting married soon, she saw the hurt in his eyes, the only betrayal of what feeling he once held for her. "You didn't expect me to wait forever, did you?" She said, her only indication that she had perceived his feelings.

He did not reply, a slight smile creased his face. "I wish the best for you." He said.

As he rose to leave he shook her hand once more and then turned and left, ever the gentleman. She watched him go, and then sat back down, a tear trickled down her face. She didn't care, she was now no longer the lady.

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I'll never let you see the way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide all the sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain,I'll do my crying in the rain

It's only words - 3

2009-02-23T22:19:00.000-08:00

"Is something wrong?" Shaan asked with some concern.
"No," said Sneha with some reserve, "I guess I just wanted to apologize for the way I'm been acting lately. I've had a lot on my mind."

Shaan raised his eyebrows questioningly. Whenever Sneha got like this, it usually meant trouble. This was not going to be one of those conversations with a band aid solution.
"What's on your mind?"

Sneha hesitated, did she really want to get into this right now? Things had been so good between them for the last few months, he had been so attentive and understanding. Listening to her and supporting her dreams...

"I want to know where we're heading?" She asked abruptly. Looking up from her corner of the bed where she fidgeted with the edge of the bed cover. "I need to know Shaan, this thing between us, is it ever going to be anything more?"
Shaan's face grew serious, Sneha felt her breath catch, "You know how I feel about you, I want you! I want to be with you."
He looked up slightly taken aback by her outburst. He watched her bite her lip nervously, and imagined running his tongue over it. Kissing her forehead and soothing her fears, telling her that everything was going to be alright.
But he couldn't move.

Shaan watched her from across the room, watched as her expression changed from nervousness to anger. "Why won't you answer me?" Sneha demanded, "Don't you understand? I need to know! Are you going to leave her?"

Images of his wife flashed before his eyes, her smile, her gentle laugh, the pain in her eyes that she tried to conceal, she had known about his affair, had confronted him about it at first, he had of course blatantly denied it. Then, she had threatened to leave, Shaan had half hoped she would. He didn't love her, but he couldn't quite bring himself to leave her, she needed compassion.

"Sneha, please..."
"You're not going to, are you Shaan?" Sneha's nostrils flared slightly, "Do I even mean anything to you? Do you know that I love you? Do you care?"
Shaan squeezed his eyes shut.
"Sneha, she needs me..."
"And what about me, Shaan? Don't I need you too? How can you string me along like this? With these empty promises, these empty words. Do you think I'll wait forever?"

Shaan glanced up again, a look of slight alarm visible on his face, "Snee please try to understand, I do want you, I love what I have with you, you make me feel things I didn't think possible... but she's my wife, has been for 6 years. I can't just walk away from that without any repercussions!"
"No Shaan, you're afraid to walk away, you're afraid to find happiness."

Sneha stood up and put on her slippers.
"Where are you going?" Shaan asked, also rising.
"Out, away from you. I need to clear my head, need to think." Sneha picked up her bag, clenched her teeth and with a determined stride headed to the door. Pausing there she turned around to see Shaan standing in the center of the room, hands in his pockets, eyes downcast, looking forlorn.

It tore her heart to see him this way, she wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and kiss him, beg him to forgive her for being this way and promise to be patient and wait for him. Her eyes began to burn, quickly she turned around before the tears found their way down her soft round cheeks.
"Goodbye Shaan" Her voice was a shaky whisper.
"Snee..."
"Please lock the door on your way out, leave the key with Raju, he should be downstairs."
With that she was out the door, walking as quickly as she could down the staircase out into the busy street, filled with people making their way home after a hard day's work.

She paused for breath, he had not followed her.
Looking up she saw the lights in her apartment still on, she felt a dampness on her cheeks and realized that the tears she had been holding back for so long had finally broken free. Her heart had been crushed into a million pieces and been trampled on.
Slowly she put one foot in front of the other, heading towards the sunset, she faded into the crowd.

It's only words - 2

2009-02-18T23:42:00.000-08:00

And that's the way it is ....

It was like a slap in the face. Tanya couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What do you mean Sanjay?" she asked slightly bewildered. "What happened between us... didn't it mean anything to you?"
"What happened was a mistake Tanya, it shouldn't have happened." A slight frown creased Sanjay's forehead. "We should just be friends, you're making too much of this."

Tanya looked stricken, her face crumpled like a paper bag. How could he be this cruel? This cold? Could he really take something that had been so special and smash it to the ground as if it repulsed him?
"I don't know..." she couldn't finish.
"You're making this out to be more than it is T!"

She swallowed hard, "Then maybe, maybe you would want that we shouldn't see each other anymore.."
A heavy silence filled the air for the span of a second.
"You're right T, maybe we shouldn't. Take care of yourself." And with that he was gone.

He walked out the door and did not look back. Tanya wanted to run after him, but her feet would not move. Instead she went into her bedroom, pressed her face into her pillow and cried bitterly for a very long time.

The days inched their way by, but he did not return and slowly, very slowly she began to stop hoping that he would.

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What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say, and watching you walk away

What hurts the most, was feeling it end
And never knowing what could have been.....

Flowers - A Valentine's Day Story

2009-02-13T22:21:00.000-08:00

Deodhar was disgusted. He was absolutely sick to his stomach. Not really, but he could have been. Let's assume he was sick to his stomach. He could hardly bear to look at that morning's paper, but he leafed through it hurriedly anyway, trying hard not to be driven into further disgust by all the Valentine's Day ads in the paper. Several of them were cut-out ads - "Cut out this ad and bring it to Neem restaurant along with your valentine on Valentine's day and get 20% off on all burgers! ** "

Deodhar was what people called a die-hard romantic, but once January passed, he counted down the days to the 14th of February with dread. Deodhar didn't have a problem with the concept of Valentine's Day itself - a day to celebrate love was probably the best idea since irrigation. But the way these greedy corporations commercialised and commodified Love - was to dilute, to pollute, a thing that was so pure, so unadulterated. And this most sublime of emotions was being sold as a 200 rupee heart-shaped box of chocolates, according to the advertisement Deodhar was now trying not to look at.

What was probably just as bad was the kind of pressure Valentine's Day put on people who didn't have their special someones - he'd seen his friends go through immense depression watching couples be all valentine-y. Of course, it's not like Deodhar had never spent Valentine's Day single - he was just a little more stoic than his friends – in this case.

This Valentine's Day, Deodhar was not exactly single, nor was he exactly multiple. You see, he had a thing going on with a certain girl, called Daisy, whom he was quite fond of - but they hadn't really talked about what this 'going on thing' was about and it was kind of an on and off 'thing' - for the sake of simplicity, let's just say Daisy was Deodhar's "It's complicated".

Now Deodhar had every intention of asking Daisy to be his Valentine on the thirteenth of the month, but he hadn't quite figured out how to do that yet - and that was just his excuse for not really having the guts to ask her. But now the day was here and he knew that if he didn't seize the day, well, he wouldn't seize the day. He must speak now or forever hold his silence or something like that, because there was no more time for procrastination.

Deodhar decided to go over to Daisy's place and fix up this whole Valentine business. He didn't want to call, because that wasn't personal enough, and he didn't want to send her an email, because that's just stupid.

But just strolling over to Daisy's house and asking her to be his Valentine didn't seem enough. After all, this was a rather last-minute proposal, so he'd better have more than a lukewarm "Will you be my valentine?" to ask her if she'd be his valentine. It needed more passion, more flavour, more romance.

Deodhar considered delivering a long speech, extolling Daisy's feminine virtues, her curvy, yet sturdy figure, her slender limbs and all that. But Deodhar had never been great with words, so he didn't want to risk doing something like that. This also meant writing poetry was out of the question. Deodhar also couldn't carry a tune to save his life, so that obviously meant no serenading.
Chocolates and teddy bears were definitely out of the question - too cheesy and too commercial. So were Valentine's Day cards. He didn't like the idea of pre-packaged sentiment.

Then it hit him - flowers. Of course, flowers were a staple Valentine's Day gift, perhaps overdone, but they still had their charm. They were natural, beautiful, fragrant, just like Daisy. Besides, being a great listener had paid off - Deodhar knew exactly what Daisy's favourite flowers were.
Deodhar decided not to buy a bouquet, for that would be commercialism all over again. He had a little garden in his backyard where the flowers he needed grew. Now delighted, Deodhar picked a bunch of Daisy's favourite kinds of flowers and immediately rushed to her house.

Deodhar knocked on the door, and holding the flowers, waited for the door to open with bated breath.
Then the door opened and there stood Daisy, more gorgeous than ever before. Deodhar held out his homemade bouquet sheepishly. "Ha... Happy Valentine's Day, Daisy... will you be my valentine?"
A wave of elation and relief washed over Deodhar as Daisy smiled and took the flowers from him.
"Of course I'll be your valentine! How sweet of you! You got me my favourite flowers! Human testicles and ovaries! Oh, and I see a few penises, too! Oh, it's wonderful, Deodhar, and it smells divine! I'm so glad you asked me... I was afraid you wouldn't."

Deodhar was filled with joy. He extended a branch and Daisy held it in her slender twig. They walked together, limb in limb, out to the park, their bright green leaves and petals shimmering in the sunlight. And then a thought occurred to Deodhar.

"Daisy, imagine if the humans were people, and the plants were in their place. You think they'd gift each other our reproductive organs?"
"Eww, Deodhar! Don't be disgusting!" Daisy said.

** conditions apply

It's only words - 1

2009-02-12T03:40:00.001-08:00

i went through some of my previous posts & realised that mine was becoming a primarily a movie review blog - i have written about Dasvidaniya, Ghajini, Dev D one after the other, with very little of anything else. Yes,i am very passionate about movies, but this was never meant to be a blog solely about movies - but thats what is happening. So, i ve decided to cut it down.

Beginning today i ll start writing a series of short stories, more like snippets of stories. There will be other stuff, maybe a movie review in the middle - but more of these snippets - atleast for the next couple of months. So, here goes...

x------x-------x-------x-------x------x

A Beginning

The sun was rising, its rosy fingers pierced through the early morning cold, cutting through the clouds. It was the start of a new day, a new year. Priya inched a little closer to Sagar trying to absorb as much warmth as she could from him, he looked down and smiled, it was a fairly cold January morning.

They had been sitting on the roof since midnight, watching the stars, talking about random things, snuggling for a while. The party downstairs had long since died down and most people had either gone home or were sprawled out in various rooms.

Priya sighed, it felt so good to be here, she glanced up at Sagar through her lashes, he seemed to be absorbed in thoughts of his own. She closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder, she felt his arm tighten against her skin. "If things could always be this way forever", she thought. Her mind wandered back to when they'd first met, it seemed so long ago, had a year gone by already? It seemed difficult to fathom. Yes, they had met at a common friend’s birthday a year back & were in touch since. A sweet friendship had developed over the months

The sun was getting warmer, "Sagar, we really should be going down don't you think?" Priya angled her head to get a better view of his face. "Yes," Sagar replied, "It's just that there's something I want to give you first, it's a present."

Priya smiled, Sagar always had such a sweet way about him, "What is it?" she asked eagerly.
"It's a surprise," he replied, "You'll have to close your eyes."
Priya frowned a little suspiciously & then smiled in anticipation, closed her eyes and sat back. Presently she heard the crinkling of plastic and her curiosity sorely tempted her to open her eyes. Sagar seemed to be hesitating, she was about to say something when she felt him cup her face in his hands, startled she opened her eyes just as he pressed his lips gently against hers.

"Happy New Year", he said as he pulled back a few moments later, "I've been wanting to do that all evening." Priya felt butterflies in her stomach, her heart racing from the excitement of kiss they'd just shared, her first kiss, their first kiss..
"Sagar, I...." she seemed to be at a loss for words.
"Shh.. you don't have to say anything, just let this moment be."

There was a heavy silence between them.
Then.
"I think we'd better go down now Priya."
Priya nodded, they stood up looked in each others eyes and then silently walked back downstairs, hand in hand . . . .

x--------x--------x---------x-------x--------x

Somewhere between the hot and the cold,
Somewhere between the new and the old,
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be,
Somewhere in the middle....... you’ll find me....

Dev D - We are all sluts.

2009-02-09T02:58:00.000-08:00

Let me say this first - i havent seen any of Kashyap's movies - Black Friday, No Smoking, Hanuman Returns or even the pirated dvd of Paanch. i have friends who hail him as the saviour of Indian Cinema from the kitsch it gives out.

I am a fan of Abhay Deol. That combined by the fact that i was really curious to see Kashyap's movie made me want to see Dev D at the earliest - i saw it on the first day last show.

And i was blown away by the first half. The second half dragged, but as the days passed, i started liking the movie more & more.

Anurag takes us through the lives of 3 mortal characters, who are flawed, yes we all are,they have instincts that they don’t hide,they are shameless with people they know as we all are.Asisiting Anurag in this brilliantly filmed journey is AMIT TRIVEDI’s music,every word is connected to the story,every song is rightly placed,and u never realized that you have just watched a movie with 18 goddamn songs, such is the manner it blends with the story line.The music just lifts the screenplay where it begins to drag

Coming back to the movie,The detailing is phenomenal, the dialogue, the graffiti, the camera, a “real” Punjabi wedding, the abuse, the bong, the drugs,the momos,the brothels ,the black goggles and even the sex - everything is so well placed and thought of that you just cant stop ur self from standing up and givin AK a bow for this work.

He questions us time and again about the way we treat women,a sin which is deeply rooted in Indian phsyche with sublte remarks like “MA- HILAYE” on a bus window,Godesses Kali with money in one of her hands in a graffiti at dev’s room, spot on!!.

Casting is another high point here, with ABHAY rocking, as usual and Mahi,well, she was just as raw as the character wanted her to be( I wonder if a director ever before dared to show what testosterone charged young lovers talk on phone like the brilliant “have u touched yourself?” in the starting scene - missed it in th movie, but saw it online later). Cinematography is awesome & never lets you down.

KALKI ,I think she was made for this role, the innocence of a school girl and then Chanda a girl with no regrets, she has surrendered her to the conditions around her which at one point of time every man does, thus becoming a 'slut'.

About the songs,I think Duniya was brilliantly picturized so was emotional atyaachar and its Rock version, Just couldn’t understand the presence of 3 GUYS(may be anurag’s three musketeers),who danced their way around in Sali khushi and pardesi.

The movie explores the modern male & female psyche well - Dev can't handle the over sexualuty oozed by any of his ladies. Chanda accepts her fate as a "CSW", at the same time carrying on studies during the day. Mahi is in love with Dev, but doesnt forget how he has hurt her & she gets back at him & how !! Hits him where it hurts the most. All her commentsa directed, literally, below the belt.

The dialogues were real & at times full of brazen sexuality. Sample this
"saali palang tod deti hai"
"have you guys done it - S.E.X. ?"
"wahaan se haath nikaal"
"tumhaari photo bhejna - binaa kapde ki"
"woh umar mein boodhe rahenge, par bistar mein nahi. Unpe chadne ki to naubat hi nahi aati"
"im just going out for a walk, im not going to suck every cock that walks my way"
"all you wanna do is fuck. . . Don't u ?"

The raw energy in some scenes just captivates you

1. The scene where Mahi gets a bedding into the fields so that she & dev n get doing what they had been planning for long
2. the scene where Chanda talks sex with dev & he can't handle it & breaks the glass. That establishes right there who controls the relationship
3. Mahi & Dev confrontation in the secind half
4. Lenny's outburst at her father

and many more to list. Watch the movie for them

Complaints -

Second half drags
Why does Mahi start washing Dev's clothes
Chanda's falling into love woth Dev has not been well explained
Abrupt end

So - all in all - yes, i will definitely watch Black friday & No Smoking, just coz AK's directed them. You might hate the movie - but you should still see it. It might not make money at the BO, but its sure to be a cult classic on the DVD circuit.

So, GO FOR IT. It sure ain't Emosanal Attyachaar !!!

Taare Zameen Par

2009-01-14T05:07:00.000-08:00

TZP might have missed out in the Oscar race, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it was a gem of a movie.

Whether it deserved an Oscar or not - i wont enter into that debate as i am not qualified enough & i haven't seen the other shortlisted movies.

I recently saw TZP on the TV. Taare Zameen Par brought back memories of childhood. No, I wasn’t dyslexic - at least not clinically! But there are some things that are common to children - whether dyslexic or not - they create their own world of imagination and love living in it.

I once discussed this with a couple of my friends during one of our late-night never-ending conversations - and we all agreed on one thing - when we were kids, we often imagined ourselves as being heroes - larger-than-life creatures, almost mythical characters. One of us saw himself as a cricketer who uprooted the middle stump with every ball he bowled in his dream stadium located in the living room, while another was the early 90s version of Hrithik – all the moves et al. One even used to imagine himself singing in a huge stadium with the packed-to-capacity crowd chanting his name!

Sorry for digressing.. I am thinking – this is what a movie like TZP does to you, it makes you think.

It doesn’t take a film-critic to notice the attention to detail given by the makers of the movie in as far as the characterization is concerned. Certain things which really stuck into my memory include:

1. The way Ishan Awasthi behaved when he is thrown out of class in school
2. When Ishan is playing with dogs and the kids in the neighbor-hood ask him to get the ball, the dog on his lap is actually sleeping!
3. Aamir’s at times vocal and at-times controlled expressions
4. Facial expression of the school kids throughout the movie
5. The kid at the chai-shop

It is amazing how so many sub-issues can be dealt with without losing sight of the central theme. Certain sub-issues addressed in Tare Zameen Par (besides for the central theme – dyslexia, of course) include:

• Physically-handicapped children
• Teacher-student relationship
• Corporal-punishment in schools
• Parents’ attitudes towards under-performing kids and their over-expectation from the performers
• Society’s tendency to add a “number” to every child – judging him / her solely on the basis of academic qualification / achievements
• Inability to see the other side of things when in a conflict

I haven’t been watching too much TV lately, but I sincerely feel that the music by Shankar, Ehsaan & Loy has been grossly under-rated. The lyrics and the music totally stand-out – both in the context of the movie and even otherwise. What I liked most about the music was the extensive use of guitars and the melodious strumming in most of the songs.

Different movies evoke different reactions from audiences. Bheja Fry might make you laugh. Black might make you weep. Hazaaron Khwahishein Aisi will make you think. Taare Zameen Par will make you do all of these things. Besides, it will make you feel.

Arrogance, Confidence & Pure Entertainment

2008-12-30T22:41:00.000-08:00

“There is a very little difference between arrogance and confidence -‘I can’ do it is confidence and ‘Only I’ can do it is arrogance” – Aamir Khan (quote from Ghajini)

SRK and Akshay Kumar consider only themselves as entertainers and no one else. That’s arrogance. Aamir by doing a Ghajini showed them that he too can do a mindless blockbuster entertainer. That’s confidence. And what a confidence - he has just “rub”bed the “King” the wrong way.

In all his pre-release interviews Aamir Khan had clearly stated that the audience, who has become used to his “Hatke” and intelligent movies, will be surprised to find him doing a complete masala entertainer. Yet the critics reviewed the movie as though Ghajini was an intelligent movie. It is not. It was never meant to be. It’s a film which ensures total entertainment for the 3 hours. Hence it was discomforting to read reviews of veteran reviewers like Khalid Mohammed & company who have ripped apart the movie and these are the same reviewers who finds films like Om Shanti Om and Rab Ne…good enough for a three / four star rating. Such double standards.

Though Ghajini is a mindless entertainer, it does not imply that the movie is dumb and unaware because the film caters to everyone amongst us, including the lowest commonest denominator, not because it doesn’t know better, but because it chooses to.

The other aspect of Ghajini that the critics are going bonkers is with the comparison with “Memento”. The only similarity between those two movies is that the lead character has short-term memory loss and remembers things via tattoos, photographs etc. The critics should know that an exact copy of Memento would not have rejected by the Indian audience. While adapting the basic premise of the memory loss, the director has created a legible variant, which has to be appreciated. Some cynics screamed that Ghajini does not have the non-linear film-making aspect of a classic like Memento. Why confuse the audience like Memento had done, particularly if the filmmakers’ intention is only to entertain. The same audience who wanted this non-linear shit is the one that had rejected a movie like Chocolate. Yes, the gimmick worked in Rang De Basanti. But Ghajini was not meant to be a classic or intellectual movie but an entertainer. And I bet that those who are talking about Memento now must have never heard about this movie till Ghajini was announced a year ago.

The movie moves back and forth in time, as it juxtaposes an effervescent romance in the past against a brutalized, spaced-out present. Aamir’s violent acts are not justified but you are made to see the reasons for his actions considering his past life. The film is riddled with logical loopholes but the director doesn’t give you enough time to think about them with his strong narration style. The gripping screenplay makes you want to know more about Aamir’s tribulations. Watching Aamir grapple with his 15 minute memory span makes for an engaging watch.

Highlights

The scene where Aamir puts all his things – guns, mobile, wallet into their proper places courtesy the notes and sleeps and gets up and walks into the bathroom clueless and sees the note of “open your shirt” and opens it and sees all his tattoos and burns in rage. This brought out the psychological and emotional state of Aamir.

The scene where Jiah Khan requests for a conversation with Aamir in the canteen. She jots down whatever Aamir says. Notice the irony out here – what is the difference between Jiah and Aamir. He notes down on his body, and she on her notepad. Memory is unreliable.

The scene where Aamir has to witness Asin’s brutal murder was heart wrenching. The audience drew a collective gasp when Asin gets killed.

The action sequence in the climax that is cheerful in its gratuitous violence and enjoyable too. And the chase he gives to the villain along a narrow path flanked by houses – a labrynth - brings out the claustrophobic feel of the space - the way it mirrored the road to Ghajini that was built and broken thousand times in Sanjay’s mind.

The crucial pre-climax sequence where Aamir Khan is lying in the hospital confused and lost after his life-saving tattoos and clues and pictures have been destroyed and the consequent Aamir’s outburst.

Asin’s compassionate nature is brought out through creatively written scenes. Watch her help the handicapped children enter the museum gate and then help a blind man walk to his stop all along informing of the happenings on the street.

And some beautiful nuggets like - Aamir trying to recognise Jiah by her rapid breathing after the chase. A robotic Sanjay beating up a bad guy in cyborg-ish style, Aamir visiting Asin’s boss’s party, the climax where Aamir for a moment forgets what he is fighting for when he comes face to face with Ghajini.

The romantic track involving a tycoon-in-guise-of-common man and a model-in-guise-of-tycoon’s girlfriend does not water down the impact of this action film. It has humour and sweetness. It is this portion that endears the film to the audience and lends the surrounding violence some poignancy and beauty and touches you. You feel the pain of Asin when Aamir informs that he will out of India for 10 days, you have a lump in the throat while watching the scene where Asin hands him money, you want Kalpana to know that Sanjay is indeed a rich businessman before she dies.

Given the unfortunate events, the violence is justified. Even family audiences and children won’t mind it. What sets apart the action from the “Sunny Deol” Rajnikant” type is the total absence of dialogues and the smart camera work.

A R Rahman is in full form in Guzarish, Kaise Mujhe and Bekha. Prasoon Joshi’s lyrics though are a bit of let down. Excellent cinematography (Ravi K Chandran) and tremendous sound (Resul) take the film to a higher level. Action by Peter Hains and Stunt Shiva keeps you on the edge of your seat.

The flaws the critics are so vocal about:
“How come no one recognizes the chairman of a big cellular company?” - Oh yeah, and a common man can recognize the chairman of Airtel, Vodafone, etc. in person?

“The rich boy – poor girl love story has been witnessed umpteen times in Hindi movies”. Really! And what about movies like KKHH, DDLJ, DTPH, etc that were seen umpteen times.

“Asin pretending to be super-rich Aamir’s girl friend” - Haven’t we come across so many incidents in real life too – A woman going public that she is SRK’s mother, or a model claiming to be wife of Abhishek Bachchan, etc. So why do you think there is no logic in what Asin does. Moreover, after a point she herself confesses to Aamir (Sachin) about the lie.

“A google search by Asin would have given her the information about Aamir’s indentity” - But why would she want to know about Aamir when all she wants is to take advantage of the misunderstanding of her employer.

“Ghajini doesn’t have a gun in the climax? – Why not assume that he must have forgotten to carry.

“Why was 8 pack needed by Aamir in this movie?” Oh Yeah, and those 6 packs of SRK were so critical to the story of OSO, right dear critics?

And what the villian has to do with pharma industry? Don’t we have real life thugs who are into while collared business but are goons in the sly?

If you critics can go on, so can I.

What I would have liked to see in the movie
Interesting complications like all Aamir’s clues being destroyed are resolved in simple ways.The movie could have taken a better path rather than boil down to the climax.

It would have interesting to know how Aamir transformed from a suave tycoon to a revenge-seeking person.

Cast:

Asin impresses in her debut and though she goes a little overboard in comic scenes she makes it up by acting brilliantly in the second half when she acts serious. When she is scared, we are scared for her too. When she helps a few kids glide past an obstacle or helps a blind man her generosity feels straight from almighty.

Aamir pushes the envelope all the time. There isn’t much of dialogue for him but his well-toned physique, facial expressions and body language does all the talking. Aamir adds his own touch to both the humorous and the intense portions of the film. A rich business man, a lover boy and a short-term memory loss patient - Aamir is absolutely convincing in all the roles.

Pradeep Rawat and Jiah Khan are strictly okay.

Before the films release, Aamir had said that if people walk out with his 8 pack abs in mind, then the movie has failed to connect. But thankfully the audience did not talk about Aamir’s physique but the movie. So the movie did connect with the audience.

Ghajini has two tones, primarily. One that shows Sanjay locked in the grim darkness of his revenge, where the word Ghajini is driving him and the other where the film ends up locking Sanjay in. That might as well be heaven, where he is locked with the divine Asin, and love is guiding him.

Don’t ask serious questions about rationale and you won’t get any wrong answers in this movie. Just sit back and relax and enjoy the great entertainer of 2008.

Finally, the only time the audience hated Aamir in the movie was when he leaves his cell phone in the car when Asin calls for help. If this does not convince the critics that the movie connected with the audience. Nothing will. Not even the record breaking historical Box Office collections !

View from Outside India

2008-12-02T00:43:00.000-08:00

This post is NOT by K

For the last few days, most of us have experienced a cocktail of emotions. I have experienced pure rage.

The Australian media (which is where I live) made a mockery out of India since Thursday, when the news of the attacks first made the papers. India was called a nation ‘far from developed’, unsafe and under constant threat from external elements or internal religious fanatics. And I had nothing to say in retaliation.

In Mumbai, there is anger, grief, frustration and most importantly a sense of ‘now what?’. Some have suggested starting a youth political party, some want to anyhow hold politicians accountable, some want a formal apology from Raj Thackeray and some just want to bomb the living daylights out of Pakistan. All valid suggestions. While you’re at it, I say bomb Bangladesh too. After all, the sim cards and fake IDs were made there.

But then what? There is a lot being discussed about what can be done by us. Here’s my 2 bit; adding to some very good points made by K. These are suggestions that I haven’t heard in the last few days.

As K pointed out, there is an election next year. Let’s vote wisely. I am not saying we should elect a Hindu fanatic govt. But let’s elect someone with balls. Let’s not elect a govt that only wants to be a key ally of Western powers and constantly seek approval from the global community; too afraid of the diplomatic consequences of necessary military action.

Let’s also tell our maids, drivers, office boys and peons to vote wisely and not be swayed by blankets and food packets. Let them pass this message on to relatives in the village. It won’t work each time, but the ones that listen might make a significant difference.

Let’s also start rebuilding the city and its spirit with small, random acts of courage and tolerance. Let’s not pull a face when Bandra station comes to a standstill for Friday Namaaz. There are orphanages all across the city. Let’s spare an hour a month to give these kids some semblance of a happy childhood, so they don’t grow up to be brainwashed into senseless violence. Let’s begin to fulfill our moral duties as citizens. Report suspicious activity. Something tragic can be avoided if the cops even listen to half of our reports.

And most importantly, let’s not forget this day. Let’s not forget what happened. Let’s not forget the people who died. Let’s remember it everyday, remind our leaders of it everyday and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Mumbai is a person that looked after us as we were growing up. It now desperately needs our care and undivided attention in light of what it has faced last week. Let’s come together and protect it.

Posted by G

NOW WHAT ???

2008-11-30T03:54:00.000-08:00

Mumbai - 26th November 2008 – 28th November 2008 – 3 days that terror ruled the city, held it at gun-point, ruined and destroyed families & the peace of mind of every Mumbaikar. Terrorism was the only thing on TV, in the newspapers, in discussions – everywhere. It was the only ting I read, I saw, I spoke about. I will never forgive these 3 days. And neither will you.

In New York on September 11, 2001, when twisted, horrific minds flew passenger jets into the Twin Towers. As a believer in the free world, I can never forget that day either. Or forgive those who wrought upon such terror on the rest of us.

I cannot but notice that the United States of America, which then declared its biggest offensive since Pearl Harbour and which action brought it tonnes and tonnes of international criticism -- not to mention unveiled threats of attack from Osama bin Laden, abduction of US nationals and their murder -- has not faced any terrorist attack since 9/11.

Whereas we in India have come to accept terrorist attacks on our soil as just another karmic fact of life -- no doubt with the same stoic acceptance that we took in invader after invader over centuries. Since 1993 Mumbai alone has faced at least 12 more terrorist strikes – over 5 in 2008 alone – Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Delhi, Hyderabad, and now my home - Mumbai

So what has the United States done that India did not?
For one, Uncle Sam displayed the majesty of the American State.
On the evening of September 11, 2001, as I sat glued to the television, US President George Bush addressed his nation in a measured and calm manner. Through the solace he offered his shell-shocked countrymen, he said: 'We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbour them.'
With these words America went to war.

I had waited all these years for the majesty of the Indian State to similarly display itself. I waited for it this time as well, and finally I saw the display.

The PM addressed the nation like he was talking about some financial policy – dry, unemotional & cold – the last thing that scared, panicked Mumbaikars were looking for. We wanted assurance, confidence that things will be taken care of. We did not get any.
He, along with Advani, Sonia, Modi etc come down to Mumbai for their unnecessary, customary visits to the hospitals & the terror sites. WHY ??? what difference did their presence make, other than engaging the security personnel in their security, rather than at the terror hit sites

This was the majesty of the Indian State on display. I could have wept.

When somebody directs terror at you, nation-States are expected to hit back with maximum force, carry the fight into the enemy camp. It is not enough to possess unrelenting, unremitting muscle power -- it also becomes necessary, once in a while, to display that power. And not merely through caparisoned missiles parading down Janpath once a year, but by responding forcefully to challenges to the State's very existence.

All your nuclear weapons, your missiles, your tanks, come to nought when you don't have the steel in your soul to defend yourself and your subjects -- at any cost.

Has the Indian State done this? Ever?

The first serial blasts in Mumbai happened 13 years ago. Enough water has flowed into the Arabian Sea since then for the guilty to have spent part of their sentence in jail. But 13 years later even a fly has not been sentenced for the worst-ever terrorist attack in India. If you were a terrorist oiling your Kalashnikov and checking your grenades somewhere in the western sector, what exactly will you think of India?

What he does think is evident from the fact that in the last 13 years, Mumbai has faced six more terror attacks -- an average of one every two years. This, not counting the almost daily terrorist strikes in Jammu & Kashmir.

India believes, too, that the prime accused in the Mumbai blasts, Dawood Ibrahim Kaskar, is a guest of the Pakistani establishment. Not only him, official lists of others accused of waging a war against India and hiding in Pakistan have periodically been handed over to that country. Ordinarily, you would think, if Pakistan is harbouring India's enemies, providing succour and sustenance to them, it needs to be treated as an inimical nation.
Yet, India has been engaged in a peace process with the very neighbour it knows is out to dismember it through any and every means available to it.

Is it any surprise that terrorists continue to attack India with impunity?

Contrast this with the way America has gone about its business since September 11, 2001, and you will see why that nation has not faced any attack in the last five years. Osama may fume and fret from his mountain hole, but there's little more than that he and his terrorist hordes have been able to achieve against the only remaining superpower.

That is because America understands that war can only be won through war, it cannot be won through peace, a belief India has been labouring under for so long. When the very articles of your liberty become your enemy's hand tools to destroy you, it is time to revise notions of liberty and freedom.

Civil liberties are for those who believe in civility and practice liberty, not inhuman monsters who think nothing of inflicting untold horror on innocents.

The tragedy with India is that successive governments have ignored one fact of life --India has been at war for many decades now. This is not an enemy who will come at you over the Khyber Pass; this is an invisible enemy who uses your own resources, your own freedoms, your own laxities, to hit at you. If you don't stop him first, he will stop you.
Till we turn around, realise that those who fight India in the name of religion do not represent the millions who practice that faith, and fighting the terrorists is not fighting the practitioners, we are condemned to suffer terrorist attacks - again & again ...

AN END TO THIS FARCE.

The government can't stop talking about the "spirit" & “resilience” of Mumbai. 98% attendance was reported in offices & workplaces (other than south Mumbai) 2 day after the attacks. This is not the "spirit" of Mumbai - it is the cruelty of the city that makes people go against conventional logic. The city waits for no one and for all "hand to mouth" people, there is no option but to work. The government can't jus go on praising the so called bravado of Mumbaikars and hide behind this facade. What Mumbai needs is not spirit from Mumbaikars, but SECURITY from the people we have elected.
Otherwise, the only thing left in Mumbai will be "spirit(s)".

Each time we are assured that a federal agency to tackle terror will be established. Then the ministers & their colleagues return to their business of doing nothing or doing more harm than good. Nothing has changed. Innocent blood continues to be shed. Terrorism, has, sadly, become a way of life in India.

WHAT TO DO

I believe that we deserve the politicians we have elected. Elections are coming up. We should show our discontent. There is a FORM 49 (O) that one can fill in case he/she does not find any candidate deserving enough – in case these 49(O) vtes outnumber the votes of any candidates – those candidates will be disqualified. Let’s do this.

I believe that not everyone in the government is corrupt. This gives them a chance to flush out & cleanse the system. Get the bad guys out. Put in the tough guys. Mere resignations won’t do. We need to see some positive action & anger from our ‘leaders’. Look at the disrespect shown to all politicians by the media houses. If they have any ‘sharam’, they’ll get their act together.

We need to ask certain questions to the politicians – is this enough to stir you from your sleep ? Are you going to go back to playing politics with our lives ? How many more deaths will it take for you to realize that too many people have died ?

ENDNOTE

Yes, I will go light a candle in support of the dead … Yes, I ll buy shares of Indian Hotels in support of The TAJ. But, uska kya faayda .. yes, it’s a show of solidarity – but that’s exactly what it is – A SHOW.

It’s time to think & start a citizen’s movement. Yes, our security is the government’s job. I do my job, get my salary & pay my taxes. The government gets its “salary” from my taxes. And, does it do its job ? I think the 200+ dead in the last 3 days will answer that question.

We have the knowledge, but no INTELLIGENCE. The Govt. should get its act together. The masterminds behind these attackes should be caught & given a fitting end, even if it means an end to peace processes with our neighbours. All of them should be killed in public & the act should be covered by the media. It's high time India made a statement. It's high time India made a headline other than "terrorist attacks".

We can't take this anymore. and we shouldn't.

My Bucket List

2008-11-16T06:49:00.001-08:00

Dasvidaniya released this weekend. As most of you would now know, it’s about this 37 year old guy who gets to know that he has just 3 months to live before he succumbs to stomach cancer. Then, he realizes that he has never ‘lived’. He makes a list to 10 things he must do before he dies. It includes stuff like – standing up to his boss, telling his childhood sweetheart about his feelings (a scene straight out of Love, Actually), owning a car, going on a trip abroad, mending family feuds etc.

This got me thinking. I should have a list of my own. Below is the 1st draft of my list. It’s rather long . . but I’m thinking I have more than 3 months to live (Amen !)

Things I want to do in my life:

1. own an expensive automobile (not a BMW – we’ve decided, right va ???)
2. learn to drive the expensive automobile (or hire a chauffer, in case I start driving it like I do in the PS2 video games)
3. own a small yacht
4. learn to navigate in the yacht (or hire a captain, in case I get frustrated and decide to sink it)
5. own a private plane
6. definitely hire someone to operate it
7. OPTIONAL: file insurance claim for smashed car, sunken yacht and crashed plane
8. IMPORTANT: sue chauffer, captain, and pilot, in case of step 7.

9. own a ring of pure gold
10. IMPORTANT: try not to drop it in molten lava while calling it “My precious”, especially when wearing it.

11. own a medium size bungalow
12. own a large screen TV(at least 79 inch)
13. own a kick ass stereo system(at least a 7.1 surround sound system)
14. IMPORTANT: own a remote control that only responds to my touch
15. hire someone to teach me to operate these electronic devices
16. OPTIONAL: get a job to pay for all this

17. own a cat, a dog, a horse, an iguana, (a lion, a tiger, an alligator, a snake, etc)
18. make a zoo to house all the animals
19. IMPORTANT: never call it never-land, especially if inviting any kids

20. build a pool in the backyard
21. IMPORTANT: learn to swim on my own
21 a. IMPORTANT: Make sure it’s your own backyard.
22. OPTIONAL: make pool only 4 ft deep in case step 21 fails

23. learn to hold a conversation
24. PRECONDITION: learn to start a conversation
25. ask a girl out for a date, before she starts to run away
26. learn to do the 100 meter dash in less than 5 seconds (in case the girl decides to throw something at me, or to keep up with the girl when she is running away)
27. IMPORTANT: after step 26 is successfully executed set a new world record at the Olympics for the 100 meter dash

28. IMPORTANT: learn the meaning of life and realize that there is no spoon
29. buy a cutlery set

30. learn to cook
31. learn to eat what I cook
32. IMPORTANT: force others to eat what I cook, in case I can’t manage to eat it
33. OPTIONAL: open a restaurant if step 32 is successful
34. PRECONDITION: disable all fire alarms in the near vicinity

35. learn to curse in different languages
36. OPTIONAL: hire bodyguards
37. IMPORTANT: learn to dodge all manner of objects when making an exit.

38. learn to hold a tune
39. write a song
40. set the song to music
41. IMPORTANT: get a famous singer to actually sing the song
42. OPTIONAL: when using my own vocals for the album, set aside bricks thrown at the concerts to expand house...

43. make a lot of friends
44. OPTIONAL: owe them a lot of money in case step 16 fails
45. IMPORTANT: do not show gold ring, expensive car, and yacht, and private jet in case step 44 is successful

46. build a contraption that will change the course of history
47. OPTIONAL: call it a time machine

48. build an empire
49. IMPORTANT: make people an offer they cant refuse
50. AND LASTLY: resist the urge to behead horse from step 17

So, there… it’s done. Obviously, it’s still incomplete… would love suggestions from you guys.

Lost in Numbers

2008-11-06T05:30:00.000-08:00

I am taking my CAT exam this year (yes, again) and am just tired & frustrated of all the complicated, twisted Math problems.
Not only are some of the questions quite senseless but also hilarious. Don’t take my word for it; take a look at some of the questions that I remember.

(Also supplied are some of the answers that I actually would give if it wasn’t a multiple choice thing)

Question 1: A tap fills a bucket at the rate of 2 milliliters per minute. The bucket has a hole at the bottom, which empties the bucket at the rate of 1.8 milliliters per minutes. If the tap is left running, what portion of the bucket is full after 4 hours?

Answer 1: Apply sealant to the hole in the bucket to stop the water from draining and in 15 minutes the bucket will be overflowing, forget four hours.

Question 2: A passenger train leaves point ‘A’ at 10:00 am at the speed of 4kmph. A goods train leaves point ‘B’ at 11:00 am at the speed of 6kmph in the opposite direction. Points A and B are ‘X’ kilometers apart. A bird flies from the passenger train to the goods train and back. Where will the bird be when the two trains meet?

Answer 2: hopefully as far as possible from the meeting point of the trains, because there will be a big mess when the trains do eventually meet.
A slight variation of the above question…

Question 3: A passenger train leaves point ‘A’ at 10:00 am at the speed of 4kmph. A goods train leaves point ‘B’ at 11:00 am at the speed of 6kmph in the same direction. Points A and B are ‘X’ kilometers apart. At what distance from ‘A’ will the goods train overtake the passenger train?

Answer 3-1: The goods train never manages to overtake the passenger train as there is a heard of cows on its track.
Answer 3-2: The goods train is behind the passenger train and on the same track; hence the goods train will never overtake the passenger train.
Another variation of the above question…

Question 4: A tortoise starts moving towards point ‘A’ at 1kmph, at the same time a hare starts to move towards the same point at 2kmph. The hare is 10 km behind the tortoise at the start. At what distance will the hare overtake the tortoise?

Answer 4: According to the story of the hare and the tortoise, the hare falls asleep till the tortoise reaches the end. This leads me to conclude that the hare never overtakes the tortoise, which makes the question invalid. (A rocket scientist he isn’t)

Okay so I am not that good at solving these questions in their right spirit, but that does not stop the exam papers from carrying such questions and neither does it stop me from asking some questions of my own.

For question 1: Okay so some genius realized that the bucket has a hole, and all he/she did was try to fill it up even though it would eventually empty out. Why would someone in their right mind try to fill a broken bucket?Secondly at a time when we get water for only two hours in the morning and three in the evening how are we supposed to keep the tap running for 4 hours, that too continuously?

For question 2: Why would the bird fly from one train to the other and back, does it not have any other work?

For question 2&3: Why would some one put two trains on the same track, going in opposite directions or in the same direction, so that they will actually meet at some point?

I am not even going to the last question…I guess maths will always be maths, but common sense will always be uncommon.

Anyways, I ll get back to my papers . .

“while recording the scores of the students in the mark’s register, the professor made a mistake – he exchanged the tens & units digit of the scores of the 2 students and wrote for two students marks which were 25 lower than their actual marks. If the average score of the class after these errors was 67, what was the actual avergae score of the class?”

What the f…. ! Do I care ????? Fire the professor, for God’s sake !!

Diwali Notes

2008-10-27T06:26:00.001-07:00

There are few times when life gives you a breather, when you can look back at your life as you walk and drop quietly into an uncovered manhole in the process. For me, these three days with less work at office have been just that – A time to break away from the excel modelling, adding ‘zing’ to the teaser and reflect on the direction my life is heading in (Which, I discovered, may be heading right into a smelly pile of cow dung).And , of course , celebrate Diwali , the biggest festival of North India . It may leave the street dogs terrified. It may make people blow up crackers which cost half the entire GDP of Botswana . It may have burned down Mrs Rangwala’s plants, as it did the year before last . But then, an year without Diwali is like a three feet deep bungee jump . Safe but no fun.You know Diwali is around the corner when all the ladies in the colony arrange themselves in pairs and start discussing how to please the ‘kaamwali’ this year.

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The exchanging of sweets with friends and relatives is another domain which calls upon the recycling resources only a woman can possess- Mehta Ji gets the ‘burfi’ given by Gupta saab. The kurkure gift pack from Turakhia finds a place in Kumar Uncle’s house. Shahs are the lucky recipients of ‘something’ we got from the Sharmas – did not open up the pack , so don’t know what. But a logical thinking mechanism is indispensable here. If possible , a diagrammatic representation should be used here. Because one little lapse of concentration can be very hard to accept for the Kapoors who ended up getting a ten pack set of Real Juices from us , which they had gifted to the Kumars .

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I complete 1 year of office in November. I ve realised that English used in the corporate world is a complicated language.

I ll give you a small exmple of the phrases I can readily recollect

“Sir, it was great interfacing with you. Let’s touch base next week to discuss how this opportunity is a strategic fit into your business verticals yielding operational synergies.”
(Nice talking to you. I ll call you next week to convince you to invest in this proposal)

“Over the years, we have realised that our company offers product solutions across all verticals, resulting in a lot of breadth but not a lot of depth”
(I have no clue what our company does – there are apparently a lot of products we sell)

“You are the relationship manager for this investor. Where is your traction ??”
(Why havent you spoken to this investor this week. You should know his daughter is getting married next month & his son is having an affair with the neighbour’s eldest daughter)

“Don’t give me the English of it. Show me the Maths“
( You are too verbose)

“This is all Maths. Give me the English”
(Please be more descriptive)

“There is no flavour in this one pager. I need to feel it. Please add some zing to it”
(I don’t like what you’ve made)

“Who is running the transaction. Tell me who owns it”
(Just tell me who to blame when the shit hits the ceiling)

I just remember these many right now. I assure you that I’ll remember more and add flavour & zing to the post when we touch base next time. Hopefully this post wasn’t too much english for you & you could realise the depth & breadth of the same. It was nice interfacing with you & hope to develop more traction over the years.

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HAPPY DIWALI TO ALL READERS. HAVE A GREAT FESTIVAL SEASON AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR !!!!

KARZZZZ - Why did MONTY ever come back ???

2008-10-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd feel sympathy for Dino Morea, especially since he's inflicted such terrible performances on us in his short but shameful acting career. But after watching Karzzzz, I have to say my heart went out to the poor guy even though he doesn't perform much better this time.

To be cast as a character who's bumped off prematurely only to be reborn in the body of Himesh Reshammiya is a humiliation nobody deserves.

Yes, it's true. In director Satish Kaushik's remake of Subhash Ghai's popular 80s movie Karz, Dino Morea plays Ravi Verma, the millionaire romantic who's killed by his wife Kamini (played here by Urmila Matondkar), until he returns to seek revenge 25 years later in the dancing shoes of pop-icon Monty (played by Himesh).

Despite its preposterous premise, the original Karz touched all the right chords because it was done convincingly. Because it somehow succeeded in being suspenseful, and because one felt familiarity with its characters.
The new Karzzzz doesn't work because it has no soul. It's a lazy rip-off where everything from characters to dialogues has been more-or-less duplicated, the only changes being superficial ones which are a pain.

Why transport the story to Kenya, where, let's face it, a Kaali-Maa ka mandir looks a little out of place bang in the middle of a barren field! What's the logic behind mute villain Sir Juda (played by Gulshan Grover) who communicates by punching musical notes into his computer-operated metal arm? Completely wasted !

And who is going to digest Himesh Reshammiya playing a 25-year-old while Urmila's meant to be, what, 50?

The least you expect of a remake whose plot and narrative you are fully familiar with is slickness. But Satish Kaushik's Karzzzz is a sloppy, sluggish soap-opera. The film feels like a showcase of the worst ensemble acting you've ever seen. Every single actor – the leads, the supporting cast, even the junior artistes who appear in insignificant bit roles seem to be trying to outdo each other in the over-acting department.

Veteran talent like Danny Denzongpa (tries hard, but not funny), Rohini Hattangadi (seems like she’s acting in Karan Arjun) and Raj Babbar (is he on drugs ???) ham it up so bad, it's as if they woke up from a five-year coma and discovered they'd forgotten how to act.

Newcomer Shweta Kumar who stars as Monty's true love Tina, is more blank than a freshly scrubbed slate, and believe me, I'm being kind to her. She has no future.

But Karzzzz belongs to the embarrassing ineptitude of its two star leads.
Urmila Matondkar quivers and shivers even when she's not meant to be afraid; she widens her eyes, she arches her brow, she goes through a whole range of expressions with the speed of lightening. She gives us 5 expressions when 1 would suffice. As Princess Kamini, the murderous wife, she lacks the elegance that Simi Garewal oozed in the original, and that terrible accent of hers doesn't help.
Himesh Reshammiya – his chest waxed, his tummy trimmed – makes a very sincere effort to pull off Monty. However, despite the careful styling and the precautions to not take too many tight close-ups, Himesh is ultimately unconvincing as the heartthrob pop-star who's hurting inside.
His body language is awkward, his facial expressions are contorted, and his dialogue delivery lacks modulation. Suffice to say he doesn't hold a candle to Rishi Kapoor who pulled off the original film on the strength of his charm alone. Yet it's only Himesh who actually appears convinced about the plot and it's only him who seems to want to make this film work. He is extremely sincere. It appears as if he is the only one who believes in the movie & gives it his best. I’m impressed !!

Much of the appeal of Subhash Ghai's Karz lay in its timeless music – who can forget such evergreen hits as Om Shanti Om, Dard-e-dil and Ek hasina thi?
Himesh Reshammiya's remake has catchy numbers in his signature style, but it's unlikely that we'll be humming tunes like Tandoori Nights and Lutt Jaoon twenty years from now. I saw the movie yesterday & can recollect ony 3 songs, one of them being “ek haseena thi”

This Karzzzz is a hopeless failure, and blame for that must go to its director for failing to keep the pace slick and the tone consistent.

Consolation comes in the form of a half-dozen scenes that are unintentionally hilarious.
Himesh Dancing !!!!! Absolutely Funny !!!!
Himesh holding the guitar !!! He doesn’t know how to
Himesh telling Urmila - "tum kiss kartte waqt apni aankhen bandh karti ho !!! ... apparently he knows females who keep their eyes open while kissing...
Girls going ga-ga over Himesh a.k.a Monty .. Can u believe tht .. Johnny Lever’s prophecy from the 1998 Filmfare awards comes true (Remember – Paaandu, we love you, paandu)
Himesh fighting and, believe it or not, he gives out flying kicks to the villains
Himesh’s muscles !!! .. in the climax, he tears of the sleeves of his skin fitting t-shirt !!!
Urmila flying a plane & shooting at Himesh
The doctor suggesting to Himesh that the visions he sees are from a past life (This after he does a brain scan)
Himesh singing down from the helicopter when the heroine forgets the lyris of one of his songs

All in all – go only if you are in a group of more than 5 and just want to make fun of something & laugh your hearts out !!! …

Im waiting for Himesh’s next – Kajraa re !!!
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An Ad on Radio
Girl 1: “Have you seen that new girl Janice. She is so beautiful, he face is so nice, her lips are like Angeline’a – so full & luscious & thick”
Girl 2: “Thick – have you tried the latest - Govardhan’s Curd. Its so tasty. It’s so thick !! its just dahi-licious !!!”
What have we come to !!!!
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Thought for the day :
If it's a good idea, go ahead and do it. It is much easier to apologise than it is to get permission.

It's still Roger's Court

2008-09-26T08:06:00.001-07:00

When Roger Federer won last year’s US Open in expectedly dominant fashion, the tennis world was on the cusp of unanimously declaring him the Greatest of All Time. Pete Sampras’s Grand Slam record would be smashed, perhaps, by June.

Fast forward not quite a year, and Federer’s stock had crashed with a resounding thud.

Really?

Sure, Federer had shown himself to be vulnerable this year, suffering from mononucleosis early in the season, getting thumped at the French Open, and abdicating his crown at Wimbledon. His forehand suddenly wasn’t as feared. His imperiousness had been punctured by the rise of Rafael Nadal.

How quick we are, though, to predict a star’s fall. All because the Swiss, who had reigned over men’s tennis with a velvety game and an iron hand for much of the last decade, only made it to the finals of two Grand Slams (losing one he’d won five straight years 9-7 in the fifth set) and the semi of the other.

How lackluster! How pedestrian!

Federer’s rule, it was said, was over. He’d dropped to No. 2 and was plummeting, never again to win another Slam.

Not so fast.

In thrashing Andy Murray and capturing his 5th consecutive US Open and 13th Grand Slam, Federer showed us, and perhaps even himself, that we were all much too anxious to write off a player of his ethereal caliber.

Federer is the consummate gentleman champion, seemingly impossible to root against. His artistry is unsurpassed; he does things with a racquet none of us had ever seen before. He glides around the court with a silent, superhuman quality. And he is as graceful off the court as on.

Over the past year, Federer has shown us that he is, after all, human. Instead of consistent displays of impregnable confidence, we saw him grimace and bellow in frustration.

And how lucky we were.

Nadal’s rise and gritty, muscular style of play – which unnerved Federer – was a felicitous counterpoint to Federer’s effortless game and long dominance over the field.

Yet so many of us were quick to revel in Federer’s vulnerability. Was it our want of a true rivalry? Or was it our inability to make sense of perfection? Was Federer too princely for his own good?

In the end, the New York crowd cheered Roger on as never before. His struggles made him more accessible to mere mortals in the cheap seats.
It was exciting to see Federer challenged, forced to respond to his pursuers and search for answers. And it has been thrilling to bear witness – again – to his greatness.

Federer, in staking his continuing claim to the throne, has shown he can turn things around as fast as his forehand can go from defense to offense.

Yes, he now shares the pedestal with Nadal. And the challengers are mounting, with Murray and Novak Djokovic demonstrating that they are capable of winning majors on any surface.

As always, Federer has everything in perspective. “I really believe tennis is at a great place right now, with a lot of incredible athletes.”

And he’s not backing down from the challenge. Not yet.

All is right again, in Roger’s Court.

A fully coloured Red Hat for my Santa

2008-09-19T12:02:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to mess around too much with sleep patterns.The way things are going , I will soon grow big round eyes and a little beak and become a perfect owl in a week.Right now I am feeling like a baby monkey who has been air dropped in a chemistry lab.So I have no idea what this baby monkey is going to do. So, I have no idea what I am going to write.

I have to study for my GMAT. i don't understand a word of its Verbal Section. But at 1.45 in the morning , i am too useless to do anything but write.So let me think.

Its said that when most guys think , 80% of the times , they think about girls.I think that is wrong.When most guys think , they think only about girls. From the Anna Kournikova wallpaper on the desktop , to the coochie coochie late night talk with the third girlfriend in the last four months , there are more girls than grey cells in a guy's head. And I do not understand it.And I do not get why a guy needs to go gaga over girls.I hate two things. One. Mallika Sherawat. Two.Guys who change colours before a girl.And I see these guys all the time.

In class 4th , I had this boy, Gibran , in my class.I used to think he is one of my good friends.I used to share my lunch with him.Even when I got bread rolls for lunch.I saw Sholay.I saw the "Yeh Dosti Hum Nahi Todenge" song with Amitabh and Dharmendra on their bike.I used to think I am Dharmendra and he is Amitabh and our friendship is like theirs in the movie.One day , during the drawing class , I asked him for the red crayon from his new crayon box.He gave me the red crayon.And then the little girl , Nupur ( I still remember her name !) asked him for the Red Crayon.He took it from me and gave it to her.And smiled at her.I was coloring Santa Claus's Cap at that time.The half filled sheet lay before me as he snatched the crayon from me and passed it to Nupur.It broke my heart.The psychological scarring it caused me leads me to hate every squirming guy dying to impress girls.

And there are a lot of Gibrans around still.

I
Me : Heyyy Rahul , yaar please explain me the 17th chapter in economics.The exam is tomorrow , and right now I understand the chapter as much as our college security guards do.

Rahul : My dad just had an accident.My mom just had a heart attack.My sister just attempted suicide.I am sad.Leave me alone.

Deepika : Heyyyy Rahul , I hope we are meeting for coffee at the canteen in the evening.And please explain economics chapter 17 to me over the coffee.....pleaaaaaasse

Rahul : Oh sure , I am willing to stick carrots in my ears and paint myself orange and come riding on a donkey to teach you economics , Deepu ( whatever happened to the name Deepika).

II
Me : Heyyyy Ajay , you seem to be going to college , I guess I can get a lift on your bike.

Ajay : Man my bike suspension is real shaky these days.And the pen in your shirtpocket looks real heavy.Sorry.
Priyanka : Heyyy Ajay , I was wondering if you could give me a lift till Shiv Sagar (a 10 mins drive from college)

Ajay :Oh priya ( say the complete name dumbass ) , I can carry you on my shoulders ( priyanka weighs 84 kg , by the way ) and run all the way to afganistan .What are friends for yaaaaaaaar ( notice the extended pronunciation)

III
Me : Heyyy Gaurav , I am broke buddy.I need 200 bucks yaar.I will repay you by evening.

Gaurav : My dad's name is not Dawood Ibrahim or Bill Gates, man.I am real low on cash too. ( no extended pronunciation)
Richa : Ohhhh Gaurav , my dad is beginning to scold me for spending too much these days.

Gaurav (pulls out his ATM card and stuffs it in Richa's mouth) : All yours Richaaaa. (extended pronunciation again)

Ok.Things are a little exaggerated here.No guy is so desperate.But guys go extra soft around girls , and I do not know what for.Even here in the blogworld.A girl starts a blog and there are "sweet blogggg , cute bloggg , cool bloggg, i can completely relate to it, WOWW" comments before she clicks the "post it" button. (Nothing personal, Cosmo'G'al !!!)

So any guy who goes extra soft around girls is Gibran.I like good people who teach economics , give rides and lend cash. But be good to all.Good people should be good to all.

Bloody , my Santa Claus still sports a half filled red cap.

What a girl wants.......

2008-09-17T06:58:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This Post is not by K

“What a girl wants…what a girl needs” sang Christina Aguilera before she turned ‘dirty”. Well it depends to who you put this question to.

Ask the guys and most of them would be clueless, while there could be others who would vaguely give the same old boring answers. Chocolates, flowers, money, commitment…blah, blah. The ones who had the misfortune of having a not-so-good experience with the opposite gender would come up with some really nasty suggestions while some who still haven’t tarnished the image of the ‘fairer’ specie would have rosy ideas of what they think a woman would want.

Ask a girl or for that matter a woman what she would want and you’d be surprised how confused she herself is about what exactly that would be. Is it her career, her family or her own personal space and sanity or is it money????? Well what would be the ideal order??? Why choose, can’t she have them all??? Well that happens to be the problem in the first place!!! The girl wants everything…and maybe even a little feels like having it all.

Ever hear a girl say that she wants to be independent but also wants to feel secretly possessed? That on returning home after a crappy day she would rather have a hug than a distant hi. That she be surprised and pampered in every manner possible…ahem. That she is admired for what she does and accepted the way she is. That she is understood and not mocked for choosing what she thinks is right. That she can still let the child inside her come alive when she feels like it. That she can just be….herself. That she…….oh well, if only there was a way people would just get the point. Hmmm.

Women. What really pleases them can be a hell lot of things. Everything and sometimes nothing at all can heighten their spirits. She wants a family that would mean everything to her. At the same time some time away from the same people would be like sweet heaven for her. There, she asked for nothing here…except maybe her peace of mind, her own space. Is that too much to ask….well, I don’t think so. Career woman. She may be ambitious, shrewd, and successful, a deadly combination of beauty and brains, a subtle taskmaster but deep inside there is the vulnerability she identifies with every other woman she meets. Women may be different but their basic needs are the same. It’s a pity guys keep whining about never understanding a woman. It ain’t that difficult you know. Not as hard as the rocket science it is made out to be. One needs to only tune in to the feelings of a woman. Just feel her pulse and you know what’s on her mind. You’d be surprised how differently she reacts, every time she is confronted with a similar situation. That would make a woman highly unpredictable. A whole lot interesting. And desirable. For men who look for variety outside their current relationship, just treat your woman right and a whole new side of your partner is unveiled to you. It’s as easy as action and the opposite (and sometimes equally forceful) reaction. You treat a woman special and she returns with all her heart. And when it is her heart that is involved the guy needs to feel lucky. Or in a language guys understand…he just hit the jackpot. See it’s that easy. What you been complaining about buddy???

Did I hear someone say something….something like- easier said than done???? Now, COME ON. How easy do you want the task to get…if you call wooing or pleasing a woman a task in the first place!!!! In that case you need to give up at finding any pleasure from her in the very first place, my friend!!! No pain…certainly no gain. Forget approaching her. Strategize how you gonna approach her first. Look at her and try thinking about the time when looking at her made you feel differently about her for the first time (this for those who did not feel the same way at the first sight). Think about the time when looking at her made you feel like you want to just be with her. Felt like spending every given moment with her. Felt... God damn different. Now that the feeling is in place think how lucky you got finding her. That woman chose to (genuinely) shower all she got over you. Not that you don’t deserve it but knowing how choosy we women can get…dude, you get the point. Remember me mention genuine affection sometime back. Ok back to where we were. Now that the feeling is renewed go and approach her. Look at her. Really look at her. Look at her looking back at you. Look at the look she gives you. God, just spend some time looking at what an exquisite person you have before you. She is the person who made you feel, didn’t she? What could have changed to make her seem any different? She is there, you’re there…and so are your renewed feelings for her. Hold her in your arms and feel how good she feels against you. How right. Call it instinct but the woman will just know what you are feeling at that moment. She will try to give back exactly what she gets from her man. You give her Genuine Love; and trust the woman to reciprocate with everything she got. Did I repeat myself? But then there was no other way of explaining the gravity of the feeling she generates for her man. Come on, learn to feel guys. Feel, FEEL, FEELLLL. That’s the key word. You feel, the woman feels and then you have a brand new avatar of the woman you thought you had enough of or thought you had seen enough of. Experiment with what you got. Find ways to pleasure the woman and see her want to give back and more. She sees her man go out of the way to make her happy; she just makes sure that the man feels great where he is.

Well enough gyaan given here. Time to get going and making good of every opportunity you get people. Ladies, don’t think…just be whoever you are. The more you be yourself will the pleasures you seek from life increase to levels you didn’t care to imagine. And to the men folks…well, look at what you have and just bring a twist to the current situations and then just sit and observe how a new world, a new person unravels in front of you. Don’t say that no one forewarned you of the effects of letting just that happen….hmmm. Surprise yourself and your woman as you both discover what exactly it is that a girl wants….and needs.

Posted by Cosmo'G'al

--------------------------xx----------------------------xx-----------------xx-------------This is K again

Celeb Sightings

Saw Marc Robinson & Mahammed Azharuddin at Land's End a couple of wees back when i was there for a meeting.

Azhar is TALL ...

Marc met some random babe - not Waluscha - and kissed her full on the lips !!! ... (the base sure was HOT, maybe some1 famous, but i could not recognise her - this is where i miss chili)

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RT will just argue about who speaks marathi n who doesn't & that all shops / commerical outfits have to bear their name in marathi on the outside. This is what it has come to. Welfare of the state, people - bhaad mein gaya. This is the most important issue.

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Till when will we tolerate these blasts. When will the government take action ? Please see 'A Wednesday' & you'll realise that EACH & EVERY WORD that Naseer makes in his final speech makes SO MUCH sense. It is so true & i can't say it in better words on the blog, so i won't.

btw, i feel that Aamir, Mumbai Meri Jaan & A Wednesday are the 3 movies of the year.

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BOY, BUDDY BOY !!!! i'll miss you dude !!!

I ll end this post by some phrases that you use....

"Tap it Buddy"

"Buddy Boy, Boy Toy"

"Len ki Den"

"waaaaaaaaaaaatttssss uuuuuuuppppppp !!!!!"

"duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudddddeeeee"

"F*** You Dude !!!"

All the Best Buddy, Rock it !!!!!

Indians: The most preferred guinea pigs?

2008-09-04T05:16:00.001-07:00

A SHOCKING report from the All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS) leaves me wondering whether we can entrust our children to the care of our health sector. The said report states that 49 babies, all below one year of age, have died in AIIMS because new drugs and therapies were tested on them over the last two years and a half. This information was obtained by Rahul Varma of ‘Uday Foundation for Congenital Defects and Rare Blood Groups’, under the provisions of the Right to Information Act (RTI). He sought the report because some of the parents were unable to admit their seriously-ill children to AIIMS while ironically, children from some poor and illiterate families were treated at the hospital for too long a time. According to the report, 4142 babies, of which 2,728 were below the age of one, were registered for clinical trials by the institutes’ department of paediatrics. 49 babies had died since January 1, 2007. During this period, the department had conducted 42 sets of trials on babies. On August 18, Health minister Anbumani Ramadoss, after a meeting of the governing body, asked the AIIMS director to conduct an inquiry and submit a report as soon as possible on the whole issue. But the question is who will be ultimately held responsible for the death of the 49 babies.

First of all, there is the question of ethics underlying the said clinical trials. A clinical trial is the ultimate stage of the research. It is conducted to answer questions on the safety and efficacy aspects of vaccines, drugs, devices, new therapies and forms of care or new ways of using known treatments. In brief, each study attempts to find better ways to prevent, diagnose and treat diseases. The most notable thing is that, in India, many of these trials are conducted using foreign drugs. It is only recently that India became Asia’s most admired destination for conducting clinical trials. According to statistics released by the Planning Board, 139 new trials were outsourced to India recently. This is not only because it is cheaper but also because it is easy to deceive the system in India, given that most of the trials are conducted on the poor. It is a fact that India sources life-saving drugs from foreign countries. Importers of such drugs do not print the price of the drugs on the package, thanks to the loopholes in our law. Retailers cannot afford to stock such costly drugs. So corporate giants like Subiksha, Reliance and Pantaloon (many of them already have retail outlets in many states) are free to sell the said drugs at any price they choose. Besides, the Centre has allowed drug manufacturers the freedom to price 70 per cent of their products. In the case of the remaining 30 percent of products, the price is decided by the government. So the absence of a regulator has led to a proliferation of spurious drugs.

The Masheedkar Commission, appointed in 2007 to detect spurious drugs in the country, reported that except in Kerala and Goa, the health sector in most of the states was characterised by spurious drugs. The AIIMS issue also points to the presence of fake drugs. Five foreign-manufactured drugs were tested during the trials at AIIMS. They were Zinc tablets serving as nutritional supplement, olmesartan and valsartan for treating blood pressure, rituximab for treating chronic focal encephalitis and gene-activated glucocerebrosidase for treating Gaucher’s disease, which affects the liver. The five top agencies which funded the clinical trials were the Indian Council of Medical Research, the Department of Bio-technology, the World Health Organisation and the John Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health of US. If carefully conducted, clinical trials are the safest and fastest way of inventing treatment. AIIMS report says that the deaths accounted for a mortality rate of 1.18 per cent.

But the ultimate question is the ethical aspect behind treating the babies like guinea pigs. AIIMS claims that before conducting the trials it had obtained clearance from its own Ethics Committee, the Health Ministry’s steering committee on ethics and the National Ethics Committee. Trials were conducted under strict protocol and every step was analysed through faculty presentations and data safety management groups. Then, why foreign countries choose India, avoiding their own population?

AIIMS admits that the families of patients were given social counselling before trials were commenced on them. In some patients, mortality was the normal outcome and AIIMS wanted to ascertain whether the drug (being tested) could improve the situation. But this is not a tenable argument. Most of the patients at AIIMS are illiterate and from extremely poor families. According to Varma, the ‘consent form’ that has to be executed by the parents was read out by the treating physician to the said parents who were not able to read it themselves. In the circumstances, it is debatable whether they understood what ‘clinical trial’ was and what their children were being subjected to. The parents are in a hurry to save their children, something the investors in the trials take advantage of. With the help of doctors they convince the patient’s relatives that the new medicine can save the child if they are permitted to use it on the child. The socio-economic condition of the patient’s family plays a role here. According to the report, the children are drawn from patients who seek out-patient and in-patient services. The eligible patients are chosen, based on the needs of the respective studies. The reasons behind the death of babies, their age or their gender have not been disclosed in the reply furnished by AIIMS because these details were not specifically sought by the applicant. But Varma says that he received an unsatisfactory reply from the paediatrics surgery department. After all, he had separately filed the same set of questions with the paediatrics department and its surgery department. Hence the reply from AIIMS has only given rise to even more doubts. But, at least, a part of what remained hidden has come out in the open now.

In conclusion, for international agencies, India has emerged as the favourable destination to test their products thanks to the ease with which they can enter our country, courtesy our pliant bureaucracy. Hence a nodal agency is needed badly and promptly. The government should act urgently in the matter to prevent the international mafias from exploiting our poor and illiterate country men by conniving with officers of the health sector. Otherwise we may end up as the next guinea pigs when we visit the hospital next time !

Ae Dil, Hai Mushkil Jeena Yahaan……

2008-08-24T11:18:00.000-07:00

Mumbai Meri Jaan – The MOST brilliant movie of the year. It is a must watch for every mumbaikar.

UTV, Nishikant Kamat along with Paresh Rawal, Kay Kay Menon, Madhavan, Irrfan Khan, Soha Ali Khan give us a very poignant tale of the aftermath of the Mumbai Bomb Blasts and its effect on 5 people.

Irrfan Khan – a coffee vendor who moves from place to place on his cycle. He looks at the rich with a cynical eye, yet goes into the shopping mall with his family to check out the latest perfumes on display.

He is looked donw by every one in the society, physically forced out of the mall by security in front of his family. He sees the panic of the people post the blasts & uses it to get back at society in general. It gives him a sense of power & superiority. He brings himself back to his senses as soon as he realizes the adverse consequences of his wrong doings.

Wonderfully acted, as is expected. He has put on a great southie accent & completely looks the part. Do notice the bright yellow shirt he wears when he goes to the mall.

Kay Kay Menon – an umemployed youth, who is anti-Muslim & the blasts result in aggravating his bigotry, almost making him paranoid.

His is a very interesting track where he expresses his extreme hatred towards the muslims.

Notice that when he goes into a Muslim colony in search of someone & listens to someone playing a Mohd. Rafi song, he exclaims, “Yeh log Kishore Kumar kabhi nahi sunenge !” & how he hates Zidane as he is Muslim.

Soha Ali Khan – A news journalist, who loses her fiancé in the blasts & realizes first hand how news channels make a tamasha out of everything. The scene where she breaks down on seeing the dead body of her fiancé is the best crying scene I ve seen since Aamir in RDB. Soha impresses a lot as an actress.

Another notable scene is when her boss comes to her place to offer condolences along with a “request” to do a half hour piece on her story & gives her a bound script. They walk away & their feet are shown moving over Soha’s reflection in the plush, shiny tiles of her floor. It’s a metaphorical display of how the boss cares little for her loss & more for TRPs.

Madhavan – Simply WONDERFUL. I loved his track, specially because he has acted so well. A office goer, patriotic Indian, Environmentalist – who travels by train to do his bit in reducing traffic & pollution, does not encourage usage of plastic bags, stays in India despite several offers of work abroad.

He survives the blasts due to a friend convincing him to travel in the second class that fateful day.

Notice his reaction when he sees that a friend of his has lost his right hand in the blasts. It is an expression of pity, fear, sadness, something unspeakable – all rolled into one. It churns your stomach & wrenches your heart.

Also, his expression / acting in the last scene of the movie – PRICELESS.

Paresh Rawal – Everyone else is brilliant in the movie – but all should bow down to Mr. Rawal. He towers over the rest with his simple, amiable portrayal of a police officer due to retire in a week.

He has seen everything there is to see in his police life & has served his 35 years silently. But there is anguish within him, which he is compelled to express once his fellow officer questions the whole purpose of his life.

His monologues to Menon regarding Hindu – Muslim sparring & the one when he retires are master pieces, delivered naturally. You do not feel that he is acting. He is Inspector Patil. The way he cheers up Inspector Kadam with his “order” to pee or with his “diabetes” joke & his justification for taking a bribe - are a treat to watch.

He has the best dialogues

“Kadam, Moot !!!”

“Paisa lena – galat baat, Baar ko bandh nahi karna – galat baat. Par paisa leke, bar bandh karna – who bhi to galat baat”

“Agar Bomb Blast ke baad, sab ko daaru nahi peene denge, to Mumbai mein ‘SPIRIT’ kahaan se aayega ?”

Also, when a citizen asks him why the terrorists haven’t been caught, he puts him in his jeep & then says “ Sahi aadmi to pakadna chahiye na, ke kisiko bhi andar daal de . . . Naagrik !!!”

Its simply brilliant !!!

His is by far , the most brilliant performance – which is saying a lot when the others include Menon, Irrfan & Madhavan.

A special word for the actor who played Inspector Kadam. He matches Rawal in some scenes & is brilliant as the guy who is honest, but yet to come to terms with the corruption in the force, a person who feels helpless as the police can’t do anything.

Yes, the Mumbai blasts affected us all. And we may relate to one of the above characters for sure. So, go watch it.

The film has one of the most brilliant climax scenes that I ve seen. The look on Menon’s & Madhavan’s face during the climax speaks a thousand words. And the film ends with Rafi singing . . “zara hatke, zara bachke . . .yeh hai bambai meri jaan……..”

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Bachna Ae Haseeno …

I was not going to write on BAH, but A friend told me to … so here goes..

My review – 2 stars – 2.5 at max.

BAH is a simple film. Ranbir has 2 affairs – is commitment phobic, runs away form both. Finds love later in life, who doesn’t want to marry him. Then he realizes how hurt Girl 1 & Girl 2 would ve been & goes back, finds them & apologises. Nice Premise. Almost a Nice movie all through

Anyways,

Girl 1 – Mahi – a dreamy eyed Miniisha Lamba, who has seen DDLJ 17 times & hopes to find her Raj on her Eurail trip. She does find Ranbir & then follows a track straight out of DDLJ – not surprising, coz Aditya Chopra has written this movie.

They kiss, sing a song & depart at airport, where Mahi comes to know that Ranbir is not in “love” with her & was just doing, as we call it, TIME PASS.

What is not believable is the fact that Mahi holds on to this 1 DAY for the next 10 years of her life & pretty much screws up her marriage because of this. STUPID, I say.

Girl 2 – Radhika – a sexxxxy Bipasha. Hers & Ranbirs story is the best written track of all. The innocence of the first love track gives way to string sexual undertones here. Radhika & Raj are living in together. Raj gets a transfer to Australia and is happily planning to go there when he realizes that Radhika wants to get married. Here, he just appears as a cad when he abandons her on their wedding day. He even says “Escaping was the easier thing to do as compared to breaking her heart”.

Maybe one relates to it. Their track has quite a few dialogue exchanges & moments that I completely identify as natural / non filmy & probably relate to as well.

1. When Ranbir says tht this relationship is for “hamesha, par hamesha waala hamesha nahi, 6 mahine waala hamesha”. That’s how most relaionships are these days. Nothing is permanent. And you better realize that in order to avoid all sadness that accompanies the break up !!

2. Ranbir cribbing that no logical conversation/argument with a femal is complete without her crying & after that there remains no logic to the argument. It usually goes in the girl’s favour. I COMPLETELY AGREE, having been a party to such happening many a time.

3. Bipasha is ready to give up her career just so that she can be with Ranbir in Australia – such a wide spread phenomenon, something that I completely disagree with. But, I ve got many arguments against me, so wont express my point of view here.

4. Bipasha lashing out at Ranbir for not marrying her, saying that “I was the progressive one, the one you lived in with, not the one you can take to your parents. That is the reason you did not marry me”. Ranbir disagreed, but I feel, that this might be his very reason for not marrying her. I do not subscribe to sch a view, but I know that this is how general guy mentality is.

Girl 3 – Deepika – My favourite character. She has her priorities fixed, knows what she wants out of life & gets it. I loved her. BUT BUT BUT – such a fast turn around. She just lets go of her whole belief system for Ranbir. Disappointing.

Basically, this film is a showreel for Ranbir & he definitely excels – be it the 18 year old, high on testosterone college pass out or the 24 yr old cool guy or the 30 year ld who finally finds love & realizes his mistakes of earlier.

Hiten Paintal does a fantastic job as his best friend & has the best lines of the movie

- their discussion regarding going to Aqua vs. WaterBAr

- Bachelor Party – Vaasna ka Ashleel Pradarshan….” (my favourite)

All in all, it’s a very breezy, fun first half – spoilt completely but the seemingly long & definitely dragging second half. I personally believe that the movie could ve ended at the first half – and I would ve loved it !!!

Somethings I noticed, liked & must point out

1. Ranbir’s reaction after the first innocent kiss. He is scared, surprised, shocked, happy, comfused. He cant believe he got kissed. Till that time he had just seen it in movies & definitely imagined himself doing it. But this was the real thing. In 5 seconds, his face expressed all this. It was perfect/natural. How do I know – Go figure !!! Also, his kiss with Bipasha was decidedly non-innocent & had SEX written all over it. Nice. It signified the change in the character.

2. The galss breaking & toilet flushing sound whenever something goes wrong in his life – it’s too funny

3. Deepika says to Ranbir – “what we have is special. Don’t spoil it by giving names”

4. Deepika says to Ranbir towards the end of the movie – “im a GIRL. Im allowed to change my decisions without any explanation whatsoever, and the guy has to keep track of my decisions.” I completely agree madam !!!

5. Bipasha saying to Ranbir, “No matter how ‘progressive’ you think I am, & I might be, the wedding day is the most important in a girl’s life”. Yeah, I actually felt bad when Bips was all dressed in ‘shaadi ka joda’ & Ranbir jus abandoned her.

To end it, I had said in an earlier post, Yashraj finances the lifestyles of all its characters – case in point - Ranbir can take a 6 month break & roam in India & Italy to seek forgiveness.

Why don’t we all live the YashRaj movie life … ??

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Random Stuff : Did you know that a Rs. 5 gems packet has 14 gems in it. And more often than not, the pink gems outnumber all other colours. Go, check

Song on my lips : Tinka Tinka – from Karam. Alisha Chinai Rocks !!!

Book I Read: Keep off the grass. Move over Chetan Bhagat. Here comes Karan Bajaj.

Referral : Go visit – http://confessionsandconversations.blogspot.com

Pain

2008-08-11T06:28:00.000-07:00

(Disclaimer: This post is NOT by K)

Have you experienced pain? I know I have, and it doesn’t feel good. Not one bit. It hurts, really bad, especially when the heart is involved. And no, it’s not just when lovers are involved. It pains when the people you love are involved. The ones you may not love but have grown to care are involved. It pretty much kills you at times.

It breaks one’s heart when no matter what, no one cares to understand. When the mess in ones life piles on and refuses to lessen, no matter what you do. Family, friends, career, the world. A hell lot of things capable of getting messed up…royally. You can’t do anything but watch (helplessly) as things get murkier- no matter how much you try to avoid it from happening.

Had an argument with the people I care (a lot) about, today. It pained me that they knew nothing about how I felt, how much I cared. Contrary to what they assumed. I have grown to love them and have tried to accept them for who they are. Then why am I not treated the same way? No matter what I do, whichever side I take, what I choose to do- I seem to create a bigger mess. And it hurts not only for me but also for those people who are hurting because of the wrong notions they hold about me.

It doesn’t end there. Oh no, it certainly doesn’t. Thereafter a range of sacrifices are made (sometimes) to lessen their pain while your own increases a notch higher. Now that the sacrifice has been made, one prays and obviously expects things to return to normal. But, nah, that doesn’t happen always, does it???!!!! If you’re lucky the ‘sacrifice’ pays off – the desired effects are experienced. But at whose expense?

How many such ‘sacrifices’ do you plan to make, to let the other person feel better about the way things are?? How many times will you experience pain to accommodate the others’ feelings which are apparently all wrong towards your own? No matter what you do, it will be ‘wrong’ in their eyes. Slowly all that ‘accommodating’ can result in you transforming into someone you’d rather not be. You start hating the person you’ve become; the state you are in. The pain never went away. It just got transferred into your account (Congratulations???!!!- One kind of credit you’d rather do without). It pretty much still exists. Only this time in a different body, inside a different soul. What purpose did all that ‘sacrifice’ serve? The end effect still remains the same. Only this time one person takes the entire brunt and hurts all over because of it. And the other people (the ‘sacrificees’- if only there is a word like that) get used to you sacrificing all the time. And then one wonders why go through all that pain in the first place? What did it do for you? Pain just laughs in your face letting you know what a fool you have been.

Stop accommodating (always) for others. Not unless the pain truly reduces in the process. Else learn to live in the pain that accumulates within you. Learn to ‘accommodate’ FOR this pain you have created for yourself.

I don’t know what needs to be done. Truly, I should not (always) accommodate for others, no matter how dear they may be to me. But what’s the solution to this problem? How does one mend the wrong identity (of you) that certain other person is holding in his mind? How does one live and still be comfortable in his own skin and accept oneself before anyone else does? What if ‘corrective’ communication does not help? What if things look worse and the only ‘right’ thing to do is to ‘accommodate’, do things that lessen the mess in the others life, the ones you really care about –ones who are worthy of that sacrifice??

It’s a tricky one- any takers????

Posted by Cosmo'G'al
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Now, it's K

12:05 A.M. - im just out of office. Took a cab home. 3 mins into the cab, seeing the wide, long, empty roads (yeah, im talking about Mumbai only .. n no i was not imagining), i wad tempted to drive.

"bhaiya, hame drive karne doge ?"
"saab, license hai ?"
"haan"

And so, i took control ... fiat is togh to drive, it doesnt have floor gears .. but since i the first car i drove was a fiat, i hadnt forgotten everything .. anyways, i drove home & it took jus 20 mins.. tht too coz the fiat wudnt go beyond 80 ...
it was amazing fun ....

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Kaushik, Rahul, Varun - u guys r the greates friends !!!!!!!!!

i wished Rahul - "Happy Friendship Day"

he said, " hahahaha ... same to u dude ...as if we need it .... btw, u forgot my bday - 2 days back" ..

"shit ... but, thts usual now .. i dont even remember when i ve wished u last !!"

and, i havent wished any of them their bdays in a long lonog time, altho they unfailingly wish me every year ...

Varun says, "yeh birthdays to aati rahengi yaar ... ab bhool gaye to samjhe ..."

Thanks for everything guys ... and more than anything .. thanks for being yourselves .... i dont know what i wud ve done without you !!!
Rock on !!!!!!!!!!!!

Gooey Feelings . . . .

2008-07-31T21:17:00.000-07:00

(Disclaimer: This post is NOT by K)

OK, I agree I don’t write too often but today…I feel like I want to do just that. Write. I am listening to this song, “Khuda Jaane” from the new movie- Bachna ae Haseeno. For the twelfth time (maybe…I kind of lost count after the sixth time!!!!) back to back. And I couldn’t help but smile. The first time I heard it, today, was at the CCD. Not my “first time” listening to the song. Had heard the song a dozen times before. But I noticed the changes in my reactions, my moods as I kept listening to it more and more.

If I am allowed to be a bit boring- according to the law of diminishing marginal utility (in economics), a bit more of the same thing tends to lessen the utility (or the likeability) factor of that thing. But seems like that doesn’t apply to this song. At least where I am concerned. The CCD scene got over at 9.30 pm. By the time I came home and kept listening to the song – when I finally sat down with my Cosmopolitan (while the rest of the family retired for the day), I starting realizing that the juices in my head were working on a different level.

As I proceeded listening to the song for the thirteenth time I realized that I was feeling my romantic best – at 11.31 pm (to be precise)!!!!!!!! As I cuddle against my pillow, stare at the pitch darkness- with occasional twinkling of the lights as the traffic passes by- I can’t stop thinking of how much I want someone with me at this very instant, sharing this moment- this rare feeling- with me. How I wanted to pour my heart out – all my romantic feelings and love- to that special someone. How I wished he was here holding me close, slow dancing with me, matching every move of his own with mine, speaking to me without even saying a word, hanging on to everything I had to say – while I myself said nothing at all. How he would just be there- and that would be all. His presence would be all that would be required for the twinkle in my eyes, the choking feeling of repressed feelings- all waiting to pour out when he turned around with the look that said he understands everything I have to say- the feeling of being ALIVE, the dreamy look, the feeling of…..God, an unbelievable sense of being MYSELF. The feeling to let go and just be me. No pretense, no inhibitions, just a feeling of – complete freedom.

Dammit- I don’t feel any less mushy as I go on to listen to the song for the fifteenth time. It just heightens the feeling, the romance in the air. The lyrics, the passion, the music just echoes the need for a little romance in the lives of every person listening to it. Try listening to it in the middle of the night -with no noise -and just absorb the surrounding while you do that. Strangely I feel content- even though my (imaginary) beloved isn’t here to make all those fantasies come true. The smile on my face while writing this, speaks of the fact that I might be really enjoying the atmosphere and my own company with such melody playing in the background.

For God’s sake- if it rained right now, I’d know the scene would demand some dancing in the rains. Slow, painfully slow- dancing, that is- with the passions heightening within the circle of entwined arms, the knowledge of the things to come and yet knowing that what we have is just enough- for the moment.

God, what’s going on here???? Where did all that come from??? When did I start talking mushy so blatantly??? I know- when I felt in tune with myself. When I let myself a moment to be with –ME. It surprised…no, it actually shocked me. Smiling at myself while I imagined how I would do all those things – innocent, heart felt, soul touching moments. A passion at a different level, an emotion one of a kind, a heart felt warm, cozy (mushy), lovely, gooey – sensation. I know one thing for sure – let yourself a moment of quiet, listen to a song ( any song that lets you be in the moment I am experiencing…while I write), live in the moment and feel- feel the slow flow in your mind and heart, feel the easy restlessness and relaxation churn inside making you confused and warm all at once, feel the smile creep up while you feel all that. The key here is – FEEL. Fall in love with yourself and know that you can love. Be ready- for when love strikes (and that too, unexpected) you need to be ready to share all the love you can come up with…with all you have to give.

As you ponder on that thought- I shall go back to listening to MY song for the eighteenth time ( I guess!!!). And finally it starts raining!!!!! Time for me to leave myself –alone, that is.

-- Posted by cosmo'G'al
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Celeb Sightings (Dedicated to Sentimental Fool)

Ok, this is K now.

I was at a meeting at Andheri, somewher near Infiniti Mall. As i left the meeting, i walked past T-Series office there & saw standing there - Sudhir Mishra. So, i walked up to him & told him how much i liked Hazaaron Khwaishen Aisi . . He is tall, almost 6'3!! ... i never imagined him to be so tall !

Maut . . . Zindagi ke liye zaroori hai yeh !

2008-07-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

D E A T H.

Bad word , hai na ? Ma says its a bad word. Papa says don’t say it. Its a bad word. Death , nah , don’t talk about it , chup paagal. Even in the movies, the heroine places her finger on the hero's lips before he can complete the sentence and whispers "Kabhi marne kee baat matt karna. Aisa nahee kehte".

But, its coming yaar. Death. It will happen. To me. To you.

Acchha yaar , now stop yelling "manhoos" , chup chaap baat sun. What if I were to die after half an hour. I shall never be able to feel ma's palm on my forehead again. I shall never hear R’s voice again, nor hear all my friends saying “kitna mota ho gaya hai tu. Kuch kar”. I shall never be able to tell dad that even though I always try to act smart , he is the greatest guy I have ever known. I shall never be able to tell the departmental store guy that I stole 3 eggs from his shop yesterday. Ok , dont dial 100 , the eggs wala part is not true. How could you imagine that, me and stealing eggs ? I am a vegetarian. I steal carrots and dhania.

But seriously , death scares me. It scares me to be away from my loved ones. It scares me to die without doing all the things I want to do. It scares me that I may die. But death is real. And I may die after a year. I may die tomorrow after office, if I do end up leaving office. I may die before I complete this post.( But now that I have published it , I did not die before completing it,right ? Soch ke dekh ).

Now you may smirk and say "arre yaar , aise thode hee koee mar jaata hai". But I have seen lives shattering in the blink of an eye. A second's delay in hitting the brakes , a leaking gas cylinder , a cycle containing a bomb parked next to you, a desperate and armed domestic help . . . is enough to change your life in a radical way , before you can say "maar daala". And not like Madhuri said it in Devdas.

But the point is not to be scared of dying. The point is to be scared of dying without really living.

I see around me. I see people I care for. I see myself. Sometimes I see us all sad .I see us clinging to bad memories , things which we cannot change , things which still hurt us , things which make tears flow down their cheeks. I know we are hurt and not stupid and have reasons to feel sad. But life is not forever. Life is nothing but a limited number of moments gifted to us by god. And each moment is slipping by. Right now , a moment just passed by me , and took me closer to death , leaving me with lesser time to smile ,to crack some poor joke , to see my ma laugh , to see a friend find the happiness she deserves , to be a good person ,to make someone smile , to live. And the very thought of letting such a precious moment drown in a tear leaves me restless. Why do we people hurt each other , when this life may not be long enough to love each other ?

Maybe you need to know that you may never get a chance to be the good man you could have been. Maybe you need to know that the moment you have been waiting for to tell her how much you love her may never arrive. Maybe you need to know that you may never have the time to wipe off the tears you are causing today. Maybe you need to know that death is a surprisingly unexpected reality. Maybe you need to start living the life you should.

I know I know , I am saying nothing new. But life and the things it does to people and the things people do to it continue to amuse me. In short , ek baat bolta hun , all of us should respect and enjoy the ride , because hamari life kee taxi mein petrol kabhi bhi khatm ho sakta hain. And marne ke baad , you cant even fight with the cab driver. So smile , khush raho , muskurao , jeeyo ,and make people smile , kyunki ..kal ho na ho. Wait a minute ..kal ho na ho..yaar ye phrase kuch suna hua nahee lagta ?

In response to “tera mujhse hai pehle se nata koi”

2008-07-22T14:19:00.000-07:00

I’ll begin with the fact that my brother doesn’t approve of me responding publicly to this post (I’m sorry ) but its something I’d impulsively told K I would do and so here it is (Yes I know I’m late but atleast I’m writing it now…)

First of all, it was shocking to a) See details of my personal life put up b) Read that K draws comparisons with women buying salwar kameez-when did you get the golden opportunity to witness that???

Well the friendship K and I share is unique. People have neighbourhood friends, school friends, college friends, work friends/colleagues, net/chat pals; in Mumbai there is even the concept of train friends . But we don’t fit into any logical category. There was a time when our friendship was on a “break” and we hadn’t interacted for about a year-but we were able to pick up where we’d left off. We’re as different as chalk and cheese-our only common ground being our obsession with the entertainment industry. In spite of all of that, we’ve managed to be friends, seen each other transform from teenagers to adults to professionals. This is the reason why it is special.

But please note-K EXAGGERATES and he used to HATE me at one point of time (yup, these are his words verbatim). Our life is too boring to make even a 21 minute episode. We rarely celebrate our respective birthdays together. Miss India finalist-what was that about-since when did either of us start emphasizing on external appearances? Also, I don’t LOVE pizza, what made you think I want pizza everytime I’m back (which may be sooner than you expect).
Lastly, in any friendship, personal (family, spouse, kids) or professional life will always take over. But if it’s a priority, it’ll last and I hope that K and me continue to be great friends. Yup, I’m missing you too…

@Sonicat-yes I’m gonna be around and I’m quite taken aback by your comment.

P.S.: Do you remember the Troy episode and how such inconsequential things governed our life at that time…

Posted by Sentimental Fool

You Learn . . .

2008-07-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

This is something that had appeared in Sacred Space in TOI on 14th July and i liked it quite a bit, so am sharing it on this blog.

After a while, you learn the subtle difference,
Between holding a hand... and chaining a soul

And you learn that - Love doesn't mean leaning;
And company doesn't mean security

And you begin to learn that - Kisses aren't contracts;
And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats;
With your head up and your eyes open;
With the grace of a man and not the grief of a child

And learn to build all your roads - on Today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down mid-flight

After a while, you learn that eve Sunshine
Burns if you have too much

So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul;
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure... That you really are strong
And you really do have worth

And you learn and learn;
With every person you meet, you learn
With every friend or lover, you learn
With every goodbye . . . you learn.....

-------------------xxx------------------xxx-------------

Celeb Sightings (Section Dedicated - Always - to "Sentimental Fool")

1. I was at Taj - Lands End for a meeting & sighted Kunal Kohli over there. He happened to be still around after my meeting got over. SO i went up to him and spoke to him. I had recently seen Thoda Pyaar, Thoda Magic & dint hate it. I told him that - i was expecting to not like it, but it was actually quite nice. he was gracious enough to thank me and said that he hoped all would like it. i said, "i am a crazy about Bollywood person, and am quite thrilled at having spoken to you". He laughed & thanked me. I left

2. I was standing in the line outside the VFS-USA centre to submit my VISA documents. i turned around & behind me was Carol Gracias ... holding a HUGE handbag & wearing even bigger glares, the combined weight of both would easily surpass her own
Anyways, it started raining & surprisingly she dint have an umbrella in that bungalow of a bag.. so .... i offered her to stand beneath mine !! she did & we exchanged pleasantries ...
It soon stopped raining & well ... the day went on as usual..

------------xxxx--------------------xxx----------------xxx----

Anyways, this is a wonderful SMS that i received...

Dont take decisions when you are Angry . . .and dont make any promises when you are Happy ....

Think about it ....

Now, i better leave office .. have been typing for the last half hour .. and then i complain that i am made to sit too late in office ...

Tera Mujhse hai pehle se Naata Koi………

2008-07-09T11:00:00.000-07:00

Chili: Hi

K: Hey, how was your exam ?

Now, there are some moments in life when your mind feels like the inside of a salwar kameez store full of Punjabi ladies during the annual discount store . There are some moments in life when you wish your leg was flexible enough to curve back and land a sunny deol-ish kick on your own behind bad enough to render your morning rituals ineffective for three months . There are some moments in life when you wish you could rewind life and clean up all the mistakes you did.

I know I sound like I have done something as bad as becoming an unwed daddy of twins , but what I have done is worse than that – I asked HER, THAT question

Time for some ass saving measures

K: im so sorry … I know im NOT, NEVER supposed to ask you that..
Chil: Good … By the way, I ve to tell you something. So, should I mail you, tell you right now or add it to THE list.*
(* Chili & me don’t meet often. So, she makes a list of things we need to talk and debate and discuss when we meet. THE list is sacrosanct.)

K: abhi bol

Chil: im going to USA …

K: Cool yaar, everyone is going .. A friend’s gone there for a month on vacation .. When will I go ? So, when you going, with who and for how long ?

Chil: im going for my exams. I ll be there till Feb & if everything works out, I ll get my admissions done and my 3 year course will start in June.

K: ___________________________________

For those of you ‘jinhone apne TV set derr se khole ho’, Chili is a friend so close, we get any closer and the Shiv Sainiks will go berserk. I mean , the word ‘friend’ seems as weak as an A K hangal when it comes to what she is to me . Along with my family , she is one of those very few people who I know will be around all life. And even as I type this , I can’t believe she is going away. And even though I can write her a mail about this , I want this blog to know how special she is.

Chili , I know I have been as insensitive as a paralyzed cucumber at times and an ass more than an actual ass can be , but you are one person with whom I share too many fond memories

Class 10 tuitions, Running the Mumbai Marathon … Friendship Day at Tapioca Bar (I fought the urge to post that snap online)… Our snap at the beach… The aimless chatter over coffee at various 5 star hotels - JW, Hilton, Land’s End … My proposal to you to be my back up, which you refused up front !! . . my constant , unending talks boring you regarding the girls in my life .. or should I say, in my mind .. how much I ve bored you ..Pune Highway … Me, cash & cruise … discovering Bandra .. the map that you made .. you know, whenever I get lost in Bandra, I ll think of you !!
The book we planned & the rocking format .. I even saved all you messages to me …
The list of the number of times and dates when we’ve met … I need to have a copy of that before you go …
The 2 books that I ve gifted to you and the fact that you acknowledge them as the best gifts ever – im glad and happy that im the one who gave you those gifts..
Our “lets be RJs” thing …. Flavours, th movie .. and how the 2 characters ekdum resemble the way we are...
The way u start most of you sentences with "Arrrre .....", "See, the way i look at it..." or "Let me put it this way...."
The one message you sent to me, saying i was one of your most favourite people - i will treasure it till i lose my cell phone....
The "girl on th moon" paper weight u ve given me ... the "official best friend" card i ve given you...

I guess they can make a seventy episode soap opera about our time together. and, i ve enough material for another 70 episodes .. but i ll have another blogpost for that ..

So now, to always remember you, I will get the date of your birthday & the date u will be leaving tattooed on my arm in permanent ink even if it makes my arm look like a reminder pad . I will go around telling everyone you are a Miss India finalist even if you put on weight . I will buy you a huge exotic pizza and a gelato you like when you come to India even if you don’t want to eat . I will be there on every special day of your life from your next birthday to the birthdays of your grandkids even if I have seven meetings lined up on the day. I will tell my wife your smile is dazzling enough to light up all the railway stations in Mumbai even if she goes green and calls up her lawyer.

And I am so sorry for being so stupid even if you say you are not angry.

Let me say something i ve wanted to......

I WILL MISS YOU…. BIG TIME.

Evergreen Hitzzz - Volume I

2008-06-28T12:24:00.000-07:00

The last post, inspite of its title, made people think i was spending days and nights crying my heart out & probably that was the reason my building was not facing a water cut.

I got calls from my friends & mails from non-friends saying "na munna naa .. mat ro .. sab theek ho jaayega" ...

So, i ve decided, no more sad stuff on blog for some more time ... But if Federer loses Wimbledon this year, i ll be sad for a looooong time ...

Anyway, earlier today, I decided to renew the songs on my system. So I delved into my hard disk, into folders that had been long forgotten, lying untouched since ages like your old bicycle which lies dumped in the attic once you grow up. Folders that had been lying embedded deep in the disk like abandoned Umrao Jaans. Folders that contained songs which once made my heart dance like a drunken monkey who just gained entry into a hostel housing young female monkeys. So I rediscovered some old classic songs which were once played at every tea shop in this country.

Songs which define the times I grew up in. Songs which contained the gut wrenching grief of a lost love , the cute joy of a blossoming love, the mischievous naughtiness of a lover’s wink. Songs which embodied the emotions which fill the developing heart of every Indian boy when he is growing up. Songs which shaped my thinking when my mind was still impressionable. Songs which have made me the man I am. So ladies , gentlemen and Bobby Darlings , not wishing that these gems ,which have played such an important role in the making of this sophisticated , refined and tasteful young man go unrecorded on this blog , I give to you , a few of these life changing creations -
~~

“Kahan Gir Gaya Dhoondho Sajan
Button meri kurti ka”
English translation, for the benefit of my overseas readers ( Yes , I have one from Bhutan . A girl from Uganda visits sometimes,too.)
(Where has it fallen , please search Darling ,
The button of my shirt )
This extremely naughty and imaginative song sensitively captured the anxiety and terror of a young girl who, due to a unskilled tailor who used a cheap thread, has lost a very crucially located button on her shirt. To make matter more intense, she is dancing dangerously close to the young hero of the film, the purpose of whose existence is to tease the young girl and belt out bone bending pelvic movements at the same time.

It doesn't take much to notice the anguish on Mamta's face
You gotta be anguished when you got Mithun with you and your shirt button is missing.

Hey Saala ! Teri Jaat ka paida maaru ! Mamta meri hai , kya !

The song was picturised on a well fed Mamta Kulkarni along with a clearly uncontrolled Mithun Chakraborty ,who looked as dapper as ever in his wet swept back hair. Now you know why Mamta was so terrified. On a personal note, the song left a huge dent on the contents of my skull , and taught me a lot about what to do when life presents you with a lady who has lost a button on her shirt.

~~

Hero-

Angana mein Baba , dware pe Ma

Kaise aau gori , main tohre ghar maa

Heroine-

Khet gaye baba , bazaar gayi ma

Akeli hu ghar maa , tu aaja saajna

(

Hero-

Your dad is in the courtyard ,

your mom is at the door

How do I enter your house , oh fair one ?

Heroine-

Dad is (defecating?) in the fields ,

mom is in the market

I am Home alone , come in Darling .)

If the previous song carefully brought out the menace of cheap buttons and improper tailoring , this song points its finger at the age old problem faced by every young couple – Parents. The song starts off on a touching note where a troubled Govinda is itching to enter the residence of a rather conservative Shilpa Shirodkar.

But at the same time , Govinda is concerned about his physical safety as he believes Shilpa’s parents are at home too . As the song progresses and tightly captures the longing of Govinda , the mood is relieved when Shilpa coyly informs him that her father is in the fields and her mother has gone to the market to avail the 60% discount on Ajay Kunwar Sarees.

In a shocking display of modernity , she not only informs but invites Govinda inside her home . What followed after his entrance his beyond the scope of this post , though of deep interest to the author of this blog. On a parallel note , I strongly believe that Shilpa’s father went to the fields to defecate .

On how the song affected me , it was a clear indicator that if I ever love a woman , I will make sure there is a saree discount sale on around her home and her home does not have a toilet.

How do I enter Silpa'a House ?

Shilpa , the girl whose father went to the fields.

~~~~

"Tera kale kale lambe lambe naagin se baal ,

Dekho Ankhiyon se goli mare ladki kamaal"

(Your hair is dark dark , long long and like a cobra

Look , The fantastic girl shoot bullets from her eyes)

A trend setting number of its times, this track was the first of its kind which made a girl sound like a weapon of mass destruction .Govinda , who sported a dress which was strikingly similar to an art gallery , first compares Raveena Tandon’s hair to a serpent of deadly virtues – The Cobra .

As the audience lies stunned and little babies in the hall start wailing, he proceeds to bravely declare that Raveena has the ability to fire bullets using her eyes . A totally novel and unique concept , this became a talking point across the nation and the Indian Military ranks .

A few days after the song swept across the country , cheap tabloids reported that some very excited Officers from the Indian Military had invited Raveena at their Weapon Research Laboratory .What happened in the dark confines of the Lab remains a mystery , but Raveena was never the same chirpy girl again. Reports pour in to this day , with recent news being Raveena has been posted at the military base at Leh border with a bulletproof vest and no guns , except her two eyes.

Govinda sings about Raveena's shooting abilities joyfully , just before the Military picked up Raveena.

So , my fellow music conoisseurs, these were just three of the gems which have offered so much to our lives , to my life . I have laughed , cried , chuckled , sobbed and done a lot of strange things listening to these songs . I hope to showcase more songs soon . But for now , I just have to sway to “Jab tak samose mein rahega aaloo..”.

I'm NOT as sad as this post makes me out to be

2008-06-24T10:51:00.000-07:00

There are days when sorrow is like a physical ache. Under your skin, it is a soiled washcloth the surgeon left inside before sewing you up. In your bloodstream, it’s a murky grey fluid, an effluent without an outlet. Inside your ribcage, it is the deadweight of despair. Even neon seems dim, any music grates. People are talking to you, but all you want is for them to go. Their concerns are trite, banal, pointless compared to the grief that you cannot share with anyone. There are such griefs, and they are the most terrible.

At this precise point of time, happiness seems a myth, a chimera, a bedtime story for children, a poor urban legend. When were you happy last ? Yes, you can remember those times, those moments, but you can’t believe it was you. It was another person, yes. It was another world. Here, now, this moment – you can never again be happy.

You make a list. Late night drives, walking hand in hand in the winter sun, getting wet in the rain, cuddling up with someone you love under the quilt.

But the memories of happiness can hurt too. Can you ever go back to those moments and experience them again, now ?
Will the sky ever be so azure as it was on that winter day ? Will you ever dance again in the rain, or just use it to hide your tears ? The quilt may be the same, but you could be alone…

In the end, love isn’t about the right answer. It isn’t about the right way of doing things. It isn’t about whose perspective is the best. It isn’t about which wavelength is more focused or whose opinion holds more weight and then forcing it on the other.
Love isn’t about settling scores.

Love is about wanting to make an effort.
It’s about wanting to make things work.
It’s about wanting to hang on when the going gets tough.
It’s about finding common ground.
It’s about putting egos aside.
It’s about sacrifice.
It’s about not wanting to ‘prove a point’.
It’s about both partners trying to see the other one’s point of view as their own.
It’s about accepting the other for their outlook.
It's about wanting to be with each other.
It's about being together, no matter what.
It's about remembering that you LOVE each other on days when you dont like each other
Love is about compromise.

Sure both partners’ wavelengths may not match and you may wonder if all the effort is worth it? Does it really matter? He/she is never gonna change, why should I? Maybe we’re just not made for each other? She’s just not my kinda girl? He’s never gonna see my side of the story? Couples that split up have most probably done so mainly coz they didn’t take the first step to “tune in” to the other’s frequency. Or if they did, they gave up too soon. Or maybe, they never did tune it, at all

But, I’ve learnt one thing…without compromise, no one is custom made for anyone. The term ‘made for each other’ is what Hallmark sells on.
No matter what the shrink might tell you, if you think you’re gonna find someone who truly understands you and shares the same wavelength as you without putting in any effort at all, well, you’re better off counting stars.

It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all . . .

Reviews , Rains and . . . . .Aditi

2008-06-20T10:46:00.000-07:00

Movie Review

Sarkar Raj

“K, its been quite some time now. When’s the interval ?”, said my dad during the first half of the movie.
The lights went on in another minute signaling the interval. I looked at my watch, it just had been 55 minutes since the beginning of the movie.

And, this is where the major flaw of the movie lies. It is only 2 hours, but seems oh-so-long & unbearable.

The movie is a bad follow up to the excellent Sarkar. It is long, slow & has lots of words, dialogues & precious little action.

Amitabh’s silences in Sarkar conveyed so much, much more than his long monologues do in Sarkar Raj.

The acting has been praised a lot, but the movie is so mediocre, that the acting too doesn’t stand out.

The characters of Sarkar were memorable – Rashid, Silver Money, Khan saab, Taklu guy, Kay Kay, Swami even the CM. Here, the characters are mere caricatures. They ve been given no strength & no proper role definition.

The confrontation scenes do not set the pulse racing ala the first scene between Rashid & Amitabh.

Dialogues come a cropper. Compare “Subhas Nagre ek aadmi hai, Sarkar – ek soch. Aadmi ko maarne se pehle, uski soch ko maarna zaroori hai” with “Omelette banaane ke liye anda to phodna padega na” You understand my point ??

Also, how can Abhishek’s character hold Ash’s character’s hand in a romantic gesture just some days/weeks after his pregnant wife has died a tragic death ?

All in all, it is a movie that can be watched, but fails miserably as a sequel to Sarkar. It is too much of complicated politics, complicated much more by the directors need to explain each & every thing to the audience .. some things should ve been left unsaid. And, some sequels unmade.

Aamir

Aamir is a brave effort. Laudable.

Very well directed, with excellent cinematography. Well casted & enacted.

It is a very hard hitting film &just shows how innocent Muslim’s get trapped into wrong doing by fanatics.

It is a bit slow, but must be watched for the effort put in by the debutante director & is a must buy DVD.

Book Review

3 Mistakes of my life

I loved it. Period.

The book by Chetan Bhagat is interesting, fast paced, witty & much much better than his last offering – One Night at the call centre.

The story is of 3 friends & their lives over a 5 year period in Gujarat. What is so nice about this book is the way it integrates the story of the 3 friends with the happenings in Gujarat over those tumultuous 5 years – the Bhuj earthquake, Cricket Matches, world cup, the Godhra riots. They are all a part of the book, and not just as a passing reference, but as a means to take the story forward & serve as the twists in the story.

The book is written in the same witty vein as his 1st book – 5 point Someone.

Sample – “the best maths teacher in town has just become a champi man”

This book has definite trademarks of the author.

1. The book is about struggle – to move ahead in life, to fight society & everyone’s inward struggle. Same theme was there in 5 point & in Call centre
2. The mandatory sex scene - the "progressive" Indian girl, the kind which is not afraid to show their true feelings, not afraid what society might think & certainly have a mind of their own.

Small examples are
In 5 point – the female asks for a cigarette after sex

In Call Centre – the female wants to & has sex in a car

In this book – the female wants to just escape her home town & go to Mumbai to achieve her dreams, she is not afraid to seduce the guy, has sex on her 18th birthday.

The characters of the 3 friends are very well etched & somewhere everyone can identify with some trait among the 3 friends. You feels drawn into their conflicts & struggles and live their lives.

One gets the feeling that the author has written this book with a future movie in mind. It fits exactly into Hindi movie mould, especially the ending. That’s my only complaint.

We are waiting for your 4th book, Mr, Bhagat.

Btw, any reason why you have numbers in the titles of your books – 5, 1, 3… and come to think of it, all odd numbers … all prime numbers ….

RAINS

Monsoon is the only season where the weather changes in an instant. Summer takes time to roll in, winter takes time to set in, but monsoon – one shower & the season changes. It’s not that hot any more, not too cold & the smell of the rains is in the air. That’s what I love about the monsoons.

Yes, Mumbai’s infrastructure collapses at the first instance of rains, the open manholes become dangerous, and disease spreads.. but we are not going to talk about that..

The earth becomes greener, there is that certain aroma in the air, there is romance in the air.

Imagine –

Sitting on your window sill at 2 in the night & just listening to music while sipping hot coffee

Caught in a coffee shop with someone special at 11 in the night with no car, no umbrella…. But lots to talk about

Jogging on the beach in the morning & suddenly it starts pouring & you r completely drenched before you can run for cover … and then you don’t want to run for cover & continue running in the rain.

You eating hot pakodas with mom oiling you hair.

Lonavala, bhushi dam, 15 friends, vada pavs & steaming corn cobs

A dance party on the road with friends & street kids…

Heavy rains, marine lines, sea face, one umbrella, 2 people….

Many such moments & more make up the monsoons …

My current favourite song is “kabhi kabhi aditi…” from the movie Jaane tu ya jaane na … it’s an extremely catch tune with nice lyrics .. I just cant stop singing it ..

I've dedicated the song to someone very special.

Also, there is a friend of mine, let’s call her…. Aditi, that had mailed me saying, “you blog reader is waiting.” Well, she is not going through some tough times… well, I can’t dedicate the song to anyone else now, but I ll sing these 2 lines for her …

“Aditi, maana kabhi kabhi saare jahaan mein andhera hota hai . . . . .lekin raat ke baad hi to savera hota hai…..Aditi has-de, has-de, has-de tu zaraa . . . . .”

Discovering soft toys..

2008-06-09T03:44:00.000-07:00

The thrill of working next to the Hypercity mall, Goregaon West, and being free at the same time is something only a girl will understand.
And I spared no free second to enjoy this thrill.

I ventured into Hypercity yesterday looking out for random things (most girls call it window shopping, but with the mall culture, this term should be derecognized) .
I spent almost an hour in the ladies wear section. And bought nothing.
Another half an hour in the ladies shoe section. Tried everything on, bought nothing.

And just when I decided to call it a day, I stumbled across the soft toy section.
I must have been to countless malls across Mumbai in the last couple of months, but on this particular day, when I was all alone, I was drawn to the soft toy section.

I immediately spotted a bright orange coloured fish, with big black eyes and blue fins. Then I saw a cute grey elephant with white soft tusks and large flapping white and pink ears. And then a huge hippo sitting pretty besides it caught my eye. It was HUGE and I had to contain my excitement and restrain myself from picking it up and hugging it.

I also spotted some giraffes, cows, starfish(!@#$%-not recommended), parrots in beautiful bright hues, dogs, lions, snakes and the most of animal kingdom right there. Teddy bears, I believe are things of the past. I never liked teddy bears even when I was a kid. But I never knew other soft toys then. Most of the childhood was about Barbies (at the most) and outdoor games!! I never grew up having a cuddly soft toy as a cushion or a bed full of soft toys as sleep mates. . Today I had literally discovered a world very unfamiliar to the one I was brought up in.

And now, strangely, I wish I could go back to the same childhood and have a rack full of soft toys. I strangely wish for a anything-but-teddy bear soft toy now. May be a duck or a giraffe, even a fish or that oh-so-cute hippo or the elephant would do.

This blog is as random as my thoughts can get, really..
But then again,.....what are we? but a collection of random thoughts..

By~Heartfelt

Romancing the monsoons… A thing of beauty is joy forever...

2008-06-09T03:38:00.000-07:00

Last couple of weeks had not been great. I won’t elaborate the reasons. We are a frustated generation and dats reason enough.
I decided to walk to the station after office yesterday. I like the winds howling in my face, the cloudy sleepy skies, the hint of cool after a blazing burning summer.

And then it happened. Almost expectedly yet with a hint of surprise, the skies parted and the rains came gushing down. Till yesterday the rains were just playing hide n seek. But yesterday, in their full splendour and style, the monsoon made a grand entry.

My first instinct was to rush to a nearby shop shelter. I almost ran for it. Then I stopped in my tracks, ensured my cell phone was tucked safely in..n jus continued to walk…in the rains.

Rains have always had a liberating effect on me. I don’t remember enjoying the rains in school though. I always noticed the puddles never the skies.(Haha…dats almost an inspirational quote…....almost). And now, thought rains may prove a dampener to the best laid evening plans, or they may disrupt routine in our city, they are always welcome visitors.

That same evening, as if getting drenched on roads was not enough, I rushed to the terrace for a second round. It a different thing getting drenched and mud soaked on the roads, and a completely different thing getting drenched alone or with friends on your terrace. Just spread your arms, look skywards, close your eyes and surrender. It IS liberating. Trust me.

I live by the belief that Nature is God. I worship nature. I revel, am most joyous, most at peace when I am surrounded by nature. I draw solace, comfort and contentment from it. I believe nature heals.

And what better time to explore nature than now. When it is at its beautiful most? No landscape looks the same in two monsoons. Every monsoon paints a different picture each time. Every monsoon lends a new look to the land ever year. So just go out there. Even if its for a day or two.
Discover yourself anew this monsoon, coz this monsoon will not come again.
Another year, will be an another monsoon altogether....

By~Heartfelt

Miscellaneous...

2008-06-08T09:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, im writing after a long long gap … I had planned to write about many issues / randomt things, but never got around to writing them …

Tragedies

The China earthquake that claimed thousands & the Jaipur blasts that claimed hundreds … helps put your life in perspective. All your supposed personal tragedies, losses, sadness seem minor.

IPL

I had mentioned in an earlier blog that IPL might not work, mainly because people will have no loyalties towards a mixed nation team. I was wrong. Very wrong.

I enjoyed IPL as much as everyone in the nation. I supported the Royals (am a big fan to Warne) till the last ball & celebrated when they won …
Also, I went for 2 matches to Wankhede & had time of my life. Seeing a match in the stadium is a different feeling altogether. Nothing beats it.

The most memorable moments of the IPL were
1. Ricky Ponting congratulating, hugging & encouraging Ishant Sharma after he took a wicket. This after Ishant was Ricky’s nemesis in the recent Ind-Aus series.
2. Graeme Smith & Asnodkar batting & the camaraderie and teamsmanship between the two.
3. Jayasurya saying in the post match presentation ceremony that “this is the most memorable day of my cricketing career as I opened the batting with Sachin Tendulkar”. Priceless.
4. Cirque Du Soleil at the closing ceremony. Absolutely fantastic & applause worthy

IPL has certainly fostered feelings of friendliness among players of different nations. Balika had commented on my blog saying the same. You were spot on babe, and definitely proved me wrong !

News

Aarushi Murder... niraj grover murder ....

how can a father kill his daughter and call it honour killing (if thts the case, im too confused at what exactly conspired)

how can you have sex with someone, kill that some one with the help of another & then have sex again with that another twice when the dead body is still there at home. Gross. inexplicable.

Relationships

Unconditional love is bloody tough to have…. But that’s where I gotta reach.

Also, quoting from my current favourite song …
"Hey Aditi, jaane tu ya jaane na, phool phir khil jaate hai …."
"Hey Aditi... raat ke baad hi to savera hota hai ...."

Fight Against Loneliness: A Quick Guide

2008-05-10T13:04:00.000-07:00

* Hold your breath. Count to three. Release.

* Take on more work than you can handle. Talk about work as soon as you wake up.

* Try not to be alone. Be with people around you all day. Being alone will lead to mindfuck.

* Don't blink for longer than you have to.

* Watch television for three hours at a stretch.

* Don't listen to sad songs.

* Don't listen to romantic songs.

* Don't sing along with any songs.

* Keep your body close and tight. Keep your mind even closer.

* Laughing forcibly will hurt. Keep it to a smile.

* Let your smile stretch till your jaw hurts and you don't know what you're smiling about anymore.

* Eat a lot.

* Eat nothing at all.

* Rationalise, rationalise, rationalise.

* Never date again.

* Stop thinking about making out.

* Stop thinking about sex.

* Don't watch the rain.

* Don't watch the sea at the beach.

* Contemplate joining a gym.

* Contemplate joining a dance class

* Contemplate going home again.

* Avoid happy couples.

* Avoid happy people.

* Close your eyes. Count to three. Jump.

I'll be just fine. Eventually.

The time to be happy is now…n the place to be happy is here…

2008-05-09T04:43:00.000-07:00

The time to be happy is now and the place to be happy is here..
N the way to be happy is to make someone happy
And to have a little heaven right here..
And to have a little heaven right here..

I used to hear this song on Repeat mode then. Those days I was always happy…and then…...

I grew up.

Its very difficult to get a rickshaw from Vile Parle-West station. Yesterday I just happened to get one soon. I was goin to Irla, when I saw an aunty waiting for a rickshaw. I asked her where she was headed, and since she wanted to get down after me, offered her to come along. She profusely thanked me, but directed the rickshaw in such a way that she got down first and I was left with a long detour of that area. She paid, obviously! But still, sometimes, making someone happy doesn’t ensure it makes you happy too.

But yes, making someone happy does make you happy more often than not.

In today’s times when some & most of us are grappling with so many things at a time. It’s a challenge to be happy, forget making some one else happy. Long distance relationships, tyrant bosses, heartbreaks, dealines, local train travel, May heat, an unfriendly metabolism rate, US recession, bad hair days, depletion of the ozone layer so on n so forth..not to forget uncooperative rickshaw-walas..

Some days ago, I opened the pantry door for the pantry boy who serves us Tea/Coffee everyday as his hands were laden with trays. He grinned, and I was happy.

Then one day I gave up my difficultly procured rickshaw to an elderly lady going in the opposite direction. She just touched my head and smiled. I was happy.

The other day, I called up my friend from the US, who was going through a difficult period (no guesses reqd: Love Life) and shared her woes for atleast an hour. She was relieved, so was my Vodafone postpaid. And I was happy.

Greatly these days I have begun to believe its more about making others happy. Happiness is a derivative, and its underlying is the people around us, some known to us, yet many others simply strangers.

One good deed a day, however small, however insignificant is all it takes for…………………………..

HAPPINESS.

By-Anonymous

Couldn't think of a Title

2008-04-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

I knew I needed a b_eak f_om office and an u_gent t_ip to Mau_itius with a couple of blonde gi_ls the moment I _ead my p_evious post. It looked like it had been typed by a guy agg_essive enough to make And_ew Symonds look like a messenge_ of peace with a couple of white doves pe_ched on his shoulde_s . Luckily, wo_k in office cooled down, I fell sick n that clashed with some bank holidays, so got a nice b_eak.

Anyway, now you visualize me spending the b_eak watching TV, sp_awled on a couch, with the left hand lazily swooping popco_ns off a big plastic bowl and the _ight hand g_ipping the _emote, and I think you_ visualization captu_es my plans beautifully. But I also intend to make some meaningful acts , which compa_e well with the discove_y of fi_e , Mallika She_awat and othe_ such things in te_ms of thei_ impact on mankind. Fo_ example , I need to watch my weight now . I mean , little kids a_e not exactly pointing finge_s at me and yelling ‘Look mama , that ball has legs !” , but a little bit of physical activity neve_ killed anybody , unless that activity _esulted in pissing off Mike Tyson .

Also, the_e is this _ocking insu_ance policy which I want to get fo_ myself, but im not eligible fo_ it coz im 13 kgs ove_weight fo_ it.

So, I ve been walking up the stai_s of my office (7 floo_s – twice daily) and skipping eating othe_s’ lunch & eating only mine, among othe_ things. I don’t think I ve lost weight yet, but im al_eady feeling lighte_…

Talking about television, what’s w_ong with Aaj Tak people ? I mean , I had a feeling they we_e p_etty low on news the day I saw a 30 minute capsule named “Yeh kaisa _ishta” which was about a female monkey in Madhya P_adesh which was b_inging up half a dozen pups and picking thei_ lice and feeding them he_ own milk ( As if I have eve_ seen a monkey buying polypacks f_om a mothe_ dai_y). But if someone was to watch Aaj Tak ove_ the last 15 days , he would be absolutely confident that the only man who is left on the face of this ea_th is the G_eat Khali , the mahabali Da_inda , ‘Jo apne dushmano ko kuchal deta hai’ , ‘Jiska naam sunte hee uske dushmano ki aatma kaanp jaati hai’ , and , I hea_d this yeste_day , ‘Jo duss babba_ she_o jitna taakatwa_ hai’ . Oh , by the way , if you don’t know who Khali is , he is a WWE w_estle_ of Indian O_igin who is 7’3” , weighs 190 kgs and you should be ve_y happy you don’t owe him any money. I guess Khali would discove_ a lot of info_mation about himself if he sta_ts watching Aaj Tak _egula_ly.

Also , I watched ‘_ace’ at a multiplex _ecently . To cut it sho_t , and to save 175 bucks on the ticket and 85 bucks on the bu_ge_ + coke , it’s a movie whe_e eve_ybody is evil with a head bubbling with deadly plans , eve_ybody is in bed with somebody , and eve_ybody is d_iving an exotic ca_ which costs a_ound fifty times my expected lifetime ea_nings . But the movie left me with a ve_y distu_bing message – “You wanna be a winne_ ? Please kill those mo_als fi_st” . I mean , if I would have watched that movie when I was six , I would have g_own up thinking that being t_uthful is an insult . Not that I am a Ha_ishchand_a-2 , but the people in the flick do not even t_y. Of cou_se , the_e is one anothe_ image f_om the movie which will not leave me till I b_eathe my last – That of a topless Akshaye Khanna standing chest facing towa_ds the came_a. At least th_ee XL sized sweate_s could have been knitted out of the hai_ on his chest, I swea_. Add Anil Kapoo_ to that , and you have the _aw mate_ial fo_ the complete winte_ collection of _ohit ‘Bal’ .

By the way, who didn’t feel like obliging to Kat_ina when she danced do “za_a za_a……” . I so LOVE he_….

And coming back to the need fo_ a b_eak , I think I was beginning to lose the cla_ity of thinking which has been a hallma_k of my existence since childhood , besides a need fo_ movies and eating . I was beginning to lose the wisdom to distinguish a thing I can change f_om what I can not change. Fo_ example , I was spending time feeling bad about the fact that I had some i__itating people a_ound me at wo_k instead of unde_standing that it is a thing I can not change , unless I had a gun , which I don’t . So I have made it into a pe_sonal objective to fu_the_ instill this unde_standing in my daily life ove_ the time to come.

Chalo yaa_ , you don’t expect me to spend my b_eak typing away on a laptop . Not that I have a ve_y exciting social life to look fo_wa_d too…, but Khali is waiting fo_ me…

P.S. Going through a blog post is so tough without "R". I hope i dont have to go through life . . . without "R".

Format : Bullets and Numbering

2008-03-19T12:32:00.000-07:00

I have stopped making plans for outings with friends. It is much better than making plans and then cancelling.

Have become incredibly assertive at work . Am shooting off mails which rattle up people the way a rattlesnake in your soup would rattle you . Got into a sharp debate with my manager last week .Took apart an office boy who was taking his time checking if my courier had come in. Diving to a deeper level , I am tired of people walking all over me , and I am letting them know I don't like it . And bad news for them , I am liking letting them know .

I am transforming into a workaholic . The types who have their cars in the office parking lot when all the other ones have left, whose cabin lights are switched on when lights of the the whole bulding are off. Have worked on 10 out of the 20 weekends since November 2007 . Monday is no more a scary day . I send out office mails almost every Sunday . Two weeks ago , sent a mail to boss at 1.50 am . He stamped into my cabin next morning and insisted that I get a girlfriend. Not that I want to be on the cover of Time . But I like working .

I regret not helping a kid who wanted help with her school farewell speech . I said I will help out , then totally lost track of that . I have cancelled dinner with R atleast 6 times in the last 2 weeks. If they had a record for the number of promises broken , my picture would be in the Guiness Book . Front cover . Full color.

I love my family more than anything and will stab for them . A female at my office called me a mama's boy when she heard me saying "Will leave office in 10 minutes , ma" on phone . I said "Yeah , I am a mama's boy . I love my mom . And I totally understand it if people from your side of the world eat their mothers , but we dont .We love them all our lives." I actually said that . If you ever needed to understand what a stunned woman looks like , you should have been there .

Why does everybody in the conference room laugh when the big boss cracks an intended joke ? I did not find it funny . A funeral is more funny than his joke was . But the guy on my left slapped the table twice and roared . Another one could not stop giggling for a complete forty seconds . I mean , was it in the terms and agreement when they joined ?

Some time ago , a friend of mine , who seems to be a male from what I know of him , commented that I am a lovable person . I still have not decided if that is to be classified as a compliment or a gayish attempt at molestation .

I have started speaking like my boss. "I will only ask WHY ?" and "I don't care a Fuck" being my most used sentences with "I dont want to hear the process. Show me the result" coming a close second. Of course i get to hear them from my Boss atleast 3 times more than i speak them, but.... I dont care a Fuck !

5 months in the new job. And I am almost into the habit of thinking in bullets . I think you have an idea of that.

BABY !!!!

2008-03-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

"Gooo..umm.nanana...mm...gaa..maa..eesh"
( translation - If I am not cute , you are Gulshan Grover)

For 95 minutes , a two year old pink bundle with hair as scarce as Bruce Willis' , teeth as few as my neighbour's granddad's , and a brain as immature as mine ,kept saying the line above ,and me , a 23 year old , with all my sinew and rugged looks (!!!) , kept chuckling like mickey mouse was tickling me on my bottoms.Watching "Baby's Day Out" just brought out the "mamta ka saagar" part of my personality again.

I really love babies.Every Homo sapien does.If you do not love babies , "ding dong ! MK Travel Services got a one way ticket to Pluto for you , at very reasonable rates now ! Please contact us , grab the ticket and go off to pluto to never come back , because someone who doesnt love babies doesnt deserve to be on earth.ding dong !."

You need to have a heart made out of melted iron pipes , to not love a little baby.The best thing about little babies is that everything is so little. Little fingers , little lips , little eyes , little toes , little feet , little ears.And they are not really thinking ahead.I really think that babysitters have the most pleasing job , right up there with that of Emraan Hashmi.In both cases , you get paid to play with semi naked and soft people.

My dad must have been born with a camera around his neck and a couple of kodak reels stuffed in his diapers.And the first words he said must have been "Say Cheese!".He just loved clicking pictures of I was a baby. Back at home , we have photo albums which would outweight the prime customer of your local weight reduction clinic.So I still get out one of those albums and spend hours poring over those baby photographs and wondering what comet hit this little cute cuddly baby in the picture to grow up into something like me.

But now that I have grown up , its like a "girly" thing to talk about babies.For the sake of protecting my claims to any kind of masculanity , I generally avoid talk about babies.Because when I dont avoid it , something like this follows :

Me ( excited voice ): Hey I love little babies , they are so cute !

Rahul ( 5'11" , unshaved , deep voice ) - Dude , you need to drink some buckets of testosterone soon.

Kaushik ( 5 ' 10" , bulging biceps , deepest voice ) - Dude, you remind me of my grandmother .

Varun ( 6' 02" , spiked hair , deeper voice ) - I think you love wearing pink frocks and read "cyndrilla" and sing "ring-a-ring-a-roses" too ?

Me ( low , subdued voice ) : I ..just like babies yaar..I am normal.

I know you would smirk and think - "He has just wiggled the little noses and tickled the little toes of babies belonging to aunts.Wait till some baby shits on his favorite blue corduroy trousers and pisses on his starched white shirt and wails like a puppy just when he has to watch a soccer game on the television".But with all due respect to babies of the world ,I claim that I can calm down any baby and make it smile before you can spell 'Hi'.And I dont even need cartoon network or stuffed toys for that. Handsome ( with just a little plastic surgery to do ) , educated , baby calming capability , intelligent ( serious allegations against this one )..what more can any girl desire in a man ?

And there are only two things that make me even think of marriage.First ,a rich father-in-law.Second , the thought of watching a little baby grow up.

Last month , I was vehemantly arguing with mom and claiming that marriages got popular because gas chambers went out of fashion.

Me ( to ma ) - Marriage !! A monkey has to come out of my ear before I even think of marriage.

I walk upto the television , watch "amazing baby videos" on discovery , get all senti senti over little babies and hence marriage and walk back to mom.*

Me ( to ma ) - Ma , have you seen a big brown monkey with a pink face and a fuzzy tail around this place ? Let me know if you spot it.It ran off right after It came out of my ear."

IPL - Will it or Wont it

2008-03-13T11:04:00.000-07:00

The auction is over, players have got their moolah, team names have been announced, logistics are in place, ticket sales will start soon and on April 18^th 2008, we shall witness the first edition of the Indian Premier League, or should I say THE DLF INDIAN PREMIER LEAGUE.

Millionaires have been made in exchange of 44 days of games.

BCCI is the biggest winner, hands down. The players have benefited too. The buying teams – well, they believe they will recover their “investments” within a couple of years.

All’s well that ends well.

For us viewers, most of us are all excited for this BIG T20 tournament to begin and can’t wait till 18^th April. We believe it’s going to be one cracker of a championship. There seems no reason to believe it won’t work – after all, the T20 world cup was a smash hit, and what’s more – India won that.

But there is one small glitch. WHO WILL YOU SUPPORT ?

To enjoy any sport, I believe & correct me if I am wrong, you need to support a player / team, you need to take sides. There will be very few people who watch a sport just to see a nice game / match / race etc. Most of us would want a Nadal to defeat a Federer, a ManU to defeat a Chelsea, a Hamilton to outrace an Alonso and an India to defeat a Pakistan.

Cricket, unlike football has traditionally been a “country vs. country” sport. We support a team – we support a nation. In Football, national games are much less watched as compared to club matches. So a ManU or a Barca will have more loyalty than a England or Brazil. Not so in cricket. Not till now.

I am a Mumbaikar, so logically, I would support the Mumbai Indians in the IPL. But in a match against the Kolkata Knight riders, when Ishant bowls to Sachin – who would I cheer for ?

When a R.P. Singh (Hyderabad) bowls to Dada (Kolkata), would I want dada to hit him for a six or RP to get him out.

When Sree Santh gets Dhoni out, will I be happy or sad ?

When Ponting helps Dada’s team win against Dravid’s, will I be happy ? For that matter, will Dada be happy ?

I won’t enjoy the cricket. I am not a “Mumbai Indian”, nor a “Kolkata Knight Rider” supporter. I just support the Men in Blue. What about you ?

Bachchan & Bharat

2008-01-31T03:31:00.000-08:00

A couple of things that crossed my mind last week . . .

1. Why did Amitabh Bachchan name the Girl's college he plans to build in Barabanki after daughter in law Aishwarya Bachchan & not after his Late mother Teji Bachchan ?

Also, a friend enlightened me - This act of AB means that he has named a Girls College after a person who has not completed her college education.

Yes, Mrs. Abhishek Bachchan is apparently a college dropout.

2. Watching the Star Screen Awards last weekend, i was surprised that Manoj "Bharat" Kumar was given the Lifetime Achievement Award.
Isn't it quite late ?

I mean, people like Dharmendra, Rekha, Sunil Dutt, Hema Malini, Javed Akhtar, Jaya Bachchan etc. have been awarded the Lifetime Achievement already. Why wasn't Manoj Kumar honoured earlier ?

Or, was this because of the whole OSO - Manoj Kumar fiasco. Manoj Kumar had raised a lot of dust & settled it almost abrubtly. Was this award a trade-off ? Go figure...

By the way, it definitely didn't help that the telecast people panned the camera on SRK's face more than on Manoj Kumar when he was being given the award.