Whenever I tell people I’m in the internal audit department in a bank, they always react the same way: “Oh boy! That sounds tremendously boring!” And I tell them they’re right. It is all of that, except I prefer to describe it the way I do on my resume – challenging. On a typical office day, I’m sitting at my desk, in my cubicle, staring intently at my monitor and trying to solve important problems, such as: “Is that really the correct signature of the customer ? Has the branch done the signature verification? #$%@!” and “How the hell can I Australia in this PC cricket game?”
This is immensely challenging work, and I feel I’m grossly underpaid for doing it. Plus, with the Indian stock market behaving the way it has been this year, I really could use a little extra money. So I’ve decided to write a best-selling novel.
I’ve wanted to write a book ever since I was eleven, when I read Enid Blyton’s fantasy-stirring ‘The Far Faraway Tree’. However, I haven’t seriously considered it until now, mainly because, deep down, I’ve always known that I’d never be as good a writer as any of those women. But recently, after reading about how Chetan Bhagat’s books sell 10 gazillion copies every minute, I’ve realized that a chronic inability to write well, make sense and positively impact the emotions of your readers is no longer a road block to becoming a successful novelist.
My book will be targeted at the youth of India, because the old can’t read any more and the little ones prefer Nickelodeon. It’s titled ‘One Night @ The Staff Quarters, Who Not To Do at IIM’, and it’s guaranteed to sell at least 44 billion copies, because I’m hoping all the IIM alumni, current students and aspirants buy it. I never went to an IIM myself (although I tried thrice), but I don’t see how that makes a difference to anything. Tolkien never battled any Orcs.
I also realize that the key to the success of my novel is word-of-mouth publicity. I don’t know what that word is yet, but I’m desperately hoping to figure it out by the time I’m done. Here’s what I have so far:
Chapter One
Hi, my name is Roshan Mehra . I’m an average guy. Not mean, but average. I have no outstanding qualities whatsoever. I’m neither a complete loser like my best friend Jimmy Cliff nor an uber-cool stud with an attitude problem like my other best friend Jalaluddin Akbar. In short, like I said, I am average. The three of us are the best of friends and, by some weird coincidence, named after the lead male characters in the recent three Bollywood movies our author saw. All three of us are students at the greatest b-school in the world.
Now, the three of us will have some typical Indian Youth-y conversation.
Chapter Two
“Hi! Are you students here?” said the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was extremely pretty, and all three of us could immediately sense that she would be the lead female character in this novel.
“My name is Sophia,” she said.
I was in love. It felt like destiny that we should meet. I know I don’t know her all that well yet, but time is of the essence. There are only so many pages that can be printed for Rs. 95.
“Get inside the class! I’m your Management Accounting teacher,” she said, “and you have a surprise test right now.”
“Holy Cow!!” Akbar exclaimed, looking at me. “This is going to be a very big problem when you two have sex in Chapter 15!”
Chapter Seven
“This is incredible!!” exclaimed Jimmy. “I just cannot believe it! Just cannot!” he added, because most of India’s youth don’t know the meaning of ‘incredible’.
“What’s incredible?” asked Sophia. “The fact that in spite of being your teacher and possessing ravishing beauty, I still choose to always hang out with you idiots?”
“That’s a good point, but not what Jimmy was referring to,” said Akbar, because being best friends, the three of us always knew exactly what each other meant to say. It’s like an unspoken bond that goes unsaid.
“What is it, then?” asked Sophia, her beautiful face contorted with excitement and curiosity, which made her cuter in my hopelessly lovelorn eyes.
“The fact that after six inane chapters, people are still reading this piece of shit,” I completed.
Chapter Fifteen
“IT’S FINALLY HERE!!!” I yelled, “The part we’ve all been waiting for!! WOO HOO!!”
“You mean the part YOU have been waiting for?” said Jimmy, frowning at me with hatred, “We’re going to be stuck in our rooms, mugging for tomorrow’s mid-term.”
“Yeah, what do we have to gain from this chapter??” added Akbar, “we hardly even figure in it. It’s always only about you, Roshan, isn’t it?”
“Guys,” I paused for dramatic effect. “Is this the part in the story where tension drives us apart for a while?”
“My God, this book is lame…” said Jimmy.
Just then, the earthquake struck.
Chapter Sixteen
“That was too close for comfort!” remarked Sophia. “Fortunately, the quake didn’t prevent us from having sex.’”
“Yeah, and the Academic Block got destroyed too. So I won’t have my mid-terms tomorrow! This quake was a God send!!”
To my surprise, Sophia looked surprised, “Yeah, but what about Akbar? He was injured in the quake, wasn’t he? Aren’t you worried about him?”
“Not until the next chapter,” I replied.
Chapter Eighteen
Now that the sex was over, I missed my two best friends. And when I found out, from other people, that Akbar still hadn’t been discharged from the hospital, I started getting worried.
That’s all I have so far. I’m itching to finish it, but with no publishing advance in sight yet, I can only work part-time for the time being. And there is plenty of challenging work to be done in the office. The market may be up today, but Australia is not going to beat itself, you know.
--------------xx------------------xx-------------------xx-----------
Quotable Quotes
A civilisation is defined by what we forbid, more than what we permit – From the book Shantaram
No one & nothing could really hurt me. No one & nothing could make me happy. I was tough – which is probably the saddest thing you can say about a man - From the book Shantaram
Kumble to Sachin: “You had the challenge to prove everyone right & I had the challege to prove everyone wrong”
Success means having the courage, the determination and the will to become the person you were meant to be.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Harry Potter: What if.....
Welcome to this, the exclusive Special Features section for readers of the famous Harry Potter series of books. This section is composed of two parts - Deleted Scenes and Alternate Endings, and can be accessed by moving your eyes slowly across and down this page. I will not waste anymore of your time. Read on…
Deleted Scenes
Scene 1 (deleted by Censor Board)
Out in the dark corridor, Harry examined the Marauder’s Map to check if the coast was still clear. Yes, the dots belonging to Filch and Mrs Norris were safely in their office… nothing else seemed to be moving apart from Peeves, who was bouncing around the trophy room on the floor above… Harry had taken his first step back towards Gryffindor Tower, when something else caught his eye… something distinctly odd.
Peeves was not the only thing that was moving. A single dot was moving up and down in a room on the bottom right-hand corner – McGonagall’s Office. But the dot wasn’t labeled ‘Minerva McGonagall’… it was Albus Dumbledore.
Harry stared at the dot. What was Dumbledore doing in McGonagall’s office at one o’clock in the morning? Harry watched closely as the dot moved up and down, first slowly and then rapidly gaining speed. And then it stopped. It slowly moved to one side and then suddenly there were two dots in the room. The other one had been directly below the first one, hidden from view. The bile rising to his throat, Harry read the label beneath the new dot…. ‘Minerva McGonagall’, it said.
“Ewwwwww….” said Harry, and puked all over his invisibility cloak.
Scene 2 (deleted because of copyright violation)
Only one pair was still battling it, apparently unaware of the new arrival. Harry saw Sirius duck Bellatrix’s jet of red light: he was laughing at her.
“Come on, you can do better than that!” he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room.
The second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest.
The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock.
Harry saw the look of mingled fear and surprise on his godfather’s once-handsome face as he fell and rushed towards him. Cradling him in his arms, Harry yelled, “SIRIUS! SIRIUS! COME BACK, SIRIUS! SIRIUS…”
Sirius had a wry smile on his face. With the last ounce of life he had remaining in him, he opened his mouth to speak... “Kuch Kuch Hota hai, Tum nahi samjhoge”, he whispered, into Harry’s ear. And then, he died.
Scene 3 (deleted by Censor Board)
Seamus and Dean, who were working nearby, sniggered loudly, though not loudly enough to mask the excited squeals from Lavender Brown – “Oh, Professor, look! I think I’ve got an unaspected planet! Oooh, which one’s that, Professor?”
“It is Uranus, my dear,’ said professor Trelawney, peering down at the chart.
“Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?” said Ron.
Lavender smiled shyly, and nodded. “Later...” she whispered.
Scene 4 (deleted because of copyright violation)
Harry stared into the face that had haunted his dreams for three years. Whiter than a skull, with wide, livid scarlet eyes, and a nose that was as flat as a snake’s, with slits for nostrils… Lord Voldemort looked back at him, a cruel smile twisting his face.
“You stand, Harry Potter, upon the remains of my late father,” he hissed softly. “A muggle and a fool… very much like your dear mother. But they both had their uses, did they not?”
Harry was enraged, “What the hell do you mean? How was my mother useful to you?”
“Aaaah Lily…,” Lord Voldemort sighed, “there’s a lot you don’t know, Harry.”
Harry was puzzled now. Was he trying to confuse him and weaken his defenses?
Voldemort went on, “Haven’t you ever wondered, Harry, how you could speak parseltongue when both your parents couldn’t?
“Yeah,” Harry replied, “Dumbledore told me. It was because you transferred some of your powers to me when you tried to kill me as a child.”
“And you actually bought that crock of shit?” asked Voldemort, with a smirk on his face, “I’m disappointed with you, Harry. Dumbledore was just trying to foolishly shield you with a lie. That is not the truth.”
Harry hesitated, thinking… and then finally spoke, “Then what is?” he asked, with a slight tremor in his voice.
“Harry,” said Lord Voldemort, “I am your father.”
Scene 5 (deleted by author)
Harry stared into the face that had haunted his dreams for three years. Whiter than a skull, with wide, livid scarlet eyes, and a nose that was as flat as a snake’s, with slits for nostrils…
“CHO…” he cried, “What happened to you?”
Alternate Endings
Alternate Ending 1
Harry lay flat on his back, breathing steadily as Dr. Jones removed the last layer of bandage from his head and looked at the results carefully. With a satisfied expression on his face, he said, “There you go, Mr. Potter, the plastic surgery has been successful. You can leave the hospital anytime you want now.”
Harry ran his right hand over where his scar had once been, and with his left, reached for his glasses. He turned on the lamp beside him and peered into the mirror by his dressing table. An African American boy looked back at him, his bright green eyes puzzled under his short curly hair. And most importantly, his forehead was completely smooth. No lightning-bolt scar. He was a whole new man now.
Alternate Ending 2
Harry ran into Dr. Smith’s office, clutching his forehead just as another patient was leaving. “Where’s my wand?” he screamed, “Where the hell is my wand?”
Dr. Smith looked at Harry, a heartbroken expression on his face. “It kills me to have to tell you this again Harry, but it’s my duty to do it.”
“Save it for later, doc. Right now, just get me my wand. Ron and Hermione are in deep trouble. They’ve been captured by Lord Voldemort. I HAVE TO RESCUE THEM! WHERE IS MY WAND??!
“There is no wand, Harry.” said Dr. Smith slowly, “There never was. It's just a part of this fantasy world your mind created to cope with your parents’ death in that road accident...”
Harry looked stunned. His mind refused to believe it. “No… he finally said, “You’re just messing with me… aren’t you?”
Dr. Smith shook his head. “Think about it, Harry,” he implored, “You've invented a world that doesn't exist. Magic, Wizards, Muggles, Hogwarts, Quidditch… Don’t you see how stupid all this sounds? They’re all just figments of your imagination… You’re a patient here at a mental institution and the Dursleys have been paying for your treatment all these years…”
Harry’s world was spinning all around him. It couldn’t be…
------------xx--------------xx---------------xx------------xx-------
Quotable Quotes
The important thing is – How much you do with what you know
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in adapting the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
If I could give you one thing, I would give you the ability to see yourself as others see you – then you would realize what a truly special person you are.
I do not know with what weapons WW III will be fought, but WW IV will be fought with sticks & stones.
A kiss is something you cannot give without taking & cannot take without giving.
Involvement with people is always a very delicate thing. It requires real maturity to become involved and not get all messed up.
Deleted Scenes
Scene 1 (deleted by Censor Board)
Out in the dark corridor, Harry examined the Marauder’s Map to check if the coast was still clear. Yes, the dots belonging to Filch and Mrs Norris were safely in their office… nothing else seemed to be moving apart from Peeves, who was bouncing around the trophy room on the floor above… Harry had taken his first step back towards Gryffindor Tower, when something else caught his eye… something distinctly odd.
Peeves was not the only thing that was moving. A single dot was moving up and down in a room on the bottom right-hand corner – McGonagall’s Office. But the dot wasn’t labeled ‘Minerva McGonagall’… it was Albus Dumbledore.
Harry stared at the dot. What was Dumbledore doing in McGonagall’s office at one o’clock in the morning? Harry watched closely as the dot moved up and down, first slowly and then rapidly gaining speed. And then it stopped. It slowly moved to one side and then suddenly there were two dots in the room. The other one had been directly below the first one, hidden from view. The bile rising to his throat, Harry read the label beneath the new dot…. ‘Minerva McGonagall’, it said.
“Ewwwwww….” said Harry, and puked all over his invisibility cloak.
Scene 2 (deleted because of copyright violation)
Only one pair was still battling it, apparently unaware of the new arrival. Harry saw Sirius duck Bellatrix’s jet of red light: he was laughing at her.
“Come on, you can do better than that!” he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room.
The second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest.
The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock.
Harry saw the look of mingled fear and surprise on his godfather’s once-handsome face as he fell and rushed towards him. Cradling him in his arms, Harry yelled, “SIRIUS! SIRIUS! COME BACK, SIRIUS! SIRIUS…”
Sirius had a wry smile on his face. With the last ounce of life he had remaining in him, he opened his mouth to speak... “Kuch Kuch Hota hai, Tum nahi samjhoge”, he whispered, into Harry’s ear. And then, he died.
Scene 3 (deleted by Censor Board)
Seamus and Dean, who were working nearby, sniggered loudly, though not loudly enough to mask the excited squeals from Lavender Brown – “Oh, Professor, look! I think I’ve got an unaspected planet! Oooh, which one’s that, Professor?”
“It is Uranus, my dear,’ said professor Trelawney, peering down at the chart.
“Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?” said Ron.
Lavender smiled shyly, and nodded. “Later...” she whispered.
Scene 4 (deleted because of copyright violation)
Harry stared into the face that had haunted his dreams for three years. Whiter than a skull, with wide, livid scarlet eyes, and a nose that was as flat as a snake’s, with slits for nostrils… Lord Voldemort looked back at him, a cruel smile twisting his face.
“You stand, Harry Potter, upon the remains of my late father,” he hissed softly. “A muggle and a fool… very much like your dear mother. But they both had their uses, did they not?”
Harry was enraged, “What the hell do you mean? How was my mother useful to you?”
“Aaaah Lily…,” Lord Voldemort sighed, “there’s a lot you don’t know, Harry.”
Harry was puzzled now. Was he trying to confuse him and weaken his defenses?
Voldemort went on, “Haven’t you ever wondered, Harry, how you could speak parseltongue when both your parents couldn’t?
“Yeah,” Harry replied, “Dumbledore told me. It was because you transferred some of your powers to me when you tried to kill me as a child.”
“And you actually bought that crock of shit?” asked Voldemort, with a smirk on his face, “I’m disappointed with you, Harry. Dumbledore was just trying to foolishly shield you with a lie. That is not the truth.”
Harry hesitated, thinking… and then finally spoke, “Then what is?” he asked, with a slight tremor in his voice.
“Harry,” said Lord Voldemort, “I am your father.”
Scene 5 (deleted by author)
Harry stared into the face that had haunted his dreams for three years. Whiter than a skull, with wide, livid scarlet eyes, and a nose that was as flat as a snake’s, with slits for nostrils…
“CHO…” he cried, “What happened to you?”
Alternate Endings
Alternate Ending 1
Harry lay flat on his back, breathing steadily as Dr. Jones removed the last layer of bandage from his head and looked at the results carefully. With a satisfied expression on his face, he said, “There you go, Mr. Potter, the plastic surgery has been successful. You can leave the hospital anytime you want now.”
Harry ran his right hand over where his scar had once been, and with his left, reached for his glasses. He turned on the lamp beside him and peered into the mirror by his dressing table. An African American boy looked back at him, his bright green eyes puzzled under his short curly hair. And most importantly, his forehead was completely smooth. No lightning-bolt scar. He was a whole new man now.
Alternate Ending 2
Harry ran into Dr. Smith’s office, clutching his forehead just as another patient was leaving. “Where’s my wand?” he screamed, “Where the hell is my wand?”
Dr. Smith looked at Harry, a heartbroken expression on his face. “It kills me to have to tell you this again Harry, but it’s my duty to do it.”
“Save it for later, doc. Right now, just get me my wand. Ron and Hermione are in deep trouble. They’ve been captured by Lord Voldemort. I HAVE TO RESCUE THEM! WHERE IS MY WAND??!
“There is no wand, Harry.” said Dr. Smith slowly, “There never was. It's just a part of this fantasy world your mind created to cope with your parents’ death in that road accident...”
Harry looked stunned. His mind refused to believe it. “No… he finally said, “You’re just messing with me… aren’t you?”
Dr. Smith shook his head. “Think about it, Harry,” he implored, “You've invented a world that doesn't exist. Magic, Wizards, Muggles, Hogwarts, Quidditch… Don’t you see how stupid all this sounds? They’re all just figments of your imagination… You’re a patient here at a mental institution and the Dursleys have been paying for your treatment all these years…”
Harry’s world was spinning all around him. It couldn’t be…
------------xx--------------xx---------------xx------------xx-------
Quotable Quotes
The important thing is – How much you do with what you know
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in adapting the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
If I could give you one thing, I would give you the ability to see yourself as others see you – then you would realize what a truly special person you are.
I do not know with what weapons WW III will be fought, but WW IV will be fought with sticks & stones.
A kiss is something you cannot give without taking & cannot take without giving.
Involvement with people is always a very delicate thing. It requires real maturity to become involved and not get all messed up.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Conversations - 1
This is something new that im trying. Try not to hate it
---------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, 3 p.m.
Him: hey
Her: (upset) hmm
Him: im sorry I could not come by your office for lunch. Urgent meeting got scheduled las minute
Her: yeah, I guess I was wrong to assume that now we could spend more time together since our offices were near one another
Him: yeah me too.. I hope I can make it up to you
Her: hmm.. ok
Him: I know u r upset. Hey – have you had lunch yet ?
Her: naah, don’t feel hungry
Him: but im famished. Lets have lunch together.
Her: but, now I cant move out of office for long
Him: You don’t have to. Open your dabba on your desk.i ll do the same
Her: (smiles). Ok.
Him: so, wat ve u got ?
Her: yest night’s pav bhaji.. yumm
Him: I got boiled potatoes & lettuce salad.. my mom makes the best diet food.. the best food.
Her: (sarcastic) yeah yeah.. im sure
Him: (chuckling) arre, wats bothering you in it ?
Her: (little angry) nothing. Let it be.
Him: So, hows Akshay doing ?
Her: why ?
Him: Arre, I obviously will ask you about the guy who completely dotes on you and unabashedly flirts with you in office
Her: (smiling coyly) You know that’s not true…
Him: Oh, c’mon. But, I would not blame him – you are quite sexy, u know. I am completely fida over you..
Her: Yeah yeah… pull my leg more…
Him: How do I convince you that im serious..
Her: (laughing) I ll never believe you.
Him: My bad luck, I guess.. anyways, how’s your work day looking like ?
Her: its hectic yaar. Have a presentation to submit at 6 – im sure it ll take til 8 to get finalised
Him: bad. Im planning to leave by 7.
Her: good for you. Im almost done with lunch
Him: u eat quite fast. Wait na thoda.
Her: yeah, sure… but I don’t have much time, ok
Him: don’t be rude. I said im sorry for ditching you
Her: so, u wanna make up for it
Him: definitely. Anything to get you to smile
Her: well then – u cook for me tonight
Him: Nooooo. Anything but that. Im tired yaar
Her: no way. U said u ll do anything !
Him: and tonight’s my night to stay up and change Gautam’s diapers too
Her: too bad mister.
Him: you drive a hard bargain Mrs.Kumar
Her: I sure do. That’s what you get for standing me up after promising lunch, Mr.Kumar
Him: Ah well, I ll make you your fave dish – pasta with mushrooms. See you at home sweetheart
Her: Thanks Honey. Looking fwd to it !
-----x-------x--------x--------x--------x-------x--------x-------x--
How to tie a TIE: A simple 7 step process.
Step 1: Put the tie around your neck with the narrow end on the right and the broad end on the left.
Step 2: Take the broad end and turn it to the right and then take it behind and then bring it back to the front from behind the narrow end.
Step 3: Now take the broad end again, this time from the left to the right and then, after faking a left, take it behind and bring it forward so that it is facing the north. Now reverse it, bring it down.
Step 4: For the third time, catch hold of the broad end and take it behind. Now the enemy is expecting a forward motion like the first two times but this time, you’re going to fool it by taking the broad end behind and then bring it down from behind, using a clever, highly skilled maneuver, to the front through the hole which has suddenly appeared magically as if out of nowhere.
Step 5: Something resembling a knot has appeared under your collar. You gently tug at the narrow end of the tie, which is now behind the broad end hiding from the bullies, until the knot feels nice and tight.
Step 6: The knot keeps on tightening. Realising that you’re suffocating, you pull at the knot, trying to undo it but some extra-terrestrial force of attraction has made the knot freakishly strong. You watch in the mirror as your face turns a deep blue. In your panic, you try harder to undo the knot, but all your efforts are in vain.
Step 7: Die
----------x-----------x----------x----------x-----------x----------x
Quotable Quotes
Life is short – break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably. And never regret something that made you smile once
If it’s a good idea, go ahead & do it. It is much easier to apologize than to take/get permission.
Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.
A sailor without destination cannot hope for a favourable wind.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, 3 p.m.
Him: hey
Her: (upset) hmm
Him: im sorry I could not come by your office for lunch. Urgent meeting got scheduled las minute
Her: yeah, I guess I was wrong to assume that now we could spend more time together since our offices were near one another
Him: yeah me too.. I hope I can make it up to you
Her: hmm.. ok
Him: I know u r upset. Hey – have you had lunch yet ?
Her: naah, don’t feel hungry
Him: but im famished. Lets have lunch together.
Her: but, now I cant move out of office for long
Him: You don’t have to. Open your dabba on your desk.i ll do the same
Her: (smiles). Ok.
Him: so, wat ve u got ?
Her: yest night’s pav bhaji.. yumm
Him: I got boiled potatoes & lettuce salad.. my mom makes the best diet food.. the best food.
Her: (sarcastic) yeah yeah.. im sure
Him: (chuckling) arre, wats bothering you in it ?
Her: (little angry) nothing. Let it be.
Him: So, hows Akshay doing ?
Her: why ?
Him: Arre, I obviously will ask you about the guy who completely dotes on you and unabashedly flirts with you in office
Her: (smiling coyly) You know that’s not true…
Him: Oh, c’mon. But, I would not blame him – you are quite sexy, u know. I am completely fida over you..
Her: Yeah yeah… pull my leg more…
Him: How do I convince you that im serious..
Her: (laughing) I ll never believe you.
Him: My bad luck, I guess.. anyways, how’s your work day looking like ?
Her: its hectic yaar. Have a presentation to submit at 6 – im sure it ll take til 8 to get finalised
Him: bad. Im planning to leave by 7.
Her: good for you. Im almost done with lunch
Him: u eat quite fast. Wait na thoda.
Her: yeah, sure… but I don’t have much time, ok
Him: don’t be rude. I said im sorry for ditching you
Her: so, u wanna make up for it
Him: definitely. Anything to get you to smile
Her: well then – u cook for me tonight
Him: Nooooo. Anything but that. Im tired yaar
Her: no way. U said u ll do anything !
Him: and tonight’s my night to stay up and change Gautam’s diapers too
Her: too bad mister.
Him: you drive a hard bargain Mrs.Kumar
Her: I sure do. That’s what you get for standing me up after promising lunch, Mr.Kumar
Him: Ah well, I ll make you your fave dish – pasta with mushrooms. See you at home sweetheart
Her: Thanks Honey. Looking fwd to it !
-----x-------x--------x--------x--------x-------x--------x-------x--
How to tie a TIE: A simple 7 step process.
Step 1: Put the tie around your neck with the narrow end on the right and the broad end on the left.
Step 2: Take the broad end and turn it to the right and then take it behind and then bring it back to the front from behind the narrow end.
Step 3: Now take the broad end again, this time from the left to the right and then, after faking a left, take it behind and bring it forward so that it is facing the north. Now reverse it, bring it down.
Step 4: For the third time, catch hold of the broad end and take it behind. Now the enemy is expecting a forward motion like the first two times but this time, you’re going to fool it by taking the broad end behind and then bring it down from behind, using a clever, highly skilled maneuver, to the front through the hole which has suddenly appeared magically as if out of nowhere.
Step 5: Something resembling a knot has appeared under your collar. You gently tug at the narrow end of the tie, which is now behind the broad end hiding from the bullies, until the knot feels nice and tight.
Step 6: The knot keeps on tightening. Realising that you’re suffocating, you pull at the knot, trying to undo it but some extra-terrestrial force of attraction has made the knot freakishly strong. You watch in the mirror as your face turns a deep blue. In your panic, you try harder to undo the knot, but all your efforts are in vain.
Step 7: Die
----------x-----------x----------x----------x-----------x----------x
Quotable Quotes
Life is short – break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably. And never regret something that made you smile once
If it’s a good idea, go ahead & do it. It is much easier to apologize than to take/get permission.
Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.
A sailor without destination cannot hope for a favourable wind.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
CAT got my tongue !
I have decided not to take the CAT exam ever again. I had given away most of my study material some time back. I just had a couple of important books and some notes left, which I finally decided to give away to other hopefuls. I could not help but glance through the book once
A few minutes into the Arithmetic and Algebra module, I realised that the most CAT questions had formulae you could apply in order to get the correct answer. There was no creative thinking involved whatsoever. So, for anybody who cares, here's what I think CAT questions should really be like...
(Please note that these are all actual questions taken from my book and twisted around conveniently in order to make my point.)
If 15 men working for 15 hours a day can do a piece of work in 24 days and 17 women working for 12 hours a day can do the same piece of work in 29 days, then how many days will it take 16 eunuchs working at 13 hours a day to complete the work?
In the Annual General Body meeting of the Rotary Club, a chairman is to be selected for which A and B are the only candidates. They each introduced themselves and a round of election was held. After this, each of them gave another speech on their policy and workplan for the coming year after which another round of election was held. The number of votes not cast for A increased by 25% in the second round over those not cast for him in the first and because of this negative swing, A lost the second round to B by twice as many votes as that by which he had won in the first round. Calculate, upto two decimal places, just how jobless the Rotary Club is.
The population of rats in a locality X increases by 20% in one year. Observing this, the pest control committee decided to use a special kind of pesticide 'ABC'* which effectively kills 160 rats in 3 months. If the intitial population of rats was 4800, why didn't the committee just call the Pied Piper?
I have a certain number of marbles to divide equally among 18 boys. If I divide them in such a way that each boy gets a number of marbles that is equal to his father's age after the mother's age has been deducted from it, then how certain is it that I have lost my marbles?
A man is 6 times as old as his son. 2 years hence, he will be 5 times as old as his son. In inches, exactly how wide is the generation gap between them?
A man buys two horses for Rs.86. By selling one for three-quarters of its cost price, and the other for four-thirds of its cost price, he makes a profit of Rs.3 on the whole transaction. Just how lame are these horses?
On an average, my income for 15 days was Rs.7, the avarage for the first 5 days was Rs.6 and the average for the last 9 days was Rs.8. Do you think I would do better if I quit and went to work as a knife-thrower's assistant?
69 dogs escaped from the pound. Out of these, 27 were Alsatians, 17 Daschunds and 25 Dobermans. A daschund can crawl 5 metres in 1 minute while an Alsatian can run 10 metres in the same time. However, the Doberman is the fastest as it can travel 20 metres in the same 1 minute. If all 69 dogs escaped from the front gate, then who let the dogs out?
Hari has a piece of cake 60 cm long. He first gives Raja half of it. He then gives Gopal 1/4th of what is left. After giving a piece to Sahil, he is left with 1/10th of the original. How high are Hari's chances of getting into Mensa?
A truck was being driven in a fog at a speed of 100 km/hr. A man was walking at 3km/hr in the opposite direction. After 4 minutes, the truck hit the man and killed him instaneously. After the incident, the truck was driven through the fog at a speed of 120 km/hr. Did anybody get the number of that truck?
Akash has with him a total of 29 rupees in 5 rupee and 2-rupee denominations. The number of 5-rupee notes is one half of one less than the number of 2-rupee notes. exactly how low are Akash's chances of landing a really hot girlfriend?
Three people A, B and C weigh themselves in a particular order. First A, B, C weigh themselves individually and then AB, BC, CA and ABC together respectively. The recorded weight for the last measure is 180 kgs. Are A, B and C members of the Rotary Club?
Hope you did well on that test! Leave your answers in the comments section. I will evaluate them and put up your All-India ranking right here as soon as I can. Cheers till then!
*Name changed to protect the identity of The Coca-Cola Company.
Celeb Sightings
At a local multiplex - Manoj Bajpai & Neha. i think the movie was gulaal. Also saw Gaurav Chopra (TV Actor, Narayani Shastri's ex) with 3 hot chicks, 2 in micro mini skirts. This was during a late night show of Revolutionary Road
Aroona Irani at Lokhandwala Yokos
As you can see - the quality in this section is going downhill !
Quotable Quotes
A word of praise during failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success
A person is limited only by the thought he/she chooses to think.
Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship & it is by far the best ending for one.
Somebody has to do something, and it’s just incredibly pathetic that it has to be me.
Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind. The race is long and, in the end, with yourself.
A few minutes into the Arithmetic and Algebra module, I realised that the most CAT questions had formulae you could apply in order to get the correct answer. There was no creative thinking involved whatsoever. So, for anybody who cares, here's what I think CAT questions should really be like...
(Please note that these are all actual questions taken from my book and twisted around conveniently in order to make my point.)
If 15 men working for 15 hours a day can do a piece of work in 24 days and 17 women working for 12 hours a day can do the same piece of work in 29 days, then how many days will it take 16 eunuchs working at 13 hours a day to complete the work?
In the Annual General Body meeting of the Rotary Club, a chairman is to be selected for which A and B are the only candidates. They each introduced themselves and a round of election was held. After this, each of them gave another speech on their policy and workplan for the coming year after which another round of election was held. The number of votes not cast for A increased by 25% in the second round over those not cast for him in the first and because of this negative swing, A lost the second round to B by twice as many votes as that by which he had won in the first round. Calculate, upto two decimal places, just how jobless the Rotary Club is.
The population of rats in a locality X increases by 20% in one year. Observing this, the pest control committee decided to use a special kind of pesticide 'ABC'* which effectively kills 160 rats in 3 months. If the intitial population of rats was 4800, why didn't the committee just call the Pied Piper?
I have a certain number of marbles to divide equally among 18 boys. If I divide them in such a way that each boy gets a number of marbles that is equal to his father's age after the mother's age has been deducted from it, then how certain is it that I have lost my marbles?
A man is 6 times as old as his son. 2 years hence, he will be 5 times as old as his son. In inches, exactly how wide is the generation gap between them?
A man buys two horses for Rs.86. By selling one for three-quarters of its cost price, and the other for four-thirds of its cost price, he makes a profit of Rs.3 on the whole transaction. Just how lame are these horses?
On an average, my income for 15 days was Rs.7, the avarage for the first 5 days was Rs.6 and the average for the last 9 days was Rs.8. Do you think I would do better if I quit and went to work as a knife-thrower's assistant?
69 dogs escaped from the pound. Out of these, 27 were Alsatians, 17 Daschunds and 25 Dobermans. A daschund can crawl 5 metres in 1 minute while an Alsatian can run 10 metres in the same time. However, the Doberman is the fastest as it can travel 20 metres in the same 1 minute. If all 69 dogs escaped from the front gate, then who let the dogs out?
Hari has a piece of cake 60 cm long. He first gives Raja half of it. He then gives Gopal 1/4th of what is left. After giving a piece to Sahil, he is left with 1/10th of the original. How high are Hari's chances of getting into Mensa?
A truck was being driven in a fog at a speed of 100 km/hr. A man was walking at 3km/hr in the opposite direction. After 4 minutes, the truck hit the man and killed him instaneously. After the incident, the truck was driven through the fog at a speed of 120 km/hr. Did anybody get the number of that truck?
Akash has with him a total of 29 rupees in 5 rupee and 2-rupee denominations. The number of 5-rupee notes is one half of one less than the number of 2-rupee notes. exactly how low are Akash's chances of landing a really hot girlfriend?
Three people A, B and C weigh themselves in a particular order. First A, B, C weigh themselves individually and then AB, BC, CA and ABC together respectively. The recorded weight for the last measure is 180 kgs. Are A, B and C members of the Rotary Club?
Hope you did well on that test! Leave your answers in the comments section. I will evaluate them and put up your All-India ranking right here as soon as I can. Cheers till then!
*Name changed to protect the identity of The Coca-Cola Company.
Celeb Sightings
At a local multiplex - Manoj Bajpai & Neha. i think the movie was gulaal. Also saw Gaurav Chopra (TV Actor, Narayani Shastri's ex) with 3 hot chicks, 2 in micro mini skirts. This was during a late night show of Revolutionary Road
Aroona Irani at Lokhandwala Yokos
As you can see - the quality in this section is going downhill !
Quotable Quotes
A word of praise during failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success
A person is limited only by the thought he/she chooses to think.
Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship & it is by far the best ending for one.
Somebody has to do something, and it’s just incredibly pathetic that it has to be me.
Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind. The race is long and, in the end, with yourself.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Citizen Pain !!
I'm really notorious for my PJs and random funny comments. Most of my jokes don't make sense, they have utterly no significance and naturally, hardly anybody laughs for them. Anyway, another related thing I'm known for is being a pest. I can really irritate the hell out of anybody if I feel like and I thought that it was finally time that I shared my expertise with all the wannabe pests reading this blog. So here's a list of stuff that you could do in order to make a person want to slap the life out of you.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE or only type in lower case dont use any punctuation either
Tell them the endings to suspense movies & novels. Yup, Brad Pitt is just an illusion in Fight Club.
Finish their unsolved crossword puzzles by writing A in all the empty squares.
Borrow pens and then chew on them!
Step on the back of the shoe of the person walking in front of you.
Say, "Do you know what?" and then "Never mind, forget it!" (Actually, many girls I know do this regularly)
Ask people what gender they are.
Holler random numbers while someone's counting.
Call someone and go, "Oh...Er... you?, sorry, I meant to call someone else!". Then, call them again. And twice more.
Send them a link to this page.
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Everyone has read tons of "lightbulb" jokes over the years - here are some of my favourites
How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, thats a hardware problem!
How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because 'Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.
How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
Three,
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
And, to end it - one of my own
How many of the cast of any Ekta Kapoor TV show does it take to change a light bulb?
The kid in the show will be afraid to enter a bathroom because it is dark. He will tell his aunt about the problem and she, in turn, will tell her brother-in-law to check it out. The brother-in-law, after looking, will deduce that the light bulb has, in fact, burnt out and will send the servant-man out to buy a new one.
(commercial break)
The servant will return to the house with the new bulb and be met at the doorway by the mother-in-law, who wil create a ruckus about how ten rupees were spent without her permission. The entire family joins in and a huge quarrel ensues. At the end of it all, most of the womenfolk are in tears.
(commercial break)
The mood is one of reconciliation. The mother-in-law apologises to her daughter-in-law for being so rude and just generally, everyone hugs one another. Then suddenly, all of them wrinkle up their faces and sniff wih disgust. The poor kid had peed in his pants. Remembering the original problem, the kid's father goes into the dark bathroom to change the bulb. Unable to see, he slips and falls....
(to be continued)
------xx------xx------xx------xx------xx-------xx------xx-----xx----
A few Quatable Quotes from my collection:
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Make your own recovery the first priority of your life.
It’s not that I’m so smart. It’s just that I stay with the problems longer – Albert Einstein
Revenge is the most sincere form of forgiveness
Absence is to love what wind is to fire – it extinguishes the small – it enkindles the great
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE or only type in lower case dont use any punctuation either
Tell them the endings to suspense movies & novels. Yup, Brad Pitt is just an illusion in Fight Club.
Finish their unsolved crossword puzzles by writing A in all the empty squares.
Borrow pens and then chew on them!
Step on the back of the shoe of the person walking in front of you.
Say, "Do you know what?" and then "Never mind, forget it!" (Actually, many girls I know do this regularly)
Ask people what gender they are.
Holler random numbers while someone's counting.
Call someone and go, "Oh...Er... you?, sorry, I meant to call someone else!". Then, call them again. And twice more.
Send them a link to this page.
------xx-------xx--------xx--------xx-------xx-------xx-------xx----
Everyone has read tons of "lightbulb" jokes over the years - here are some of my favourites
How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, thats a hardware problem!
How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because 'Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.
How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
Three,
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
And, to end it - one of my own
How many of the cast of any Ekta Kapoor TV show does it take to change a light bulb?
The kid in the show will be afraid to enter a bathroom because it is dark. He will tell his aunt about the problem and she, in turn, will tell her brother-in-law to check it out. The brother-in-law, after looking, will deduce that the light bulb has, in fact, burnt out and will send the servant-man out to buy a new one.
(commercial break)
The servant will return to the house with the new bulb and be met at the doorway by the mother-in-law, who wil create a ruckus about how ten rupees were spent without her permission. The entire family joins in and a huge quarrel ensues. At the end of it all, most of the womenfolk are in tears.
(commercial break)
The mood is one of reconciliation. The mother-in-law apologises to her daughter-in-law for being so rude and just generally, everyone hugs one another. Then suddenly, all of them wrinkle up their faces and sniff wih disgust. The poor kid had peed in his pants. Remembering the original problem, the kid's father goes into the dark bathroom to change the bulb. Unable to see, he slips and falls....
(to be continued)
------xx------xx------xx------xx------xx-------xx------xx-----xx----
A few Quatable Quotes from my collection:
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Make your own recovery the first priority of your life.
It’s not that I’m so smart. It’s just that I stay with the problems longer – Albert Einstein
Revenge is the most sincere form of forgiveness
Absence is to love what wind is to fire – it extinguishes the small – it enkindles the great
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Nice Guys Finish Last
i had a promised a certain friend (she now denies it vehemently) of mine that i ll write a blog on how "nice guys always finish last". She claims that most of my recent blogs are inspired from her (something i vehemently deny). Well, this idea came to me from a conversation with her. so, well, this she can claim to be the inspiration for.
Anyways, i was just reading up online regarding this topic & came across an article published in the Wharton Undergraduate Journal. It perfectly expressed what i wanted to write - so i ll do the intelligne thing and reproduce it here.
An ode to nice guys
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
-----x-----x------x------x------x------x------x------x------x------x
Last year, i had this habit of writing a few quotes daily in my office diary. i ve decided to mention a few at the end of each blog now.
Never regret something that once made you smile
Happiness is not in our circumstances – It is in us. It is not something we see, or feel – Happiness is something we are.
You’re never too old to become younger
Anyways, i was just reading up online regarding this topic & came across an article published in the Wharton Undergraduate Journal. It perfectly expressed what i wanted to write - so i ll do the intelligne thing and reproduce it here.
An ode to nice guys
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
-----x-----x------x------x------x------x------x------x------x------x
Last year, i had this habit of writing a few quotes daily in my office diary. i ve decided to mention a few at the end of each blog now.
Never regret something that once made you smile
Happiness is not in our circumstances – It is in us. It is not something we see, or feel – Happiness is something we are.
You’re never too old to become younger
Monday, March 23, 2009
Should you keep them ?
Trivial relationships..Ones that were meaningful at some point but with time- lose their essence, people grow apart, and even a small conversation becomes laborious. You want to talk, its not like you dont want to. But you want to talk because.. You think you should...it used to be easy..you want to for the sake of old times..you may want to re invent old times..heck, you may just want to know more about the person and the goin ons in their lives...whatever the reason i guess we all do that..hold on to things and people...i ve always felt the pinch of it.. And its not because of what i do but in terms of why i do it...
why is it annoying for me when i chose to hang on to trivial relationships and then feel the sheer futility of it. And I end up hurting myself. Isn’t it better to just acknowledge that and move on and just change the definitions to acquaintances or casual friendships. I think it is....
-------xx--------xx----------xx-----------xx--------xx-------xx-----
Just a thought
Are my thoughts getting fewer and fewer or is my brain getting smaller an smaller ??
ps: rhetorical question, do not attempt to answer !
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Random Thought
Speaking about boys and girls, there's one thing I don't understand about bicycles. Exacty why is it boys' bikes have a bar between the seat and the handlebar, and girls' bikes don't? Shouldn't it be the other way around? I mean, if one were to go over a bump on the road and slip off the seat, ..... I think you get the point. So, on that rather painful thought, I'm going to bid adieu for the day. So, bye and take care.
Also, since you can now rate the blog - it doesn't mean that you do not have to comment. i wont hang you if you do both !
why is it annoying for me when i chose to hang on to trivial relationships and then feel the sheer futility of it. And I end up hurting myself. Isn’t it better to just acknowledge that and move on and just change the definitions to acquaintances or casual friendships. I think it is....
-------xx--------xx----------xx-----------xx--------xx-------xx-----
Just a thought
Are my thoughts getting fewer and fewer or is my brain getting smaller an smaller ??
ps: rhetorical question, do not attempt to answer !
--------xx-------xx--------xx----------xx----------xx--------xx-----
Random Thought
Speaking about boys and girls, there's one thing I don't understand about bicycles. Exacty why is it boys' bikes have a bar between the seat and the handlebar, and girls' bikes don't? Shouldn't it be the other way around? I mean, if one were to go over a bump on the road and slip off the seat, ..... I think you get the point. So, on that rather painful thought, I'm going to bid adieu for the day. So, bye and take care.
Also, since you can now rate the blog - it doesn't mean that you do not have to comment. i wont hang you if you do both !
Thursday, March 19, 2009
300, The Movie : A Parody
Over the last 6 months or so, millions of people all over the world, including me, have been witness to the unbelievable feats of a unique set of people. We have watched in awe and applauded these brash, macho, courageous, gallant, superhuman and above all, blueish creatures who seem to stop at nothing to defend the glory of their proud nation and to mercilessly massacre their enemies. I am talking here, of course, about the Indian Cricket Team.
Ha Ha Ha Ha, just kidding!! I was actually referring to the Spartan army in the Hollywood blockbuster movie ‘300’, which gets its name from the total number of visible muscles on the upper torso of a Spartan soldier. The movie had a powerful effect on me, as I’m sure this blog post is now having on you. Raise your hands, all of you, who are now picturing the Indian Cricket Team taking the field wearing only copper helmets, red capes and black abdomen guards. Thank you.I recently saw this movie again, courtesy my almost fully filled 500 GB HDD (courtesy again, chil !!!). And, by writing about this, im restricting the understandability (or, is comprehendability the right word - u get the point) of my post to people who have seen the movie AND have a sense of humour !
If you didn’t know it already, the movie is based on the legendary Battle of Thermopylae, in which 300 gallant Spartan soldiers fought bravely against one million lily-livered faggots of the invading Persian army, and kept them at bay for three whole days, while the rest of Greece was busy with the Olympics. The Spartans were lead by their fearless King Leonidas, played in the film by Gerard Butler, whose only previous claim to fame came when he was the only British actor NOT considered for the role of James Bond. The Persian Empire was ruled by the 8-foot-tall, dark and handsome Xerxes, also known as the ‘Bling-King’. Reputed historians from all over the world agree that, if not for his unquenchable thirst for power, Xerxes could’ve had a major impact in the NBA.
Now the Spartans were a tribe of real men, so manly that if Hulk Hogan had lived in Sparta, he would’ve been a nurse or a fashion designer. In Spartan schools, young boys were trained in the art of war. They were taught never to retreat, never to surrender and to torture prisoners of war by locking them up in a room alone with Navjot Sidhu. They were also trained in the art of manliness, by being forced to fight against wolves, down multiple barrels of beer, watch football and fart loudly in public places. Not much is known about the Spartan women, but paintings from the period reveal that they had abundant bosoms. The Persians, on the other hand, were open-minded, extremely horny and willing to experiment with their sexuality. So, when they heard the Spartans crying, “Only the hard and strong may call himself Spartan. Only the hard (obviuosly, i intended the pun here, u dimwits),” they just had to visit Sparta to check if it was true. So, they decide to invade Greece.
King Leonidas, after hearing about the upcoming invasion on CNN, gets all excited about getting to kick some Persian butt. So, following the official protocol, he asks the Oracle, played by a sexy, writhing young woman covered with only a piece of thin white cloth (something Yash Chopra / Yahji can learn), whether it would be a good idea. Using her prophetic powers, she tells him no, it would be a very bad idea and that everyone would die a bloody death on the battlefield but adds that many centuries later, the movie adaptation of their story would make loads of money. So, Leonidas signs a lucrative deal with Warner Bros., gathers 300 of his best soldiers and goes to war against the invading Persian army.
They march north towards Thermopylae (Greek for ‘pile of thermos flasks’) to stop the Persians from entering Greece. The Persians, whose Air Deccan flight had been delayed due to operational reasons, arrive looking visibly tired and angry. They ask the Spartans to drop their weapons and save the movie producers the money to be spent on special effects for the computer generated battle scenes. Leonidas responds to this suggestion by first smirking, and then screaming, “Persians!! Come and get them!!” probably referring to their luggage that was still on the conveyor belt. The Persians rush forward to collect them but the Spartans break the locks and open them up to reveal lacy women’s lingerie and inflatable dolls. The embarrassed and enraged Persians immediately sound the battle cry. And so the war begins.
The Spartan soldiers use the phalanx formation, also known as the attacking 4-4-2, and some really astounding special effects to fight off wave after wave of Persian attackers, including silver-masked magicians, an angry rhinocerous, some agitated battle elephants and a couple of hideously deformed circus freaks, all of whom have the fighting skills of a washing machine. For the next few minutes, the screen is a mix of red and brown and body parts go flying around and blood splatters everywhere. Xerxes, impressed by the Spartan fighting spirit, personally approaches Leonidas, gives him a shoulder massage, and promises him a full-body if only he would kneel down in front of him and do you-know-what. The Spartan king politely declines, saying instead that he would make the bling-king bleed. At this point, the film’s dialogue writers were fired for going overboard with the sexual innuendo.
Xerxes gives Leonidas a shoulder massage while the latter considers his proposal
Finally, the Persians, after displaying the intellectual capabilities of cabbage for nearly three-quarters of the movie, suddenly turn into cunning military strategists and surround the Spartan army on all sides. Xerxes demands their surrender, asking Leonidas to service him once before he died. To this indecent proposal, Leonidas replies with the immortal line: “This will not be quick, you will not enjoy this, and I am not your Queen!”, later realising that he was looking at the wrong page of dialogue. Before he can find the right lines, the bling-king orders his archers to fire and all the brave Spartans are killed in a violent downpour of arrows.
The movie ends with shots of the Persians celebrating their hard-fought victory. Of course their celebrations will stop soon enough, when they march on from Thermopylae and come face to face with opponents who are deadlier, more efficient and far more terrifying: The Indian Cricket Team.
-------xx---------xx----------xx--------xx---------xx--------xx----
There, im back with a "movie" post. Certain people havent been liking what i ve been posting recently - my stories. And, i could only tell them that they are in minority n they would not believe me. So, now - for everyone - i have a rating bar below each post, where EVERY reader MUST rate the blog (on a scale of 5) & it will be recorded and a average rating will be shown.
So, request all of you to please rate ALL my posts from now on. That will serve a a guide to me as o what you like and what you dont.
As a start, i ll rate this post as a 5/5. (Modest, aren't i ?)
Ha Ha Ha Ha, just kidding!! I was actually referring to the Spartan army in the Hollywood blockbuster movie ‘300’, which gets its name from the total number of visible muscles on the upper torso of a Spartan soldier. The movie had a powerful effect on me, as I’m sure this blog post is now having on you. Raise your hands, all of you, who are now picturing the Indian Cricket Team taking the field wearing only copper helmets, red capes and black abdomen guards. Thank you.I recently saw this movie again, courtesy my almost fully filled 500 GB HDD (courtesy again, chil !!!). And, by writing about this, im restricting the understandability (or, is comprehendability the right word - u get the point) of my post to people who have seen the movie AND have a sense of humour !
If you didn’t know it already, the movie is based on the legendary Battle of Thermopylae, in which 300 gallant Spartan soldiers fought bravely against one million lily-livered faggots of the invading Persian army, and kept them at bay for three whole days, while the rest of Greece was busy with the Olympics. The Spartans were lead by their fearless King Leonidas, played in the film by Gerard Butler, whose only previous claim to fame came when he was the only British actor NOT considered for the role of James Bond. The Persian Empire was ruled by the 8-foot-tall, dark and handsome Xerxes, also known as the ‘Bling-King’. Reputed historians from all over the world agree that, if not for his unquenchable thirst for power, Xerxes could’ve had a major impact in the NBA.
Now the Spartans were a tribe of real men, so manly that if Hulk Hogan had lived in Sparta, he would’ve been a nurse or a fashion designer. In Spartan schools, young boys were trained in the art of war. They were taught never to retreat, never to surrender and to torture prisoners of war by locking them up in a room alone with Navjot Sidhu. They were also trained in the art of manliness, by being forced to fight against wolves, down multiple barrels of beer, watch football and fart loudly in public places. Not much is known about the Spartan women, but paintings from the period reveal that they had abundant bosoms. The Persians, on the other hand, were open-minded, extremely horny and willing to experiment with their sexuality. So, when they heard the Spartans crying, “Only the hard and strong may call himself Spartan. Only the hard (obviuosly, i intended the pun here, u dimwits),” they just had to visit Sparta to check if it was true. So, they decide to invade Greece.
King Leonidas, after hearing about the upcoming invasion on CNN, gets all excited about getting to kick some Persian butt. So, following the official protocol, he asks the Oracle, played by a sexy, writhing young woman covered with only a piece of thin white cloth (something Yash Chopra / Yahji can learn), whether it would be a good idea. Using her prophetic powers, she tells him no, it would be a very bad idea and that everyone would die a bloody death on the battlefield but adds that many centuries later, the movie adaptation of their story would make loads of money. So, Leonidas signs a lucrative deal with Warner Bros., gathers 300 of his best soldiers and goes to war against the invading Persian army.
They march north towards Thermopylae (Greek for ‘pile of thermos flasks’) to stop the Persians from entering Greece. The Persians, whose Air Deccan flight had been delayed due to operational reasons, arrive looking visibly tired and angry. They ask the Spartans to drop their weapons and save the movie producers the money to be spent on special effects for the computer generated battle scenes. Leonidas responds to this suggestion by first smirking, and then screaming, “Persians!! Come and get them!!” probably referring to their luggage that was still on the conveyor belt. The Persians rush forward to collect them but the Spartans break the locks and open them up to reveal lacy women’s lingerie and inflatable dolls. The embarrassed and enraged Persians immediately sound the battle cry. And so the war begins.
The Spartan soldiers use the phalanx formation, also known as the attacking 4-4-2, and some really astounding special effects to fight off wave after wave of Persian attackers, including silver-masked magicians, an angry rhinocerous, some agitated battle elephants and a couple of hideously deformed circus freaks, all of whom have the fighting skills of a washing machine. For the next few minutes, the screen is a mix of red and brown and body parts go flying around and blood splatters everywhere. Xerxes, impressed by the Spartan fighting spirit, personally approaches Leonidas, gives him a shoulder massage, and promises him a full-body if only he would kneel down in front of him and do you-know-what. The Spartan king politely declines, saying instead that he would make the bling-king bleed. At this point, the film’s dialogue writers were fired for going overboard with the sexual innuendo.
Xerxes gives Leonidas a shoulder massage while the latter considers his proposal
Finally, the Persians, after displaying the intellectual capabilities of cabbage for nearly three-quarters of the movie, suddenly turn into cunning military strategists and surround the Spartan army on all sides. Xerxes demands their surrender, asking Leonidas to service him once before he died. To this indecent proposal, Leonidas replies with the immortal line: “This will not be quick, you will not enjoy this, and I am not your Queen!”, later realising that he was looking at the wrong page of dialogue. Before he can find the right lines, the bling-king orders his archers to fire and all the brave Spartans are killed in a violent downpour of arrows.
The movie ends with shots of the Persians celebrating their hard-fought victory. Of course their celebrations will stop soon enough, when they march on from Thermopylae and come face to face with opponents who are deadlier, more efficient and far more terrifying: The Indian Cricket Team.
-------xx---------xx----------xx--------xx---------xx--------xx----
There, im back with a "movie" post. Certain people havent been liking what i ve been posting recently - my stories. And, i could only tell them that they are in minority n they would not believe me. So, now - for everyone - i have a rating bar below each post, where EVERY reader MUST rate the blog (on a scale of 5) & it will be recorded and a average rating will be shown.
So, request all of you to please rate ALL my posts from now on. That will serve a a guide to me as o what you like and what you dont.
As a start, i ll rate this post as a 5/5. (Modest, aren't i ?)
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday Musings
The following are products of a long, boring sunday
Daniel (name borrowed from the current James Bond) fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women, he couldn’t believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man.
Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more and more eagerly.
One afternoon he was sitting on the beach and wishing for some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves. Daniel swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little jig of happiness.
“You can’t believe how happy I am to see you,” he cried.
The new fellow eyed him up and down and cooed, “You’re a sight for sore eyes too, you gorgeous thing!”
“Crap,” sighed Daniel, “there go my Sundays.”
-------x------x-------x-------x-------x-------x------x------x------x
For a moment
A whore
Feels romance
For a moment
The music
Is silent
For a moment
The night
Creates shadows
For a moment
It all
Makes sense
Then
That moment
Is over
Daniel (name borrowed from the current James Bond) fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women, he couldn’t believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man.
Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more and more eagerly.
One afternoon he was sitting on the beach and wishing for some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves. Daniel swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little jig of happiness.
“You can’t believe how happy I am to see you,” he cried.
The new fellow eyed him up and down and cooed, “You’re a sight for sore eyes too, you gorgeous thing!”
“Crap,” sighed Daniel, “there go my Sundays.”
-------x------x-------x-------x-------x-------x------x------x------x
For a moment
A whore
Feels romance
For a moment
The music
Is silent
For a moment
The night
Creates shadows
For a moment
It all
Makes sense
Then
That moment
Is over
Thursday, February 26, 2009
It's only words - 4 : The Unspoken
He was of a retiring nature, not prone to public displays of affection. His words were measured and he thought a great deal before making an advance in any field. Which worked both to his advantage and disadvantage, while his choices were good she did not have the patience to wait for them.
Being somewhat of a retiring nature herself, she would shy away from confrontation and would make no demands, yet his inability to give some shape to the relationship they shared frustrated her and after two years of waiting for something more than faint commitment and several stolen kisses, she decided to move on.
He being the gentleman that he was, never questioned her departure and made no attempt to stop her. She being the lady that she was, never demanded a firm commitment from him and left the town pretending that nothing had transpired between them.
And in truth nothing had, save for the unspoken feelings that both were keenly aware of and yet had never acted on.
She met him a few years later, an accident of chance had placed them in the same coffee shop, they talked and laughed and exchanged reminiscences of old times. He hadn't changed, it was as if time stood still and the world had passed by. She on the other hand had changed, and her direct approach reflected it.
She told him she was getting married soon, she saw the hurt in his eyes, the only betrayal of what feeling he once held for her. "You didn't expect me to wait forever, did you?" She said, her only indication that she had perceived his feelings.
He did not reply, a slight smile creased his face. "I wish the best for you." He said.
As he rose to leave he shook her hand once more and then turned and left, ever the gentleman. She watched him go, and then sat back down, a tear trickled down her face. She didn't care, she was now no longer the lady.
-------------xx------------------xx------------------xx-------------
I'll never let you see the way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide all the sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain,I'll do my crying in the rain
Being somewhat of a retiring nature herself, she would shy away from confrontation and would make no demands, yet his inability to give some shape to the relationship they shared frustrated her and after two years of waiting for something more than faint commitment and several stolen kisses, she decided to move on.
He being the gentleman that he was, never questioned her departure and made no attempt to stop her. She being the lady that she was, never demanded a firm commitment from him and left the town pretending that nothing had transpired between them.
And in truth nothing had, save for the unspoken feelings that both were keenly aware of and yet had never acted on.
She met him a few years later, an accident of chance had placed them in the same coffee shop, they talked and laughed and exchanged reminiscences of old times. He hadn't changed, it was as if time stood still and the world had passed by. She on the other hand had changed, and her direct approach reflected it.
She told him she was getting married soon, she saw the hurt in his eyes, the only betrayal of what feeling he once held for her. "You didn't expect me to wait forever, did you?" She said, her only indication that she had perceived his feelings.
He did not reply, a slight smile creased his face. "I wish the best for you." He said.
As he rose to leave he shook her hand once more and then turned and left, ever the gentleman. She watched him go, and then sat back down, a tear trickled down her face. She didn't care, she was now no longer the lady.
-------------xx------------------xx------------------xx-------------
I'll never let you see the way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide all the sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain,I'll do my crying in the rain
Monday, February 23, 2009
It's only words - 3
"Is something wrong?" Shaan asked with some concern.
"No," said Sneha with some reserve, "I guess I just wanted to apologize for the way I'm been acting lately. I've had a lot on my mind."
Shaan raised his eyebrows questioningly. Whenever Sneha got like this, it usually meant trouble. This was not going to be one of those conversations with a band aid solution.
"What's on your mind?"
Sneha hesitated, did she really want to get into this right now? Things had been so good between them for the last few months, he had been so attentive and understanding. Listening to her and supporting her dreams...
"I want to know where we're heading?" She asked abruptly. Looking up from her corner of the bed where she fidgeted with the edge of the bed cover. "I need to know Shaan, this thing between us, is it ever going to be anything more?"
Shaan's face grew serious, Sneha felt her breath catch, "You know how I feel about you, I want you! I want to be with you."
He looked up slightly taken aback by her outburst. He watched her bite her lip nervously, and imagined running his tongue over it. Kissing her forehead and soothing her fears, telling her that everything was going to be alright.
But he couldn't move.
Shaan watched her from across the room, watched as her expression changed from nervousness to anger. "Why won't you answer me?" Sneha demanded, "Don't you understand? I need to know! Are you going to leave her?"
Images of his wife flashed before his eyes, her smile, her gentle laugh, the pain in her eyes that she tried to conceal, she had known about his affair, had confronted him about it at first, he had of course blatantly denied it. Then, she had threatened to leave, Shaan had half hoped she would. He didn't love her, but he couldn't quite bring himself to leave her, she needed compassion.
"Sneha, please..."
"You're not going to, are you Shaan?" Sneha's nostrils flared slightly, "Do I even mean anything to you? Do you know that I love you? Do you care?"
Shaan squeezed his eyes shut.
"Sneha, she needs me..."
"And what about me, Shaan? Don't I need you too? How can you string me along like this? With these empty promises, these empty words. Do you think I'll wait forever?"
Shaan glanced up again, a look of slight alarm visible on his face, "Snee please try to understand, I do want you, I love what I have with you, you make me feel things I didn't think possible... but she's my wife, has been for 6 years. I can't just walk away from that without any repercussions!"
"No Shaan, you're afraid to walk away, you're afraid to find happiness."
Sneha stood up and put on her slippers.
"Where are you going?" Shaan asked, also rising.
"Out, away from you. I need to clear my head, need to think." Sneha picked up her bag, clenched her teeth and with a determined stride headed to the door. Pausing there she turned around to see Shaan standing in the center of the room, hands in his pockets, eyes downcast, looking forlorn.
It tore her heart to see him this way, she wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and kiss him, beg him to forgive her for being this way and promise to be patient and wait for him. Her eyes began to burn, quickly she turned around before the tears found their way down her soft round cheeks.
"Goodbye Shaan" Her voice was a shaky whisper.
"Snee..."
"Please lock the door on your way out, leave the key with Raju, he should be downstairs."
With that she was out the door, walking as quickly as she could down the staircase out into the busy street, filled with people making their way home after a hard day's work.
She paused for breath, he had not followed her.
Looking up she saw the lights in her apartment still on, she felt a dampness on her cheeks and realized that the tears she had been holding back for so long had finally broken free. Her heart had been crushed into a million pieces and been trampled on.
Slowly she put one foot in front of the other, heading towards the sunset, she faded into the crowd.
"No," said Sneha with some reserve, "I guess I just wanted to apologize for the way I'm been acting lately. I've had a lot on my mind."
Shaan raised his eyebrows questioningly. Whenever Sneha got like this, it usually meant trouble. This was not going to be one of those conversations with a band aid solution.
"What's on your mind?"
Sneha hesitated, did she really want to get into this right now? Things had been so good between them for the last few months, he had been so attentive and understanding. Listening to her and supporting her dreams...
"I want to know where we're heading?" She asked abruptly. Looking up from her corner of the bed where she fidgeted with the edge of the bed cover. "I need to know Shaan, this thing between us, is it ever going to be anything more?"
Shaan's face grew serious, Sneha felt her breath catch, "You know how I feel about you, I want you! I want to be with you."
He looked up slightly taken aback by her outburst. He watched her bite her lip nervously, and imagined running his tongue over it. Kissing her forehead and soothing her fears, telling her that everything was going to be alright.
But he couldn't move.
Shaan watched her from across the room, watched as her expression changed from nervousness to anger. "Why won't you answer me?" Sneha demanded, "Don't you understand? I need to know! Are you going to leave her?"
Images of his wife flashed before his eyes, her smile, her gentle laugh, the pain in her eyes that she tried to conceal, she had known about his affair, had confronted him about it at first, he had of course blatantly denied it. Then, she had threatened to leave, Shaan had half hoped she would. He didn't love her, but he couldn't quite bring himself to leave her, she needed compassion.
"Sneha, please..."
"You're not going to, are you Shaan?" Sneha's nostrils flared slightly, "Do I even mean anything to you? Do you know that I love you? Do you care?"
Shaan squeezed his eyes shut.
"Sneha, she needs me..."
"And what about me, Shaan? Don't I need you too? How can you string me along like this? With these empty promises, these empty words. Do you think I'll wait forever?"
Shaan glanced up again, a look of slight alarm visible on his face, "Snee please try to understand, I do want you, I love what I have with you, you make me feel things I didn't think possible... but she's my wife, has been for 6 years. I can't just walk away from that without any repercussions!"
"No Shaan, you're afraid to walk away, you're afraid to find happiness."
Sneha stood up and put on her slippers.
"Where are you going?" Shaan asked, also rising.
"Out, away from you. I need to clear my head, need to think." Sneha picked up her bag, clenched her teeth and with a determined stride headed to the door. Pausing there she turned around to see Shaan standing in the center of the room, hands in his pockets, eyes downcast, looking forlorn.
It tore her heart to see him this way, she wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and kiss him, beg him to forgive her for being this way and promise to be patient and wait for him. Her eyes began to burn, quickly she turned around before the tears found their way down her soft round cheeks.
"Goodbye Shaan" Her voice was a shaky whisper.
"Snee..."
"Please lock the door on your way out, leave the key with Raju, he should be downstairs."
With that she was out the door, walking as quickly as she could down the staircase out into the busy street, filled with people making their way home after a hard day's work.
She paused for breath, he had not followed her.
Looking up she saw the lights in her apartment still on, she felt a dampness on her cheeks and realized that the tears she had been holding back for so long had finally broken free. Her heart had been crushed into a million pieces and been trampled on.
Slowly she put one foot in front of the other, heading towards the sunset, she faded into the crowd.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
It's only words - 2
And that's the way it is ....
It was like a slap in the face. Tanya couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What do you mean Sanjay?" she asked slightly bewildered. "What happened between us... didn't it mean anything to you?"
"What happened was a mistake Tanya, it shouldn't have happened." A slight frown creased Sanjay's forehead. "We should just be friends, you're making too much of this."
Tanya looked stricken, her face crumpled like a paper bag. How could he be this cruel? This cold? Could he really take something that had been so special and smash it to the ground as if it repulsed him?
"I don't know..." she couldn't finish.
"You're making this out to be more than it is T!"
She swallowed hard, "Then maybe, maybe you would want that we shouldn't see each other anymore.."
A heavy silence filled the air for the span of a second.
"You're right T, maybe we shouldn't. Take care of yourself." And with that he was gone.
He walked out the door and did not look back. Tanya wanted to run after him, but her feet would not move. Instead she went into her bedroom, pressed her face into her pillow and cried bitterly for a very long time.
The days inched their way by, but he did not return and slowly, very slowly she began to stop hoping that he would.
------------x-------------x--------------x-------------x---------
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say, and watching you walk away
What hurts the most, was feeling it end
And never knowing what could have been.....
It was like a slap in the face. Tanya couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What do you mean Sanjay?" she asked slightly bewildered. "What happened between us... didn't it mean anything to you?"
"What happened was a mistake Tanya, it shouldn't have happened." A slight frown creased Sanjay's forehead. "We should just be friends, you're making too much of this."
Tanya looked stricken, her face crumpled like a paper bag. How could he be this cruel? This cold? Could he really take something that had been so special and smash it to the ground as if it repulsed him?
"I don't know..." she couldn't finish.
"You're making this out to be more than it is T!"
She swallowed hard, "Then maybe, maybe you would want that we shouldn't see each other anymore.."
A heavy silence filled the air for the span of a second.
"You're right T, maybe we shouldn't. Take care of yourself." And with that he was gone.
He walked out the door and did not look back. Tanya wanted to run after him, but her feet would not move. Instead she went into her bedroom, pressed her face into her pillow and cried bitterly for a very long time.
The days inched their way by, but he did not return and slowly, very slowly she began to stop hoping that he would.
------------x-------------x--------------x-------------x---------
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say, and watching you walk away
What hurts the most, was feeling it end
And never knowing what could have been.....
Friday, February 13, 2009
Flowers - A Valentine's Day Story
Deodhar was disgusted. He was absolutely sick to his stomach. Not really, but he could have been. Let's assume he was sick to his stomach. He could hardly bear to look at that morning's paper, but he leafed through it hurriedly anyway, trying hard not to be driven into further disgust by all the Valentine's Day ads in the paper. Several of them were cut-out ads - "Cut out this ad and bring it to Neem restaurant along with your valentine on Valentine's day and get 20% off on all burgers! ** "
Deodhar was what people called a die-hard romantic, but once January passed, he counted down the days to the 14th of February with dread. Deodhar didn't have a problem with the concept of Valentine's Day itself - a day to celebrate love was probably the best idea since irrigation. But the way these greedy corporations commercialised and commodified Love - was to dilute, to pollute, a thing that was so pure, so unadulterated. And this most sublime of emotions was being sold as a 200 rupee heart-shaped box of chocolates, according to the advertisement Deodhar was now trying not to look at.
What was probably just as bad was the kind of pressure Valentine's Day put on people who didn't have their special someones - he'd seen his friends go through immense depression watching couples be all valentine-y. Of course, it's not like Deodhar had never spent Valentine's Day single - he was just a little more stoic than his friends – in this case.
This Valentine's Day, Deodhar was not exactly single, nor was he exactly multiple. You see, he had a thing going on with a certain girl, called Daisy, whom he was quite fond of - but they hadn't really talked about what this 'going on thing' was about and it was kind of an on and off 'thing' - for the sake of simplicity, let's just say Daisy was Deodhar's "It's complicated".
Now Deodhar had every intention of asking Daisy to be his Valentine on the thirteenth of the month, but he hadn't quite figured out how to do that yet - and that was just his excuse for not really having the guts to ask her. But now the day was here and he knew that if he didn't seize the day, well, he wouldn't seize the day. He must speak now or forever hold his silence or something like that, because there was no more time for procrastination.
Deodhar decided to go over to Daisy's place and fix up this whole Valentine business. He didn't want to call, because that wasn't personal enough, and he didn't want to send her an email, because that's just stupid.
But just strolling over to Daisy's house and asking her to be his Valentine didn't seem enough. After all, this was a rather last-minute proposal, so he'd better have more than a lukewarm "Will you be my valentine?" to ask her if she'd be his valentine. It needed more passion, more flavour, more romance.
Deodhar considered delivering a long speech, extolling Daisy's feminine virtues, her curvy, yet sturdy figure, her slender limbs and all that. But Deodhar had never been great with words, so he didn't want to risk doing something like that. This also meant writing poetry was out of the question. Deodhar also couldn't carry a tune to save his life, so that obviously meant no serenading.
Chocolates and teddy bears were definitely out of the question - too cheesy and too commercial. So were Valentine's Day cards. He didn't like the idea of pre-packaged sentiment.
Then it hit him - flowers. Of course, flowers were a staple Valentine's Day gift, perhaps overdone, but they still had their charm. They were natural, beautiful, fragrant, just like Daisy. Besides, being a great listener had paid off - Deodhar knew exactly what Daisy's favourite flowers were.
Deodhar decided not to buy a bouquet, for that would be commercialism all over again. He had a little garden in his backyard where the flowers he needed grew. Now delighted, Deodhar picked a bunch of Daisy's favourite kinds of flowers and immediately rushed to her house.
Deodhar knocked on the door, and holding the flowers, waited for the door to open with bated breath.
Then the door opened and there stood Daisy, more gorgeous than ever before. Deodhar held out his homemade bouquet sheepishly. "Ha... Happy Valentine's Day, Daisy... will you be my valentine?"
A wave of elation and relief washed over Deodhar as Daisy smiled and took the flowers from him.
"Of course I'll be your valentine! How sweet of you! You got me my favourite flowers! Human testicles and ovaries! Oh, and I see a few penises, too! Oh, it's wonderful, Deodhar, and it smells divine! I'm so glad you asked me... I was afraid you wouldn't."
Deodhar was filled with joy. He extended a branch and Daisy held it in her slender twig. They walked together, limb in limb, out to the park, their bright green leaves and petals shimmering in the sunlight. And then a thought occurred to Deodhar.
"Daisy, imagine if the humans were people, and the plants were in their place. You think they'd gift each other our reproductive organs?"
"Eww, Deodhar! Don't be disgusting!" Daisy said.
** conditions apply
Deodhar was what people called a die-hard romantic, but once January passed, he counted down the days to the 14th of February with dread. Deodhar didn't have a problem with the concept of Valentine's Day itself - a day to celebrate love was probably the best idea since irrigation. But the way these greedy corporations commercialised and commodified Love - was to dilute, to pollute, a thing that was so pure, so unadulterated. And this most sublime of emotions was being sold as a 200 rupee heart-shaped box of chocolates, according to the advertisement Deodhar was now trying not to look at.
What was probably just as bad was the kind of pressure Valentine's Day put on people who didn't have their special someones - he'd seen his friends go through immense depression watching couples be all valentine-y. Of course, it's not like Deodhar had never spent Valentine's Day single - he was just a little more stoic than his friends – in this case.
This Valentine's Day, Deodhar was not exactly single, nor was he exactly multiple. You see, he had a thing going on with a certain girl, called Daisy, whom he was quite fond of - but they hadn't really talked about what this 'going on thing' was about and it was kind of an on and off 'thing' - for the sake of simplicity, let's just say Daisy was Deodhar's "It's complicated".
Now Deodhar had every intention of asking Daisy to be his Valentine on the thirteenth of the month, but he hadn't quite figured out how to do that yet - and that was just his excuse for not really having the guts to ask her. But now the day was here and he knew that if he didn't seize the day, well, he wouldn't seize the day. He must speak now or forever hold his silence or something like that, because there was no more time for procrastination.
Deodhar decided to go over to Daisy's place and fix up this whole Valentine business. He didn't want to call, because that wasn't personal enough, and he didn't want to send her an email, because that's just stupid.
But just strolling over to Daisy's house and asking her to be his Valentine didn't seem enough. After all, this was a rather last-minute proposal, so he'd better have more than a lukewarm "Will you be my valentine?" to ask her if she'd be his valentine. It needed more passion, more flavour, more romance.
Deodhar considered delivering a long speech, extolling Daisy's feminine virtues, her curvy, yet sturdy figure, her slender limbs and all that. But Deodhar had never been great with words, so he didn't want to risk doing something like that. This also meant writing poetry was out of the question. Deodhar also couldn't carry a tune to save his life, so that obviously meant no serenading.
Chocolates and teddy bears were definitely out of the question - too cheesy and too commercial. So were Valentine's Day cards. He didn't like the idea of pre-packaged sentiment.
Then it hit him - flowers. Of course, flowers were a staple Valentine's Day gift, perhaps overdone, but they still had their charm. They were natural, beautiful, fragrant, just like Daisy. Besides, being a great listener had paid off - Deodhar knew exactly what Daisy's favourite flowers were.
Deodhar decided not to buy a bouquet, for that would be commercialism all over again. He had a little garden in his backyard where the flowers he needed grew. Now delighted, Deodhar picked a bunch of Daisy's favourite kinds of flowers and immediately rushed to her house.
Deodhar knocked on the door, and holding the flowers, waited for the door to open with bated breath.
Then the door opened and there stood Daisy, more gorgeous than ever before. Deodhar held out his homemade bouquet sheepishly. "Ha... Happy Valentine's Day, Daisy... will you be my valentine?"
A wave of elation and relief washed over Deodhar as Daisy smiled and took the flowers from him.
"Of course I'll be your valentine! How sweet of you! You got me my favourite flowers! Human testicles and ovaries! Oh, and I see a few penises, too! Oh, it's wonderful, Deodhar, and it smells divine! I'm so glad you asked me... I was afraid you wouldn't."
Deodhar was filled with joy. He extended a branch and Daisy held it in her slender twig. They walked together, limb in limb, out to the park, their bright green leaves and petals shimmering in the sunlight. And then a thought occurred to Deodhar.
"Daisy, imagine if the humans were people, and the plants were in their place. You think they'd gift each other our reproductive organs?"
"Eww, Deodhar! Don't be disgusting!" Daisy said.
** conditions apply
Thursday, February 12, 2009
It's only words - 1
i went through some of my previous posts & realised that mine was becoming a primarily a movie review blog - i have written about Dasvidaniya, Ghajini, Dev D one after the other, with very little of anything else. Yes,i am very passionate about movies, but this was never meant to be a blog solely about movies - but thats what is happening. So, i ve decided to cut it down.
Beginning today i ll start writing a series of short stories, more like snippets of stories. There will be other stuff, maybe a movie review in the middle - but more of these snippets - atleast for the next couple of months. So, here goes...
x------x-------x-------x-------x------x
A Beginning
The sun was rising, its rosy fingers pierced through the early morning cold, cutting through the clouds. It was the start of a new day, a new year. Priya inched a little closer to Sagar trying to absorb as much warmth as she could from him, he looked down and smiled, it was a fairly cold January morning.
They had been sitting on the roof since midnight, watching the stars, talking about random things, snuggling for a while. The party downstairs had long since died down and most people had either gone home or were sprawled out in various rooms.
Priya sighed, it felt so good to be here, she glanced up at Sagar through her lashes, he seemed to be absorbed in thoughts of his own. She closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder, she felt his arm tighten against her skin. "If things could always be this way forever", she thought. Her mind wandered back to when they'd first met, it seemed so long ago, had a year gone by already? It seemed difficult to fathom. Yes, they had met at a common friend’s birthday a year back & were in touch since. A sweet friendship had developed over the months
The sun was getting warmer, "Sagar, we really should be going down don't you think?" Priya angled her head to get a better view of his face. "Yes," Sagar replied, "It's just that there's something I want to give you first, it's a present."
Priya smiled, Sagar always had such a sweet way about him, "What is it?" she asked eagerly.
"It's a surprise," he replied, "You'll have to close your eyes."
Priya frowned a little suspiciously & then smiled in anticipation, closed her eyes and sat back. Presently she heard the crinkling of plastic and her curiosity sorely tempted her to open her eyes. Sagar seemed to be hesitating, she was about to say something when she felt him cup her face in his hands, startled she opened her eyes just as he pressed his lips gently against hers.
"Happy New Year", he said as he pulled back a few moments later, "I've been wanting to do that all evening." Priya felt butterflies in her stomach, her heart racing from the excitement of kiss they'd just shared, her first kiss, their first kiss..
"Sagar, I...." she seemed to be at a loss for words.
"Shh.. you don't have to say anything, just let this moment be."
There was a heavy silence between them.
Then.
"I think we'd better go down now Priya."
Priya nodded, they stood up looked in each others eyes and then silently walked back downstairs, hand in hand . . . .
x--------x--------x---------x-------x--------x
Somewhere between the hot and the cold,
Somewhere between the new and the old,
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be,
Somewhere in the middle....... you’ll find me....
Beginning today i ll start writing a series of short stories, more like snippets of stories. There will be other stuff, maybe a movie review in the middle - but more of these snippets - atleast for the next couple of months. So, here goes...
x------x-------x-------x-------x------x
A Beginning
The sun was rising, its rosy fingers pierced through the early morning cold, cutting through the clouds. It was the start of a new day, a new year. Priya inched a little closer to Sagar trying to absorb as much warmth as she could from him, he looked down and smiled, it was a fairly cold January morning.
They had been sitting on the roof since midnight, watching the stars, talking about random things, snuggling for a while. The party downstairs had long since died down and most people had either gone home or were sprawled out in various rooms.
Priya sighed, it felt so good to be here, she glanced up at Sagar through her lashes, he seemed to be absorbed in thoughts of his own. She closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder, she felt his arm tighten against her skin. "If things could always be this way forever", she thought. Her mind wandered back to when they'd first met, it seemed so long ago, had a year gone by already? It seemed difficult to fathom. Yes, they had met at a common friend’s birthday a year back & were in touch since. A sweet friendship had developed over the months
The sun was getting warmer, "Sagar, we really should be going down don't you think?" Priya angled her head to get a better view of his face. "Yes," Sagar replied, "It's just that there's something I want to give you first, it's a present."
Priya smiled, Sagar always had such a sweet way about him, "What is it?" she asked eagerly.
"It's a surprise," he replied, "You'll have to close your eyes."
Priya frowned a little suspiciously & then smiled in anticipation, closed her eyes and sat back. Presently she heard the crinkling of plastic and her curiosity sorely tempted her to open her eyes. Sagar seemed to be hesitating, she was about to say something when she felt him cup her face in his hands, startled she opened her eyes just as he pressed his lips gently against hers.
"Happy New Year", he said as he pulled back a few moments later, "I've been wanting to do that all evening." Priya felt butterflies in her stomach, her heart racing from the excitement of kiss they'd just shared, her first kiss, their first kiss..
"Sagar, I...." she seemed to be at a loss for words.
"Shh.. you don't have to say anything, just let this moment be."
There was a heavy silence between them.
Then.
"I think we'd better go down now Priya."
Priya nodded, they stood up looked in each others eyes and then silently walked back downstairs, hand in hand . . . .
x--------x--------x---------x-------x--------x
Somewhere between the hot and the cold,
Somewhere between the new and the old,
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be,
Somewhere in the middle....... you’ll find me....
Monday, February 09, 2009
Dev D - We are all sluts.
Let me say this first - i havent seen any of Kashyap's movies - Black Friday, No Smoking, Hanuman Returns or even the pirated dvd of Paanch. i have friends who hail him as the saviour of Indian Cinema from the kitsch it gives out.
I am a fan of Abhay Deol. That combined by the fact that i was really curious to see Kashyap's movie made me want to see Dev D at the earliest - i saw it on the first day last show.
And i was blown away by the first half. The second half dragged, but as the days passed, i started liking the movie more & more.
Anurag takes us through the lives of 3 mortal characters, who are flawed, yes we all are,they have instincts that they don’t hide,they are shameless with people they know as we all are.Asisiting Anurag in this brilliantly filmed journey is AMIT TRIVEDI’s music,every word is connected to the story,every song is rightly placed,and u never realized that you have just watched a movie with 18 goddamn songs, such is the manner it blends with the story line.The music just lifts the screenplay where it begins to drag
Coming back to the movie,The detailing is phenomenal, the dialogue, the graffiti, the camera, a “real” Punjabi wedding, the abuse, the bong, the drugs,the momos,the brothels ,the black goggles and even the sex - everything is so well placed and thought of that you just cant stop ur self from standing up and givin AK a bow for this work.
He questions us time and again about the way we treat women,a sin which is deeply rooted in Indian phsyche with sublte remarks like “MA- HILAYE” on a bus window,Godesses Kali with money in one of her hands in a graffiti at dev’s room, spot on!!.
Casting is another high point here, with ABHAY rocking, as usual and Mahi,well, she was just as raw as the character wanted her to be( I wonder if a director ever before dared to show what testosterone charged young lovers talk on phone like the brilliant “have u touched yourself?” in the starting scene - missed it in th movie, but saw it online later). Cinematography is awesome & never lets you down.
KALKI ,I think she was made for this role, the innocence of a school girl and then Chanda a girl with no regrets, she has surrendered her to the conditions around her which at one point of time every man does, thus becoming a 'slut'.
About the songs,I think Duniya was brilliantly picturized so was emotional atyaachar and its Rock version, Just couldn’t understand the presence of 3 GUYS(may be anurag’s three musketeers),who danced their way around in Sali khushi and pardesi.
The movie explores the modern male & female psyche well - Dev can't handle the over sexualuty oozed by any of his ladies. Chanda accepts her fate as a "CSW", at the same time carrying on studies during the day. Mahi is in love with Dev, but doesnt forget how he has hurt her & she gets back at him & how !! Hits him where it hurts the most. All her commentsa directed, literally, below the belt.
The dialogues were real & at times full of brazen sexuality. Sample this
"saali palang tod deti hai"
"have you guys done it - S.E.X. ?"
"wahaan se haath nikaal"
"tumhaari photo bhejna - binaa kapde ki"
"woh umar mein boodhe rahenge, par bistar mein nahi. Unpe chadne ki to naubat hi nahi aati"
"im just going out for a walk, im not going to suck every cock that walks my way"
"all you wanna do is fuck. . . Don't u ?"
The raw energy in some scenes just captivates you
1. The scene where Mahi gets a bedding into the fields so that she & dev n get doing what they had been planning for long
2. the scene where Chanda talks sex with dev & he can't handle it & breaks the glass. That establishes right there who controls the relationship
3. Mahi & Dev confrontation in the secind half
4. Lenny's outburst at her father
and many more to list. Watch the movie for them
Complaints -
Second half drags
Why does Mahi start washing Dev's clothes
Chanda's falling into love woth Dev has not been well explained
Abrupt end
So - all in all - yes, i will definitely watch Black friday & No Smoking, just coz AK's directed them. You might hate the movie - but you should still see it. It might not make money at the BO, but its sure to be a cult classic on the DVD circuit.
So, GO FOR IT. It sure ain't Emosanal Attyachaar !!!
I am a fan of Abhay Deol. That combined by the fact that i was really curious to see Kashyap's movie made me want to see Dev D at the earliest - i saw it on the first day last show.
And i was blown away by the first half. The second half dragged, but as the days passed, i started liking the movie more & more.
Anurag takes us through the lives of 3 mortal characters, who are flawed, yes we all are,they have instincts that they don’t hide,they are shameless with people they know as we all are.Asisiting Anurag in this brilliantly filmed journey is AMIT TRIVEDI’s music,every word is connected to the story,every song is rightly placed,and u never realized that you have just watched a movie with 18 goddamn songs, such is the manner it blends with the story line.The music just lifts the screenplay where it begins to drag
Coming back to the movie,The detailing is phenomenal, the dialogue, the graffiti, the camera, a “real” Punjabi wedding, the abuse, the bong, the drugs,the momos,the brothels ,the black goggles and even the sex - everything is so well placed and thought of that you just cant stop ur self from standing up and givin AK a bow for this work.
He questions us time and again about the way we treat women,a sin which is deeply rooted in Indian phsyche with sublte remarks like “MA- HILAYE” on a bus window,Godesses Kali with money in one of her hands in a graffiti at dev’s room, spot on!!.
Casting is another high point here, with ABHAY rocking, as usual and Mahi,well, she was just as raw as the character wanted her to be( I wonder if a director ever before dared to show what testosterone charged young lovers talk on phone like the brilliant “have u touched yourself?” in the starting scene - missed it in th movie, but saw it online later). Cinematography is awesome & never lets you down.
KALKI ,I think she was made for this role, the innocence of a school girl and then Chanda a girl with no regrets, she has surrendered her to the conditions around her which at one point of time every man does, thus becoming a 'slut'.
About the songs,I think Duniya was brilliantly picturized so was emotional atyaachar and its Rock version, Just couldn’t understand the presence of 3 GUYS(may be anurag’s three musketeers),who danced their way around in Sali khushi and pardesi.
The movie explores the modern male & female psyche well - Dev can't handle the over sexualuty oozed by any of his ladies. Chanda accepts her fate as a "CSW", at the same time carrying on studies during the day. Mahi is in love with Dev, but doesnt forget how he has hurt her & she gets back at him & how !! Hits him where it hurts the most. All her commentsa directed, literally, below the belt.
The dialogues were real & at times full of brazen sexuality. Sample this
"saali palang tod deti hai"
"have you guys done it - S.E.X. ?"
"wahaan se haath nikaal"
"tumhaari photo bhejna - binaa kapde ki"
"woh umar mein boodhe rahenge, par bistar mein nahi. Unpe chadne ki to naubat hi nahi aati"
"im just going out for a walk, im not going to suck every cock that walks my way"
"all you wanna do is fuck. . . Don't u ?"
The raw energy in some scenes just captivates you
1. The scene where Mahi gets a bedding into the fields so that she & dev n get doing what they had been planning for long
2. the scene where Chanda talks sex with dev & he can't handle it & breaks the glass. That establishes right there who controls the relationship
3. Mahi & Dev confrontation in the secind half
4. Lenny's outburst at her father
and many more to list. Watch the movie for them
Complaints -
Second half drags
Why does Mahi start washing Dev's clothes
Chanda's falling into love woth Dev has not been well explained
Abrupt end
So - all in all - yes, i will definitely watch Black friday & No Smoking, just coz AK's directed them. You might hate the movie - but you should still see it. It might not make money at the BO, but its sure to be a cult classic on the DVD circuit.
So, GO FOR IT. It sure ain't Emosanal Attyachaar !!!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Taare Zameen Par
TZP might have missed out in the Oscar race, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it was a gem of a movie.
Whether it deserved an Oscar or not - i wont enter into that debate as i am not qualified enough & i haven't seen the other shortlisted movies.
I recently saw TZP on the TV. Taare Zameen Par brought back memories of childhood. No, I wasn’t dyslexic - at least not clinically! But there are some things that are common to children - whether dyslexic or not - they create their own world of imagination and love living in it.
I once discussed this with a couple of my friends during one of our late-night never-ending conversations - and we all agreed on one thing - when we were kids, we often imagined ourselves as being heroes - larger-than-life creatures, almost mythical characters. One of us saw himself as a cricketer who uprooted the middle stump with every ball he bowled in his dream stadium located in the living room, while another was the early 90s version of Hrithik – all the moves et al. One even used to imagine himself singing in a huge stadium with the packed-to-capacity crowd chanting his name!
Sorry for digressing.. I am thinking – this is what a movie like TZP does to you, it makes you think.
It doesn’t take a film-critic to notice the attention to detail given by the makers of the movie in as far as the characterization is concerned. Certain things which really stuck into my memory include:
1. The way Ishan Awasthi behaved when he is thrown out of class in school
2. When Ishan is playing with dogs and the kids in the neighbor-hood ask him to get the ball, the dog on his lap is actually sleeping!
3. Aamir’s at times vocal and at-times controlled expressions
4. Facial expression of the school kids throughout the movie
5. The kid at the chai-shop
It is amazing how so many sub-issues can be dealt with without losing sight of the central theme. Certain sub-issues addressed in Tare Zameen Par (besides for the central theme – dyslexia, of course) include:
• Physically-handicapped children
• Teacher-student relationship
• Corporal-punishment in schools
• Parents’ attitudes towards under-performing kids and their over-expectation from the performers
• Society’s tendency to add a “number” to every child – judging him / her solely on the basis of academic qualification / achievements
• Inability to see the other side of things when in a conflict
I haven’t been watching too much TV lately, but I sincerely feel that the music by Shankar, Ehsaan & Loy has been grossly under-rated. The lyrics and the music totally stand-out – both in the context of the movie and even otherwise. What I liked most about the music was the extensive use of guitars and the melodious strumming in most of the songs.
Different movies evoke different reactions from audiences. Bheja Fry might make you laugh. Black might make you weep. Hazaaron Khwahishein Aisi will make you think. Taare Zameen Par will make you do all of these things. Besides, it will make you feel.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Arrogance, Confidence & Pure Entertainment
“There is a very little difference between arrogance and confidence -‘I can’ do it is confidence and ‘Only I’ can do it is arrogance” – Aamir Khan (quote from Ghajini)
SRK and Akshay Kumar consider only themselves as entertainers and no one else. That’s arrogance. Aamir by doing a Ghajini showed them that he too can do a mindless blockbuster entertainer. That’s confidence. And what a confidence - he has just “rub”bed the “King” the wrong way.
In all his pre-release interviews Aamir Khan had clearly stated that the audience, who has become used to his “Hatke” and intelligent movies, will be surprised to find him doing a complete masala entertainer. Yet the critics reviewed the movie as though Ghajini was an intelligent movie. It is not. It was never meant to be. It’s a film which ensures total entertainment for the 3 hours. Hence it was discomforting to read reviews of veteran reviewers like Khalid Mohammed & company who have ripped apart the movie and these are the same reviewers who finds films like Om Shanti Om and Rab Ne…good enough for a three / four star rating. Such double standards.
Though Ghajini is a mindless entertainer, it does not imply that the movie is dumb and unaware because the film caters to everyone amongst us, including the lowest commonest denominator, not because it doesn’t know better, but because it chooses to.
The other aspect of Ghajini that the critics are going bonkers is with the comparison with “Memento”. The only similarity between those two movies is that the lead character has short-term memory loss and remembers things via tattoos, photographs etc. The critics should know that an exact copy of Memento would not have rejected by the Indian audience. While adapting the basic premise of the memory loss, the director has created a legible variant, which has to be appreciated. Some cynics screamed that Ghajini does not have the non-linear film-making aspect of a classic like Memento. Why confuse the audience like Memento had done, particularly if the filmmakers’ intention is only to entertain. The same audience who wanted this non-linear shit is the one that had rejected a movie like Chocolate. Yes, the gimmick worked in Rang De Basanti. But Ghajini was not meant to be a classic or intellectual movie but an entertainer. And I bet that those who are talking about Memento now must have never heard about this movie till Ghajini was announced a year ago.
The movie moves back and forth in time, as it juxtaposes an effervescent romance in the past against a brutalized, spaced-out present. Aamir’s violent acts are not justified but you are made to see the reasons for his actions considering his past life. The film is riddled with logical loopholes but the director doesn’t give you enough time to think about them with his strong narration style. The gripping screenplay makes you want to know more about Aamir’s tribulations. Watching Aamir grapple with his 15 minute memory span makes for an engaging watch.
Highlights
The scene where Aamir puts all his things – guns, mobile, wallet into their proper places courtesy the notes and sleeps and gets up and walks into the bathroom clueless and sees the note of “open your shirt” and opens it and sees all his tattoos and burns in rage. This brought out the psychological and emotional state of Aamir.
The scene where Jiah Khan requests for a conversation with Aamir in the canteen. She jots down whatever Aamir says. Notice the irony out here – what is the difference between Jiah and Aamir. He notes down on his body, and she on her notepad. Memory is unreliable.
The scene where Aamir has to witness Asin’s brutal murder was heart wrenching. The audience drew a collective gasp when Asin gets killed.
The action sequence in the climax that is cheerful in its gratuitous violence and enjoyable too. And the chase he gives to the villain along a narrow path flanked by houses – a labrynth - brings out the claustrophobic feel of the space - the way it mirrored the road to Ghajini that was built and broken thousand times in Sanjay’s mind.
The crucial pre-climax sequence where Aamir Khan is lying in the hospital confused and lost after his life-saving tattoos and clues and pictures have been destroyed and the consequent Aamir’s outburst.
Asin’s compassionate nature is brought out through creatively written scenes. Watch her help the handicapped children enter the museum gate and then help a blind man walk to his stop all along informing of the happenings on the street.
And some beautiful nuggets like - Aamir trying to recognise Jiah by her rapid breathing after the chase. A robotic Sanjay beating up a bad guy in cyborg-ish style, Aamir visiting Asin’s boss’s party, the climax where Aamir for a moment forgets what he is fighting for when he comes face to face with Ghajini.
The romantic track involving a tycoon-in-guise-of-common man and a model-in-guise-of-tycoon’s girlfriend does not water down the impact of this action film. It has humour and sweetness. It is this portion that endears the film to the audience and lends the surrounding violence some poignancy and beauty and touches you. You feel the pain of Asin when Aamir informs that he will out of India for 10 days, you have a lump in the throat while watching the scene where Asin hands him money, you want Kalpana to know that Sanjay is indeed a rich businessman before she dies.
Given the unfortunate events, the violence is justified. Even family audiences and children won’t mind it. What sets apart the action from the “Sunny Deol” Rajnikant” type is the total absence of dialogues and the smart camera work.
A R Rahman is in full form in Guzarish, Kaise Mujhe and Bekha. Prasoon Joshi’s lyrics though are a bit of let down. Excellent cinematography (Ravi K Chandran) and tremendous sound (Resul) take the film to a higher level. Action by Peter Hains and Stunt Shiva keeps you on the edge of your seat.
The flaws the critics are so vocal about:
“How come no one recognizes the chairman of a big cellular company?” - Oh yeah, and a common man can recognize the chairman of Airtel, Vodafone, etc. in person?
“The rich boy – poor girl love story has been witnessed umpteen times in Hindi movies”. Really! And what about movies like KKHH, DDLJ, DTPH, etc that were seen umpteen times.
“Asin pretending to be super-rich Aamir’s girl friend” - Haven’t we come across so many incidents in real life too – A woman going public that she is SRK’s mother, or a model claiming to be wife of Abhishek Bachchan, etc. So why do you think there is no logic in what Asin does. Moreover, after a point she herself confesses to Aamir (Sachin) about the lie.
“A google search by Asin would have given her the information about Aamir’s indentity” - But why would she want to know about Aamir when all she wants is to take advantage of the misunderstanding of her employer.
“Ghajini doesn’t have a gun in the climax? – Why not assume that he must have forgotten to carry.
“Why was 8 pack needed by Aamir in this movie?” Oh Yeah, and those 6 packs of SRK were so critical to the story of OSO, right dear critics?
And what the villian has to do with pharma industry? Don’t we have real life thugs who are into while collared business but are goons in the sly?
If you critics can go on, so can I.
What I would have liked to see in the movie
Interesting complications like all Aamir’s clues being destroyed are resolved in simple ways.The movie could have taken a better path rather than boil down to the climax.
It would have interesting to know how Aamir transformed from a suave tycoon to a revenge-seeking person.
Cast:
Asin impresses in her debut and though she goes a little overboard in comic scenes she makes it up by acting brilliantly in the second half when she acts serious. When she is scared, we are scared for her too. When she helps a few kids glide past an obstacle or helps a blind man her generosity feels straight from almighty.
Aamir pushes the envelope all the time. There isn’t much of dialogue for him but his well-toned physique, facial expressions and body language does all the talking. Aamir adds his own touch to both the humorous and the intense portions of the film. A rich business man, a lover boy and a short-term memory loss patient - Aamir is absolutely convincing in all the roles.
Pradeep Rawat and Jiah Khan are strictly okay.
Before the films release, Aamir had said that if people walk out with his 8 pack abs in mind, then the movie has failed to connect. But thankfully the audience did not talk about Aamir’s physique but the movie. So the movie did connect with the audience.
Ghajini has two tones, primarily. One that shows Sanjay locked in the grim darkness of his revenge, where the word Ghajini is driving him and the other where the film ends up locking Sanjay in. That might as well be heaven, where he is locked with the divine Asin, and love is guiding him.
Don’t ask serious questions about rationale and you won’t get any wrong answers in this movie. Just sit back and relax and enjoy the great entertainer of 2008.
Finally, the only time the audience hated Aamir in the movie was when he leaves his cell phone in the car when Asin calls for help. If this does not convince the critics that the movie connected with the audience. Nothing will. Not even the record breaking historical Box Office collections !
SRK and Akshay Kumar consider only themselves as entertainers and no one else. That’s arrogance. Aamir by doing a Ghajini showed them that he too can do a mindless blockbuster entertainer. That’s confidence. And what a confidence - he has just “rub”bed the “King” the wrong way.
In all his pre-release interviews Aamir Khan had clearly stated that the audience, who has become used to his “Hatke” and intelligent movies, will be surprised to find him doing a complete masala entertainer. Yet the critics reviewed the movie as though Ghajini was an intelligent movie. It is not. It was never meant to be. It’s a film which ensures total entertainment for the 3 hours. Hence it was discomforting to read reviews of veteran reviewers like Khalid Mohammed & company who have ripped apart the movie and these are the same reviewers who finds films like Om Shanti Om and Rab Ne…good enough for a three / four star rating. Such double standards.
Though Ghajini is a mindless entertainer, it does not imply that the movie is dumb and unaware because the film caters to everyone amongst us, including the lowest commonest denominator, not because it doesn’t know better, but because it chooses to.
The other aspect of Ghajini that the critics are going bonkers is with the comparison with “Memento”. The only similarity between those two movies is that the lead character has short-term memory loss and remembers things via tattoos, photographs etc. The critics should know that an exact copy of Memento would not have rejected by the Indian audience. While adapting the basic premise of the memory loss, the director has created a legible variant, which has to be appreciated. Some cynics screamed that Ghajini does not have the non-linear film-making aspect of a classic like Memento. Why confuse the audience like Memento had done, particularly if the filmmakers’ intention is only to entertain. The same audience who wanted this non-linear shit is the one that had rejected a movie like Chocolate. Yes, the gimmick worked in Rang De Basanti. But Ghajini was not meant to be a classic or intellectual movie but an entertainer. And I bet that those who are talking about Memento now must have never heard about this movie till Ghajini was announced a year ago.
The movie moves back and forth in time, as it juxtaposes an effervescent romance in the past against a brutalized, spaced-out present. Aamir’s violent acts are not justified but you are made to see the reasons for his actions considering his past life. The film is riddled with logical loopholes but the director doesn’t give you enough time to think about them with his strong narration style. The gripping screenplay makes you want to know more about Aamir’s tribulations. Watching Aamir grapple with his 15 minute memory span makes for an engaging watch.
Highlights
The scene where Aamir puts all his things – guns, mobile, wallet into their proper places courtesy the notes and sleeps and gets up and walks into the bathroom clueless and sees the note of “open your shirt” and opens it and sees all his tattoos and burns in rage. This brought out the psychological and emotional state of Aamir.
The scene where Jiah Khan requests for a conversation with Aamir in the canteen. She jots down whatever Aamir says. Notice the irony out here – what is the difference between Jiah and Aamir. He notes down on his body, and she on her notepad. Memory is unreliable.
The scene where Aamir has to witness Asin’s brutal murder was heart wrenching. The audience drew a collective gasp when Asin gets killed.
The action sequence in the climax that is cheerful in its gratuitous violence and enjoyable too. And the chase he gives to the villain along a narrow path flanked by houses – a labrynth - brings out the claustrophobic feel of the space - the way it mirrored the road to Ghajini that was built and broken thousand times in Sanjay’s mind.
The crucial pre-climax sequence where Aamir Khan is lying in the hospital confused and lost after his life-saving tattoos and clues and pictures have been destroyed and the consequent Aamir’s outburst.
Asin’s compassionate nature is brought out through creatively written scenes. Watch her help the handicapped children enter the museum gate and then help a blind man walk to his stop all along informing of the happenings on the street.
And some beautiful nuggets like - Aamir trying to recognise Jiah by her rapid breathing after the chase. A robotic Sanjay beating up a bad guy in cyborg-ish style, Aamir visiting Asin’s boss’s party, the climax where Aamir for a moment forgets what he is fighting for when he comes face to face with Ghajini.
The romantic track involving a tycoon-in-guise-of-common man and a model-in-guise-of-tycoon’s girlfriend does not water down the impact of this action film. It has humour and sweetness. It is this portion that endears the film to the audience and lends the surrounding violence some poignancy and beauty and touches you. You feel the pain of Asin when Aamir informs that he will out of India for 10 days, you have a lump in the throat while watching the scene where Asin hands him money, you want Kalpana to know that Sanjay is indeed a rich businessman before she dies.
Given the unfortunate events, the violence is justified. Even family audiences and children won’t mind it. What sets apart the action from the “Sunny Deol” Rajnikant” type is the total absence of dialogues and the smart camera work.
A R Rahman is in full form in Guzarish, Kaise Mujhe and Bekha. Prasoon Joshi’s lyrics though are a bit of let down. Excellent cinematography (Ravi K Chandran) and tremendous sound (Resul) take the film to a higher level. Action by Peter Hains and Stunt Shiva keeps you on the edge of your seat.
The flaws the critics are so vocal about:
“How come no one recognizes the chairman of a big cellular company?” - Oh yeah, and a common man can recognize the chairman of Airtel, Vodafone, etc. in person?
“The rich boy – poor girl love story has been witnessed umpteen times in Hindi movies”. Really! And what about movies like KKHH, DDLJ, DTPH, etc that were seen umpteen times.
“Asin pretending to be super-rich Aamir’s girl friend” - Haven’t we come across so many incidents in real life too – A woman going public that she is SRK’s mother, or a model claiming to be wife of Abhishek Bachchan, etc. So why do you think there is no logic in what Asin does. Moreover, after a point she herself confesses to Aamir (Sachin) about the lie.
“A google search by Asin would have given her the information about Aamir’s indentity” - But why would she want to know about Aamir when all she wants is to take advantage of the misunderstanding of her employer.
“Ghajini doesn’t have a gun in the climax? – Why not assume that he must have forgotten to carry.
“Why was 8 pack needed by Aamir in this movie?” Oh Yeah, and those 6 packs of SRK were so critical to the story of OSO, right dear critics?
And what the villian has to do with pharma industry? Don’t we have real life thugs who are into while collared business but are goons in the sly?
If you critics can go on, so can I.
What I would have liked to see in the movie
Interesting complications like all Aamir’s clues being destroyed are resolved in simple ways.The movie could have taken a better path rather than boil down to the climax.
It would have interesting to know how Aamir transformed from a suave tycoon to a revenge-seeking person.
Cast:
Asin impresses in her debut and though she goes a little overboard in comic scenes she makes it up by acting brilliantly in the second half when she acts serious. When she is scared, we are scared for her too. When she helps a few kids glide past an obstacle or helps a blind man her generosity feels straight from almighty.
Aamir pushes the envelope all the time. There isn’t much of dialogue for him but his well-toned physique, facial expressions and body language does all the talking. Aamir adds his own touch to both the humorous and the intense portions of the film. A rich business man, a lover boy and a short-term memory loss patient - Aamir is absolutely convincing in all the roles.
Pradeep Rawat and Jiah Khan are strictly okay.
Before the films release, Aamir had said that if people walk out with his 8 pack abs in mind, then the movie has failed to connect. But thankfully the audience did not talk about Aamir’s physique but the movie. So the movie did connect with the audience.
Ghajini has two tones, primarily. One that shows Sanjay locked in the grim darkness of his revenge, where the word Ghajini is driving him and the other where the film ends up locking Sanjay in. That might as well be heaven, where he is locked with the divine Asin, and love is guiding him.
Don’t ask serious questions about rationale and you won’t get any wrong answers in this movie. Just sit back and relax and enjoy the great entertainer of 2008.
Finally, the only time the audience hated Aamir in the movie was when he leaves his cell phone in the car when Asin calls for help. If this does not convince the critics that the movie connected with the audience. Nothing will. Not even the record breaking historical Box Office collections !
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
View from Outside India
This post is NOT by K
For the last few days, most of us have experienced a cocktail of emotions. I have experienced pure rage.
The Australian media (which is where I live) made a mockery out of India since Thursday, when the news of the attacks first made the papers. India was called a nation ‘far from developed’, unsafe and under constant threat from external elements or internal religious fanatics. And I had nothing to say in retaliation.
In Mumbai, there is anger, grief, frustration and most importantly a sense of ‘now what?’. Some have suggested starting a youth political party, some want to anyhow hold politicians accountable, some want a formal apology from Raj Thackeray and some just want to bomb the living daylights out of Pakistan. All valid suggestions. While you’re at it, I say bomb Bangladesh too. After all, the sim cards and fake IDs were made there.
But then what? There is a lot being discussed about what can be done by us. Here’s my 2 bit; adding to some very good points made by K. These are suggestions that I haven’t heard in the last few days.
As K pointed out, there is an election next year. Let’s vote wisely. I am not saying we should elect a Hindu fanatic govt. But let’s elect someone with balls. Let’s not elect a govt that only wants to be a key ally of Western powers and constantly seek approval from the global community; too afraid of the diplomatic consequences of necessary military action.
Let’s also tell our maids, drivers, office boys and peons to vote wisely and not be swayed by blankets and food packets. Let them pass this message on to relatives in the village. It won’t work each time, but the ones that listen might make a significant difference.
Let’s also start rebuilding the city and its spirit with small, random acts of courage and tolerance. Let’s not pull a face when Bandra station comes to a standstill for Friday Namaaz. There are orphanages all across the city. Let’s spare an hour a month to give these kids some semblance of a happy childhood, so they don’t grow up to be brainwashed into senseless violence. Let’s begin to fulfill our moral duties as citizens. Report suspicious activity. Something tragic can be avoided if the cops even listen to half of our reports.
And most importantly, let’s not forget this day. Let’s not forget what happened. Let’s not forget the people who died. Let’s remember it everyday, remind our leaders of it everyday and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Mumbai is a person that looked after us as we were growing up. It now desperately needs our care and undivided attention in light of what it has faced last week. Let’s come together and protect it.
Posted by G
For the last few days, most of us have experienced a cocktail of emotions. I have experienced pure rage.
The Australian media (which is where I live) made a mockery out of India since Thursday, when the news of the attacks first made the papers. India was called a nation ‘far from developed’, unsafe and under constant threat from external elements or internal religious fanatics. And I had nothing to say in retaliation.
In Mumbai, there is anger, grief, frustration and most importantly a sense of ‘now what?’. Some have suggested starting a youth political party, some want to anyhow hold politicians accountable, some want a formal apology from Raj Thackeray and some just want to bomb the living daylights out of Pakistan. All valid suggestions. While you’re at it, I say bomb Bangladesh too. After all, the sim cards and fake IDs were made there.
But then what? There is a lot being discussed about what can be done by us. Here’s my 2 bit; adding to some very good points made by K. These are suggestions that I haven’t heard in the last few days.
As K pointed out, there is an election next year. Let’s vote wisely. I am not saying we should elect a Hindu fanatic govt. But let’s elect someone with balls. Let’s not elect a govt that only wants to be a key ally of Western powers and constantly seek approval from the global community; too afraid of the diplomatic consequences of necessary military action.
Let’s also tell our maids, drivers, office boys and peons to vote wisely and not be swayed by blankets and food packets. Let them pass this message on to relatives in the village. It won’t work each time, but the ones that listen might make a significant difference.
Let’s also start rebuilding the city and its spirit with small, random acts of courage and tolerance. Let’s not pull a face when Bandra station comes to a standstill for Friday Namaaz. There are orphanages all across the city. Let’s spare an hour a month to give these kids some semblance of a happy childhood, so they don’t grow up to be brainwashed into senseless violence. Let’s begin to fulfill our moral duties as citizens. Report suspicious activity. Something tragic can be avoided if the cops even listen to half of our reports.
And most importantly, let’s not forget this day. Let’s not forget what happened. Let’s not forget the people who died. Let’s remember it everyday, remind our leaders of it everyday and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Mumbai is a person that looked after us as we were growing up. It now desperately needs our care and undivided attention in light of what it has faced last week. Let’s come together and protect it.
Posted by G
Sunday, November 30, 2008
NOW WHAT ???
Mumbai - 26th November 2008 – 28th November 2008 – 3 days that terror ruled the city, held it at gun-point, ruined and destroyed families & the peace of mind of every Mumbaikar. Terrorism was the only thing on TV, in the newspapers, in discussions – everywhere. It was the only ting I read, I saw, I spoke about. I will never forgive these 3 days. And neither will you.
In New York on September 11, 2001, when twisted, horrific minds flew passenger jets into the Twin Towers. As a believer in the free world, I can never forget that day either. Or forgive those who wrought upon such terror on the rest of us.
I cannot but notice that the United States of America, which then declared its biggest offensive since Pearl Harbour and which action brought it tonnes and tonnes of international criticism -- not to mention unveiled threats of attack from Osama bin Laden, abduction of US nationals and their murder -- has not faced any terrorist attack since 9/11.
Whereas we in India have come to accept terrorist attacks on our soil as just another karmic fact of life -- no doubt with the same stoic acceptance that we took in invader after invader over centuries. Since 1993 Mumbai alone has faced at least 12 more terrorist strikes – over 5 in 2008 alone – Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Delhi, Hyderabad, and now my home - Mumbai
So what has the United States done that India did not?
For one, Uncle Sam displayed the majesty of the American State.
On the evening of September 11, 2001, as I sat glued to the television, US President George Bush addressed his nation in a measured and calm manner. Through the solace he offered his shell-shocked countrymen, he said: 'We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbour them.'
With these words America went to war.
I had waited all these years for the majesty of the Indian State to similarly display itself. I waited for it this time as well, and finally I saw the display.
The PM addressed the nation like he was talking about some financial policy – dry, unemotional & cold – the last thing that scared, panicked Mumbaikars were looking for. We wanted assurance, confidence that things will be taken care of. We did not get any.
He, along with Advani, Sonia, Modi etc come down to Mumbai for their unnecessary, customary visits to the hospitals & the terror sites. WHY ??? what difference did their presence make, other than engaging the security personnel in their security, rather than at the terror hit sites
This was the majesty of the Indian State on display. I could have wept.
When somebody directs terror at you, nation-States are expected to hit back with maximum force, carry the fight into the enemy camp. It is not enough to possess unrelenting, unremitting muscle power -- it also becomes necessary, once in a while, to display that power. And not merely through caparisoned missiles parading down Janpath once a year, but by responding forcefully to challenges to the State's very existence.
All your nuclear weapons, your missiles, your tanks, come to nought when you don't have the steel in your soul to defend yourself and your subjects -- at any cost.
Has the Indian State done this? Ever?
The first serial blasts in Mumbai happened 13 years ago. Enough water has flowed into the Arabian Sea since then for the guilty to have spent part of their sentence in jail. But 13 years later even a fly has not been sentenced for the worst-ever terrorist attack in India. If you were a terrorist oiling your Kalashnikov and checking your grenades somewhere in the western sector, what exactly will you think of India?
What he does think is evident from the fact that in the last 13 years, Mumbai has faced six more terror attacks -- an average of one every two years. This, not counting the almost daily terrorist strikes in Jammu & Kashmir.
India believes, too, that the prime accused in the Mumbai blasts, Dawood Ibrahim Kaskar, is a guest of the Pakistani establishment. Not only him, official lists of others accused of waging a war against India and hiding in Pakistan have periodically been handed over to that country. Ordinarily, you would think, if Pakistan is harbouring India's enemies, providing succour and sustenance to them, it needs to be treated as an inimical nation.
Yet, India has been engaged in a peace process with the very neighbour it knows is out to dismember it through any and every means available to it.
Is it any surprise that terrorists continue to attack India with impunity?
Contrast this with the way America has gone about its business since September 11, 2001, and you will see why that nation has not faced any attack in the last five years. Osama may fume and fret from his mountain hole, but there's little more than that he and his terrorist hordes have been able to achieve against the only remaining superpower.
That is because America understands that war can only be won through war, it cannot be won through peace, a belief India has been labouring under for so long. When the very articles of your liberty become your enemy's hand tools to destroy you, it is time to revise notions of liberty and freedom.
Civil liberties are for those who believe in civility and practice liberty, not inhuman monsters who think nothing of inflicting untold horror on innocents.
The tragedy with India is that successive governments have ignored one fact of life --India has been at war for many decades now. This is not an enemy who will come at you over the Khyber Pass; this is an invisible enemy who uses your own resources, your own freedoms, your own laxities, to hit at you. If you don't stop him first, he will stop you.
Till we turn around, realise that those who fight India in the name of religion do not represent the millions who practice that faith, and fighting the terrorists is not fighting the practitioners, we are condemned to suffer terrorist attacks - again & again ...
AN END TO THIS FARCE.
The government can't stop talking about the "spirit" & “resilience” of Mumbai. 98% attendance was reported in offices & workplaces (other than south Mumbai) 2 day after the attacks. This is not the "spirit" of Mumbai - it is the cruelty of the city that makes people go against conventional logic. The city waits for no one and for all "hand to mouth" people, there is no option but to work. The government can't jus go on praising the so called bravado of Mumbaikars and hide behind this facade. What Mumbai needs is not spirit from Mumbaikars, but SECURITY from the people we have elected.
Otherwise, the only thing left in Mumbai will be "spirit(s)".
Each time we are assured that a federal agency to tackle terror will be established. Then the ministers & their colleagues return to their business of doing nothing or doing more harm than good. Nothing has changed. Innocent blood continues to be shed. Terrorism, has, sadly, become a way of life in India.
WHAT TO DO
I believe that we deserve the politicians we have elected. Elections are coming up. We should show our discontent. There is a FORM 49 (O) that one can fill in case he/she does not find any candidate deserving enough – in case these 49(O) vtes outnumber the votes of any candidates – those candidates will be disqualified. Let’s do this.
I believe that not everyone in the government is corrupt. This gives them a chance to flush out & cleanse the system. Get the bad guys out. Put in the tough guys. Mere resignations won’t do. We need to see some positive action & anger from our ‘leaders’. Look at the disrespect shown to all politicians by the media houses. If they have any ‘sharam’, they’ll get their act together.
We need to ask certain questions to the politicians – is this enough to stir you from your sleep ? Are you going to go back to playing politics with our lives ? How many more deaths will it take for you to realize that too many people have died ?
ENDNOTE
Yes, I will go light a candle in support of the dead … Yes, I ll buy shares of Indian Hotels in support of The TAJ. But, uska kya faayda .. yes, it’s a show of solidarity – but that’s exactly what it is – A SHOW.
It’s time to think & start a citizen’s movement. Yes, our security is the government’s job. I do my job, get my salary & pay my taxes. The government gets its “salary” from my taxes. And, does it do its job ? I think the 200+ dead in the last 3 days will answer that question.
We have the knowledge, but no INTELLIGENCE. The Govt. should get its act together. The masterminds behind these attackes should be caught & given a fitting end, even if it means an end to peace processes with our neighbours. All of them should be killed in public & the act should be covered by the media. It's high time India made a statement. It's high time India made a headline other than "terrorist attacks".
We can't take this anymore. and we shouldn't.
In New York on September 11, 2001, when twisted, horrific minds flew passenger jets into the Twin Towers. As a believer in the free world, I can never forget that day either. Or forgive those who wrought upon such terror on the rest of us.
I cannot but notice that the United States of America, which then declared its biggest offensive since Pearl Harbour and which action brought it tonnes and tonnes of international criticism -- not to mention unveiled threats of attack from Osama bin Laden, abduction of US nationals and their murder -- has not faced any terrorist attack since 9/11.
Whereas we in India have come to accept terrorist attacks on our soil as just another karmic fact of life -- no doubt with the same stoic acceptance that we took in invader after invader over centuries. Since 1993 Mumbai alone has faced at least 12 more terrorist strikes – over 5 in 2008 alone – Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Delhi, Hyderabad, and now my home - Mumbai
So what has the United States done that India did not?
For one, Uncle Sam displayed the majesty of the American State.
On the evening of September 11, 2001, as I sat glued to the television, US President George Bush addressed his nation in a measured and calm manner. Through the solace he offered his shell-shocked countrymen, he said: 'We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbour them.'
With these words America went to war.
I had waited all these years for the majesty of the Indian State to similarly display itself. I waited for it this time as well, and finally I saw the display.
The PM addressed the nation like he was talking about some financial policy – dry, unemotional & cold – the last thing that scared, panicked Mumbaikars were looking for. We wanted assurance, confidence that things will be taken care of. We did not get any.
He, along with Advani, Sonia, Modi etc come down to Mumbai for their unnecessary, customary visits to the hospitals & the terror sites. WHY ??? what difference did their presence make, other than engaging the security personnel in their security, rather than at the terror hit sites
This was the majesty of the Indian State on display. I could have wept.
When somebody directs terror at you, nation-States are expected to hit back with maximum force, carry the fight into the enemy camp. It is not enough to possess unrelenting, unremitting muscle power -- it also becomes necessary, once in a while, to display that power. And not merely through caparisoned missiles parading down Janpath once a year, but by responding forcefully to challenges to the State's very existence.
All your nuclear weapons, your missiles, your tanks, come to nought when you don't have the steel in your soul to defend yourself and your subjects -- at any cost.
Has the Indian State done this? Ever?
The first serial blasts in Mumbai happened 13 years ago. Enough water has flowed into the Arabian Sea since then for the guilty to have spent part of their sentence in jail. But 13 years later even a fly has not been sentenced for the worst-ever terrorist attack in India. If you were a terrorist oiling your Kalashnikov and checking your grenades somewhere in the western sector, what exactly will you think of India?
What he does think is evident from the fact that in the last 13 years, Mumbai has faced six more terror attacks -- an average of one every two years. This, not counting the almost daily terrorist strikes in Jammu & Kashmir.
India believes, too, that the prime accused in the Mumbai blasts, Dawood Ibrahim Kaskar, is a guest of the Pakistani establishment. Not only him, official lists of others accused of waging a war against India and hiding in Pakistan have periodically been handed over to that country. Ordinarily, you would think, if Pakistan is harbouring India's enemies, providing succour and sustenance to them, it needs to be treated as an inimical nation.
Yet, India has been engaged in a peace process with the very neighbour it knows is out to dismember it through any and every means available to it.
Is it any surprise that terrorists continue to attack India with impunity?
Contrast this with the way America has gone about its business since September 11, 2001, and you will see why that nation has not faced any attack in the last five years. Osama may fume and fret from his mountain hole, but there's little more than that he and his terrorist hordes have been able to achieve against the only remaining superpower.
That is because America understands that war can only be won through war, it cannot be won through peace, a belief India has been labouring under for so long. When the very articles of your liberty become your enemy's hand tools to destroy you, it is time to revise notions of liberty and freedom.
Civil liberties are for those who believe in civility and practice liberty, not inhuman monsters who think nothing of inflicting untold horror on innocents.
The tragedy with India is that successive governments have ignored one fact of life --India has been at war for many decades now. This is not an enemy who will come at you over the Khyber Pass; this is an invisible enemy who uses your own resources, your own freedoms, your own laxities, to hit at you. If you don't stop him first, he will stop you.
Till we turn around, realise that those who fight India in the name of religion do not represent the millions who practice that faith, and fighting the terrorists is not fighting the practitioners, we are condemned to suffer terrorist attacks - again & again ...
AN END TO THIS FARCE.
The government can't stop talking about the "spirit" & “resilience” of Mumbai. 98% attendance was reported in offices & workplaces (other than south Mumbai) 2 day after the attacks. This is not the "spirit" of Mumbai - it is the cruelty of the city that makes people go against conventional logic. The city waits for no one and for all "hand to mouth" people, there is no option but to work. The government can't jus go on praising the so called bravado of Mumbaikars and hide behind this facade. What Mumbai needs is not spirit from Mumbaikars, but SECURITY from the people we have elected.
Otherwise, the only thing left in Mumbai will be "spirit(s)".
Each time we are assured that a federal agency to tackle terror will be established. Then the ministers & their colleagues return to their business of doing nothing or doing more harm than good. Nothing has changed. Innocent blood continues to be shed. Terrorism, has, sadly, become a way of life in India.
WHAT TO DO
I believe that we deserve the politicians we have elected. Elections are coming up. We should show our discontent. There is a FORM 49 (O) that one can fill in case he/she does not find any candidate deserving enough – in case these 49(O) vtes outnumber the votes of any candidates – those candidates will be disqualified. Let’s do this.
I believe that not everyone in the government is corrupt. This gives them a chance to flush out & cleanse the system. Get the bad guys out. Put in the tough guys. Mere resignations won’t do. We need to see some positive action & anger from our ‘leaders’. Look at the disrespect shown to all politicians by the media houses. If they have any ‘sharam’, they’ll get their act together.
We need to ask certain questions to the politicians – is this enough to stir you from your sleep ? Are you going to go back to playing politics with our lives ? How many more deaths will it take for you to realize that too many people have died ?
ENDNOTE
Yes, I will go light a candle in support of the dead … Yes, I ll buy shares of Indian Hotels in support of The TAJ. But, uska kya faayda .. yes, it’s a show of solidarity – but that’s exactly what it is – A SHOW.
It’s time to think & start a citizen’s movement. Yes, our security is the government’s job. I do my job, get my salary & pay my taxes. The government gets its “salary” from my taxes. And, does it do its job ? I think the 200+ dead in the last 3 days will answer that question.
We have the knowledge, but no INTELLIGENCE. The Govt. should get its act together. The masterminds behind these attackes should be caught & given a fitting end, even if it means an end to peace processes with our neighbours. All of them should be killed in public & the act should be covered by the media. It's high time India made a statement. It's high time India made a headline other than "terrorist attacks".
We can't take this anymore. and we shouldn't.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
My Bucket List
Dasvidaniya released this weekend. As most of you would now know, it’s about this 37 year old guy who gets to know that he has just 3 months to live before he succumbs to stomach cancer. Then, he realizes that he has never ‘lived’. He makes a list to 10 things he must do before he dies. It includes stuff like – standing up to his boss, telling his childhood sweetheart about his feelings (a scene straight out of Love, Actually), owning a car, going on a trip abroad, mending family feuds etc.
This got me thinking. I should have a list of my own. Below is the 1st draft of my list. It’s rather long . . but I’m thinking I have more than 3 months to live (Amen !)
Things I want to do in my life:
1. own an expensive automobile (not a BMW – we’ve decided, right va ???)
2. learn to drive the expensive automobile (or hire a chauffer, in case I start driving it like I do in the PS2 video games)
3. own a small yacht
4. learn to navigate in the yacht (or hire a captain, in case I get frustrated and decide to sink it)
5. own a private plane
6. definitely hire someone to operate it
7. OPTIONAL: file insurance claim for smashed car, sunken yacht and crashed plane
8. IMPORTANT: sue chauffer, captain, and pilot, in case of step 7.
9. own a ring of pure gold
10. IMPORTANT: try not to drop it in molten lava while calling it “My precious”, especially when wearing it.
11. own a medium size bungalow
12. own a large screen TV(at least 79 inch)
13. own a kick ass stereo system(at least a 7.1 surround sound system)
14. IMPORTANT: own a remote control that only responds to my touch
15. hire someone to teach me to operate these electronic devices
16. OPTIONAL: get a job to pay for all this
17. own a cat, a dog, a horse, an iguana, (a lion, a tiger, an alligator, a snake, etc)
18. make a zoo to house all the animals
19. IMPORTANT: never call it never-land, especially if inviting any kids
20. build a pool in the backyard
21. IMPORTANT: learn to swim on my own
21 a. IMPORTANT: Make sure it’s your own backyard.
22. OPTIONAL: make pool only 4 ft deep in case step 21 fails
23. learn to hold a conversation
24. PRECONDITION: learn to start a conversation
25. ask a girl out for a date, before she starts to run away
26. learn to do the 100 meter dash in less than 5 seconds (in case the girl decides to throw something at me, or to keep up with the girl when she is running away)
27. IMPORTANT: after step 26 is successfully executed set a new world record at the Olympics for the 100 meter dash
28. IMPORTANT: learn the meaning of life and realize that there is no spoon
29. buy a cutlery set
30. learn to cook
31. learn to eat what I cook
32. IMPORTANT: force others to eat what I cook, in case I can’t manage to eat it
33. OPTIONAL: open a restaurant if step 32 is successful
34. PRECONDITION: disable all fire alarms in the near vicinity
35. learn to curse in different languages
36. OPTIONAL: hire bodyguards
37. IMPORTANT: learn to dodge all manner of objects when making an exit.
38. learn to hold a tune
39. write a song
40. set the song to music
41. IMPORTANT: get a famous singer to actually sing the song
42. OPTIONAL: when using my own vocals for the album, set aside bricks thrown at the concerts to expand house...
43. make a lot of friends
44. OPTIONAL: owe them a lot of money in case step 16 fails
45. IMPORTANT: do not show gold ring, expensive car, and yacht, and private jet in case step 44 is successful
46. build a contraption that will change the course of history
47. OPTIONAL: call it a time machine
48. build an empire
49. IMPORTANT: make people an offer they cant refuse
50. AND LASTLY: resist the urge to behead horse from step 17
So, there… it’s done. Obviously, it’s still incomplete… would love suggestions from you guys.
This got me thinking. I should have a list of my own. Below is the 1st draft of my list. It’s rather long . . but I’m thinking I have more than 3 months to live (Amen !)
Things I want to do in my life:
1. own an expensive automobile (not a BMW – we’ve decided, right va ???)
2. learn to drive the expensive automobile (or hire a chauffer, in case I start driving it like I do in the PS2 video games)
3. own a small yacht
4. learn to navigate in the yacht (or hire a captain, in case I get frustrated and decide to sink it)
5. own a private plane
6. definitely hire someone to operate it
7. OPTIONAL: file insurance claim for smashed car, sunken yacht and crashed plane
8. IMPORTANT: sue chauffer, captain, and pilot, in case of step 7.
9. own a ring of pure gold
10. IMPORTANT: try not to drop it in molten lava while calling it “My precious”, especially when wearing it.
11. own a medium size bungalow
12. own a large screen TV(at least 79 inch)
13. own a kick ass stereo system(at least a 7.1 surround sound system)
14. IMPORTANT: own a remote control that only responds to my touch
15. hire someone to teach me to operate these electronic devices
16. OPTIONAL: get a job to pay for all this
17. own a cat, a dog, a horse, an iguana, (a lion, a tiger, an alligator, a snake, etc)
18. make a zoo to house all the animals
19. IMPORTANT: never call it never-land, especially if inviting any kids
20. build a pool in the backyard
21. IMPORTANT: learn to swim on my own
21 a. IMPORTANT: Make sure it’s your own backyard.
22. OPTIONAL: make pool only 4 ft deep in case step 21 fails
23. learn to hold a conversation
24. PRECONDITION: learn to start a conversation
25. ask a girl out for a date, before she starts to run away
26. learn to do the 100 meter dash in less than 5 seconds (in case the girl decides to throw something at me, or to keep up with the girl when she is running away)
27. IMPORTANT: after step 26 is successfully executed set a new world record at the Olympics for the 100 meter dash
28. IMPORTANT: learn the meaning of life and realize that there is no spoon
29. buy a cutlery set
30. learn to cook
31. learn to eat what I cook
32. IMPORTANT: force others to eat what I cook, in case I can’t manage to eat it
33. OPTIONAL: open a restaurant if step 32 is successful
34. PRECONDITION: disable all fire alarms in the near vicinity
35. learn to curse in different languages
36. OPTIONAL: hire bodyguards
37. IMPORTANT: learn to dodge all manner of objects when making an exit.
38. learn to hold a tune
39. write a song
40. set the song to music
41. IMPORTANT: get a famous singer to actually sing the song
42. OPTIONAL: when using my own vocals for the album, set aside bricks thrown at the concerts to expand house...
43. make a lot of friends
44. OPTIONAL: owe them a lot of money in case step 16 fails
45. IMPORTANT: do not show gold ring, expensive car, and yacht, and private jet in case step 44 is successful
46. build a contraption that will change the course of history
47. OPTIONAL: call it a time machine
48. build an empire
49. IMPORTANT: make people an offer they cant refuse
50. AND LASTLY: resist the urge to behead horse from step 17
So, there… it’s done. Obviously, it’s still incomplete… would love suggestions from you guys.
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