Gooey Feelings . . . .

(Disclaimer: This post is NOT by K)

OK, I agree I don’t write too often but today…I feel like I want to do just that. Write. I am listening to this song, “Khuda Jaane” from the new movie- Bachna ae Haseeno. For the twelfth time (maybe…I kind of lost count after the sixth time!!!!) back to back. And I couldn’t help but smile. The first time I heard it, today, was at the CCD. Not my “first time” listening to the song. Had heard the song a dozen times before. But I noticed the changes in my reactions, my moods as I kept listening to it more and more.

If I am allowed to be a bit boring- according to the law of diminishing marginal utility (in economics), a bit more of the same thing tends to lessen the utility (or the likeability) factor of that thing. But seems like that doesn’t apply to this song. At least where I am concerned. The CCD scene got over at 9.30 pm. By the time I came home and kept listening to the song – when I finally sat down with my Cosmopolitan (while the rest of the family retired for the day), I starting realizing that the juices in my head were working on a different level.

As I proceeded listening to the song for the thirteenth time I realized that I was feeling my romantic best – at 11.31 pm (to be precise)!!!!!!!! As I cuddle against my pillow, stare at the pitch darkness- with occasional twinkling of the lights as the traffic passes by- I can’t stop thinking of how much I want someone with me at this very instant, sharing this moment- this rare feeling- with me. How I wanted to pour my heart out – all my romantic feelings and love- to that special someone. How I wished he was here holding me close, slow dancing with me, matching every move of his own with mine, speaking to me without even saying a word, hanging on to everything I had to say – while I myself said nothing at all. How he would just be there- and that would be all. His presence would be all that would be required for the twinkle in my eyes, the choking feeling of repressed feelings- all waiting to pour out when he turned around with the look that said he understands everything I have to say- the feeling of being ALIVE, the dreamy look, the feeling of…..God, an unbelievable sense of being MYSELF. The feeling to let go and just be me. No pretense, no inhibitions, just a feeling of – complete freedom.

Dammit- I don’t feel any less mushy as I go on to listen to the song for the fifteenth time. It just heightens the feeling, the romance in the air. The lyrics, the passion, the music just echoes the need for a little romance in the lives of every person listening to it. Try listening to it in the middle of the night -with no noise -and just absorb the surrounding while you do that. Strangely I feel content- even though my (imaginary) beloved isn’t here to make all those fantasies come true. The smile on my face while writing this, speaks of the fact that I might be really enjoying the atmosphere and my own company with such melody playing in the background.

For God’s sake- if it rained right now, I’d know the scene would demand some dancing in the rains. Slow, painfully slow- dancing, that is- with the passions heightening within the circle of entwined arms, the knowledge of the things to come and yet knowing that what we have is just enough- for the moment.

God, what’s going on here???? Where did all that come from??? When did I start talking mushy so blatantly??? I know- when I felt in tune with myself. When I let myself a moment to be with –ME. It surprised…no, it actually shocked me. Smiling at myself while I imagined how I would do all those things – innocent, heart felt, soul touching moments. A passion at a different level, an emotion one of a kind, a heart felt warm, cozy (mushy), lovely, gooey – sensation. I know one thing for sure – let yourself a moment of quiet, listen to a song ( any song that lets you be in the moment I am experiencing…while I write), live in the moment and feel- feel the slow flow in your mind and heart, feel the easy restlessness and relaxation churn inside making you confused and warm all at once, feel the smile creep up while you feel all that. The key here is – FEEL. Fall in love with yourself and know that you can love. Be ready- for when love strikes (and that too, unexpected) you need to be ready to share all the love you can come up with…with all you have to give.

As you ponder on that thought- I shall go back to listening to MY song for the eighteenth time ( I guess!!!). And finally it starts raining!!!!! Time for me to leave myself –alone, that is.

-- Posted by cosmo'G'al
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Celeb Sightings (Dedicated to Sentimental Fool)

Ok, this is K now.

I was at a meeting at Andheri, somewher near Infiniti Mall. As i left the meeting, i walked past T-Series office there & saw standing there - Sudhir Mishra. So, i walked up to him & told him how much i liked Hazaaron Khwaishen Aisi . . He is tall, almost 6'3!! ... i never imagined him to be so tall !

Maut . . . Zindagi ke liye zaroori hai yeh !

D E A T H.

Bad word , hai na ? Ma says its a bad word. Papa says don’t say it. Its a bad word. Death , nah , don’t talk about it , chup paagal. Even in the movies, the heroine places her finger on the hero's lips before he can complete the sentence and whispers "Kabhi marne kee baat matt karna. Aisa nahee kehte".

But, its coming yaar. Death. It will happen. To me. To you.

Acchha yaar , now stop yelling "manhoos" , chup chaap baat sun. What if I were to die after half an hour. I shall never be able to feel ma's palm on my forehead again. I shall never hear R’s voice again, nor hear all my friends saying “kitna mota ho gaya hai tu. Kuch kar”. I shall never be able to tell dad that even though I always try to act smart , he is the greatest guy I have ever known. I shall never be able to tell the departmental store guy that I stole 3 eggs from his shop yesterday. Ok , dont dial 100 , the eggs wala part is not true. How could you imagine that, me and stealing eggs ? I am a vegetarian. I steal carrots and dhania.

But seriously , death scares me. It scares me to be away from my loved ones. It scares me to die without doing all the things I want to do. It scares me that I may die. But death is real. And I may die after a year. I may die tomorrow after office, if I do end up leaving office. I may die before I complete this post.( But now that I have published it , I did not die before completing it,right ? Soch ke dekh ).

Now you may smirk and say "arre yaar , aise thode hee koee mar jaata hai". But I have seen lives shattering in the blink of an eye. A second's delay in hitting the brakes , a leaking gas cylinder , a cycle containing a bomb parked next to you, a desperate and armed domestic help . . . is enough to change your life in a radical way , before you can say "maar daala". And not like Madhuri said it in Devdas.

But the point is not to be scared of dying. The point is to be scared of dying without really living.

I see around me. I see people I care for. I see myself. Sometimes I see us all sad .I see us clinging to bad memories , things which we cannot change , things which still hurt us , things which make tears flow down their cheeks. I know we are hurt and not stupid and have reasons to feel sad. But life is not forever. Life is nothing but a limited number of moments gifted to us by god. And each moment is slipping by. Right now , a moment just passed by me , and took me closer to death , leaving me with lesser time to smile ,to crack some poor joke , to see my ma laugh , to see a friend find the happiness she deserves , to be a good person ,to make someone smile , to live. And the very thought of letting such a precious moment drown in a tear leaves me restless. Why do we people hurt each other , when this life may not be long enough to love each other ?

Maybe you need to know that you may never get a chance to be the good man you could have been. Maybe you need to know that the moment you have been waiting for to tell her how much you love her may never arrive. Maybe you need to know that you may never have the time to wipe off the tears you are causing today. Maybe you need to know that death is a surprisingly unexpected reality. Maybe you need to start living the life you should.

I know I know , I am saying nothing new. But life and the things it does to people and the things people do to it continue to amuse me. In short , ek baat bolta hun , all of us should respect and enjoy the ride , because hamari life kee taxi mein petrol kabhi bhi khatm ho sakta hain. And marne ke baad , you cant even fight with the cab driver. So smile , khush raho , muskurao , jeeyo ,and make people smile , kyunki ..kal ho na ho. Wait a minute ..kal ho na ho..yaar ye phrase kuch suna hua nahee lagta ?

In response to “tera mujhse hai pehle se nata koi”

I’ll begin with the fact that my brother doesn’t approve of me responding publicly to this post (I’m sorry ) but its something I’d impulsively told K I would do and so here it is (Yes I know I’m late but atleast I’m writing it now…)

First of all, it was shocking to a) See details of my personal life put up b) Read that K draws comparisons with women buying salwar kameez-when did you get the golden opportunity to witness that???

Well the friendship K and I share is unique. People have neighbourhood friends, school friends, college friends, work friends/colleagues, net/chat pals; in Mumbai there is even the concept of train friends . But we don’t fit into any logical category. There was a time when our friendship was on a “break” and we hadn’t interacted for about a year-but we were able to pick up where we’d left off. We’re as different as chalk and cheese-our only common ground being our obsession with the entertainment industry. In spite of all of that, we’ve managed to be friends, seen each other transform from teenagers to adults to professionals. This is the reason why it is special.

But please note-K EXAGGERATES and he used to HATE me at one point of time (yup, these are his words verbatim). Our life is too boring to make even a 21 minute episode. We rarely celebrate our respective birthdays together. Miss India finalist-what was that about-since when did either of us start emphasizing on external appearances? Also, I don’t LOVE pizza, what made you think I want pizza everytime I’m back (which may be sooner than you expect).
Lastly, in any friendship, personal (family, spouse, kids) or professional life will always take over. But if it’s a priority, it’ll last and I hope that K and me continue to be great friends. Yup, I’m missing you too…

@Sonicat-yes I’m gonna be around and I’m quite taken aback by your comment.

P.S.: Do you remember the Troy episode and how such inconsequential things governed our life at that time…

Posted by Sentimental Fool

You Learn . . .

This is something that had appeared in Sacred Space in TOI on 14th July and i liked it quite a bit, so am sharing it on this blog.

After a while, you learn the subtle difference,
Between holding a hand... and chaining a soul

And you learn that - Love doesn't mean leaning;
And company doesn't mean security

And you begin to learn that - Kisses aren't contracts;
And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats;
With your head up and your eyes open;
With the grace of a man and not the grief of a child

And learn to build all your roads - on Today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down mid-flight

After a while, you learn that eve Sunshine
Burns if you have too much

So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul;
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure... That you really are strong
And you really do have worth

And you learn and learn;
With every person you meet, you learn
With every friend or lover, you learn
With every goodbye . . . you learn.....

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Celeb Sightings (Section Dedicated - Always - to "Sentimental Fool")

1. I was at Taj - Lands End for a meeting & sighted Kunal Kohli over there. He happened to be still around after my meeting got over. SO i went up to him and spoke to him. I had recently seen Thoda Pyaar, Thoda Magic & dint hate it. I told him that - i was expecting to not like it, but it was actually quite nice. he was gracious enough to thank me and said that he hoped all would like it. i said, "i am a crazy about Bollywood person, and am quite thrilled at having spoken to you". He laughed & thanked me. I left

2. I was standing in the line outside the VFS-USA centre to submit my VISA documents. i turned around & behind me was Carol Gracias ... holding a HUGE handbag & wearing even bigger glares, the combined weight of both would easily surpass her own
Anyways, it started raining & surprisingly she dint have an umbrella in that bungalow of a bag.. so .... i offered her to stand beneath mine !! she did & we exchanged pleasantries ...
It soon stopped raining & well ... the day went on as usual..

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Anyways, this is a wonderful SMS that i received...

Dont take decisions when you are Angry . . .and dont make any promises when you are Happy ....

Think about it ....

Now, i better leave office .. have been typing for the last half hour .. and then i complain that i am made to sit too late in office ...

Tera Mujhse hai pehle se Naata Koi………

Chili: Hi

K: Hey, how was your exam ?

Now, there are some moments in life when your mind feels like the inside of a salwar kameez store full of Punjabi ladies during the annual discount store . There are some moments in life when you wish your leg was flexible enough to curve back and land a sunny deol-ish kick on your own behind bad enough to render your morning rituals ineffective for three months . There are some moments in life when you wish you could rewind life and clean up all the mistakes you did.

I know I sound like I have done something as bad as becoming an unwed daddy of twins , but what I have done is worse than that – I asked HER, THAT question

Time for some ass saving measures

K: im so sorry … I know im NOT, NEVER supposed to ask you that..
Chil: Good … By the way, I ve to tell you something. So, should I mail you, tell you right now or add it to THE list.*
(* Chili & me don’t meet often. So, she makes a list of things we need to talk and debate and discuss when we meet. THE list is sacrosanct.)

K: abhi bol

Chil: im going to USA …

K: Cool yaar, everyone is going .. A friend’s gone there for a month on vacation .. When will I go ? So, when you going, with who and for how long ?

Chil: im going for my exams. I ll be there till Feb & if everything works out, I ll get my admissions done and my 3 year course will start in June.

K: ___________________________________




For those of you ‘jinhone apne TV set derr se khole ho’, Chili is a friend so close, we get any closer and the Shiv Sainiks will go berserk. I mean , the word ‘friend’ seems as weak as an A K hangal when it comes to what she is to me . Along with my family , she is one of those very few people who I know will be around all life. And even as I type this , I can’t believe she is going away. And even though I can write her a mail about this , I want this blog to know how special she is.

Chili , I know I have been as insensitive as a paralyzed cucumber at times and an ass more than an actual ass can be , but you are one person with whom I share too many fond memories

Class 10 tuitions, Running the Mumbai Marathon … Friendship Day at Tapioca Bar (I fought the urge to post that snap online)… Our snap at the beach… The aimless chatter over coffee at various 5 star hotels - JW, Hilton, Land’s End … My proposal to you to be my back up, which you refused up front !! . . my constant , unending talks boring you regarding the girls in my life .. or should I say, in my mind .. how much I ve bored you ..Pune Highway … Me, cash & cruise … discovering Bandra .. the map that you made .. you know, whenever I get lost in Bandra, I ll think of you !!
The book we planned & the rocking format .. I even saved all you messages to me …
The list of the number of times and dates when we’ve met … I need to have a copy of that before you go …
The 2 books that I ve gifted to you and the fact that you acknowledge them as the best gifts ever – im glad and happy that im the one who gave you those gifts..
Our “lets be RJs” thing …. Flavours, th movie .. and how the 2 characters ekdum resemble the way we are...
The way u start most of you sentences with "Arrrre .....", "See, the way i look at it..." or "Let me put it this way...."
The one message you sent to me, saying i was one of your most favourite people - i will treasure it till i lose my cell phone....
The "girl on th moon" paper weight u ve given me ... the "official best friend" card i ve given you...

I guess they can make a seventy episode soap opera about our time together. and, i ve enough material for another 70 episodes .. but i ll have another blogpost for that ..

So now, to always remember you, I will get the date of your birthday & the date u will be leaving tattooed on my arm in permanent ink even if it makes my arm look like a reminder pad . I will go around telling everyone you are a Miss India finalist even if you put on weight . I will buy you a huge exotic pizza and a gelato you like when you come to India even if you don’t want to eat . I will be there on every special day of your life from your next birthday to the birthdays of your grandkids even if I have seven meetings lined up on the day. I will tell my wife your smile is dazzling enough to light up all the railway stations in Mumbai even if she goes green and calls up her lawyer.

And I am so sorry for being so stupid even if you say you are not angry.

Let me say something i ve wanted to......

I WILL MISS YOU…. BIG TIME.