Thursday, February 26, 2009

It's only words - 4 : The Unspoken

He was of a retiring nature, not prone to public displays of affection. His words were measured and he thought a great deal before making an advance in any field. Which worked both to his advantage and disadvantage, while his choices were good she did not have the patience to wait for them.

Being somewhat of a retiring nature herself, she would shy away from confrontation and would make no demands, yet his inability to give some shape to the relationship they shared frustrated her and after two years of waiting for something more than faint commitment and several stolen kisses, she decided to move on.

He being the gentleman that he was, never questioned her departure and made no attempt to stop her. She being the lady that she was, never demanded a firm commitment from him and left the town pretending that nothing had transpired between them.

And in truth nothing had, save for the unspoken feelings that both were keenly aware of and yet had never acted on.

She met him a few years later, an accident of chance had placed them in the same coffee shop, they talked and laughed and exchanged reminiscences of old times. He hadn't changed, it was as if time stood still and the world had passed by. She on the other hand had changed, and her direct approach reflected it.

She told him she was getting married soon, she saw the hurt in his eyes, the only betrayal of what feeling he once held for her. "You didn't expect me to wait forever, did you?" She said, her only indication that she had perceived his feelings.

He did not reply, a slight smile creased his face. "I wish the best for you." He said.

As he rose to leave he shook her hand once more and then turned and left, ever the gentleman. She watched him go, and then sat back down, a tear trickled down her face. She didn't care, she was now no longer the lady.


I'll never let you see the way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide all the sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain,I'll do my crying in the rain

Monday, February 23, 2009

It's only words - 3

"Is something wrong?" Shaan asked with some concern.
"No," said Sneha with some reserve, "I guess I just wanted to apologize for the way I'm been acting lately. I've had a lot on my mind."

Shaan raised his eyebrows questioningly. Whenever Sneha got like this, it usually meant trouble. This was not going to be one of those conversations with a band aid solution.
"What's on your mind?"

Sneha hesitated, did she really want to get into this right now? Things had been so good between them for the last few months, he had been so attentive and understanding. Listening to her and supporting her dreams...

"I want to know where we're heading?" She asked abruptly. Looking up from her corner of the bed where she fidgeted with the edge of the bed cover. "I need to know Shaan, this thing between us, is it ever going to be anything more?"
Shaan's face grew serious, Sneha felt her breath catch, "You know how I feel about you, I want you! I want to be with you."
He looked up slightly taken aback by her outburst. He watched her bite her lip nervously, and imagined running his tongue over it. Kissing her forehead and soothing her fears, telling her that everything was going to be alright.
But he couldn't move.

Shaan watched her from across the room, watched as her expression changed from nervousness to anger. "Why won't you answer me?" Sneha demanded, "Don't you understand? I need to know! Are you going to leave her?"

Images of his wife flashed before his eyes, her smile, her gentle laugh, the pain in her eyes that she tried to conceal, she had known about his affair, had confronted him about it at first, he had of course blatantly denied it. Then, she had threatened to leave, Shaan had half hoped she would. He didn't love her, but he couldn't quite bring himself to leave her, she needed compassion.

"Sneha, please..."
"You're not going to, are you Shaan?" Sneha's nostrils flared slightly, "Do I even mean anything to you? Do you know that I love you? Do you care?"
Shaan squeezed his eyes shut.
"Sneha, she needs me..."
"And what about me, Shaan? Don't I need you too? How can you string me along like this? With these empty promises, these empty words. Do you think I'll wait forever?"

Shaan glanced up again, a look of slight alarm visible on his face, "Snee please try to understand, I do want you, I love what I have with you, you make me feel things I didn't think possible... but she's my wife, has been for 6 years. I can't just walk away from that without any repercussions!"
"No Shaan, you're afraid to walk away, you're afraid to find happiness."

Sneha stood up and put on her slippers.
"Where are you going?" Shaan asked, also rising.
"Out, away from you. I need to clear my head, need to think." Sneha picked up her bag, clenched her teeth and with a determined stride headed to the door. Pausing there she turned around to see Shaan standing in the center of the room, hands in his pockets, eyes downcast, looking forlorn.

It tore her heart to see him this way, she wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and kiss him, beg him to forgive her for being this way and promise to be patient and wait for him. Her eyes began to burn, quickly she turned around before the tears found their way down her soft round cheeks.
"Goodbye Shaan" Her voice was a shaky whisper.
"Please lock the door on your way out, leave the key with Raju, he should be downstairs."
With that she was out the door, walking as quickly as she could down the staircase out into the busy street, filled with people making their way home after a hard day's work.

She paused for breath, he had not followed her.
Looking up she saw the lights in her apartment still on, she felt a dampness on her cheeks and realized that the tears she had been holding back for so long had finally broken free. Her heart had been crushed into a million pieces and been trampled on.
Slowly she put one foot in front of the other, heading towards the sunset, she faded into the crowd.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

It's only words - 2

And that's the way it is ....

It was like a slap in the face. Tanya couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What do you mean Sanjay?" she asked slightly bewildered. "What happened between us... didn't it mean anything to you?"
"What happened was a mistake Tanya, it shouldn't have happened." A slight frown creased Sanjay's forehead. "We should just be friends, you're making too much of this."

Tanya looked stricken, her face crumpled like a paper bag. How could he be this cruel? This cold? Could he really take something that had been so special and smash it to the ground as if it repulsed him?
"I don't know..." she couldn't finish.
"You're making this out to be more than it is T!"

She swallowed hard, "Then maybe, maybe you would want that we shouldn't see each other anymore.."
A heavy silence filled the air for the span of a second.
"You're right T, maybe we shouldn't. Take care of yourself." And with that he was gone.

He walked out the door and did not look back. Tanya wanted to run after him, but her feet would not move. Instead she went into her bedroom, pressed her face into her pillow and cried bitterly for a very long time.

The days inched their way by, but he did not return and slowly, very slowly she began to stop hoping that he would.


What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say, and watching you walk away

What hurts the most, was feeling it end
And never knowing what could have been.....

Friday, February 13, 2009

Flowers - A Valentine's Day Story

Deodhar was disgusted. He was absolutely sick to his stomach. Not really, but he could have been. Let's assume he was sick to his stomach. He could hardly bear to look at that morning's paper, but he leafed through it hurriedly anyway, trying hard not to be driven into further disgust by all the Valentine's Day ads in the paper. Several of them were cut-out ads - "Cut out this ad and bring it to Neem restaurant along with your valentine on Valentine's day and get 20% off on all burgers! ** "

Deodhar was what people called a die-hard romantic, but once January passed, he counted down the days to the 14th of February with dread. Deodhar didn't have a problem with the concept of Valentine's Day itself - a day to celebrate love was probably the best idea since irrigation. But the way these greedy corporations commercialised and commodified Love - was to dilute, to pollute, a thing that was so pure, so unadulterated. And this most sublime of emotions was being sold as a 200 rupee heart-shaped box of chocolates, according to the advertisement Deodhar was now trying not to look at.

What was probably just as bad was the kind of pressure Valentine's Day put on people who didn't have their special someones - he'd seen his friends go through immense depression watching couples be all valentine-y. Of course, it's not like Deodhar had never spent Valentine's Day single - he was just a little more stoic than his friends – in this case.

This Valentine's Day, Deodhar was not exactly single, nor was he exactly multiple. You see, he had a thing going on with a certain girl, called Daisy, whom he was quite fond of - but they hadn't really talked about what this 'going on thing' was about and it was kind of an on and off 'thing' - for the sake of simplicity, let's just say Daisy was Deodhar's "It's complicated".

Now Deodhar had every intention of asking Daisy to be his Valentine on the thirteenth of the month, but he hadn't quite figured out how to do that yet - and that was just his excuse for not really having the guts to ask her. But now the day was here and he knew that if he didn't seize the day, well, he wouldn't seize the day. He must speak now or forever hold his silence or something like that, because there was no more time for procrastination.

Deodhar decided to go over to Daisy's place and fix up this whole Valentine business. He didn't want to call, because that wasn't personal enough, and he didn't want to send her an email, because that's just stupid.

But just strolling over to Daisy's house and asking her to be his Valentine didn't seem enough. After all, this was a rather last-minute proposal, so he'd better have more than a lukewarm "Will you be my valentine?" to ask her if she'd be his valentine. It needed more passion, more flavour, more romance.

Deodhar considered delivering a long speech, extolling Daisy's feminine virtues, her curvy, yet sturdy figure, her slender limbs and all that. But Deodhar had never been great with words, so he didn't want to risk doing something like that. This also meant writing poetry was out of the question. Deodhar also couldn't carry a tune to save his life, so that obviously meant no serenading.
Chocolates and teddy bears were definitely out of the question - too cheesy and too commercial. So were Valentine's Day cards. He didn't like the idea of pre-packaged sentiment.

Then it hit him - flowers. Of course, flowers were a staple Valentine's Day gift, perhaps overdone, but they still had their charm. They were natural, beautiful, fragrant, just like Daisy. Besides, being a great listener had paid off - Deodhar knew exactly what Daisy's favourite flowers were.
Deodhar decided not to buy a bouquet, for that would be commercialism all over again. He had a little garden in his backyard where the flowers he needed grew. Now delighted, Deodhar picked a bunch of Daisy's favourite kinds of flowers and immediately rushed to her house.

Deodhar knocked on the door, and holding the flowers, waited for the door to open with bated breath.
Then the door opened and there stood Daisy, more gorgeous than ever before. Deodhar held out his homemade bouquet sheepishly. "Ha... Happy Valentine's Day, Daisy... will you be my valentine?"
A wave of elation and relief washed over Deodhar as Daisy smiled and took the flowers from him.
"Of course I'll be your valentine! How sweet of you! You got me my favourite flowers! Human testicles and ovaries! Oh, and I see a few penises, too! Oh, it's wonderful, Deodhar, and it smells divine! I'm so glad you asked me... I was afraid you wouldn't."

Deodhar was filled with joy. He extended a branch and Daisy held it in her slender twig. They walked together, limb in limb, out to the park, their bright green leaves and petals shimmering in the sunlight. And then a thought occurred to Deodhar.

"Daisy, imagine if the humans were people, and the plants were in their place. You think they'd gift each other our reproductive organs?"
"Eww, Deodhar! Don't be disgusting!" Daisy said.

** conditions apply

Thursday, February 12, 2009

It's only words - 1

i went through some of my previous posts & realised that mine was becoming a primarily a movie review blog - i have written about Dasvidaniya, Ghajini, Dev D one after the other, with very little of anything else. Yes,i am very passionate about movies, but this was never meant to be a blog solely about movies - but thats what is happening. So, i ve decided to cut it down.

Beginning today i ll start writing a series of short stories, more like snippets of stories. There will be other stuff, maybe a movie review in the middle - but more of these snippets - atleast for the next couple of months. So, here goes...


A Beginning

The sun was rising, its rosy fingers pierced through the early morning cold, cutting through the clouds. It was the start of a new day, a new year. Priya inched a little closer to Sagar trying to absorb as much warmth as she could from him, he looked down and smiled, it was a fairly cold January morning.

They had been sitting on the roof since midnight, watching the stars, talking about random things, snuggling for a while. The party downstairs had long since died down and most people had either gone home or were sprawled out in various rooms.

Priya sighed, it felt so good to be here, she glanced up at Sagar through her lashes, he seemed to be absorbed in thoughts of his own. She closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder, she felt his arm tighten against her skin. "If things could always be this way forever", she thought. Her mind wandered back to when they'd first met, it seemed so long ago, had a year gone by already? It seemed difficult to fathom. Yes, they had met at a common friend’s birthday a year back & were in touch since. A sweet friendship had developed over the months

The sun was getting warmer, "Sagar, we really should be going down don't you think?" Priya angled her head to get a better view of his face. "Yes," Sagar replied, "It's just that there's something I want to give you first, it's a present."

Priya smiled, Sagar always had such a sweet way about him, "What is it?" she asked eagerly.
"It's a surprise," he replied, "You'll have to close your eyes."
Priya frowned a little suspiciously & then smiled in anticipation, closed her eyes and sat back. Presently she heard the crinkling of plastic and her curiosity sorely tempted her to open her eyes. Sagar seemed to be hesitating, she was about to say something when she felt him cup her face in his hands, startled she opened her eyes just as he pressed his lips gently against hers.

"Happy New Year", he said as he pulled back a few moments later, "I've been wanting to do that all evening." Priya felt butterflies in her stomach, her heart racing from the excitement of kiss they'd just shared, her first kiss, their first kiss..
"Sagar, I...." she seemed to be at a loss for words.
"Shh.. you don't have to say anything, just let this moment be."

There was a heavy silence between them.
"I think we'd better go down now Priya."
Priya nodded, they stood up looked in each others eyes and then silently walked back downstairs, hand in hand . . . .


Somewhere between the hot and the cold,
Somewhere between the new and the old,
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be,
Somewhere in the middle....... you’ll find me....

Monday, February 09, 2009

Dev D - We are all sluts.

Let me say this first - i havent seen any of Kashyap's movies - Black Friday, No Smoking, Hanuman Returns or even the pirated dvd of Paanch. i have friends who hail him as the saviour of Indian Cinema from the kitsch it gives out.

I am a fan of Abhay Deol. That combined by the fact that i was really curious to see Kashyap's movie made me want to see Dev D at the earliest - i saw it on the first day last show.

And i was blown away by the first half. The second half dragged, but as the days passed, i started liking the movie more & more.

Anurag takes us through the lives of 3 mortal characters, who are flawed, yes we all are,they have instincts that they don’t hide,they are shameless with people they know as we all are.Asisiting Anurag in this brilliantly filmed journey is AMIT TRIVEDI’s music,every word is connected to the story,every song is rightly placed,and u never realized that you have just watched a movie with 18 goddamn songs, such is the manner it blends with the story line.The music just lifts the screenplay where it begins to drag

Coming back to the movie,The detailing is phenomenal, the dialogue, the graffiti, the camera, a “real” Punjabi wedding, the abuse, the bong, the drugs,the momos,the brothels ,the black goggles and even the sex - everything is so well placed and thought of that you just cant stop ur self from standing up and givin AK a bow for this work.

He questions us time and again about the way we treat women,a sin which is deeply rooted in Indian phsyche with sublte remarks like “MA- HILAYE” on a bus window,Godesses Kali with money in one of her hands in a graffiti at dev’s room, spot on!!.

Casting is another high point here, with ABHAY rocking, as usual and Mahi,well, she was just as raw as the character wanted her to be( I wonder if a director ever before dared to show what testosterone charged young lovers talk on phone like the brilliant “have u touched yourself?” in the starting scene - missed it in th movie, but saw it online later). Cinematography is awesome & never lets you down.

KALKI ,I think she was made for this role, the innocence of a school girl and then Chanda a girl with no regrets, she has surrendered her to the conditions around her which at one point of time every man does, thus becoming a 'slut'.

About the songs,I think Duniya was brilliantly picturized so was emotional atyaachar and its Rock version, Just couldn’t understand the presence of 3 GUYS(may be anurag’s three musketeers),who danced their way around in Sali khushi and pardesi.

The movie explores the modern male & female psyche well - Dev can't handle the over sexualuty oozed by any of his ladies. Chanda accepts her fate as a "CSW", at the same time carrying on studies during the day. Mahi is in love with Dev, but doesnt forget how he has hurt her & she gets back at him & how !! Hits him where it hurts the most. All her commentsa directed, literally, below the belt.

The dialogues were real & at times full of brazen sexuality. Sample this
"saali palang tod deti hai"
"have you guys done it - S.E.X. ?"
"wahaan se haath nikaal"
"tumhaari photo bhejna - binaa kapde ki"
"woh umar mein boodhe rahenge, par bistar mein nahi. Unpe chadne ki to naubat hi nahi aati"
"im just going out for a walk, im not going to suck every cock that walks my way"
"all you wanna do is fuck. . . Don't u ?"

The raw energy in some scenes just captivates you

1. The scene where Mahi gets a bedding into the fields so that she & dev n get doing what they had been planning for long
2. the scene where Chanda talks sex with dev & he can't handle it & breaks the glass. That establishes right there who controls the relationship
3. Mahi & Dev confrontation in the secind half
4. Lenny's outburst at her father

and many more to list. Watch the movie for them

Complaints -

Second half drags
Why does Mahi start washing Dev's clothes
Chanda's falling into love woth Dev has not been well explained
Abrupt end

So - all in all - yes, i will definitely watch Black friday & No Smoking, just coz AK's directed them. You might hate the movie - but you should still see it. It might not make money at the BO, but its sure to be a cult classic on the DVD circuit.

So, GO FOR IT. It sure ain't Emosanal Attyachaar !!!

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