Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Nice Guys Finish Last

i had a promised a certain friend (she now denies it vehemently) of mine that i ll write a blog on how "nice guys always finish last". She claims that most of my recent blogs are inspired from her (something i vehemently deny). Well, this idea came to me from a conversation with her. so, well, this she can claim to be the inspiration for.

Anyways, i was just reading up online regarding this topic & came across an article published in the Wharton Undergraduate Journal. It perfectly expressed what i wanted to write - so i ll do the intelligne thing and reproduce it here.

An ode to nice guys

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.


Last year, i had this habit of writing a few quotes daily in my office diary. i ve decided to mention a few at the end of each blog now.

Never regret something that once made you smile

Happiness is not in our circumstances – It is in us. It is not something we see, or feel – Happiness is something we are.

You’re never too old to become younger

Monday, March 23, 2009

Should you keep them ?

Trivial relationships..Ones that were meaningful at some point but with time- lose their essence, people grow apart, and even a small conversation becomes laborious. You want to talk, its not like you dont want to. But you want to talk because.. You think you used to be want to for the sake of old may want to re invent old times..heck, you may just want to know more about the person and the goin ons in their lives...whatever the reason i guess we all do that..hold on to things and people...i ve always felt the pinch of it.. And its not because of what i do but in terms of why i do it...
why is it annoying for me when i chose to hang on to trivial relationships and then feel the sheer futility of it. And I end up hurting myself. Isn’t it better to just acknowledge that and move on and just change the definitions to acquaintances or casual friendships. I think it is....


Just a thought
Are my thoughts getting fewer and fewer or is my brain getting smaller an smaller ??

ps: rhetorical question, do not attempt to answer !


Random Thought

Speaking about boys and girls, there's one thing I don't understand about bicycles. Exacty why is it boys' bikes have a bar between the seat and the handlebar, and girls' bikes don't? Shouldn't it be the other way around? I mean, if one were to go over a bump on the road and slip off the seat, ..... I think you get the point. So, on that rather painful thought, I'm going to bid adieu for the day. So, bye and take care.

Also, since you can now rate the blog - it doesn't mean that you do not have to comment. i wont hang you if you do both !

Thursday, March 19, 2009

300, The Movie : A Parody

Over the last 6 months or so, millions of people all over the world, including me, have been witness to the unbelievable feats of a unique set of people. We have watched in awe and applauded these brash, macho, courageous, gallant, superhuman and above all, blueish creatures who seem to stop at nothing to defend the glory of their proud nation and to mercilessly massacre their enemies. I am talking here, of course, about the Indian Cricket Team.

Ha Ha Ha Ha, just kidding!! I was actually referring to the Spartan army in the Hollywood blockbuster movie ‘300’, which gets its name from the total number of visible muscles on the upper torso of a Spartan soldier. The movie had a powerful effect on me, as I’m sure this blog post is now having on you. Raise your hands, all of you, who are now picturing the Indian Cricket Team taking the field wearing only copper helmets, red capes and black abdomen guards. Thank you.I recently saw this movie again, courtesy my almost fully filled 500 GB HDD (courtesy again, chil !!!). And, by writing about this, im restricting the understandability (or, is comprehendability the right word - u get the point) of my post to people who have seen the movie AND have a sense of humour !

If you didn’t know it already, the movie is based on the legendary Battle of Thermopylae, in which 300 gallant Spartan soldiers fought bravely against one million lily-livered faggots of the invading Persian army, and kept them at bay for three whole days, while the rest of Greece was busy with the Olympics. The Spartans were lead by their fearless King Leonidas, played in the film by Gerard Butler, whose only previous claim to fame came when he was the only British actor NOT considered for the role of James Bond. The Persian Empire was ruled by the 8-foot-tall, dark and handsome Xerxes, also known as the ‘Bling-King’. Reputed historians from all over the world agree that, if not for his unquenchable thirst for power, Xerxes could’ve had a major impact in the NBA.

Now the Spartans were a tribe of real men, so manly that if Hulk Hogan had lived in Sparta, he would’ve been a nurse or a fashion designer. In Spartan schools, young boys were trained in the art of war. They were taught never to retreat, never to surrender and to torture prisoners of war by locking them up in a room alone with Navjot Sidhu. They were also trained in the art of manliness, by being forced to fight against wolves, down multiple barrels of beer, watch football and fart loudly in public places. Not much is known about the Spartan women, but paintings from the period reveal that they had abundant bosoms. The Persians, on the other hand, were open-minded, extremely horny and willing to experiment with their sexuality. So, when they heard the Spartans crying, “Only the hard and strong may call himself Spartan. Only the hard (obviuosly, i intended the pun here, u dimwits),” they just had to visit Sparta to check if it was true. So, they decide to invade Greece.

King Leonidas, after hearing about the upcoming invasion on CNN, gets all excited about getting to kick some Persian butt. So, following the official protocol, he asks the Oracle, played by a sexy, writhing young woman covered with only a piece of thin white cloth (something Yash Chopra / Yahji can learn), whether it would be a good idea. Using her prophetic powers, she tells him no, it would be a very bad idea and that everyone would die a bloody death on the battlefield but adds that many centuries later, the movie adaptation of their story would make loads of money. So, Leonidas signs a lucrative deal with Warner Bros., gathers 300 of his best soldiers and goes to war against the invading Persian army.

They march north towards Thermopylae (Greek for ‘pile of thermos flasks’) to stop the Persians from entering Greece. The Persians, whose Air Deccan flight had been delayed due to operational reasons, arrive looking visibly tired and angry. They ask the Spartans to drop their weapons and save the movie producers the money to be spent on special effects for the computer generated battle scenes. Leonidas responds to this suggestion by first smirking, and then screaming, “Persians!! Come and get them!!” probably referring to their luggage that was still on the conveyor belt. The Persians rush forward to collect them but the Spartans break the locks and open them up to reveal lacy women’s lingerie and inflatable dolls. The embarrassed and enraged Persians immediately sound the battle cry. And so the war begins.

The Spartan soldiers use the phalanx formation, also known as the attacking 4-4-2, and some really astounding special effects to fight off wave after wave of Persian attackers, including silver-masked magicians, an angry rhinocerous, some agitated battle elephants and a couple of hideously deformed circus freaks, all of whom have the fighting skills of a washing machine. For the next few minutes, the screen is a mix of red and brown and body parts go flying around and blood splatters everywhere. Xerxes, impressed by the Spartan fighting spirit, personally approaches Leonidas, gives him a shoulder massage, and promises him a full-body if only he would kneel down in front of him and do you-know-what. The Spartan king politely declines, saying instead that he would make the bling-king bleed. At this point, the film’s dialogue writers were fired for going overboard with the sexual innuendo.

Xerxes gives Leonidas a shoulder massage while the latter considers his proposal

Finally, the Persians, after displaying the intellectual capabilities of cabbage for nearly three-quarters of the movie, suddenly turn into cunning military strategists and surround the Spartan army on all sides. Xerxes demands their surrender, asking Leonidas to service him once before he died. To this indecent proposal, Leonidas replies with the immortal line: “This will not be quick, you will not enjoy this, and I am not your Queen!”, later realising that he was looking at the wrong page of dialogue. Before he can find the right lines, the bling-king orders his archers to fire and all the brave Spartans are killed in a violent downpour of arrows.

The movie ends with shots of the Persians celebrating their hard-fought victory. Of course their celebrations will stop soon enough, when they march on from Thermopylae and come face to face with opponents who are deadlier, more efficient and far more terrifying: The Indian Cricket Team.


There, im back with a "movie" post. Certain people havent been liking what i ve been posting recently - my stories. And, i could only tell them that they are in minority n they would not believe me. So, now - for everyone - i have a rating bar below each post, where EVERY reader MUST rate the blog (on a scale of 5) & it will be recorded and a average rating will be shown.

So, request all of you to please rate ALL my posts from now on. That will serve a a guide to me as o what you like and what you dont.

As a start, i ll rate this post as a 5/5. (Modest, aren't i ?)

Monday, March 16, 2009

Sunday Musings

The following are products of a long, boring sunday

Daniel (name borrowed from the current James Bond) fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women, he couldn’t believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man.

Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more and more eagerly.

One afternoon he was sitting on the beach and wishing for some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves. Daniel swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little jig of happiness.

“You can’t believe how happy I am to see you,” he cried.
The new fellow eyed him up and down and cooed, “You’re a sight for sore eyes too, you gorgeous thing!”
“Crap,” sighed Daniel, “there go my Sundays.”


For a moment
A whore
Feels romance

For a moment
The music
Is silent

For a moment
The night
Creates shadows

For a moment
It all
Makes sense

That moment
Is over

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