Ae Dil, Hai Mushkil Jeena Yahaan……

Mumbai Meri Jaan – The MOST brilliant movie of the year. It is a must watch for every mumbaikar.

UTV, Nishikant Kamat along with Paresh Rawal, Kay Kay Menon, Madhavan, Irrfan Khan, Soha Ali Khan give us a very poignant tale of the aftermath of the Mumbai Bomb Blasts and its effect on 5 people.

Irrfan Khan – a coffee vendor who moves from place to place on his cycle. He looks at the rich with a cynical eye, yet goes into the shopping mall with his family to check out the latest perfumes on display.

He is looked donw by every one in the society, physically forced out of the mall by security in front of his family. He sees the panic of the people post the blasts & uses it to get back at society in general. It gives him a sense of power & superiority. He brings himself back to his senses as soon as he realizes the adverse consequences of his wrong doings.

Wonderfully acted, as is expected. He has put on a great southie accent & completely looks the part. Do notice the bright yellow shirt he wears when he goes to the mall.

Kay Kay Menon – an umemployed youth, who is anti-Muslim & the blasts result in aggravating his bigotry, almost making him paranoid.

His is a very interesting track where he expresses his extreme hatred towards the muslims.

Notice that when he goes into a Muslim colony in search of someone & listens to someone playing a Mohd. Rafi song, he exclaims, “Yeh log Kishore Kumar kabhi nahi sunenge !” & how he hates Zidane as he is Muslim.

Soha Ali Khan – A news journalist, who loses her fiancé in the blasts & realizes first hand how news channels make a tamasha out of everything. The scene where she breaks down on seeing the dead body of her fiancé is the best crying scene I ve seen since Aamir in RDB. Soha impresses a lot as an actress.

Another notable scene is when her boss comes to her place to offer condolences along with a “request” to do a half hour piece on her story & gives her a bound script. They walk away & their feet are shown moving over Soha’s reflection in the plush, shiny tiles of her floor. It’s a metaphorical display of how the boss cares little for her loss & more for TRPs.

Madhavan – Simply WONDERFUL. I loved his track, specially because he has acted so well. A office goer, patriotic Indian, Environmentalist – who travels by train to do his bit in reducing traffic & pollution, does not encourage usage of plastic bags, stays in India despite several offers of work abroad.

He survives the blasts due to a friend convincing him to travel in the second class that fateful day.

Notice his reaction when he sees that a friend of his has lost his right hand in the blasts. It is an expression of pity, fear, sadness, something unspeakable – all rolled into one. It churns your stomach & wrenches your heart.

Also, his expression / acting in the last scene of the movie – PRICELESS.

Paresh Rawal – Everyone else is brilliant in the movie – but all should bow down to Mr. Rawal. He towers over the rest with his simple, amiable portrayal of a police officer due to retire in a week.

He has seen everything there is to see in his police life & has served his 35 years silently. But there is anguish within him, which he is compelled to express once his fellow officer questions the whole purpose of his life.

His monologues to Menon regarding Hindu – Muslim sparring & the one when he retires are master pieces, delivered naturally. You do not feel that he is acting. He is Inspector Patil. The way he cheers up Inspector Kadam with his “order” to pee or with his “diabetes” joke & his justification for taking a bribe - are a treat to watch.

He has the best dialogues

“Kadam, Moot !!!”

“Paisa lena – galat baat, Baar ko bandh nahi karna – galat baat. Par paisa leke, bar bandh karna – who bhi to galat baat”

“Agar Bomb Blast ke baad, sab ko daaru nahi peene denge, to Mumbai mein ‘SPIRIT’ kahaan se aayega ?”

Also, when a citizen asks him why the terrorists haven’t been caught, he puts him in his jeep & then says “ Sahi aadmi to pakadna chahiye na, ke kisiko bhi andar daal de . . . Naagrik !!!”

Its simply brilliant !!!

His is by far , the most brilliant performance – which is saying a lot when the others include Menon, Irrfan & Madhavan.

A special word for the actor who played Inspector Kadam. He matches Rawal in some scenes & is brilliant as the guy who is honest, but yet to come to terms with the corruption in the force, a person who feels helpless as the police can’t do anything.

Yes, the Mumbai blasts affected us all. And we may relate to one of the above characters for sure. So, go watch it.

The film has one of the most brilliant climax scenes that I ve seen. The look on Menon’s & Madhavan’s face during the climax speaks a thousand words. And the film ends with Rafi singing . . “zara hatke, zara bachke . . .yeh hai bambai meri jaan……..”

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Bachna Ae Haseeno …

I was not going to write on BAH, but A friend told me to … so here goes..

My review – 2 stars – 2.5 at max.

BAH is a simple film. Ranbir has 2 affairs – is commitment phobic, runs away form both. Finds love later in life, who doesn’t want to marry him. Then he realizes how hurt Girl 1 & Girl 2 would ve been & goes back, finds them & apologises. Nice Premise. Almost a Nice movie all through

Anyways,

Girl 1 – Mahi – a dreamy eyed Miniisha Lamba, who has seen DDLJ 17 times & hopes to find her Raj on her Eurail trip. She does find Ranbir & then follows a track straight out of DDLJ – not surprising, coz Aditya Chopra has written this movie.

They kiss, sing a song & depart at airport, where Mahi comes to know that Ranbir is not in “love” with her & was just doing, as we call it, TIME PASS.

What is not believable is the fact that Mahi holds on to this 1 DAY for the next 10 years of her life & pretty much screws up her marriage because of this. STUPID, I say.

Girl 2 – Radhika – a sexxxxy Bipasha. Hers & Ranbirs story is the best written track of all. The innocence of the first love track gives way to string sexual undertones here. Radhika & Raj are living in together. Raj gets a transfer to Australia and is happily planning to go there when he realizes that Radhika wants to get married. Here, he just appears as a cad when he abandons her on their wedding day. He even says “Escaping was the easier thing to do as compared to breaking her heart”.

Maybe one relates to it. Their track has quite a few dialogue exchanges & moments that I completely identify as natural / non filmy & probably relate to as well.

1. When Ranbir says tht this relationship is for “hamesha, par hamesha waala hamesha nahi, 6 mahine waala hamesha”. That’s how most relaionships are these days. Nothing is permanent. And you better realize that in order to avoid all sadness that accompanies the break up !!

2. Ranbir cribbing that no logical conversation/argument with a femal is complete without her crying & after that there remains no logic to the argument. It usually goes in the girl’s favour. I COMPLETELY AGREE, having been a party to such happening many a time.

3. Bipasha is ready to give up her career just so that she can be with Ranbir in Australia – such a wide spread phenomenon, something that I completely disagree with. But, I ve got many arguments against me, so wont express my point of view here.

4. Bipasha lashing out at Ranbir for not marrying her, saying that “I was the progressive one, the one you lived in with, not the one you can take to your parents. That is the reason you did not marry me”. Ranbir disagreed, but I feel, that this might be his very reason for not marrying her. I do not subscribe to sch a view, but I know that this is how general guy mentality is.

Girl 3 – Deepika – My favourite character. She has her priorities fixed, knows what she wants out of life & gets it. I loved her. BUT BUT BUT – such a fast turn around. She just lets go of her whole belief system for Ranbir. Disappointing.

Basically, this film is a showreel for Ranbir & he definitely excels – be it the 18 year old, high on testosterone college pass out or the 24 yr old cool guy or the 30 year ld who finally finds love & realizes his mistakes of earlier.

Hiten Paintal does a fantastic job as his best friend & has the best lines of the movie

- their discussion regarding going to Aqua vs. WaterBAr

- Bachelor Party – Vaasna ka Ashleel Pradarshan….” (my favourite)

All in all, it’s a very breezy, fun first half – spoilt completely but the seemingly long & definitely dragging second half. I personally believe that the movie could ve ended at the first half – and I would ve loved it !!!

Somethings I noticed, liked & must point out

1. Ranbir’s reaction after the first innocent kiss. He is scared, surprised, shocked, happy, comfused. He cant believe he got kissed. Till that time he had just seen it in movies & definitely imagined himself doing it. But this was the real thing. In 5 seconds, his face expressed all this. It was perfect/natural. How do I know – Go figure !!! Also, his kiss with Bipasha was decidedly non-innocent & had SEX written all over it. Nice. It signified the change in the character.

2. The galss breaking & toilet flushing sound whenever something goes wrong in his life – it’s too funny

3. Deepika says to Ranbir – “what we have is special. Don’t spoil it by giving names”

4. Deepika says to Ranbir towards the end of the movie – “im a GIRL. Im allowed to change my decisions without any explanation whatsoever, and the guy has to keep track of my decisions.” I completely agree madam !!!

5. Bipasha saying to Ranbir, “No matter how ‘progressive’ you think I am, & I might be, the wedding day is the most important in a girl’s life”. Yeah, I actually felt bad when Bips was all dressed in ‘shaadi ka joda’ & Ranbir jus abandoned her.

To end it, I had said in an earlier post, Yashraj finances the lifestyles of all its characters – case in point - Ranbir can take a 6 month break & roam in India & Italy to seek forgiveness.

Why don’t we all live the YashRaj movie life … ??

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Random Stuff : Did you know that a Rs. 5 gems packet has 14 gems in it. And more often than not, the pink gems outnumber all other colours. Go, check

Song on my lips : Tinka Tinka – from Karam. Alisha Chinai Rocks !!!

Book I Read: Keep off the grass. Move over Chetan Bhagat. Here comes Karan Bajaj.

Referral : Go visit – http://confessionsandconversations.blogspot.com

Pain

(Disclaimer: This post is NOT by K)

Have you experienced pain? I know I have, and it doesn’t feel good. Not one bit. It hurts, really bad, especially when the heart is involved. And no, it’s not just when lovers are involved. It pains when the people you love are involved. The ones you may not love but have grown to care are involved. It pretty much kills you at times.

It breaks one’s heart when no matter what, no one cares to understand. When the mess in ones life piles on and refuses to lessen, no matter what you do. Family, friends, career, the world. A hell lot of things capable of getting messed up…royally. You can’t do anything but watch (helplessly) as things get murkier- no matter how much you try to avoid it from happening.

Had an argument with the people I care (a lot) about, today. It pained me that they knew nothing about how I felt, how much I cared. Contrary to what they assumed. I have grown to love them and have tried to accept them for who they are. Then why am I not treated the same way? No matter what I do, whichever side I take, what I choose to do- I seem to create a bigger mess. And it hurts not only for me but also for those people who are hurting because of the wrong notions they hold about me.

It doesn’t end there. Oh no, it certainly doesn’t. Thereafter a range of sacrifices are made (sometimes) to lessen their pain while your own increases a notch higher. Now that the sacrifice has been made, one prays and obviously expects things to return to normal. But, nah, that doesn’t happen always, does it???!!!! If you’re lucky the ‘sacrifice’ pays off – the desired effects are experienced. But at whose expense?

How many such ‘sacrifices’ do you plan to make, to let the other person feel better about the way things are?? How many times will you experience pain to accommodate the others’ feelings which are apparently all wrong towards your own? No matter what you do, it will be ‘wrong’ in their eyes. Slowly all that ‘accommodating’ can result in you transforming into someone you’d rather not be. You start hating the person you’ve become; the state you are in. The pain never went away. It just got transferred into your account (Congratulations???!!!- One kind of credit you’d rather do without). It pretty much still exists. Only this time in a different body, inside a different soul. What purpose did all that ‘sacrifice’ serve? The end effect still remains the same. Only this time one person takes the entire brunt and hurts all over because of it. And the other people (the ‘sacrificees’- if only there is a word like that) get used to you sacrificing all the time. And then one wonders why go through all that pain in the first place? What did it do for you? Pain just laughs in your face letting you know what a fool you have been.

Stop accommodating (always) for others. Not unless the pain truly reduces in the process. Else learn to live in the pain that accumulates within you. Learn to ‘accommodate’ FOR this pain you have created for yourself.

I don’t know what needs to be done. Truly, I should not (always) accommodate for others, no matter how dear they may be to me. But what’s the solution to this problem? How does one mend the wrong identity (of you) that certain other person is holding in his mind? How does one live and still be comfortable in his own skin and accept oneself before anyone else does? What if ‘corrective’ communication does not help? What if things look worse and the only ‘right’ thing to do is to ‘accommodate’, do things that lessen the mess in the others life, the ones you really care about –ones who are worthy of that sacrifice??

It’s a tricky one- any takers????


Posted by Cosmo'G'al
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Now, it's K

12:05 A.M. - im just out of office. Took a cab home. 3 mins into the cab, seeing the wide, long, empty roads (yeah, im talking about Mumbai only .. n no i was not imagining), i wad tempted to drive.

"bhaiya, hame drive karne doge ?"
"saab, license hai ?"
"haan"

And so, i took control ... fiat is togh to drive, it doesnt have floor gears .. but since i the first car i drove was a fiat, i hadnt forgotten everything .. anyways, i drove home & it took jus 20 mins.. tht too coz the fiat wudnt go beyond 80 ...
it was amazing fun ....

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Kaushik, Rahul, Varun - u guys r the greates friends !!!!!!!!!

i wished Rahul - "Happy Friendship Day"

he said, " hahahaha ... same to u dude ...as if we need it .... btw, u forgot my bday - 2 days back" ..

"shit ... but, thts usual now .. i dont even remember when i ve wished u last !!"

and, i havent wished any of them their bdays in a long lonog time, altho they unfailingly wish me every year ...

Varun says, "yeh birthdays to aati rahengi yaar ... ab bhool gaye to samjhe ..."

Thanks for everything guys ... and more than anything .. thanks for being yourselves .... i dont know what i wud ve done without you !!!
Rock on !!!!!!!!!!!!

Gooey Feelings . . . .

(Disclaimer: This post is NOT by K)

OK, I agree I don’t write too often but today…I feel like I want to do just that. Write. I am listening to this song, “Khuda Jaane” from the new movie- Bachna ae Haseeno. For the twelfth time (maybe…I kind of lost count after the sixth time!!!!) back to back. And I couldn’t help but smile. The first time I heard it, today, was at the CCD. Not my “first time” listening to the song. Had heard the song a dozen times before. But I noticed the changes in my reactions, my moods as I kept listening to it more and more.

If I am allowed to be a bit boring- according to the law of diminishing marginal utility (in economics), a bit more of the same thing tends to lessen the utility (or the likeability) factor of that thing. But seems like that doesn’t apply to this song. At least where I am concerned. The CCD scene got over at 9.30 pm. By the time I came home and kept listening to the song – when I finally sat down with my Cosmopolitan (while the rest of the family retired for the day), I starting realizing that the juices in my head were working on a different level.

As I proceeded listening to the song for the thirteenth time I realized that I was feeling my romantic best – at 11.31 pm (to be precise)!!!!!!!! As I cuddle against my pillow, stare at the pitch darkness- with occasional twinkling of the lights as the traffic passes by- I can’t stop thinking of how much I want someone with me at this very instant, sharing this moment- this rare feeling- with me. How I wanted to pour my heart out – all my romantic feelings and love- to that special someone. How I wished he was here holding me close, slow dancing with me, matching every move of his own with mine, speaking to me without even saying a word, hanging on to everything I had to say – while I myself said nothing at all. How he would just be there- and that would be all. His presence would be all that would be required for the twinkle in my eyes, the choking feeling of repressed feelings- all waiting to pour out when he turned around with the look that said he understands everything I have to say- the feeling of being ALIVE, the dreamy look, the feeling of…..God, an unbelievable sense of being MYSELF. The feeling to let go and just be me. No pretense, no inhibitions, just a feeling of – complete freedom.

Dammit- I don’t feel any less mushy as I go on to listen to the song for the fifteenth time. It just heightens the feeling, the romance in the air. The lyrics, the passion, the music just echoes the need for a little romance in the lives of every person listening to it. Try listening to it in the middle of the night -with no noise -and just absorb the surrounding while you do that. Strangely I feel content- even though my (imaginary) beloved isn’t here to make all those fantasies come true. The smile on my face while writing this, speaks of the fact that I might be really enjoying the atmosphere and my own company with such melody playing in the background.

For God’s sake- if it rained right now, I’d know the scene would demand some dancing in the rains. Slow, painfully slow- dancing, that is- with the passions heightening within the circle of entwined arms, the knowledge of the things to come and yet knowing that what we have is just enough- for the moment.

God, what’s going on here???? Where did all that come from??? When did I start talking mushy so blatantly??? I know- when I felt in tune with myself. When I let myself a moment to be with –ME. It surprised…no, it actually shocked me. Smiling at myself while I imagined how I would do all those things – innocent, heart felt, soul touching moments. A passion at a different level, an emotion one of a kind, a heart felt warm, cozy (mushy), lovely, gooey – sensation. I know one thing for sure – let yourself a moment of quiet, listen to a song ( any song that lets you be in the moment I am experiencing…while I write), live in the moment and feel- feel the slow flow in your mind and heart, feel the easy restlessness and relaxation churn inside making you confused and warm all at once, feel the smile creep up while you feel all that. The key here is – FEEL. Fall in love with yourself and know that you can love. Be ready- for when love strikes (and that too, unexpected) you need to be ready to share all the love you can come up with…with all you have to give.

As you ponder on that thought- I shall go back to listening to MY song for the eighteenth time ( I guess!!!). And finally it starts raining!!!!! Time for me to leave myself –alone, that is.

-- Posted by cosmo'G'al
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Celeb Sightings (Dedicated to Sentimental Fool)

Ok, this is K now.

I was at a meeting at Andheri, somewher near Infiniti Mall. As i left the meeting, i walked past T-Series office there & saw standing there - Sudhir Mishra. So, i walked up to him & told him how much i liked Hazaaron Khwaishen Aisi . . He is tall, almost 6'3!! ... i never imagined him to be so tall !

Maut . . . Zindagi ke liye zaroori hai yeh !

D E A T H.

Bad word , hai na ? Ma says its a bad word. Papa says don’t say it. Its a bad word. Death , nah , don’t talk about it , chup paagal. Even in the movies, the heroine places her finger on the hero's lips before he can complete the sentence and whispers "Kabhi marne kee baat matt karna. Aisa nahee kehte".

But, its coming yaar. Death. It will happen. To me. To you.

Acchha yaar , now stop yelling "manhoos" , chup chaap baat sun. What if I were to die after half an hour. I shall never be able to feel ma's palm on my forehead again. I shall never hear R’s voice again, nor hear all my friends saying “kitna mota ho gaya hai tu. Kuch kar”. I shall never be able to tell dad that even though I always try to act smart , he is the greatest guy I have ever known. I shall never be able to tell the departmental store guy that I stole 3 eggs from his shop yesterday. Ok , dont dial 100 , the eggs wala part is not true. How could you imagine that, me and stealing eggs ? I am a vegetarian. I steal carrots and dhania.

But seriously , death scares me. It scares me to be away from my loved ones. It scares me to die without doing all the things I want to do. It scares me that I may die. But death is real. And I may die after a year. I may die tomorrow after office, if I do end up leaving office. I may die before I complete this post.( But now that I have published it , I did not die before completing it,right ? Soch ke dekh ).

Now you may smirk and say "arre yaar , aise thode hee koee mar jaata hai". But I have seen lives shattering in the blink of an eye. A second's delay in hitting the brakes , a leaking gas cylinder , a cycle containing a bomb parked next to you, a desperate and armed domestic help . . . is enough to change your life in a radical way , before you can say "maar daala". And not like Madhuri said it in Devdas.

But the point is not to be scared of dying. The point is to be scared of dying without really living.

I see around me. I see people I care for. I see myself. Sometimes I see us all sad .I see us clinging to bad memories , things which we cannot change , things which still hurt us , things which make tears flow down their cheeks. I know we are hurt and not stupid and have reasons to feel sad. But life is not forever. Life is nothing but a limited number of moments gifted to us by god. And each moment is slipping by. Right now , a moment just passed by me , and took me closer to death , leaving me with lesser time to smile ,to crack some poor joke , to see my ma laugh , to see a friend find the happiness she deserves , to be a good person ,to make someone smile , to live. And the very thought of letting such a precious moment drown in a tear leaves me restless. Why do we people hurt each other , when this life may not be long enough to love each other ?

Maybe you need to know that you may never get a chance to be the good man you could have been. Maybe you need to know that the moment you have been waiting for to tell her how much you love her may never arrive. Maybe you need to know that you may never have the time to wipe off the tears you are causing today. Maybe you need to know that death is a surprisingly unexpected reality. Maybe you need to start living the life you should.

I know I know , I am saying nothing new. But life and the things it does to people and the things people do to it continue to amuse me. In short , ek baat bolta hun , all of us should respect and enjoy the ride , because hamari life kee taxi mein petrol kabhi bhi khatm ho sakta hain. And marne ke baad , you cant even fight with the cab driver. So smile , khush raho , muskurao , jeeyo ,and make people smile , kyunki ..kal ho na ho. Wait a minute ..kal ho na ho..yaar ye phrase kuch suna hua nahee lagta ?

In response to “tera mujhse hai pehle se nata koi”

I’ll begin with the fact that my brother doesn’t approve of me responding publicly to this post (I’m sorry ) but its something I’d impulsively told K I would do and so here it is (Yes I know I’m late but atleast I’m writing it now…)

First of all, it was shocking to a) See details of my personal life put up b) Read that K draws comparisons with women buying salwar kameez-when did you get the golden opportunity to witness that???

Well the friendship K and I share is unique. People have neighbourhood friends, school friends, college friends, work friends/colleagues, net/chat pals; in Mumbai there is even the concept of train friends . But we don’t fit into any logical category. There was a time when our friendship was on a “break” and we hadn’t interacted for about a year-but we were able to pick up where we’d left off. We’re as different as chalk and cheese-our only common ground being our obsession with the entertainment industry. In spite of all of that, we’ve managed to be friends, seen each other transform from teenagers to adults to professionals. This is the reason why it is special.

But please note-K EXAGGERATES and he used to HATE me at one point of time (yup, these are his words verbatim). Our life is too boring to make even a 21 minute episode. We rarely celebrate our respective birthdays together. Miss India finalist-what was that about-since when did either of us start emphasizing on external appearances? Also, I don’t LOVE pizza, what made you think I want pizza everytime I’m back (which may be sooner than you expect).
Lastly, in any friendship, personal (family, spouse, kids) or professional life will always take over. But if it’s a priority, it’ll last and I hope that K and me continue to be great friends. Yup, I’m missing you too…

@Sonicat-yes I’m gonna be around and I’m quite taken aback by your comment.

P.S.: Do you remember the Troy episode and how such inconsequential things governed our life at that time…

Posted by Sentimental Fool

You Learn . . .

This is something that had appeared in Sacred Space in TOI on 14th July and i liked it quite a bit, so am sharing it on this blog.

After a while, you learn the subtle difference,
Between holding a hand... and chaining a soul

And you learn that - Love doesn't mean leaning;
And company doesn't mean security

And you begin to learn that - Kisses aren't contracts;
And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats;
With your head up and your eyes open;
With the grace of a man and not the grief of a child

And learn to build all your roads - on Today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down mid-flight

After a while, you learn that eve Sunshine
Burns if you have too much

So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul;
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure... That you really are strong
And you really do have worth

And you learn and learn;
With every person you meet, you learn
With every friend or lover, you learn
With every goodbye . . . you learn.....

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Celeb Sightings (Section Dedicated - Always - to "Sentimental Fool")

1. I was at Taj - Lands End for a meeting & sighted Kunal Kohli over there. He happened to be still around after my meeting got over. SO i went up to him and spoke to him. I had recently seen Thoda Pyaar, Thoda Magic & dint hate it. I told him that - i was expecting to not like it, but it was actually quite nice. he was gracious enough to thank me and said that he hoped all would like it. i said, "i am a crazy about Bollywood person, and am quite thrilled at having spoken to you". He laughed & thanked me. I left

2. I was standing in the line outside the VFS-USA centre to submit my VISA documents. i turned around & behind me was Carol Gracias ... holding a HUGE handbag & wearing even bigger glares, the combined weight of both would easily surpass her own
Anyways, it started raining & surprisingly she dint have an umbrella in that bungalow of a bag.. so .... i offered her to stand beneath mine !! she did & we exchanged pleasantries ...
It soon stopped raining & well ... the day went on as usual..

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Anyways, this is a wonderful SMS that i received...

Dont take decisions when you are Angry . . .and dont make any promises when you are Happy ....

Think about it ....

Now, i better leave office .. have been typing for the last half hour .. and then i complain that i am made to sit too late in office ...

Tera Mujhse hai pehle se Naata Koi………

Chili: Hi

K: Hey, how was your exam ?

Now, there are some moments in life when your mind feels like the inside of a salwar kameez store full of Punjabi ladies during the annual discount store . There are some moments in life when you wish your leg was flexible enough to curve back and land a sunny deol-ish kick on your own behind bad enough to render your morning rituals ineffective for three months . There are some moments in life when you wish you could rewind life and clean up all the mistakes you did.

I know I sound like I have done something as bad as becoming an unwed daddy of twins , but what I have done is worse than that – I asked HER, THAT question

Time for some ass saving measures

K: im so sorry … I know im NOT, NEVER supposed to ask you that..
Chil: Good … By the way, I ve to tell you something. So, should I mail you, tell you right now or add it to THE list.*
(* Chili & me don’t meet often. So, she makes a list of things we need to talk and debate and discuss when we meet. THE list is sacrosanct.)

K: abhi bol

Chil: im going to USA …

K: Cool yaar, everyone is going .. A friend’s gone there for a month on vacation .. When will I go ? So, when you going, with who and for how long ?

Chil: im going for my exams. I ll be there till Feb & if everything works out, I ll get my admissions done and my 3 year course will start in June.

K: ___________________________________




For those of you ‘jinhone apne TV set derr se khole ho’, Chili is a friend so close, we get any closer and the Shiv Sainiks will go berserk. I mean , the word ‘friend’ seems as weak as an A K hangal when it comes to what she is to me . Along with my family , she is one of those very few people who I know will be around all life. And even as I type this , I can’t believe she is going away. And even though I can write her a mail about this , I want this blog to know how special she is.

Chili , I know I have been as insensitive as a paralyzed cucumber at times and an ass more than an actual ass can be , but you are one person with whom I share too many fond memories

Class 10 tuitions, Running the Mumbai Marathon … Friendship Day at Tapioca Bar (I fought the urge to post that snap online)… Our snap at the beach… The aimless chatter over coffee at various 5 star hotels - JW, Hilton, Land’s End … My proposal to you to be my back up, which you refused up front !! . . my constant , unending talks boring you regarding the girls in my life .. or should I say, in my mind .. how much I ve bored you ..Pune Highway … Me, cash & cruise … discovering Bandra .. the map that you made .. you know, whenever I get lost in Bandra, I ll think of you !!
The book we planned & the rocking format .. I even saved all you messages to me …
The list of the number of times and dates when we’ve met … I need to have a copy of that before you go …
The 2 books that I ve gifted to you and the fact that you acknowledge them as the best gifts ever – im glad and happy that im the one who gave you those gifts..
Our “lets be RJs” thing …. Flavours, th movie .. and how the 2 characters ekdum resemble the way we are...
The way u start most of you sentences with "Arrrre .....", "See, the way i look at it..." or "Let me put it this way...."
The one message you sent to me, saying i was one of your most favourite people - i will treasure it till i lose my cell phone....
The "girl on th moon" paper weight u ve given me ... the "official best friend" card i ve given you...

I guess they can make a seventy episode soap opera about our time together. and, i ve enough material for another 70 episodes .. but i ll have another blogpost for that ..

So now, to always remember you, I will get the date of your birthday & the date u will be leaving tattooed on my arm in permanent ink even if it makes my arm look like a reminder pad . I will go around telling everyone you are a Miss India finalist even if you put on weight . I will buy you a huge exotic pizza and a gelato you like when you come to India even if you don’t want to eat . I will be there on every special day of your life from your next birthday to the birthdays of your grandkids even if I have seven meetings lined up on the day. I will tell my wife your smile is dazzling enough to light up all the railway stations in Mumbai even if she goes green and calls up her lawyer.

And I am so sorry for being so stupid even if you say you are not angry.

Let me say something i ve wanted to......

I WILL MISS YOU…. BIG TIME.

Evergreen Hitzzz - Volume I

The last post, inspite of its title, made people think i was spending days and nights crying my heart out & probably that was the reason my building was not facing a water cut.

I got calls from my friends & mails from non-friends saying "na munna naa .. mat ro .. sab theek ho jaayega" ...

So, i ve decided, no more sad stuff on blog for some more time ... But if Federer loses Wimbledon this year, i ll be sad for a looooong time ...


Anyway, earlier today, I decided to renew the songs on my system. So I delved into my hard disk, into folders that had been long forgotten, lying untouched since ages like your old bicycle which lies dumped in the attic once you grow up. Folders that had been lying embedded deep in the disk like abandoned Umrao Jaans. Folders that contained songs which once made my heart dance like a drunken monkey who just gained entry into a hostel housing young female monkeys. So I rediscovered some old classic songs which were once played at every tea shop in this country.

Songs which define the times I grew up in. Songs which contained the gut wrenching grief of a lost love , the cute joy of a blossoming love, the mischievous naughtiness of a lover’s wink. Songs which embodied the emotions which fill the developing heart of every Indian boy when he is growing up. Songs which shaped my thinking when my mind was still impressionable. Songs which have made me the man I am. So ladies , gentlemen and Bobby Darlings , not wishing that these gems ,which have played such an important role in the making of this sophisticated , refined and tasteful young man go unrecorded on this blog , I give to you , a few of these life changing creations -
~~


“Kahan Gir Gaya Dhoondho Sajan
Button meri kurti ka”
English translation, for the benefit of my overseas readers ( Yes , I have one from Bhutan . A girl from Uganda visits sometimes,too.)
(Where has it fallen , please search Darling ,
The button of my shirt )
This extremely naughty and imaginative song sensitively captured the anxiety and terror of a young girl who, due to a unskilled tailor who used a cheap thread, has lost a very crucially located button on her shirt. To make matter more intense, she is dancing dangerously close to the young hero of the film, the purpose of whose existence is to tease the young girl and belt out bone bending pelvic movements at the same time.




It doesn't take much to notice the anguish on Mamta's face
You gotta be anguished when you got Mithun with you and your shirt button is missing.



Hey Saala ! Teri Jaat ka paida maaru ! Mamta meri hai , kya !

The song was picturised on a well fed Mamta Kulkarni along with a clearly uncontrolled Mithun Chakraborty ,who looked as dapper as ever in his wet swept back hair. Now you know why Mamta was so terrified. On a personal note, the song left a huge dent on the contents of my skull , and taught me a lot about what to do when life presents you with a lady who has lost a button on her shirt.

~~

Hero-

Angana mein Baba , dware pe Ma

Kaise aau gori , main tohre ghar maa

Heroine-

Khet gaye baba , bazaar gayi ma

Akeli hu ghar maa , tu aaja saajna

(

Hero-

Your dad is in the courtyard ,

your mom is at the door

How do I enter your house , oh fair one ?

Heroine-

Dad is (defecating?) in the fields ,

mom is in the market

I am Home alone , come in Darling .)

If the previous song carefully brought out the menace of cheap buttons and improper tailoring , this song points its finger at the age old problem faced by every young couple – Parents. The song starts off on a touching note where a troubled Govinda is itching to enter the residence of a rather conservative Shilpa Shirodkar.

But at the same time , Govinda is concerned about his physical safety as he believes Shilpa’s parents are at home too . As the song progresses and tightly captures the longing of Govinda , the mood is relieved when Shilpa coyly informs him that her father is in the fields and her mother has gone to the market to avail the 60% discount on Ajay Kunwar Sarees.

In a shocking display of modernity , she not only informs but invites Govinda inside her home . What followed after his entrance his beyond the scope of this post , though of deep interest to the author of this blog. On a parallel note , I strongly believe that Shilpa’s father went to the fields to defecate .

On how the song affected me , it was a clear indicator that if I ever love a woman , I will make sure there is a saree discount sale on around her home and her home does not have a toilet.



How do I enter Silpa'a House ?



Shilpa , the girl whose father went to the fields.

~~~~

"Tera kale kale lambe lambe naagin se baal ,

Dekho Ankhiyon se goli mare ladki kamaal"

(Your hair is dark dark , long long and like a cobra

Look , The fantastic girl shoot bullets from her eyes)

A trend setting number of its times, this track was the first of its kind which made a girl sound like a weapon of mass destruction .Govinda , who sported a dress which was strikingly similar to an art gallery , first compares Raveena Tandon’s hair to a serpent of deadly virtues – The Cobra .

As the audience lies stunned and little babies in the hall start wailing, he proceeds to bravely declare that Raveena has the ability to fire bullets using her eyes . A totally novel and unique concept , this became a talking point across the nation and the Indian Military ranks .

A few days after the song swept across the country , cheap tabloids reported that some very excited Officers from the Indian Military had invited Raveena at their Weapon Research Laboratory .What happened in the dark confines of the Lab remains a mystery , but Raveena was never the same chirpy girl again. Reports pour in to this day , with recent news being Raveena has been posted at the military base at Leh border with a bulletproof vest and no guns , except her two eyes.



Govinda sings about Raveena's shooting abilities joyfully , just before the Military picked up Raveena.

So , my fellow music conoisseurs, these were just three of the gems which have offered so much to our lives , to my life . I have laughed , cried , chuckled , sobbed and done a lot of strange things listening to these songs . I hope to showcase more songs soon . But for now , I just have to sway to “Jab tak samose mein rahega aaloo..”.

I'm NOT as sad as this post makes me out to be

There are days when sorrow is like a physical ache. Under your skin, it is a soiled washcloth the surgeon left inside before sewing you up. In your bloodstream, it’s a murky grey fluid, an effluent without an outlet. Inside your ribcage, it is the deadweight of despair. Even neon seems dim, any music grates. People are talking to you, but all you want is for them to go. Their concerns are trite, banal, pointless compared to the grief that you cannot share with anyone. There are such griefs, and they are the most terrible.

At this precise point of time, happiness seems a myth, a chimera, a bedtime story for children, a poor urban legend. When were you happy last ? Yes, you can remember those times, those moments, but you can’t believe it was you. It was another person, yes. It was another world. Here, now, this moment – you can never again be happy.

You make a list. Late night drives, walking hand in hand in the winter sun, getting wet in the rain, cuddling up with someone you love under the quilt.

But the memories of happiness can hurt too. Can you ever go back to those moments and experience them again, now ?
Will the sky ever be so azure as it was on that winter day ? Will you ever dance again in the rain, or just use it to hide your tears ? The quilt may be the same, but you could be alone…

In the end, love isn’t about the right answer. It isn’t about the right way of doing things. It isn’t about whose perspective is the best. It isn’t about which wavelength is more focused or whose opinion holds more weight and then forcing it on the other.
Love isn’t about settling scores.

Love is about wanting to make an effort.
It’s about wanting to make things work.
It’s about wanting to hang on when the going gets tough.
It’s about finding common ground.
It’s about putting egos aside.
It’s about sacrifice.
It’s about not wanting to ‘prove a point’.
It’s about both partners trying to see the other one’s point of view as their own.
It’s about accepting the other for their outlook.
It's about wanting to be with each other.
It's about being together, no matter what.
It's about remembering that you LOVE each other on days when you dont like each other
Love is about compromise.

Sure both partners’ wavelengths may not match and you may wonder if all the effort is worth it? Does it really matter? He/she is never gonna change, why should I? Maybe we’re just not made for each other? She’s just not my kinda girl? He’s never gonna see my side of the story? Couples that split up have most probably done so mainly coz they didn’t take the first step to “tune in” to the other’s frequency. Or if they did, they gave up too soon. Or maybe, they never did tune it, at all

But, I’ve learnt one thing…without compromise, no one is custom made for anyone. The term ‘made for each other’ is what Hallmark sells on.
No matter what the shrink might tell you, if you think you’re gonna find someone who truly understands you and shares the same wavelength as you without putting in any effort at all, well, you’re better off counting stars.

It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all . . .

Reviews , Rains and . . . . .Aditi

Movie Review


Sarkar Raj

“K, its been quite some time now. When’s the interval ?”, said my dad during the first half of the movie.
The lights went on in another minute signaling the interval. I looked at my watch, it just had been 55 minutes since the beginning of the movie.

And, this is where the major flaw of the movie lies. It is only 2 hours, but seems oh-so-long & unbearable.

The movie is a bad follow up to the excellent Sarkar. It is long, slow & has lots of words, dialogues & precious little action.

Amitabh’s silences in Sarkar conveyed so much, much more than his long monologues do in Sarkar Raj.

The acting has been praised a lot, but the movie is so mediocre, that the acting too doesn’t stand out.

The characters of Sarkar were memorable – Rashid, Silver Money, Khan saab, Taklu guy, Kay Kay, Swami even the CM. Here, the characters are mere caricatures. They ve been given no strength & no proper role definition.

The confrontation scenes do not set the pulse racing ala the first scene between Rashid & Amitabh.

Dialogues come a cropper. Compare “Subhas Nagre ek aadmi hai, Sarkar – ek soch. Aadmi ko maarne se pehle, uski soch ko maarna zaroori hai” with “Omelette banaane ke liye anda to phodna padega na” You understand my point ??

Also, how can Abhishek’s character hold Ash’s character’s hand in a romantic gesture just some days/weeks after his pregnant wife has died a tragic death ?

All in all, it is a movie that can be watched, but fails miserably as a sequel to Sarkar. It is too much of complicated politics, complicated much more by the directors need to explain each & every thing to the audience .. some things should ve been left unsaid. And, some sequels unmade.

Aamir

Aamir is a brave effort. Laudable.

Very well directed, with excellent cinematography. Well casted & enacted.

It is a very hard hitting film &just shows how innocent Muslim’s get trapped into wrong doing by fanatics.

It is a bit slow, but must be watched for the effort put in by the debutante director & is a must buy DVD.


Book Review


3 Mistakes of my life

I loved it. Period.

The book by Chetan Bhagat is interesting, fast paced, witty & much much better than his last offering – One Night at the call centre.

The story is of 3 friends & their lives over a 5 year period in Gujarat. What is so nice about this book is the way it integrates the story of the 3 friends with the happenings in Gujarat over those tumultuous 5 years – the Bhuj earthquake, Cricket Matches, world cup, the Godhra riots. They are all a part of the book, and not just as a passing reference, but as a means to take the story forward & serve as the twists in the story.

The book is written in the same witty vein as his 1st book – 5 point Someone.

Sample – “the best maths teacher in town has just become a champi man”

This book has definite trademarks of the author.

1. The book is about struggle – to move ahead in life, to fight society & everyone’s inward struggle. Same theme was there in 5 point & in Call centre
2. The mandatory sex scene - the "progressive" Indian girl, the kind which is not afraid to show their true feelings, not afraid what society might think & certainly have a mind of their own.

Small examples are
In 5 point – the female asks for a cigarette after sex

In Call Centre – the female wants to & has sex in a car

In this book – the female wants to just escape her home town & go to Mumbai to achieve her dreams, she is not afraid to seduce the guy, has sex on her 18th birthday.

The characters of the 3 friends are very well etched & somewhere everyone can identify with some trait among the 3 friends. You feels drawn into their conflicts & struggles and live their lives.

One gets the feeling that the author has written this book with a future movie in mind. It fits exactly into Hindi movie mould, especially the ending. That’s my only complaint.

We are waiting for your 4th book, Mr, Bhagat.

Btw, any reason why you have numbers in the titles of your books – 5, 1, 3… and come to think of it, all odd numbers … all prime numbers ….


RAINS


Monsoon is the only season where the weather changes in an instant. Summer takes time to roll in, winter takes time to set in, but monsoon – one shower & the season changes. It’s not that hot any more, not too cold & the smell of the rains is in the air. That’s what I love about the monsoons.

Yes, Mumbai’s infrastructure collapses at the first instance of rains, the open manholes become dangerous, and disease spreads.. but we are not going to talk about that..

The earth becomes greener, there is that certain aroma in the air, there is romance in the air.

Imagine –

Sitting on your window sill at 2 in the night & just listening to music while sipping hot coffee

Caught in a coffee shop with someone special at 11 in the night with no car, no umbrella…. But lots to talk about

Jogging on the beach in the morning & suddenly it starts pouring & you r completely drenched before you can run for cover … and then you don’t want to run for cover & continue running in the rain.

You eating hot pakodas with mom oiling you hair.

Lonavala, bhushi dam, 15 friends, vada pavs & steaming corn cobs

A dance party on the road with friends & street kids…

Heavy rains, marine lines, sea face, one umbrella, 2 people….

Many such moments & more make up the monsoons …

My current favourite song is “kabhi kabhi aditi…” from the movie Jaane tu ya jaane na … it’s an extremely catch tune with nice lyrics .. I just cant stop singing it ..

I've dedicated the song to someone very special.

Also, there is a friend of mine, let’s call her…. Aditi, that had mailed me saying, “you blog reader is waiting.” Well, she is not going through some tough times… well, I can’t dedicate the song to anyone else now, but I ll sing these 2 lines for her …

“Aditi, maana kabhi kabhi saare jahaan mein andhera hota hai . . . . .lekin raat ke baad hi to savera hota hai…..Aditi has-de, has-de, has-de tu zaraa . . . . .”

Discovering soft toys..

The thrill of working next to the Hypercity mall, Goregaon West, and being free at the same time is something only a girl will understand.
And I spared no free second to enjoy this thrill.

I ventured into Hypercity yesterday looking out for random things (most girls call it window shopping, but with the mall culture, this term should be derecognized) .
I spent almost an hour in the ladies wear section. And bought nothing.
Another half an hour in the ladies shoe section. Tried everything on, bought nothing.

And just when I decided to call it a day, I stumbled across the soft toy section.
I must have been to countless malls across Mumbai in the last couple of months, but on this particular day, when I was all alone, I was drawn to the soft toy section.

I immediately spotted a bright orange coloured fish, with big black eyes and blue fins. Then I saw a cute grey elephant with white soft tusks and large flapping white and pink ears. And then a huge hippo sitting pretty besides it caught my eye. It was HUGE and I had to contain my excitement and restrain myself from picking it up and hugging it.

I also spotted some giraffes, cows, starfish(!@#$%-not recommended), parrots in beautiful bright hues, dogs, lions, snakes and the most of animal kingdom right there. Teddy bears, I believe are things of the past. I never liked teddy bears even when I was a kid. But I never knew other soft toys then. Most of the childhood was about Barbies (at the most) and outdoor games!! I never grew up having a cuddly soft toy as a cushion or a bed full of soft toys as sleep mates. . Today I had literally discovered a world very unfamiliar to the one I was brought up in.


And now, strangely, I wish I could go back to the same childhood and have a rack full of soft toys. I strangely wish for a anything-but-teddy bear soft toy now. May be a duck or a giraffe, even a fish or that oh-so-cute hippo or the elephant would do.

This blog is as random as my thoughts can get, really..
But then again,.....what are we? but a collection of random thoughts..

By~Heartfelt

Romancing the monsoons… A thing of beauty is joy forever...

Last couple of weeks had not been great. I won’t elaborate the reasons. We are a frustated generation and dats reason enough.
I decided to walk to the station after office yesterday. I like the winds howling in my face, the cloudy sleepy skies, the hint of cool after a blazing burning summer.

And then it happened. Almost expectedly yet with a hint of surprise, the skies parted and the rains came gushing down. Till yesterday the rains were just playing hide n seek. But yesterday, in their full splendour and style, the monsoon made a grand entry.

My first instinct was to rush to a nearby shop shelter. I almost ran for it. Then I stopped in my tracks, ensured my cell phone was tucked safely in..n jus continued to walk…in the rains.

Rains have always had a liberating effect on me. I don’t remember enjoying the rains in school though. I always noticed the puddles never the skies.(Haha…dats almost an inspirational quote…....almost). And now, thought rains may prove a dampener to the best laid evening plans, or they may disrupt routine in our city, they are always welcome visitors.

That same evening, as if getting drenched on roads was not enough, I rushed to the terrace for a second round. It a different thing getting drenched and mud soaked on the roads, and a completely different thing getting drenched alone or with friends on your terrace. Just spread your arms, look skywards, close your eyes and surrender. It IS liberating. Trust me.

I live by the belief that Nature is God. I worship nature. I revel, am most joyous, most at peace when I am surrounded by nature. I draw solace, comfort and contentment from it. I believe nature heals.

And what better time to explore nature than now. When it is at its beautiful most? No landscape looks the same in two monsoons. Every monsoon paints a different picture each time. Every monsoon lends a new look to the land ever year. So just go out there. Even if its for a day or two.
Discover yourself anew this monsoon, coz this monsoon will not come again.
Another year, will be an another monsoon altogether....

By~Heartfelt

Miscellaneous...

Ok, im writing after a long long gap … I had planned to write about many issues / randomt things, but never got around to writing them …

Tragedies

The China earthquake that claimed thousands & the Jaipur blasts that claimed hundreds … helps put your life in perspective. All your supposed personal tragedies, losses, sadness seem minor.

IPL

I had mentioned in an earlier blog that IPL might not work, mainly because people will have no loyalties towards a mixed nation team. I was wrong. Very wrong.

I enjoyed IPL as much as everyone in the nation. I supported the Royals (am a big fan to Warne) till the last ball & celebrated when they won …
Also, I went for 2 matches to Wankhede & had time of my life. Seeing a match in the stadium is a different feeling altogether. Nothing beats it.

The most memorable moments of the IPL were
1. Ricky Ponting congratulating, hugging & encouraging Ishant Sharma after he took a wicket. This after Ishant was Ricky’s nemesis in the recent Ind-Aus series.
2. Graeme Smith & Asnodkar batting & the camaraderie and teamsmanship between the two.
3. Jayasurya saying in the post match presentation ceremony that “this is the most memorable day of my cricketing career as I opened the batting with Sachin Tendulkar”. Priceless.
4. Cirque Du Soleil at the closing ceremony. Absolutely fantastic & applause worthy

IPL has certainly fostered feelings of friendliness among players of different nations. Balika had commented on my blog saying the same. You were spot on babe, and definitely proved me wrong !


News

Aarushi Murder... niraj grover murder ....

how can a father kill his daughter and call it honour killing (if thts the case, im too confused at what exactly conspired)

how can you have sex with someone, kill that some one with the help of another & then have sex again with that another twice when the dead body is still there at home. Gross. inexplicable.

Relationships

Unconditional love is bloody tough to have…. But that’s where I gotta reach.

Also, quoting from my current favourite song …
"Hey Aditi, jaane tu ya jaane na, phool phir khil jaate hai …."
"Hey Aditi... raat ke baad hi to savera hota hai ...."

Fight Against Loneliness: A Quick Guide

* Hold your breath. Count to three. Release.

* Take on more work than you can handle. Talk about work as soon as you wake up.

* Try not to be alone. Be with people around you all day. Being alone will lead to mindfuck.

* Don't blink for longer than you have to.

* Watch television for three hours at a stretch.

* Don't listen to sad songs.

* Don't listen to romantic songs.

* Don't sing along with any songs.

* Keep your body close and tight. Keep your mind even closer.

* Laughing forcibly will hurt. Keep it to a smile.

* Let your smile stretch till your jaw hurts and you don't know what you're smiling about anymore.

* Eat a lot.

* Eat nothing at all.

* Rationalise, rationalise, rationalise.

* Never date again.

* Stop thinking about making out.

* Stop thinking about sex.

* Don't watch the rain.

* Don't watch the sea at the beach.

* Contemplate joining a gym.

* Contemplate joining a dance class

* Contemplate going home again.

* Avoid happy couples.

* Avoid happy people.

* Close your eyes. Count to three. Jump.

I'll be just fine. Eventually.

The time to be happy is now…n the place to be happy is here…

The time to be happy is now and the place to be happy is here..
N the way to be happy is to make someone happy
And to have a little heaven right here..
And to have a little heaven right here..

I used to hear this song on Repeat mode then. Those days I was always happy…and then…...

I grew up.

Its very difficult to get a rickshaw from Vile Parle-West station. Yesterday I just happened to get one soon. I was goin to Irla, when I saw an aunty waiting for a rickshaw. I asked her where she was headed, and since she wanted to get down after me, offered her to come along. She profusely thanked me, but directed the rickshaw in such a way that she got down first and I was left with a long detour of that area. She paid, obviously! But still, sometimes, making someone happy doesn’t ensure it makes you happy too.

But yes, making someone happy does make you happy more often than not.

In today’s times when some & most of us are grappling with so many things at a time. It’s a challenge to be happy, forget making some one else happy. Long distance relationships, tyrant bosses, heartbreaks, dealines, local train travel, May heat, an unfriendly metabolism rate, US recession, bad hair days, depletion of the ozone layer so on n so forth..not to forget uncooperative rickshaw-walas..

Some days ago, I opened the pantry door for the pantry boy who serves us Tea/Coffee everyday as his hands were laden with trays. He grinned, and I was happy.

Then one day I gave up my difficultly procured rickshaw to an elderly lady going in the opposite direction. She just touched my head and smiled. I was happy.

The other day, I called up my friend from the US, who was going through a difficult period (no guesses reqd: Love Life) and shared her woes for atleast an hour. She was relieved, so was my Vodafone postpaid. And I was happy.

Greatly these days I have begun to believe its more about making others happy. Happiness is a derivative, and its underlying is the people around us, some known to us, yet many others simply strangers.

One good deed a day, however small, however insignificant is all it takes for…………………………..

HAPPINESS.

By-Anonymous

Couldn't think of a Title

I knew I needed a b_eak f_om office and an u_gent t_ip to Mau_itius with a couple of blonde gi_ls the moment I _ead my p_evious post. It looked like it had been typed by a guy agg_essive enough to make And_ew Symonds look like a messenge_ of peace with a couple of white doves pe_ched on his shoulde_s . Luckily, wo_k in office cooled down, I fell sick n that clashed with some bank holidays, so got a nice b_eak.

Anyway, now you visualize me spending the b_eak watching TV, sp_awled on a couch, with the left hand lazily swooping popco_ns off a big plastic bowl and the _ight hand g_ipping the _emote, and I think you_ visualization captu_es my plans beautifully. But I also intend to make some meaningful acts , which compa_e well with the discove_y of fi_e , Mallika She_awat and othe_ such things in te_ms of thei_ impact on mankind. Fo_ example , I need to watch my weight now . I mean , little kids a_e not exactly pointing finge_s at me and yelling ‘Look mama , that ball has legs !” , but a little bit of physical activity neve_ killed anybody , unless that activity _esulted in pissing off Mike Tyson .

Also, the_e is this _ocking insu_ance policy which I want to get fo_ myself, but im not eligible fo_ it coz im 13 kgs ove_weight fo_ it.

So, I ve been walking up the stai_s of my office (7 floo_s – twice daily) and skipping eating othe_s’ lunch & eating only mine, among othe_ things. I don’t think I ve lost weight yet, but im al_eady feeling lighte_…

Talking about television, what’s w_ong with Aaj Tak people ? I mean , I had a feeling they we_e p_etty low on news the day I saw a 30 minute capsule named “Yeh kaisa _ishta” which was about a female monkey in Madhya P_adesh which was b_inging up half a dozen pups and picking thei_ lice and feeding them he_ own milk ( As if I have eve_ seen a monkey buying polypacks f_om a mothe_ dai_y). But if someone was to watch Aaj Tak ove_ the last 15 days , he would be absolutely confident that the only man who is left on the face of this ea_th is the G_eat Khali , the mahabali Da_inda , ‘Jo apne dushmano ko kuchal deta hai’ , ‘Jiska naam sunte hee uske dushmano ki aatma kaanp jaati hai’ , and , I hea_d this yeste_day , ‘Jo duss babba_ she_o jitna taakatwa_ hai’ . Oh , by the way , if you don’t know who Khali is , he is a WWE w_estle_ of Indian O_igin who is 7’3” , weighs 190 kgs and you should be ve_y happy you don’t owe him any money. I guess Khali would discove_ a lot of info_mation about himself if he sta_ts watching Aaj Tak _egula_ly.

Also , I watched ‘_ace’ at a multiplex _ecently . To cut it sho_t , and to save 175 bucks on the ticket and 85 bucks on the bu_ge_ + coke , it’s a movie whe_e eve_ybody is evil with a head bubbling with deadly plans , eve_ybody is in bed with somebody , and eve_ybody is d_iving an exotic ca_ which costs a_ound fifty times my expected lifetime ea_nings . But the movie left me with a ve_y distu_bing message – “You wanna be a winne_ ? Please kill those mo_als fi_st” . I mean , if I would have watched that movie when I was six , I would have g_own up thinking that being t_uthful is an insult . Not that I am a Ha_ishchand_a-2 , but the people in the flick do not even t_y. Of cou_se , the_e is one anothe_ image f_om the movie which will not leave me till I b_eathe my last – That of a topless Akshaye Khanna standing chest facing towa_ds the came_a. At least th_ee XL sized sweate_s could have been knitted out of the hai_ on his chest, I swea_. Add Anil Kapoo_ to that , and you have the _aw mate_ial fo_ the complete winte_ collection of _ohit ‘Bal’ .

By the way, who didn’t feel like obliging to Kat_ina when she danced do “za_a za_a……” . I so LOVE he_….

P.S. Going through a blog post is so tough without "R". I hope i dont have to go through life . . . without "R".

Format : Bullets and Numbering

• I have stopped making plans for outings with friends. It is much better than making plans and then cancelling.

• Have become incredibly assertive at work . Am shooting off mails which rattle up people the way a rattlesnake in your soup would rattle you . Got into a sharp debate with my manager last week .Took apart an office boy who was taking his time checking if my courier had come in. Diving to a deeper level , I am tired of people walking all over me , and I am letting them know I don't like it . And bad news for them , I am liking letting them know .

• I am transforming into a workaholic . The types who have their cars in the office parking lot when all the other ones have left, whose cabin lights are switched on when lights of the the whole bulding are off. Have worked on 10 out of the 20 weekends since November 2007 . Monday is no more a scary day . I send out office mails almost every Sunday . Two weeks ago , sent a mail to boss at 1.50 am . He stamped into my cabin next morning and insisted that I get a girlfriend. Not that I want to be on the cover of Time . But I like working .

• I regret not helping a kid who wanted help with her school farewell speech . I said I will help out , then totally lost track of that . I have cancelled dinner with R atleast 6 times in the last 2 weeks. If they had a record for the number of promises broken , my picture would be in the Guiness Book . Front cover . Full color.
  

• I love my family more than anything and will stab for them . A female at my office called me a mama's boy when she heard me saying "Will leave office in 10 minutes , ma" on phone . I said "Yeah , I am a mama's boy . I love my mom . And I totally understand it if people from your side of the world eat their mothers , but we dont .We love them all our lives." I actually said that . If you ever needed to understand what a stunned woman looks like , you should have been there .

• Why does everybody in the conference room laugh when the big boss cracks an intended joke ? I did not find it funny . A funeral is more funny than his joke was . But the guy on my left slapped the table twice and roared . Another one could not stop giggling for a complete forty seconds . I mean , was it in the terms and agreement when they joined ?

• Some time ago , a friend of mine , who seems to be a male from what I know of him , commented that I am a lovable person . I still have not decided if that is to be classified as a compliment or a gayish attempt at molestation .

• I have started speaking like my boss. "I will only ask WHY ?" and "I don't care a Fuck" being my most used sentences with "I dont want to hear the process. Show me the result" coming a close second. Of course i get to hear them from my Boss atleast 3 times more than i speak them, but.... I dont care a Fuck !
  

• 5 months in the new job. And I am almost into the habit of thinking in bullets . I think you have an idea of that.

BABY !!!!

"Gooo..umm.nanana...mm...gaa..maa..eesh"
( translation - If I am not cute , you are Gulshan Grover)

For 95 minutes , a two year old pink bundle with hair as scarce as Bruce Willis' , teeth as few as my neighbour's granddad's , and a brain as immature as mine ,kept saying the line above ,and me , a 23 year old , with all my sinew and rugged looks (!!!) , kept chuckling like mickey mouse was tickling me on my bottoms.Watching "Baby's Day Out" just brought out the "mamta ka saagar" part of my personality again.

I really love babies.Every Homo sapien does.If you do not love babies , "ding dong ! MK Travel Services got a one way ticket to Pluto for you , at very reasonable rates now ! Please contact us , grab the ticket and go off to pluto to never come back , because someone who doesnt love babies doesnt deserve to be on earth.ding dong !."

You need to have a heart made out of melted iron pipes , to not love a little baby.The best thing about little babies is that everything is so little. Little fingers , little lips , little eyes , little toes , little feet , little ears.And they are not really thinking ahead.I really think that babysitters have the most pleasing job , right up there with that of Emraan Hashmi.In both cases , you get paid to play with semi naked and soft people.

My dad must have been born with a camera around his neck and a couple of kodak reels stuffed in his diapers.And the first words he said must have been "Say Cheese!".He just loved clicking pictures of I was a baby. Back at home , we have photo albums which would outweight the prime customer of your local weight reduction clinic.So I still get out one of those albums and spend hours poring over those baby photographs and wondering what comet hit this little cute cuddly baby in the picture to grow up into something like me.

But now that I have grown up , its like a "girly" thing to talk about babies.For the sake of protecting my claims to any kind of masculanity , I generally avoid talk about babies.Because when I dont avoid it , something like this follows :

Me ( excited voice ): Hey I love little babies , they are so cute !

Rahul ( 5'11" , unshaved , deep voice ) - Dude , you need to drink some buckets of testosterone soon.

Kaushik ( 5 ' 10" , bulging biceps , deepest voice ) - Dude, you remind me of my grandmother .

Varun ( 6' 02" , spiked hair , deeper voice ) - I think you love wearing pink frocks and read "cyndrilla" and sing "ring-a-ring-a-roses" too ?

Me ( low , subdued voice ) : I ..just like babies yaar..I am normal.

I know you would smirk and think - "He has just wiggled the little noses and tickled the little toes of babies belonging to aunts.Wait till some baby shits on his favorite blue corduroy trousers and pisses on his starched white shirt and wails like a puppy just when he has to watch a soccer game on the television".But with all due respect to babies of the world ,I claim that I can calm down any baby and make it smile before you can spell 'Hi'.And I dont even need cartoon network or stuffed toys for that. Handsome ( with just a little plastic surgery to do ) , educated , baby calming capability , intelligent ( serious allegations against this one )..what more can any girl desire in a man ?

And there are only two things that make me even think of marriage.First ,a rich father-in-law.Second , the thought of watching a little baby grow up.

Last month , I was vehemantly arguing with mom and claiming that marriages got popular because gas chambers went out of fashion.

Me ( to ma ) - Marriage !! A monkey has to come out of my ear before I even think of marriage.

I walk upto the television , watch "amazing baby videos" on discovery , get all senti senti over little babies and hence marriage and walk back to mom.*

Me ( to ma ) - Ma , have you seen a big brown monkey with a pink face and a fuzzy tail around this place ? Let me know if you spot it.It ran off right after It came out of my ear."

IPL - Will it or Wont it

The auction is over, players have got their moolah, team names have been announced, logistics are in place, ticket sales will start soon and on April 18^th 2008, we shall witness the first edition of the Indian Premier League, or should I say THE DLF INDIAN PREMIER LEAGUE.

Millionaires have been made in exchange of 44 days of games.

BCCI is the biggest winner, hands down. The players have benefited too. The buying teams – well, they believe they will recover their “investments” within a couple of years.

All’s well that ends well.

For us viewers, most of us are all excited for this BIG T20 tournament to begin and can’t wait till 18^th April. We believe it’s going to be one cracker of a championship. There seems no reason to believe it won’t work – after all, the T20 world cup was a smash hit, and what’s more – India won that.

But there is one small glitch. WHO WILL YOU SUPPORT ?

To enjoy any sport, I believe & correct me if I am wrong, you need to support a player / team, you need to take sides. There will be very few people who watch a sport just to see a nice game / match / race etc. Most of us would want a Nadal to defeat a Federer, a ManU to defeat a Chelsea, a Hamilton to outrace an Alonso and an India to defeat a Pakistan.

Cricket, unlike football has traditionally been a “country vs. country” sport. We support a team – we support a nation. In Football, national games are much less watched as compared to club matches. So a ManU or a Barca will have more loyalty than a England or Brazil. Not so in cricket. Not till now.

I am a Mumbaikar, so logically, I would support the Mumbai Indians in the IPL. But in a match against the Kolkata Knight riders, when Ishant bowls to Sachin – who would I cheer for ?

When a R.P. Singh (Hyderabad) bowls to Dada (Kolkata), would I want dada to hit him for a six or RP to get him out.

When Sree Santh gets Dhoni out, will I be happy or sad ?

When Ponting helps Dada’s team win against Dravid’s, will I be happy ? For that matter, will Dada be happy ?

I won’t enjoy the cricket. I am not a “Mumbai Indian”, nor a “Kolkata Knight Rider” supporter. I just support the Men in Blue. What about you ?