It's only words - 3

"Is something wrong?" Shaan asked with some concern.
"No," said Sneha with some reserve, "I guess I just wanted to apologize for the way I'm been acting lately. I've had a lot on my mind."

Shaan raised his eyebrows questioningly. Whenever Sneha got like this, it usually meant trouble. This was not going to be one of those conversations with a band aid solution.
"What's on your mind?"

Sneha hesitated, did she really want to get into this right now? Things had been so good between them for the last few months, he had been so attentive and understanding. Listening to her and supporting her dreams...

"I want to know where we're heading?" She asked abruptly. Looking up from her corner of the bed where she fidgeted with the edge of the bed cover. "I need to know Shaan, this thing between us, is it ever going to be anything more?"
Shaan's face grew serious, Sneha felt her breath catch, "You know how I feel about you, I want you! I want to be with you."
He looked up slightly taken aback by her outburst. He watched her bite her lip nervously, and imagined running his tongue over it. Kissing her forehead and soothing her fears, telling her that everything was going to be alright.
But he couldn't move.

Shaan watched her from across the room, watched as her expression changed from nervousness to anger. "Why won't you answer me?" Sneha demanded, "Don't you understand? I need to know! Are you going to leave her?"

Images of his wife flashed before his eyes, her smile, her gentle laugh, the pain in her eyes that she tried to conceal, she had known about his affair, had confronted him about it at first, he had of course blatantly denied it. Then, she had threatened to leave, Shaan had half hoped she would. He didn't love her, but he couldn't quite bring himself to leave her, she needed compassion.

"Sneha, please..."
"You're not going to, are you Shaan?" Sneha's nostrils flared slightly, "Do I even mean anything to you? Do you know that I love you? Do you care?"
Shaan squeezed his eyes shut.
"Sneha, she needs me..."
"And what about me, Shaan? Don't I need you too? How can you string me along like this? With these empty promises, these empty words. Do you think I'll wait forever?"

Shaan glanced up again, a look of slight alarm visible on his face, "Snee please try to understand, I do want you, I love what I have with you, you make me feel things I didn't think possible... but she's my wife, has been for 6 years. I can't just walk away from that without any repercussions!"
"No Shaan, you're afraid to walk away, you're afraid to find happiness."

Sneha stood up and put on her slippers.
"Where are you going?" Shaan asked, also rising.
"Out, away from you. I need to clear my head, need to think." Sneha picked up her bag, clenched her teeth and with a determined stride headed to the door. Pausing there she turned around to see Shaan standing in the center of the room, hands in his pockets, eyes downcast, looking forlorn.

It tore her heart to see him this way, she wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and kiss him, beg him to forgive her for being this way and promise to be patient and wait for him. Her eyes began to burn, quickly she turned around before the tears found their way down her soft round cheeks.
"Goodbye Shaan" Her voice was a shaky whisper.
"Snee..."
"Please lock the door on your way out, leave the key with Raju, he should be downstairs."
With that she was out the door, walking as quickly as she could down the staircase out into the busy street, filled with people making their way home after a hard day's work.

She paused for breath, he had not followed her.
Looking up she saw the lights in her apartment still on, she felt a dampness on her cheeks and realized that the tears she had been holding back for so long had finally broken free. Her heart had been crushed into a million pieces and been trampled on.
Slowly she put one foot in front of the other, heading towards the sunset, she faded into the crowd.