Pain

(Disclaimer: This post is NOT by K)

Have you experienced pain? I know I have, and it doesn’t feel good. Not one bit. It hurts, really bad, especially when the heart is involved. And no, it’s not just when lovers are involved. It pains when the people you love are involved. The ones you may not love but have grown to care are involved. It pretty much kills you at times.

It breaks one’s heart when no matter what, no one cares to understand. When the mess in ones life piles on and refuses to lessen, no matter what you do. Family, friends, career, the world. A hell lot of things capable of getting messed up…royally. You can’t do anything but watch (helplessly) as things get murkier- no matter how much you try to avoid it from happening.

Had an argument with the people I care (a lot) about, today. It pained me that they knew nothing about how I felt, how much I cared. Contrary to what they assumed. I have grown to love them and have tried to accept them for who they are. Then why am I not treated the same way? No matter what I do, whichever side I take, what I choose to do- I seem to create a bigger mess. And it hurts not only for me but also for those people who are hurting because of the wrong notions they hold about me.

It doesn’t end there. Oh no, it certainly doesn’t. Thereafter a range of sacrifices are made (sometimes) to lessen their pain while your own increases a notch higher. Now that the sacrifice has been made, one prays and obviously expects things to return to normal. But, nah, that doesn’t happen always, does it???!!!! If you’re lucky the ‘sacrifice’ pays off – the desired effects are experienced. But at whose expense?

How many such ‘sacrifices’ do you plan to make, to let the other person feel better about the way things are?? How many times will you experience pain to accommodate the others’ feelings which are apparently all wrong towards your own? No matter what you do, it will be ‘wrong’ in their eyes. Slowly all that ‘accommodating’ can result in you transforming into someone you’d rather not be. You start hating the person you’ve become; the state you are in. The pain never went away. It just got transferred into your account (Congratulations???!!!- One kind of credit you’d rather do without). It pretty much still exists. Only this time in a different body, inside a different soul. What purpose did all that ‘sacrifice’ serve? The end effect still remains the same. Only this time one person takes the entire brunt and hurts all over because of it. And the other people (the ‘sacrificees’- if only there is a word like that) get used to you sacrificing all the time. And then one wonders why go through all that pain in the first place? What did it do for you? Pain just laughs in your face letting you know what a fool you have been.

Stop accommodating (always) for others. Not unless the pain truly reduces in the process. Else learn to live in the pain that accumulates within you. Learn to ‘accommodate’ FOR this pain you have created for yourself.

I don’t know what needs to be done. Truly, I should not (always) accommodate for others, no matter how dear they may be to me. But what’s the solution to this problem? How does one mend the wrong identity (of you) that certain other person is holding in his mind? How does one live and still be comfortable in his own skin and accept oneself before anyone else does? What if ‘corrective’ communication does not help? What if things look worse and the only ‘right’ thing to do is to ‘accommodate’, do things that lessen the mess in the others life, the ones you really care about –ones who are worthy of that sacrifice??

It’s a tricky one- any takers????


Posted by Cosmo'G'al
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Now, it's K

12:05 A.M. - im just out of office. Took a cab home. 3 mins into the cab, seeing the wide, long, empty roads (yeah, im talking about Mumbai only .. n no i was not imagining), i wad tempted to drive.

"bhaiya, hame drive karne doge ?"
"saab, license hai ?"
"haan"

And so, i took control ... fiat is togh to drive, it doesnt have floor gears .. but since i the first car i drove was a fiat, i hadnt forgotten everything .. anyways, i drove home & it took jus 20 mins.. tht too coz the fiat wudnt go beyond 80 ...
it was amazing fun ....

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Kaushik, Rahul, Varun - u guys r the greates friends !!!!!!!!!

i wished Rahul - "Happy Friendship Day"

he said, " hahahaha ... same to u dude ...as if we need it .... btw, u forgot my bday - 2 days back" ..

"shit ... but, thts usual now .. i dont even remember when i ve wished u last !!"

and, i havent wished any of them their bdays in a long lonog time, altho they unfailingly wish me every year ...

Varun says, "yeh birthdays to aati rahengi yaar ... ab bhool gaye to samjhe ..."

Thanks for everything guys ... and more than anything .. thanks for being yourselves .... i dont know what i wud ve done without you !!!
Rock on !!!!!!!!!!!!