Diwali Notes

There are few times when life gives you a breather, when you can look back at your life as you walk and drop quietly into an uncovered manhole in the process. For me, these three days with less work at office have been just that – A time to break away from the excel modelling, adding ‘zing’ to the teaser and reflect on the direction my life is heading in (Which, I discovered, may be heading right into a smelly pile of cow dung).And , of course , celebrate Diwali , the biggest festival of North India . It may leave the street dogs terrified. It may make people blow up crackers which cost half the entire GDP of Botswana . It may have burned down Mrs Rangwala’s plants, as it did the year before last . But then, an year without Diwali is like a three feet deep bungee jump . Safe but no fun.You know Diwali is around the corner when all the ladies in the colony arrange themselves in pairs and start discussing how to please the ‘kaamwali’ this year.

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The exchanging of sweets with friends and relatives is another domain which calls upon the recycling resources only a woman can possess- Mehta Ji gets the ‘burfi’ given by Gupta saab. The kurkure gift pack from Turakhia finds a place in Kumar Uncle’s house. Shahs are the lucky recipients of ‘something’ we got from the Sharmas – did not open up the pack , so don’t know what. But a logical thinking mechanism is indispensable here. If possible , a diagrammatic representation should be used here. Because one little lapse of concentration can be very hard to accept for the Kapoors who ended up getting a ten pack set of Real Juices from us , which they had gifted to the Kumars .

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I complete 1 year of office in November. I ve realised that English used in the corporate world is a complicated language.

I ll give you a small exmple of the phrases I can readily recollect

“Sir, it was great interfacing with you. Let’s touch base next week to discuss how this opportunity is a strategic fit into your business verticals yielding operational synergies.”
(Nice talking to you. I ll call you next week to convince you to invest in this proposal)

“Over the years, we have realised that our company offers product solutions across all verticals, resulting in a lot of breadth but not a lot of depth”
(I have no clue what our company does – there are apparently a lot of products we sell)

“You are the relationship manager for this investor. Where is your traction ??”
(Why havent you spoken to this investor this week. You should know his daughter is getting married next month & his son is having an affair with the neighbour’s eldest daughter)

“Don’t give me the English of it. Show me the Maths“
( You are too verbose)

“This is all Maths. Give me the English”
(Please be more descriptive)

“There is no flavour in this one pager. I need to feel it. Please add some zing to it”
(I don’t like what you’ve made)

“Who is running the transaction. Tell me who owns it”
(Just tell me who to blame when the shit hits the ceiling)

I just remember these many right now. I assure you that I’ll remember more and add flavour & zing to the post when we touch base next time. Hopefully this post wasn’t too much english for you & you could realise the depth & breadth of the same. It was nice interfacing with you & hope to develop more traction over the years.

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HAPPY DIWALI TO ALL READERS. HAVE A GREAT FESTIVAL SEASON AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR !!!!