Monday, August 10, 2009

Moments

Silence greeted us with a warm embrace as we made our way to the park. The sun wasn't out yet and the world seemed abandoned.

A carefree breeze wafted around us, enthused to have found some life. The trees rustled in glee as they played along with the breeze. A few birds chirped here and there, breaking the silence with a surprising loudness.

She walked beside me; casually chatting about nothing. The wind played about her hair causing it to fall across her face. She flicked back the offending strands in her own inimitable fashion.

She caught me looking at her. I looked away, a little shamefaced.

"What," she said with her voice full of mischief.

"Nothing," I mumbled. I wasn't sure if she heard me but she didn't press on the issue.

Maybe now is not the time, I told myself. But then again, I may never know when the right time is.

We walked for a bit, hand in hand, with silence for company. The sky metamorphosed to a bright orange as the sun woke up from its slumber. The air stilled, as if comforted by the warm rays, and then the sky broke down above us.

She ran for cover while I stood still, mesmerized by the rain. My body felt surprisingly warm under the torrent of rain.

A big smile broke out on my face as I whirled about the summer shower.

"Come over here," she chided me while thoroughly getting wet under the tree.

I jogged towards her and held out my hand. She looked at me, curiously, and then reached out for my hand. I looked into her eyes for a moment and then pulled her towards me.

"You will get the both of us sick," she said in mock protest.

I pointed out towards the sky where a rainbow had burst into the sky. She looked at the sky, her hair all over her face and a faint smile dancing on her lips, enraptured.

I looked at her; enraptured.

Now, I told myself.

I leant even closer and whispered into her ears, "Will you marry me?"

She looked at me, her face impishly cute, and said, "Damn! You stole my lines."

I grabbed her then, under the summer storm as the rain danced around us, and kissed her until the world stopped . . . and she sneezed !!

"You were right about getting sick," I said.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cute story....

Anonymous said...

Nice. You have potential as a writer. Tried writing short stories?

Anushree said...

Hi K,

Liked your writing but the story line was kind of typical.

expecting something more intense and deep from you...

Anonymous said...

really nice stroy....however i agree with Anushree. More intensity required...may be something like this

I leant even closer and whispered into her ears, "Will you marry me?"

She looked at me, her face impishly cute, and said, "Damn! You stole my lines."

i asked here again...."will you marry me?"

and a spontaneous answer..."Yes"...holding my hand more confidently

"atleast i have not stolen your answer" - I replied

the confidence evaporated, her expression changed and i felt a change in her touch...

but this time i hold her hand more tightly....

"look....i can't marry you...."

our eyes met.....her eyes stared shivering...

"i am already married to you....now tell me, will you marry me?"

Anonymous said...

i am getting feedbacks that there is a small confusion about the last sentence...who is saying that sentence??

It is guy who is saying this...."i am already married to you...now tell me...will you marry me"

Nupur said...

Hey..its a very very cute story...but may be u could have written more of conversations between the guy and the girl and less about the atmosphere...

Unknown said...

hahah.. who is this Anonymous who altered my ending ??

but, frankly, i still prefer my ending.. sorry !!

Anonymous said...

Hi M...writer's preference hardly matters....it is the readers who decide about what is more preferred.....

Anonymous said...

Beautiful story....

Unknown said...

ok... Who is this Anon who gave me an alternate ending ??? plz reveal yourself

Also, when I write, i dont think about how the readers will receive it. i write what i think goes well in the story.

Your ending is great upto "atleast i havent stolen your answer"

Unknown said...

Its cute...

Amogh said...

Good one!

Anonymous said...

look..M, you are right...while writing you should not think about the readers....but once it is written...it is a full stop for the writer. He should surrender all his preferences post that and should just listen to readers comments and feedback.

In any case, i am not saying whose ending is good...anyway you have a huge fan following...so just enjoy and move on....and you should not bothered about my identity…just consider me a one of your fan

viju said...

my review of the blog - aah fuhget it, i ll rather write a review of the comments -
@ anushree - agree that story line was kind of typical - nothin new...
@nupur - exactly wat i thought- too much of trees and wind and breeze......
& @ANON - wel i guess the intensity was too much for me to digest...coz the alternate endin dint really make sense to me - n in case u r thinkin of writin bak on this 1 - lemme tell u........"it is the readers who decide about what is more preferred".....
@ M- u should move on (donno where to but u shud still move on...)and don bother abt the identity of ur fans (not that ther r too many of them but stil u shudnt bother).....

Anonymous said...

Don’t worry Viju… kids generally can’t digest full-course meal. But I am sure with time you will develop your appetite....also thank you for your feedback and I accept it. I generally don’t discriminate between people on the basis of gender or age (both mental and physical age)

Also, please note that commenting on somone's comment is like using used toiletries.....you may enjoy it, but it is not hygienic...

viju said...

yea m sure with tym i wil develop an appetite...but i guess a bad meal would still cause digestion problems....(thanx for da gyan that kids cant digest full course meal, thou i guess i ll hav to cross chk dat wit my science teacher)
u r welcome...thou i don think u have really accepted it well...atleast it apparently doesn luk like dat....
where did that discrimination thing come from?? anyways don bother.....
n seems like even u prefer enjoyment to hygiene (mebbe u din realise but u commented on my comment but anyways dat but anyways dat comparison wit used toiletries was senseless, so don bother)...

Anonymous said...

d story is beautiful....n ya d altercations gng on is also vry intrestng :P

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