Crossroads...

Hey Guys, it has been long since i ve blogged. Well, my blog was getting (in)famous for all the wrong reasons, so decided to take a break. Now, im back - but with no more of the old stuff !!

Anyways, below is some stuff i had written earlier, but not posted .. and some that i wrote just now... enjoy
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I am at the crossroads again. When I look to my left, I see a dull road fading away into a misty dusk. When I look to the right, I see a road with cracks so vast and deep, I’m afraid I might fall into one of them. When I look behind me, I see so much hurt and regret that I don’t want to go back. When I try to see ahead, I am unable to figure out what awaits me. I can see the presence of a light, but my heart believes it’s just an illusion, a fatal trap to capture me. And so I just stand there wondering which road to take.

Random thoughts keep springing up in my mind, thoughts that I can’t comprehend. My mind is in chaos and prevents me from thinking straight. Suddenly the world is upside down and everything seems to go wrong. Everything seems so different, unpredictable. Sometimes I wonder if I should even care anymore. I feel I am so complicated at times that even I fail to understand myself. And then I wonder how, when and why I changed so much. I wonder what or who was responsible for this thick wall of indifference that I have built all around me. Sometimes I want to run away, take some other road that I can twist and turn according to my purpose. Sometimes I feel like hurting myself, wondering how it would feel. From where I stand, I see myself as a broken person who is too confused, too weak to decide which road to take.

Emotions are strange, love is stranger. I’ve had enough of both.
Complications never cease and simplicity is so vague. I want neither.
I am at the crossroads again and I don’t know where to go.

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Talking about Crossroads.. we are all now in the 4th month of our MBA . Some came here knowing what they wanted from the 1 year, many came here wanting to “realize” their calling, some came here unplanned. All thought, well, yeah this is it. I ve made it this far. I ll be now take care of.

But ISB is a mess like no other. It is not the result of the efforts, the end of a race, it’s the start of a whole new one. There are quite a few who have figured out what exactly they want out of this one year, what electives they will select, what subject they will major in, what jobs they want. But those are a minority. For each such person, there are many who are confused… OVERWHELMED actually. They just manage to take 1 day at a time & believe me, ISB throws a lot at you in any given “1 day”. For those people, ISB now is like the Crossroads, not knowing which way to turn.

Is it grades that matter, is it competitions, is it ELPs, PaEVs.. and with 570 people vying for everything, some are bound to be left behind. Some are bound to not get a satisfactory answer to their solution. Yeah, everyone will say “ISB is what you make of it”, but well, WHAT should I make of it. There are so many opinions floating around. Who do I listen to, my opinion is already muted in all the barrage of other “knowledgeable” opinions. There are many who feel this, they are lost, confused in this “Truman Show”-esque world !

Have you seen Tom Hanks’ Castaway ? Remember the last scene ? I think that describes this feeling. Perfectly !

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Raat ke andhere se haar kar chala tha main
socha tha raahon mein roshni to hogi
dhundla sa kahi savera to milega
Koi kiran badalon se nikli to hogi.

Sab raahon ka ant ho gaya
ab tak gum wo savera hai
socha tha raahon me roshni to hogi
aur yahaan manzil par bhi andhera hai.